He cares for me but has other priorities?

[Anonymous]

I started talking to this guy online since the end of last year and we get along very well. We both admitted we like talking to each other and care for each other, however he stated he cannot make any promises to me because his future is very uncertain. He definitely has a lot on his plate, as he is relocating to a different country due to family matters and trying to figure out what he wants from life. He was originally trying to move to my country however, due to his circumstances he needed to go elsewhere quickly.

He is not sure if he coming to my country, nor has he updated me about it however he had stated previously he wants to meet me whether its in my country or another country. I had stated I am going to travel at the end of this year after I finish my university studies, which is the priority for me at the moment.

I really do like him a lot, however I am not really sure about whether I should invest more into him, or I should keep him at arm's length for the meantime until his situation improves. I am not looking to date anyone this year currently due to my own issues, he has seen my issues though and has stuck by so I am not phased to date him however his circumstances are very different.

I guess what I am trying to say is I am waiting for his situation to improve, in the meantime I want to work on myself more until the time comes to meet him in person. He said he was willing to meet me in another country however again, these circumstances may change. He sounds very unsure of himself and just wants a simple life.

I am not really sure if he is serious about me, or has me as an option. I trust him for now, but not completely. It brings me more hope this can happen because he has the possibility to move here however I am probably dreaming!

What should I do?

[Anonymous]

It’s a dead end situation with too much uncertainty and no feasible silver lining. You can’t build on hopes and wishes or invest in maybe’s. I understand you like him, but it’s not the right situation and although relationships are nice, you can’t force something where it doesn’t fit.

[Asker]

Yes, this is how I feel currently. I really cannot invest in "maybes", it is silly. Though I really do value my relationship with him. He originally wanted me to move to a different country with him, but I do not even know him outside of the internet. It is a massive risk, and I am not willing to do that. It would of been different if he could move to my country, however it does not seem like this will happen anytime soon. Thanks for your input!

[Opinion Owner]

I’m so glad you didn’t do that. I think there was a lot of romancing and feeding into the fantasy of what you’d like for the future, but picking up your whole life to move to another country for someone you’ve never even met would have been the worst decision. You’re much better off just being a friend to him, the right man will find you and be much more accessible!

[Asker]

Thank you for your reassurance! 😊 I feel happier being a friend to him but its so hard to control my feelings for him. He said he is going to be very quiet this month due to what is happening with his life. Apart of me still hopes he will move here and again, hard to control this feeling. I wish it would go away. I remember when we first started talking he did say a lot of the right things! I was cautious but now he has said this I feel more at ease that this is more accurate. I do hope we can meet one day, but again depends on his circumstances.

[Guy13]

Either accept you are third or fourth priority or go find someone who puts you as first priority