Is it to soon for me to drop everything and move out of state with my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been talking on and off since July but we didn’t officially start dating until November because neither of us wanted anything serious at the time. Well the job he has requires that he works out of state a good bit which means we are having to do things long distance for the most part and we both hate it. We have plans for him to get a new job around may and us move into together. But we are both already sick of doing long distance so we have decided that the best thing for our relationship is for me to just move with him as he travels for work. Everyone I’ve talked to seems to think it’s to soon for me to quit my job and let him fully support me and it has me second guessing whether it’s the right choice. I’m 21 and he’s 24 and he has been divorced if that’s relevant

[Danny_dan92]

Things to consider.




1: Why is the move happening?


2: Do your needs/wants to move out match his?


3: Are you capable to obtain a similar job out in the new state for a good wage?


4: How far will you be from home; will you be ok with it?

[Asker]

I will be about 7 hours away from home and finding a job for me wouldn’t be particularly difficult as I work in the service industry. But it would be difficult for me to keep a job because my boyfriends job requires him to move around a good bit. He could be in the same place for 2 weeks or 6 months you can never really tell with his line of work

[Danny_dan92]

Then from that you need to make a decision if staying in the relationship is realistic.

I get that a relationship is a mutual agreement but staying in a relationship shouldn’t come to a detriment to anyone involved

[Asker]

It’s not necessarily that I have to move with him though like we’ve managed the long distance before and can do it again. It’s just things would be so much easier on the both of us if I went with him

[Danny_dan92]

Just honestly ask yourself if you can live the rest of your life doing this kind of stuff.

[Asker]

The moving around so much for a guy or being financially supported by the guy or both

[Danny_dan92]

If it gets to the point where you become a stay at home mom I GUESS… it works… but with that. Could you be a stay at home mom and needing to constantly move around with kids? Or do LD with kids?

I don't know. You’re a young kid. These are all things you need to think through, moving is a big step. And honestly moving around constantly will become exhausting eventually

[Asker]

I know moving can be exhausting I’ve moved 4 times in the year and a half. And I’ve told him I don’t want to move around a bunch more which is why we decided he would keep his job he has now where he makes 48$ for a couple more months until he has his both of his cars paid off and has money put back into savings then we are going to permanently move close to a ship yard where he used to work but he was only making 32$ there. So we are planning to be fully moved back there by may

[Danny_dan92]

That’s not bad. So long as it works that way

[Asker]

I’ve made it clear that if I do this moving around with him right now that at the absolute latest we would have to be settled into an apartment by July or I was going to be moving back home with or without him

[Danny_dan92]

Good on you for setting up boundaries. It’s not selfish, it’s just simply that you cannot fuck yourself over

[Daniela1982]

And what is plan "B", when he decides to dump you - or you both decide it is not working out? Don't do anything that would lead to something you would have a hard time recovering from. Being dumped in another state and having no money to move back to where you were originally.

[Danny_dan92]

This. ^ cause you never know. You need to be prepared for anything

[Asker]

Plan B is i still have a lease with my name on it that I will be paying half of even if I move out of state so I will always have somewhere to come back to if things don’t work or I’m just not happy there. As far as money goes since I probably wouldn’t be able to get a job we have discussed how he would give me money every two eeeks that would be equivalent to what my paychecks now are (he make significantly more than I make). I have my own vehicle that I would be taking there so I would always have a way of going if I needed to leave

[Daniela1982]

I hope you get that in writing, so we don't see you on Judge Judy.

[Asker]

There would be no judge Judy I assure you😂 as I said we’ve had an agreement for the past two months on this and even if he flaked on his side after I got there I would only need like 100$ for gas and I could be back in my home state. And I know my parents and friends here would happily loan me the money to come home on

[Danny_dan92]

The lease being in your name is BAD!!! You realize that if you two split. And he doesn’t continue to pay his half you’ll sink financially. Not only that if you break the lease agreement you’ll have a hard time taking out loans and also renting for a long time.

[Daniela1982]

If you have it in writing, he would be less prone to flake out on you.

[Asker]

The lease I have isn’t with my boyfriend it’s with my best friend. My boyfriend and I would pretty much be living out of hotels for the entirety of us being out of state and then when we come home we would either stay at his place or my place depending on what we wanted to do. As of right now our living arangements are completely separate as far as the financial aspect goes. So we would both still have our own houses when we came home

[BCA6010]

In my opinion, you shouldn't be removing yourself from the workforce just for moving, and shouldn't be effectively making yourself his dependant before marriage and kids.

[slatyb]

Depends on how socially it would be for you if it didn't work out. Don't get pregnant any time soon.

[Soapwithsoap]

Divorced at 24? Already? Seems like someone has already rushed into something

[spartan55]

I think that would be a horrible decision, but sometimes you have to learn yourself.

[Wise4myage]

Good grief, that's at least a year or more too soon.

[Zayed_]

Is your boyfriend a drug dealer?

[LazerBean]

Yes.