What makes a man date down?

[Chelley]

I want my ex boyfriend back. He is dating a girl that is nothing like me physically. She is short & chubby & very plain probably a 3. I exercise & take very good care of myself, thin with a pretty face & nice shape & more of a 7 or 8. Our personalities are close to the same. Why would he not date a girl that is better looking & can I get him back? He does call me occasionally even though he's in a committed relationship with her. He's being dishonest with her. Is she just someone to occupy his time or maybe he afraid or confused about us. He has low self esteem.

[SkyPilot]

Maybe just the fact that you're apparently a total 'hottie' makes him wonder (with his reported low self esteem) what other guys he's in competition with for your favor. Maybe with this less than attractive and somewhat overweight plain girl, he doesn't have to be concerned with that.

He sounds like a laid back, accepting type of guy who would be happy with you even after you gained a few pounds and lost some of your physical beauty to time.

He's probably a better friend than he will be a boyfriend since he stays in touch and asks about your well being.

In your earlier replies you say that you always showed him love, kindness and treated him like a king and in the next you say you took each other for granted. Seems like he's found someone who probably needs and appreciates him and he doesn't have to try to be a better person to measure up to her levels.

Probably best for you to accept that he's happy with his lot and you need to find someone more equal to you, more self confident and more appreciative of your efforts to be the best you can.

[misterbill71]

She probably treats him like he is the best thing that ever happened to her... more attractive women tend to treat men like crap because they know they have options... less attractive women treat men like gold because they know they don't. Actually this goes for both genders now that I think about it...

Can you get him back?

Maybe. If he is still contacting you, then there might be some lingering attachement to you, but without knowing the details of your previous relationship with him (and the break up) its impossible to make an educated guess.

[Praisebear]

I agree with your answer. Very true and well put.

[Chelley]

I gave him love, kindness & treated him like a king. He has only great things to say about me, others have told me. We were in a long term relationship & we took each other for granted. I loved him & told him I praised him & assured him that he is the best of the best. I was never unkind & we didn't argue. I wanted to look good for him as he had always dated thin pretty girls.

[misterbill71]

so he brok up with you then, and he didn't say why? and now he is dating a girl less attractive than you... hmmm... I don't know then. it doesn't make sense to me. sorry.

[Medicmanny]

It is clear to me that you're probably blind to what went wrong in your relationship. And he doesn't have the means, or perhaps the bravery, to articulate it to you. I've only seen this happen when there are deep issues that the couple can't honestly and openly address or communicate about, often because one or both partners are blind to it or just difficult to communicate with. There has never ever been a happy relationship that ended in a breakup.

[MzHellfyre]

Maybe he likes her because she's not so full of herself that she looks down on other people. Just because YOU think she's a 3, doesn't mean that everyone else does. (Just like maybe you see yourself as an 8, but others may not feel that way), There is more to someone than just how they look. Maybe he sees her as a really great person, and not just a piece of ass.

Then again, he could just be an a**hole. If he's is truly being dishonest with her, why would he be anymore honest with you? If he's not that into you, and would rather be with her, then move and find someone new who fits your standards.

[WaleedHassanien]

perfect *thumbs up*

[toulouse]

nicely done ;-) +1

[MWalsh89]

Maybe she just treats him really well and even if your personalities are similar, it's easier for him to connect with her. Looks don't always matter...to him, maybe she's a 10, even if you think otherwise. If this is your reasoning for wondering about his true feelings, then I'm afraid to say, it's a very shallow reason. People want more than looks.

If he's being dishonest with this other girl, that's wrong, but you haven't said how he's being dishonest...does she not know you two still talk or do you just think he's being dishonest about his feelings?

[Anonymous]

Did he break up with you? Why did you two split up?He may be trying to make you jealous, if you broke up with him. And he is still calling you which may mean he isn't over you. On the other hand, he might stop calling you if you two don't get back together, or he finds someone better.

[Chelley]

He broke up. He lost interest. But, 2 weeks before this he said he wanted our relationship to work & was going to more effort into being a better person to me. We were together over 6 years. I wasn't demanding & give so much to him. I put his needs 1st. I changed my schedule to work with his & always did what he wanted to do. We didn't fight or argue & our sex life it was great for both of us.

[Opinion Owner]

6 years, is a long time to be with someone. Sorry ya'll broke up. But if he told you that he needs to work on being better for you, it may be possible that the other chick is a rebound. Mabye she's "giving it up", and for now that's all he wants. He knows that you are the relationship type. She is the friends with benefits type, and you are not. I don't think he wants to only use you, like he's doing to the other chick. Mabye in a couple of months he'll get better and eventually come back :)

[Alli39]

Look, just because you don't find her attractive, doesn't mean that he doesn't. And frankly, I'm sure there are plenty of things about you that some might identify as unattractive; for me it would be comparing yourself to and insulting the current girlfriend of your ex. If he's calling you to flirt or something and not just as friends, then stop enabling the emotional cheating. Even he is still interested and expressing that, do you really want to be with a guy who isn't going to be faithful? And if he isn't calling you for the purpose of emotional cheating, then stop reading into it. He's in a committed relationship as far as you know. Leave him alone. Trying to figure out if you can break them up is selfish and short-sighted as far as I'm concerned.

I get that you probably still have feelings for him, but looking down on the person he's moved on with isn't going to help you. Tell him how you feel if you want. Maybe he is secretly in love with you and just rebounding with her, but know that it's entirely possible that's not the case and there's nothing you can do about it either way.

[Praisebear]

There is not nearly enough information here to offer you any really usable advice. You must be willing to honestly admit as to WHY you broke up. What did you do or say or choose? Or was it something he did or said or chose. Since you are so cute and you seem to think that this is a good reason for him to want you back, could it be that you are a bit vain?

[Chelley]

other people tell me I'm pretty, people that don't even know me. We are all judged by our looks 1st & then our personality. I'm not vain, I'm friendly & caring to all. He broke up 2 weeks after telling me he was going to be a better person to me & wants our relationship to work. He gave no real reasons as this was a long term relationship. He still checks on me & keeps asking if I'm married even cried & said he miss or talks.

[Praisebear]

OK Chelley, I had to put that out there because it stood out in your statement. It's hard to say why a guy you don't know would choose to date a girl who was plain when he could date a girl who was stunning. I've done it because I believed the profile picture. And found out differently face to face. If this guy was younger than you, it may have been just the conquest of getting you that he wanted. Guys do so many strange things that cannot be explained, but your reaction can be better.

[FierceMegan]

Firstly, why would you want someone who doesn't want you? You can find another guy who will appreciate you for you.

Secondly, not everything is about looks. Maybe she makes him feel good about himself.

Lastly, don't try to get him back. Just move on and find someone who wants you and wants to treat you well.

[Minxxe]

sounds like you like yourself a bit too much. I'm always telling girls on here to start liking themsleves, but when it's to the detriment or in reaction to envy or jealousy - it'll make you ugly. maybe she's a nicer and more tolerant person to be with.

also, would you still want him back if he was with a "10", younger and better looking than you?

[Anonymous]

this is fairly shallow of you. did you treat him well? regardless, maybe she treats him really well - better. maybe she's a rockstar in bed despite seeming plain to you. obviously he's getting something from her that he wasn't from you. YES looks usually go a long way, but sometimes pretty girls are a little high maintenance and bitchy. you sound like you just have a really high opinion of yourself. maybe your overall package isn't as amazing as you think.

[Chelley]

Nice answer. I treated him with respect. When he picked on his flaws, I tried to reassure him that he looks great. I gave him love, kindness & never talked about my looks or workouts, he put down my workouts but I explained that I have to exercise vigerously after work or I wouldn't sleep, eat right, exercise, get rest really does make you look & feel better & none of this was important to him. I always let him pick what we would do for plans, even stay home & watch football. Not high maint.

[Opinion Owner]

you make it clear that he didn't care about your workouts or sleep or that you took care of your body...he didn't seem to care as much you did. and so maybe in his new relationship, he doesn't care as much about her looks as you seem to. and in the event you gave everything to him and were selfless...yeah, he got bored. there was no challenge. now, that would really suck but it's true...you might be the rare pretty girl that that gave too much and he might have taken it for granted

[kheserthorpe]

She's beneath him and knows it, so she's kicking out kinky sex like a pro to keep his interest. Since he's calling you still, guess its not quite enough.

[slipslender]

he probably loves her for who she is, inside and outside.

[Anonymous]

extreemly shallow to clasify human like that!

[Anonymous]

I'd guess she's a great f***

[7121uc]

a p**** is a p****.

[misterbill71]

trust me, they are NOT all created equally!