Is it ok to call off a date because he keeps calling and texting too much?

[Anonymous]

Even though he's an ok guy whom I've met 2 months ago and our 1st date went good, the next days I got 3-5 missed calls and a text message every single hour.

I've explained to him my working hours and he knows what days I'm busy. He called me during my working hours. He's being pushy that I've now lost interest in him. I feel as if part of my space isn't being respected. Plus he knows I'm family oriented and that sometimes I like spending time with my grandma and relatives too.

I was thinking of telling him my reason why I'm now not interested anymore. Is it ok to call off a date for that reason?

Updates

+1 y

Thank you all for replying. We spoke about it 30-35 minutes ago. He apologized, said he'll respect my hours from now on and let him know when I'm available. I liked the way he asked for another shot so ok I'm giving him another chance.

[Guy2809]

I think it is appropriate for you to let him know that you are no longer interested in meeting him. Its the best thing to do in order to move one, and for him to get closure and understand. He probably will learn and improve his game if he is smart. At some point I did something similar, I was young and stupid, and kept texting a girl who already accepted to see me at the weekend. You girls certainly need your space and time to actually develop feelings, that is not possible to push with calls and texts, and such approach will certainly annoy you. So, if you have made up you mind, then let him know that you would not be interested in seen him at this time because you feel he is pushing too hard and you are not up for that. Thank him anyways, just to let him down easy and move on. This is unnecessary at this point, youve only seen each other in one date and this guy needs to get busy with his own life. If you already have a date set up, you can converse in such date.

[Asker]

True. Everything was good until he started being pushy. I'll explain him all that.

[Guy2809]

Yep, it happens. Us guys have to learn. There is a time for calling when there is an actual relationship. But anyways, dont go too much into it. Make it friendly but clear and blunt, if that makes sense. To the point I mean. Hope he takes it well. Dont forget it is your right to decide not to date someone for whatever reason you seem fit as long as you are respectful about it and not try to humiliate anyone I guess.

[Asker]

I updated it.

[Guy2809]

Sounds like it worked out for the best. Took it well, was able to communicate. It happens. Good for you.

[Pacquet]

I’m so glad you communicated, most young guys are just clueless and oblivious to their own nature.

[AmandaYVR]

"He's being pushy that I've now lost interest in him. I feel as if part of my space isn't being respected."

Well that's not good. Just really think about that, and make sure that this is not purely subjective.

Yes, tell him. You can break it off if you want. But just remember, there are always going to be people complaining about one thing or another. "He's so distant, I don't even know if he likes me." "He's so clingy, he never gives me any space." 6 of 1, half dozen of another. You, and he, and society would be better off if you explain clearly, what you need and want, and if he does not at least try to adapt, then at least he will have learned something about his role in the demise of this relationship. Maybe you don't care about him. Do you care about your fellow female peers? Send him off into the world, having learned something, at least. If he seems not to learn, not to care, then at least you have done your part.

[ShiftingMonke]

This, 100% this. I couldn't have said it better.

[AmandaYVR]

@ShiftingMonke Thank you, Monke. 🙏

Re: Update
That's great. I'm glad you were upfront and communicative, and he took it all in stride. This is what it is to be an adult and figure out good communication.
I was sad to read many of the other comments, and how quick people are to encourage ending relationships. I think the guys were going off of what you said, your details and tone, and they tend to loathe the idea of a girl being with them if the girl doesn't want them... but I've also noticed it's a general theme here (and I'm sure on all of online, and in society) to just call it quits.
It is one of the keys to lasting relationships - perseverance. No one should have to compromise core values, or feel chronically disrespected by another. But there is always going to be compromise that is necessary to facilitate and retain all types of relationships. Too many people cut and run now. Not good.
Anyway, I'm happy you sorted it out. Good for you (and him.) Well done. 👏

[OlderAndWiser]

Being honest and explaining is far better than ghosting him or pretending you are interested.

[Guy13]

Go through with the date and make sure he knows not to ask you out again. It could be nerves…confirm it via date.

[Sour-rose]

yes. some girl texted me by accident and pushed me to install whatever dafaq it was i can't remember, and started getting on my nerves because she was pushing me to get it so we can talk over there. I asked her can a girl get to work first, that shut her up. SO yeah, if someone is calling and texting so much you can't even take a piss, drop 'em.

And for those who are wanting to know the end of my story, she said 2 replies on the app and... that was it. She was russian but not talkative at all. So waste of time :)

[TheSpaceGnome]

When its the right person. You can't get enough of them, and are delighted to get as much time with them as you can, at any time you can.
If you lost interest, dump him, his behavior is not a problem, you just aren't a match.

Typically people who disagree with that, and need time alone to unwind, end up alone, because relationships don't relieve their stress, so they aren't the type to be benefited by them.

[Asker]

Even if it were the right person, I can't talk during work. We still have a life too. We got work and a family. It's just dedicating 100% of the time with the guy and doing nothing at all in life.

[Moose304]

It's OK to call off any kind of a date regardless of your gender if you are not comfortable. Just don't ghost them. That's not OK.

[Asker]

I never ghost anyone. I've actually had that done on me before and yes it was rude. That's lacking basic manners. I always like informing. I've spoken with him about it about 30 minutes ago.
He apologized for it, said he likes me a lot, didn't realize and will respect my hours. I actually how he asked for another shot. I told him to wait for my call after I'm done with work and he said ok.

[OfMiceandMen]

Sounds like he is a bit needy or possibly controlling? It may bother him that you don't contact him so he knows where and what you are doing at all times.

[KarinMcDonald]

Of course it's OK to call off a date or even the relationship. He sounds extreemly needy or controlling. This would NOT work out in the long run.

[Iron_Man]

If you like, the guy break it down for him and tell him you have to respect my boundaries will stay in touch and will do things, but don’t overdo it every hour. Just explain to him one more time.

[BarryLiverstone]

You lost interest. Fair to call him and let him know why

[Asker]

yeah I'm going to explain it all to him. I don't like ghosting, which I think that's immaturity.

[BarryLiverstone]

Giving him feedback allows him to grow and mature for the next time

[BarryLiverstone]

I set up a 2nd date with someone this weekend and only plan to call her the day before to check in and make sure we are still good to go. What you described is way too much communication after only 1 date

[far2gud4u]

Have you ever asked him to lay off or told him you don’t like that much communication? If not it’s a bit unfair to expect him to be psychic he’s probably just excited to have a shot with you!

[Asker]

We spoke about it 30 minutes ago. I explained it all and he apologized, said he'll respect my hours from now, to let him know when I'm available. I liked the way how he asked for another shot so ok I'm giving him another chance.

[far2gud4u]

How has it been going since?

[Asker]

We're getting along much better now. Our next date is on Saturday. I think I see it going somewhere.

[far2gud4u]

I always say give it a few dates!

[BrookeAZ90]

Oh yes, this one's clingy and obsessive. Definite red flag galore.

[melanieeeB]

Definitely! I personally already would have said my goodbyes lol

[Fireguy17]

that seems a bit much, so I think you did the right thing.
A couple here and there in a week is fine, but not every hour.

[DizzyDesii]

Hell yea i can't with stage 5 clingers. I dont like texting all day. I do prefer a call daily, sometimes in the morning but mainly at night. But that every hour shit is too much.

[AydenHazor]

It is absolutely ok to call of the date, and to tell him it's because he's being super clingy and not respecting the boundaries of your time

[serious_miss419]

Put your boundaries out. If that doesn’t work, then yes, be done with him.
Besides, pushy guys are always 1min men 😂😂😂

[LegendaryDater]

If you are not keen on his behavior and see red flags this early on then good for you. Cancel it and tell him the truth.

[boggboss]

U can call off a date for any reason lol I don't need to ask

[Asker]

I know. It's just that it was all good and interesting until he got too pushy.

[boggboss]

OK but again why do u feel the need to ask like u need permission to end things lol

[Anonymous]

Get a Google phone number, and never give out your real number.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

You can do so for any reason. Tell him so he doesn't screw up with someone else.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

OMFG! This is so dumb why are you even dating if you’re going to lose interest in someone who wants to get to know you more

women make no sense at all.

[Asker]

My life doesn't revolve 24/7 on a man. So I should be stuck at home, laying in bed, do nothing in life, available for a man at all times? I have my work and family too. If a man knows my working schedule, knows what hours I'm not available and I tell him to wait for my call but instead calls and calls during those hours then obviously I'm going to lose interest.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

Ma’am you are not SpongeBob nobody loves their job that damn much because if you really liked this guy you would’ve answered

That’s why I said why are you even dating? Clearly you don’t have time to because people who don’t play games and waste other peoples time always want to talk to each other

[PainusNdeeAnus]

Especially when they first start dating that’s why it’s called the honeymoon phase

[Asker]

So I should still answer and risk getting fired? I should risk losing my job (the very thing that's feeding me, buying me clothes, that's making me pay my home bills) for a man?

[PainusNdeeAnus]

Exactly like I said WHY TF ARE YOU DATING!
It’s not for you babe you’re clearly in a committed relationship with your job.

And what job will fire an employee for taking a personal call? Step outside, Step into a bathroom, and you get breaks

There’s no excuses

[Asker]

I updated it. I'm already giving him another shot.

[PainusNdeeAnus]

UPDATE: Break up with this man he is too smart for you

[PainusNdeeAnus]

Bro stop please

[Nikki1989]

Disable messages on your phone. That is what I did, and my life has improved 100%.

[Guardian45]

"He called me during my working hours. He's being pushy that I've now lost interest in him. I feel as if part of my space isn't being respected."
Dump his ass!

[Anonymous]

He lost leverage. That's why I will give a women more leverage than me. They won't respect you.

[Anonymous]

that is scary, to be honest... please be safe and careful when telling him.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Yes. No one is obligated to go on date if they choose to.

[Precipice]

Be honest and don't waste each others time

[OddBeMe]

Sounds like a bullet dodged.

[riverrat3]

Of course