He says he needs time to figure things out before he can decide if he wants to get back together, so why does he text me everyday?

My first relationship; I broke up with him, but immediately regretted it and wanted to undo it. He said we should take a step back and reevaluate. So in an effort to get my emotions in control I said I didn't want to speak to him until he made up his mind whether he wanted to get back together. I didn't talk to him for a few days and proceeded what I needed to before I texted him to share something positive that happened. He said he missed me dearly and was glad I had messaged him because he'd almost called/texted the day before but wanted to respect my wishes.

Since then, he's texted me every day "good morning beautiful"/"how are you?"/"how is your day?" and sent me pictures of stuff he is doing in his life. Yesterday he called and we talked for an hour before I had to go do other things. He's working on the problems he brought to the relationship and volunteered to go to the State Fair with me whenever I want. He doesn't have time to see someone else, and he has said he misses me. But he said that he still needs time to work through stuff and doesn't know if he wants to be in a relationship with me although he says breakups don't need to be permanent and there are always second chances. He also said he knows that I'm not patient and understands if I start dating other people. (Which is the last thing on my mind)

How long do I give him to reasonably figure things out? (I know this is like asking how long is a piece of string, but I have zero relationship experience) Is it positive that we're texting every day and he actually called yesterday? (or is that normal?)

Thank you for any insight. I really appreciate it because I feel so clueless.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It takes time to recover and time to sort things out. As much as you wouldn't want to be rushed into a relationship, guys don't want to either. The fact that you both want to try again sometime is great and what he could be doing is simply keeping that lane open by being friends. With the exception of my one crazy ex, we are all still close friends. Maybe what he needs right now is a friend not a relationship.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Getting back together with an ex is almost always a mistake. That is a universal human experience. Yes, you are going to explain how this is different. That is what everyone says. As Margaret Mean said, you should never forget that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

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  • your too young for a serious relationship just take it slow and dont rush anything. My girlfriend of 9 months rushed everything and that is why i broke up with her, too much comitment too fast and i'm only 19 im way too young for that.

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    • Thanks for your input. I just wanted to clarify that I'm actually almost 25. And my ex is 40, so I don't think it comes down to being too young.

    • Your profile says your age is inbetween 18-24 so sorry for the confusion.

What Girls Said 7

  • Just because two people Breakup doesn't mean they can't and don't Makeup and that it's Goodbye, my love forever. And with an "EX" who still Marks an X in his own softie spot here, dear, there is usually motive in mind down this fine line that He... Should take a step back and reevaluate.
    He may be Missing the Kissing and the His and Her history you both shared, however, he is Not ready nor raring just Yet, to be two birds of a feather who stick together again. He wants you in his life of strife, but he can't handle the Ins and Outs of a Real relationship with you again until he realizes what it is that he wants out of his own life.
    No time limit can even Be put on this sticky situation. It's your call, your choice if you feel you want to even Stick it out with him or just tell him let's stay friends for now until You... Work through stuff.
    Good luck. xx

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  • Give it a week. And when I mean give it a week, I mean don't talk to him for a week. Tell him you want to give him time to figure it out. In a week, ask him, hey have you made your mind up yet? If he says, yes I want this back, then I would take it slow and try again with caution. There are reasons you broke up in the first place, remember that. If he is still not sure, MOVE ON. Big red lights if a boyfriend doesn't know what he wants. You should not waste your time and emotion on someone who won't return the same back. It's hard to move on from that situation, knowing and hoping someday it might work. But it's better to move on and regain your sense of self again than fall back into a pit. Hope that helped.

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  • "How long do I give him to reasonably figure things out? (I know this is like asking how long is a piece of string, but I have zero relationship experience)"

    You answered your own question. You need to wait as long as he needs you to wait. The fact that you're talking regularly means nothing if he's not actually trying his best to change the shit that made you break up with him in the first place. I would advise you to take a step back. The both of you need space from each other, and I mean SPACE. Like a month or two, no contact. Otherwise he won't be able to figure things out and you will just become more and more confused. Focus on other things for now and talk to each other about it later.

    So no How are yous or I've missed yous or Good nights, no contact is the best option here.

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  • While it's true that there are second chances... you shouldn't be waiting all that time for him.

    Ask him if he's pissed that you broke up with him.. if the reasons you gave for breaking up with him made sense to him and that's why he's hesitant now. If it's the first, ask him what he expects you to do for him to forgive you. If it's the later, ask him what needs to change.

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  • You have him around your pretty finger. You just have to show him HIS the one missing out on YOU. Not the other way around. Do sports, have sleepovers with your family, be the schools masscut, whatever just make him know your having the time of your life. Whenever he texts or calls sound excited, pumped up, full of energy. Just dont dont have time for him. Out of with him if your invited somewhere to go, even with friends. Hope it helps

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  • he might like the attention you give him?

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  • I honestly believe guys do this to feel you out. Seems like he loves the idea of having the option to get back together or not. No strings attached.

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