My girlfriend is Mexican and my mom told me she would rather I find a white girlfriend. She said it wasn’t about race but more about culture but that’s really code word for her wanting me to stick within my own race. Anyway, the reason this can be a problem is because Mexicans are very family orientated so if my mom rejects her then it will probably cause problems in our relationship down the line.
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Put yourself in my shoes
If one of your parents didn’t like your partner due to them being brown, would you still date them anyway?
My ex-partner had very fair skin by race, our cultures were also different, I am an open and modern person who comes from a middle eastern culture. I don't know if my skin color matters here, but I have medium skin tone. In my family, there has never been a preference orientation and judgment towards race. I did not openly witness this happening in my ex-partner's family either, but I did get a lot of attention because I was different. This is not always a good thing. My ex-partner's attitude here was not right, he didn't feel uncomfortable at all, while I quietly felt uncomfortable with this difference. Once, when one of his aunts came to visit, they asked me to make coffee which is famous in my culture. She started videotaping me while I was making the coffee and asked me to describe what I was doing. Normally it's understandable to record joyful moments in a family, but I didn't like knowing that she was going to record and share this video with other relatives. Honestly, I felt like a monkey in a cage. My partner did not understand my feeling. He once made a racist remark to me while joking. He said my skin was dirty. I feel the need to explain this because I have really beautiful and constantly cared for skin, my skin is always clean and healthy looking. I am also very young and I don’t have noticeable skin imperfections. I guess this approach is simply because I am different. No matter what, sometimes people don't perceive that you are different and you become sensitive to everything they might say. That's why I especially used light colors even when doing my makeup when I was with him. But I have black hair and dark brown eyes so my appearance is definitely not that of a white person, even though I am actually white when judged by race! It's really nice of you to worry about your girlfriend. You can best introduce her culture to your family. I don't want her to feel left out because of these differences. As a matter of fact, you are different for her and her family too.
Well to be honest it is sort of hard to date out of your own culture, I was married to a British Pakistani... His family said rude shit about me and to me while I was there... My family said some rude shit about him... but they all love our kids very much.. We have both even said racist shit to each other... so... I don't know It does take effort and time to deal with the differences... but I am sure that is with any relationship all I can say is good luck... and your mom would probably like her once she gets to know her...
It's not uncommon for families to have preferences or biases towards certain races or cultures. However, it's important to remember that ultimately, the decision of who you choose to date and be in a relationship with should be based on your own feelings and values, not those of your parents.
You should have a conversation with your mom and try to understand her concerns. Listen to her perspective, but also let her know that you care about your girlfriend and her culture. It's possible that over time, your mom may become more accepting of your girlfriend if she sees that you're happy and the relationship is healthy.
Ultimately, you should prioritize your own happiness and what feels right for you. It may be a difficult conversation to have, but it's important to communicate openly and honestly with both your girlfriend and your family.
Tell your mom to explain to you what exactly "white" culture is, and in what objective manner she considers it better or more compatible. What exactly is wrong with traditional, close-knit family values?
You eek the way you feel about someone, that is all that matters. As long it's not a toxic relationship. Doesn't matter what your mom thinks. My mom and probably dad would be the same. But also may get use to it, and be more acceptable. In the end it's your life, your choices.
I'm Indian and that's probably one of the brownest one could brown. So I doubt that'd be an issue. However if hypothetically my parents had an issue, I'd just say that's a you problem and tell them to deal with. Only I get a say in who I date.
If anyone from my family members said something like that I’d call them out on their bullshit but that’s me. No one’s going to tell me who I should choose or how I should live, family or not. They aren’t living my life.
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