Keep getting rejected by guys I thought would definitely go for me?

[newgirlontheblack]

I’m a somewhat attractive woman who is well educated with a decent job and goor personality. In the past two years I’ve put myself out twice and asked out men for coffee who were older than I am and not conventionally attractive. Don’t get me wrong- I found them very attractive but my girlfriends would say “he’s a decade older than you and not that cute. You’re out of his league. You like him?” But I really, really did like both guys. I asked second guy out for dinner under the guise of a meal to discuss careers (we are in related fields), but I flirted hard all night (laughed at his jokes etc). Next day nothing. No follow up text, no “let’s do this again.” Crickets. What gives?

Updates

+1 y

I will say that I ended up being good friends with the first guy I asked out and I jokingly told him I asked him out months later and he rejected me. He acted genuinely shocked and wanted a second chance but I was over it by them

[WanderingLoveWizard]

It sounds like your definition of "asking a guy out" is making a date under the guise of something completely platonic, throwing little hints at him and expecting him to sweep you off your feet.

I don't know how many times I have tell women that men are dumb as rocks when it comes to that stuff. If you're the type of girl who asks guys out, you have to make your intentions clear.
Otherwise he'll never know, until it's too late anyway.

You have to understand that we hardly ever get asked out. Even the good looking ones. So when a girl asks us to a "work dinner", we're gonna think that's all it is. The whole time.
It won't be until months later that we realize, "Wait a minute... was she into me?"

[WanderingLoveWizard]

It's like someone telling you you won the lottery, by telling you you didn't win the lottery.
Lol

[WanderingLoveWizard]

... then throwing little hints at you that you should go turn in your ticket.
But you just told me I didn't win!

[serious]

Well if you are already doing the right things, you are already putting yourself out there in that case it should only be bad luck that ruins your chances.

The other reasons can be some aspect of your personality which might be repelling. You would know better.

[Anonymous]

Gardens don't chase Butterflies...

[newgirlontheblack]

So just don’t ever ask a man out?

[Opinion Owner]

I guess given the new risks of false allegations, METOO and potential of being jobless just from an allegation mean the old way no longer works. But it's still masculine when a woman pursues hence the lack of results. Therefore all of the women that took advantage of METOO and other stuff have ruined it for others. Thus the woman will need to ask, but it's less likely to work because it's unnatural.

I've been approached many times, asked out etc. It always seemed masculine.

[newgirlontheblack]

Well I won’t be contacting him again. And honestly it’s kind of his loss

[Opinion Owner]

Indeed. No one should contact a person again if they did not reciprocate the first time.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

@newgirlontheblack
All I know is that when I ask a girl out, I don't expect her to be the one to make a move on me. I asked her out, that's my job.

Same goes for if a girl asks a guy out. If you're gonna do it, you have to be the one to make a move, or don't do it at all

[newgirlontheblack]

@WanderingLoveWizard what was I supposed to do? Grab his crotch lol? I wish men understood how incredibly hard this is for women. I would never have asked him out in first place but I felt this chemistry and I thought given the nature of our former professional relationship it would be very hard for him as the man to ask me out. But then I took him to dinner and laughed at his jokes and smiled all night. I even curled my hair damnit

[WanderingLoveWizard]

@newgirlontheblack
I have no doubt it's hard for women. My main point is to make sure he knows that the date is romantic in nature, not just a platonic meet up.
Like I said in my opinion, men are dumb when it comes to that stuff.
Obvious signs to a woman usually go right over our heads lol.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

@newgirlontheblack
It's not like you have to do something sexual. Just don't make him think the date is something other than what it's not. Just ask him out, don't ask him to a "work dinner" lol

[Anonymous]

I think it's pretty clear why.

[newgirlontheblack]

Because they aren’t into me? Because I’m too vague? Not clear to me.