Have you ever been disappointed with someone when they took their clothes off?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I feel like a horrible person, I briefly dated a guy who I didn’t have feelings for but I appreciated him for his personality, his smartness and his care to me. I also liked his style, he was very tall and had a really presentable style.

When we met each other he always wore the outfit that made him look bigger, one day we went out dancing and when he took off his jacket, cause he was feeling hot, I got totally turned off because of the small and very slim shoulders, my ex had shoulders 4 times bigger than him. I felt horrible cause of thinking that, but I got so turned off could almost find it hard to hide, I didn’t say anything. But I think he might have noticed.

I feel bad because he has mentioned he has been working out and eating a lot but finds it hard to put on some weight.

That day I told him I didn’t feel the attraction necessary for us to keep our relationship but I didn’t mention his appearance, I just mentioned we didn’t rhyme.

I think I hurt him, while trying to hide the real reason I didn’t feel attracted I said some things that might have hurt him more.

Yesterday I was sitting at home and thinking, I am not perfect either, I have grayish birthmarks on my forehead and my nose got broken when I was a child, so I have a bump on my nose, I am not perfect either but if someone will stop being with me because of that, I would feel so hurt and horrible.

I now feel upset, guilty and sad for not showing him more kindness and for not making him feel better, he’s a smart, attentive and a nice person and I stopped dating because of a very shallow reason.

I feel so guilty….

What do I do?

Updates

1 y

Roast me as much as you want, I feel like I deserve.

[Guy13]

Yeah, and all the air is sucked out the room. I have been there too "butt" it has been the clothing additions that did it for me. I should have known but she was Canadian and porcelain Asian mixed "butt" it was really an Asian butt.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

What is an Asian butt like?

Flat butt?

[Guy13]

Yes. Bony like an eighty year old man who lost his soccer legs and butt Look. Wonderful woman like you described your man but those butt pants or whatever they are called was equivalent to "misleading".

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I hope my ex fiance will also suffer with that type of butt lol. There must be a big contrast between me and his current girlfriend.

[Guy13]

Are you saying you have a Phat Arse?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am not saying anything about me. Just stating what I hope hahaha.

[SnowedIn]

What's done is done. You can't change the past.

Here's the thing though: you're not a bad person for how you feel. You're attracted to someone or not. And certain things can turn you off. That's okay.

Sure, we can have a discussion about specific things you may have said or how you said them, but eh, whatever. Again, the past is the past.

I'd tell you don't be so hard on yourself and use this as a learning experience.

[Rosexøxø]

Oh my god I can’t read on. I need to write this in some novel.

my eyes are watering. I’m sorry I can’t help. Just be a good friend and vote to stick around until he finds someone.

Thats the least and best/most you can do in that scenario.

best to you both.

my heart is falling to earth’s core rn. How did you both live through it, I’ll never know 😭🫂 hugs for you both.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Hey thanks… I don’t really feel sad for myself though.

I feel sad because of him.

[Rosexøxø]

Yeah it’s sad because how will you help him. You’re sad for him and I’m sure he’s feeling sad for himself.

Best thing to do for people is to try to get them to be less self conscious by doing other things.

Best not to make anything about you both, but others or just other things.

Crossed fingers! 🤞

[CateM]

Their body may not look like what you imagined, and you have every right to be turned off. But nobody is perfect so don't be surprised if their feelings are hurt

[OlderAndWiser]

If you are sincerely remorseful, you cold approach him, apologize for your shallow and thoughtless response, and ask if his heart is willing to give you a second chance.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I indeed feel guilty, but I am not sure I’d feel any attraction to him afterwards.

It’s just I am totally turned off.

My attraction fell to zero. He was very stylish and presentable with the clothes on but with this jacket off, he is not my type, I can’t picture myself being attracted in the future either.

My ex-fiance was like the guy with the biggest shoulders I’ve ever seen and then this new guy is like the guy with very slim shoulders.

Even if I kept dating him, I would always be attracted to the men who look opposite of him.

He’s a really nice person though, smart, very successful, stylish 28 year-old man, looking for a serious relationship and he had already told me he loved me.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

This girl makes me sick to my stomach

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

@WanderingLoveWizard Thanks. You’re not a better person than me though. At least, I don’t go around telling people they make me sick to my stomach.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

@WanderingLoveWizard I don’t feel offended by that… Partially because, if you stood in front of me you would never be able to say that. You are free to think what you want. In a real life, I would never say the real reason I lost attraction to this guy and you would never allow yourself to speak that way to me.

Being offensive to people online, just because they share their deepest thoughts and even stating they feel guilty for that, is not a sign of being a d*ck. It’s a sign of being immature.

I don’t know what broke your heart, but I see you are sad and that’s where your anger comes from, I definitely don’t make people feel like shit, if I made him feel like a sh*t, he wouldn’t say he loved me, to the contrary, I always try to make my companions feel their best. However, I guess something in my words made you feel this way, I hope you know that not all girls are thinking same as me. You don’t have to feel bad about your body type. There’s a person for any type of person in the world, some are just more compatible than others.

[SlothySlob]

I suggest you let go of your ex first. That shows me you're not over him and you want him back.
If you continue doing this, even if you find the perfect replacement you will not love the guy for who he is, but for who he represents.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Thanks, that makes sense.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

You try to move on as best you can. I'm of the mind that everyone is shallow and if they claim they are not, they're lying. Take this as a learning experience that it's better to not go out with someone that you're not attracted to than to force it, especially with that being the consequence.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

With his clothes on, he’s one of the most presentable and coolest guys there, it’s just if I keep dating, we’ll someday get to the point where he will have to take off his clothes and I don’t feel like I will be tiny bit attracted…

[WanderingLoveWizard]

All you did was motivate him to work harder on getting in shape.
Don't feel bad, you did him a favor.

Girls used to tell me I was too skinny, and it pushed me to finally get my ass in shape.

At least you didn't tell him he had a small dick

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I didn’t have sex with him. And I would never tell a man something like this. If we are at the point of being naked with each other, it means I admire him and all parts of his body.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Well alrighty then!

[WanderingLoveWizard]

And you're probably too dumb to know I was being sarcastic

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Hey, relax…

If I am dumb, that’s my problem haha

[loveslongnails]

No, that hasn't happened to me. I'm very observant about a woman's appearance, and no matter how she dresses, I'm rarely surprised at what I see when the clothes are off. The one time I can remember is when she had torpedo shaped boobs, which surprised me.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

What is torpedo shaped boob hahaha

[loveslongnails]

You'll have to look that up. LOL They're long and pointed, not round, and hang low.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Lol, I just googled and they are so full and unusual. Tbh, have I been a man, I’d think that’s sexy as hell lol

[loveslongnails]

Seriously... saying "if I were a man", or "if I were a woman", I'd think like this or that, is one of the most ridiculous things ANY PERSON can say!!! You have absolutely NO idea what you'd be thinking if you were a male born and had been brought up male for 26 years!!! No idea. You think "they're sexy as hell" is completely a female comment, you have NO reference to a man's state of mind, likes or dislikes.

[Still-alive]

His feeling may be hurt... but you can't help who you're attracted to so if you know its not gonna work and see no future with him its best to leave now or it will only hurt more in the future.

I've dumped a girl for really sloppy eating before soo lol im not immune to this either. sometimes shallow things like that just turn us off.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I got so turned off, I just wanted to go home.

I just really have zero attraction to thin men, I like them to be muscular like my ex fiance, I want to feel they are powerful.

His arms were almost as thick as mine though.

But he is a nice person, I just feel sad and guilty.

[Still-alive]

i guess i need to work out more then lol. jk

well just try to be more diligent about your physical standards in guys when you choose who to go out with i suppose?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He was very tall and he chose outfits in such a good way that he always looked much bigger and stronger than he really was.

When he first came in, my female friend said “Girl, you’ve got yourself a very hot guy!”, when he took off his clothes to dance she thought the same and told me I deserve better.

[Still-alive]

i don't like how your friend worded that but.. yeah like i said if you know you can't be attracted to him then its best you move on

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Wording is just a translation of what she said in our language.

[Still-alive]

well it just makes him sound like he's somehow a lesser person for not being as buff as you were hoping he was. 'you deserve better' i would rather say 'you should go for who you are attracted to' instead.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

No, he’s not a lesser person. That’s why I feel guilty. He’s a nice person…

But there’s zero attraction from my side. And he probably thinks I am a very bad person and a playette.

My ex-fiance was a handball champion, his shoulders were so broad, his arms were so strong, I have no idea how to like anything less than that not to mention a total opposite of that.

You can’t choose who you are attracted to, but why do I feel guilty?

[Still-alive]

you probably feel like you led him on is my guess. i'd feel bad too if i was you.

but hey just learn from this and try to make sure you truly are attracted to a guy before really going for him.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I also feel so guilty, I feel like giving him another chance, because this guilt is just eating me.

But I don’t think that would change anything about my attraction…

[Still-alive]

yeah don't date out of guilt or pity. that will just make things worse in the end.

[Oddquestiona96]

Tbh but yes. I'm a boob guy but I'm very picky. There was one girlnwho would I took out and her boobs looked amazing. Great cleavage, big and bouncy all of it. Got her top off I know big boob can sag but it was extreme. She was really young too so surprising. I felt like an asshope but I was very turned off. it went from full jiggly tits to dangling socks when the bra came off

[NathanDavis]

nope... I've never gone so quick nor done anything casual

I do take on the longer trip and get to know someone better before anything else... it keeps any kind of "surprises" to a very minimum

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I didn’t try anything sexual with him, it was just he took off his jacket cause we were dancing. And he didn’t look that attractive in a T shirt.

[NathanDavis]

well... at the end of the day, it is best to be honest

if we are not attracted, then we cannot force ourselves to be attracted to someone

[Quackthulu2]

You are never obligated to date anyone. Just like you are not obligated to keep dating anyone. Hell, you can go out with them for a month, meet up for sex, see them naked for the first time and walk out without another word.

[Anonymous]

Wait till you get about 10 years older. Women 35 to 45 start leaning heavily on makeup to cover her battle scars. Yeah it happens pretty frequently after 30. But this is why you find a woman with a winning personality. Because half of it is attitude.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

No woman stays in her 20s forever, so?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Just like men…

[Opinion Owner]

So, you asked. I was just answering your question. You totally ignored the last 2 sentences. Sorry if I hit a nerve.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Nope, you didn’t. Women still live longer than men, guess there’s a function for them or they’d die after menopause.

[Opinion Owner]

You got a lot of anger in you hun. You should probably work on that. 😆😆😆

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Nope, nope. I am not talking with anger at all.

[Opinion Owner]

Hun it's dripping off you. 😆😆😆

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

weird haha

[Opinion Owner]

😆😆😆👍👍👍

[Anonymous]

An ex I dated. Wore a wonder bra that made her hooters look huge but she had weird lopsided tatties. One pointed up while the other pointed down. Different sizes

[msc545]

One thing you could do would be to not do something like this again but of course you're going to.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

No… I honestly feel so guilty…

I’ve been thinking of that whole night. I even think of giving dating him one more try, but I don’t think that’s fair for him, me to date him out of guilt instead of attraction…

[msc545]

I know that you feel guilty

[msc545]

I know that you feel guilty and in many ways that is a good thing because it shows that you are a person with a conscience. They're an awful lot of people who have no conscience unfortunately. The function of your conscience is to make you feel uncomfortable when you've done something that you know is wrong. In this case I don't think what you do is wrong but no matter how you did it it was going to make you uncomfortable. Just sit with that for a little bit and try not to worry too much about it.

[msc545]

there is nothing that you can do at this point to make things better than they already are. Make sure that you have closure with this situation and that the man involved does not expect anything further from you.

[zagor]

Yeah, her boobs were very saggy for her age. But that's not what eventually kept us apart.

[EaterPeter]

None of you deserve to be roasted. Fund a way to share with him. Partner body image issue. Don't compare with ex. Though.

[Part2603]

Never. But then again, I'm not a cunt.

[Nikki1989]

No, never. I am accepting of all bodies.

[Anonymous]

Dumb