Would you be ok seeing a woman casually if she had a child?

[Anonymous]

Would you be ok seeing a woman casually if she had a child? I have been seeing a guy for the past 5 weeks. It’s a friends with benefits situation. I decided to tell him via text last week that I had a child. I sent the message but deleted if 10 mins later. Then wrote sorry I sent the message to the wrong person. He later replied, it’s ok to be honest you have kids. There is nothing wrong with you having a child. I said ok, that’s good then. This was last Thursday and he hasn’t replied since. I even sent him a message a few hours ago but no reply.

[Lliam]

I would have zero problem with dating a woman who had a child. Friends with benefits would be perfectly fine.

I don't think I could get serious about her, though, if she was raising it, only because I never wanted the responsibility of kids. I never wanted to be a father, let alone a step father. I never even wanted to date women who had a pet dog because they are a full time responsibility and are around the house all the time.

The best girlfriend I ever had, though, was 30 when I was 36. She was amazing in every way. We lived together for over a year and I loved her with all my heart.

She had had a really rough childhood that messed her up. Sexually abused by her step father for years, beginning at a young age. She became an alcoholic. She got married and had a son when she was 17. She got divorced a few years later and gave up custody to the father who lived out of state. But her son, visited her on holidays and during summer vacation.

By the time I met her, she had totally turned herself around.

I had zero problem with the fact that she had a child as long as he didn't live with her all the time. Plus, he was a really nice young man.

[nitsuj86]

Casually... sure. I wouldn't ever want to date her seriously though, unless he was just the perfect woman, and had very good reasons for being a single mother.

I think maybe he didn't like you that much, was cool with just hooking up. Then you started putting out the vibes that you were starting to "care" more. Even you asking this question makes it pretty obvious you are catching feelings.

So you threw out some personal info, that really should have been discussed before by both of you and immediately took it back, and tried to cover it up. Basically, you were ashamed of your child, or how it would make you look to him. And instead of owning it, you tried to hide it like a child would.

If I wasn't that into you, I would use this all as a reason to stop seeing you. You made it weird. You want it to be casual, but he knows that if he keeps seeing you it's gonna be a messy "break up". So he is most likely pulling the slow fade.

[Asker]

Update @nitsuj86 I saw him last night.. so it’s all good on my end.

[nitsuj86]

If you say so. It's not gonna go anywhere, but if that's what you want, then good luck.

[cryscrys1]

So he ghosting you for a week? He said yes it’s ok and that’s it no word from him for a week?
I don’t know if you like this asshole but I say forget him. He said yes it’s ok you have a kid just because he didn’t want to put you in a bad spot. After he said so he is ghosting you “ meaning no word form his for days … that’s not a good sign at ALL
Forget him.. who cares about him. Don’t cut yourself so low or short having a random relationship just because you have a kid no way..!
Look for long term even marriage you deserve it.

[Shamalien]

…she dated a guy without even telling him she had kids. Sent the message then deleted it and he’s the asshole?

[cryscrys1]

It’s only been 5 weeks and not even a proper relationship more like a dirt relationship that he didn’t have to know.. problem is this girl is looking for more if you noticed. I don’t see it happening in this case. He is an asshole because he didn’t tell the truth.. which is sorry I don’t like single mothers !! He says yes it’s ok her hopes got higher but but he was dining gaslighting her .
We are dealing with an asshole and a naive women ( with good intentions )

[cryscrys1]

He was gaslighting *

[Asker]

@Shamalien we are not dating. We are seeing each other casually. (Not a relationship) And because he is a good looking guy I really didn’t think he would want to catch up. I deleted the message because I thought it be better to tell him in person but he had already read the message

[Asker]

@cryscrys1 it’s been 5 days since I told him. He has gone a week twice before without responding. So it’s a common trait with him. He would contact me and say something like, sorry I didn’t see your message. My expectations have been low because he rarely responds. So I wait for him to contact me. He did say there is nothing wrong with me having a kid. Maybe he doesn’t think it’s a big deal hence the reason for not contacting me and he will contact me when he isn't busy. Seems like his pattern of behaviour. Yes I deserve better but not really ready for a serious relationship at the moment.

[Vegasrunner]

@cryscrys1 Why does she "deserve" it?

[cryscrys1]

She won’t marry you so don’t worry what she deserves

[Vegasrunner]

@cryscrys1 Why would I want to get married? You claims she "deserves" but can't explain why?

[cryscrys1]

I don’t have to explain it to you

[LazerBean]

I would think that most people who are just using someone for sex probably does not care if they have kids.

[Vegasrunner]

@LazerBean correct. Women w/ kids are good for recreational use only.

[Avicenna]

When I was in my 20s and 30s, there is no way I would have. I assume that's the age group you date.

[Kinkyhubby]

I would be ok with it, especially if it casual of friends with benefits. If it always take him 5 days to respond, do you know a lot about him? Does he travel, is he a truck, a police officer, or maybe married? Sounds weird that it is always a 5 days delayed respond. But either way, if you are OK with the arrange, that is fine, it is what you choose, It is your life don't let others judge your for it. Good luck.

[Asker]

@kinkyhubby yeah it does take him about 7 days to respond, so I don’t contact him anymore. I wait for him to contact me. He has a full time job and is a personal trainer and event planner on the side. I was ok with him taking time to respond. But now because he hasn’t responded in 5 days after I let him know then I think he might not be ok with it. Maybe I’m thinking to much as it’s the norm for him to go a while without responding.

[Kinkyhubby]

Ok maybe he is just a busy guy, and if it was normal, see what happens. Sometimes, people have a tendency to over react, and it turns out to be nothing. Good luck either way, and with your future.

[Asker]

@kinkyhubby yep I’m that one that has a tendency for over react. And I really think I’m worrying for nothing. And he knows that i go weak at the knees, so even if he didn’t respond. When he does I won’t mind

[Asker]

@kinkyhubby he just replied 5 mins ago. He said sorry I didn’t see your messages til now. I didn’t finish til late last night. Definitely an over reaction on my part

[FinalFantasyBro]

I mean I wouldn't mind hanging out with the girl but I technically wouldn't date her because I kinda not interested in having children I rather have a pet instead now if she just saying she does have a son or daughter but I don't have to play the step father route than I maybe could consider dating a single mother as long she doesn't expect me to pay for child support or anything.

[Ben487]

Personally, I would not date a woman with kids from another man. Plenty of men would be fine having an friends with benefits with kids, however it would be rare that a man would actually want to marry a girl in that situation.

He lied trying not to sound harsh. You will likely not hear from him again.

[zagor]

Actually I know a couple guys who married a woman with kids. They got a family without having to deal with babies as kids were all over 5. They seem pretty happy and get along good with the kids.

[Ben487]

@zagor Okay well those guys are hero's and I would think the exception to the norm.

[OfMiceandMen]

It would not bother me that she has a child. I would understand if she wanted to give the little one all her attention and just wanted to keep things casual. Kids are a priority in any relationship.

[cloud9vortex1234]

No, as long as I find them attractive and likeable then it's fine. Just be honest about having kids. He deserves to know.

[cloud9vortex1234]

I meant yes.

[Asker]

@cloud9vortex1234 I told him after 5 weeks of seeing him though. Like I said, he said it was ok but I haven’t heard from him in 5 days. But it’s common for him not to respond promptly or reply after a week.

[cloud9vortex1234]

I would think you just have are find then. Isn't that what makes you want him even though? The fact that you don't know that he's going to reach out.

[Asker]

@cloud9vortex1234 do you mean you would think I am fine then. Yeah I guess that is true

[Alex8736]

TBH I have no issues with friends with benefits or dating women which I have in the past with having kids

[zagor]

Sure, especially if its friends with benefits situation.

[Kyr0s]

A lot of guys would because they'd usually be decent in bed. None of them would commit though. Just pump and dump.

[Anonymous]

She wouldn't be my first choice. Sorry a single mom will lose to a a woman without a child everytime.

[SoulmateSeeker1994]

As long this child is being properly cared, I'm good.

[Anonymous]

Yes. But I would want to see her for adult breastfeeding.

[Agape93]

Nope. Not dating anyone with kids.

[BrookeS]

100% i would be okay with it

[OddBeMe]

Only if she locked the kid up first.

[Jdjfjcjj]

casually, yes

[CubaPirate]

Absolutely why the hell not

[riverrat3]

I would if she were OK with it

[Anonymous]

it scared him off sorry

[David6668]

That's okay enjoy.