Never had a relationship before , one girl asked me for a date , having a hard time what to say?

[Anonymous]

I am a PhD student in one of the STEM fields. Never had a girlfriend before , have countless bad experience with girls. From bulling to make fun in front of everyone after inviting to house party and more terrible. I am having a hard time thinking of this a trick or what. This girl is actually very attractive and an Undergrad from a different department. She asked for my number at the library where I mostly go almost everyday. She told me that she had seen me many times there before and wanted to ask me out.

I am having a hard time believing it. Thinking that I may screw up , what if she thinks that I am a weirdo for having no girlfriend till 26. Why such pretty girl ask for my number...

See I can understand that it's my own insecurities but I just have had too much bad experience with the opposite gender and almost never a good one. ( I had an abusive mother too) .

[Anonymous]

It's understandable that you may feel nervous or unsure about going on a date with this girl, especially given your past experiences with relationships and dating. However, it's important to remember that everyone has insecurities and that it's okay to take a chance and try something new.

If you're interested in going on a date with this girl, you could respond by thanking her for asking and expressing your interest in getting to know her better. It may also be helpful to be honest about your lack of relationship experience, as this can help to set expectations and alleviate any potential misunderstandings.

Remember that dating is a process of getting to know someone and determining whether you are a good match for each other. It's okay to be nervous or make mistakes along the way, as long as you treat each other with respect and honesty.

If you're feeling overwhelmed or unsure about how to proceed, it may be helpful to seek support from a friend or counselor who can provide guidance and perspective. Ultimately, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and to pursue relationships that are healthy, respectful, and fulfilling for you.

[Asker]

Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I will keep those in mind.

[Opinion Owner]

You’re welcome

[lightbulb27]

yea, you really need to work on your self esteem as a man.

The right view to go into this is either "no", or "yes" and you enjoy the experience. If she hurts your feelings, that's on her and you move on. You need to learn this, there's lots of videos and books out there for when you want to get serious.

you're introverted shy nature is doing you a disservice and time to grow up past that.

My advice is to rediscover the value of "Jesus of Nazareth". He dealt with the emotional realm of humanity when you've likely been dealing with the logical science realm. There is value in freeing your heart. It will be a conflict within your mind, but you're heart will know.

I went through similar... you got a lot of work to do. But I'd say sure, lets meet at "XYZ", whever you choose, and do that. Don't defer to her to make decisions.

[Asker]

Okay ai will look into those you mentioned. It's not like that I have low self esteem, it's just years of bad experience with opposite gender just made me withdraw romantic interactions with the opposite gender.

[lightbulb27]

trauma is trauma. when you can put those experiences in proper perspective, you gain strength and from that, you can be healthy inside so that you can give trust, vulnerability again.
Failure to do that, over time, you'll be in a head battle that will be one heck of an education.
I suspect you don't understand women yet. You will need to learn.
You are welcome to start here from my feeble, but well learned, attempt at explaining the relationship essentials..
The Dance of Hearts, A Valentine's Special ↗

A good read would be "men are from mars, women are from venus", and "love languages".
Good luck on the date fella, have fun with it!

[Anonymous]

I can definitely relate to your experience, since I'm in a similar position in regards to my past with guys and lack of dating and relationship experience. Though, I recently started using dating apps and went on a few dates with people. It was and still is a strange new experience for me, however I'm learning about the different kinds of people there are, who I attract, and what I look for in a potential partner.

The main point is whether you're willing to take the risk and give the person a chance or not. Not everyone is going to treat you the same as the people in the past did, but do watch out for any red flags.

It seems you're both interested in each other, so maybe getting to know each other and taking things slowly will help.

[Asker]

Yes can understand , I will give it a try.

[Eternallylucky]

If you have trust issues, then you're better off being honest by saying no.

[Anonymous]

Just wait for the time you'll be a doctor. Girls will jump out of anywhere

[Asker]

That's now how the real world works , and I definitely don't want money or position hungry chicks.

[IHateBeingaMan]

why am i not surprised sadly