Why do they all turn into insecure nutjobs?

[DermalPunch]

I have been doing everything "right" as well as a can in searching for a marriage partner.

Taking things slow. Asking direct questions and not getting physical.

For those sex positive, anti-marriage people this isn't your approach and I get it.

Objectively, I do bring a lot to the table and I am still quite attractive and sexy.

I'm feminine but driven so on and so forth.

I am chill and easy-going but I state right upfront I'm not getting acquainted for anything casual. This filters out a lot of time wasters from the jump.

Sadly, I am finding when I do click with someone and get to know them, they start off chill and confident but start to act "crazy" once the connection deepens a bit.

Manipulation to make me jealous, sneaking glances at my phone if I am sending messages. Accusations and wanting to know where I'm going and what I am doing.

I am really trying to pick normal-seemkng men with whom I share a mutual interest but they all go nutty when things start to gel.

Any thoughts on this phenomenon?

Updates

1 y

My problem is that I don't let the guy confess first. Everyone on GAG likes to disagree but 9.9/10 if the guy doesn't confess his interest in getting to know you FIRST he won't see you as a serious prospect. Ladies, he may give you hint as loud as sirens but if he isn't biting the bullet and telling you he is into you he isn't into you.

[Anonymous]

The overall collective have been infected by demonic forces (many unaware). Most are ego driven, obsessive, co-dependent or driven by lust and gain. The only way to find a decent partner within the current predominantly demonic collective is through God. Nothing else will work. This is exactly the same mistake most people are making.

[DermalPunch]

Yes! You are bang-on about the demonic thing. 100%

[Opinion Owner]

Also consider that they may not have turned into anything... many were likely already that way. Only when you nurture the true self will you have no such traits.

[boggboss]

Nothing special u are just seeing how many crazy people are out there

[DermalPunch]

Man there are a looot!!!

[boggboss]

Ofc there are lol many on dating apps are broken people or damaged

[DermalPunch]

I don't do dating apps at all. Everyone is IRL.

[RavVid]

"mate guarding" is a behavior that other species do as well as humans and is not so crazy.

It is pretty normal you call him and ask what he's doing and the reverse. In part it is learning the pattern of your new partners life but it is also doubling checking there is not a threesome happening. Most people I think are happy with mate guarding and verifying their credentials to a new partner. It's part of the process.

The bits that aren't "mate guarding" are manipulation to make you jealous (but maybe he isn't thinking you will be jealous of a female friend he made when was 5). Accusations are indicating a failure of openness at that point.

What guys and gals don't want to sense in a potential partner is secrecy. Both want openness. Maybe you aren't giving enough of that.

If there are two or more guys you are interested in at the same time then yes there is a problem with mate guarding because you will fail it. For myself I like to have clean hands when going into a relationship and I expect the same.

[DermalPunch]

No I am not a secretive personnes anymore. Used to be. I dontlike secretive mates either.

[RavVid]

I was once too.

[OfMiceandMen]

I think guys try to trap pretty girls because they are insecure. They constantly worry about the girl getting hit on and try to circumvent this by keeping tabs on her every move, while going nuts in the process.

I am completely the opposite, even though I'm dating her, she is still free to talk to whomever she wants. I am not about to let petty jealousy BS stand in the way. I don't own her and if she screws around, then so be it. Life is too short, why worry about trying to control someone else, it requires way too much effort and leads to all kinds of drama. Besides if I give her the proverbial rope and she hangs herself with it, I can hold my head high and move on unaffected.

It's simple, if she treats me with respect, love/kindness and she is faithful, she can depend on the same from me without all the drama.

[DermalPunch]

Yeah, exactly. If à guy is sexy and attractive isn't the issue. But if he moves shady then that's when you move on. It's really a shame.

[OfMiceandMen]

It is, but he has nobody to blame but himself for overreacting.

[WindAtMyBack]

If it happens once or twice, then it might be them. If it happens repeatedly like you imply, then it's probably something wrong on your end. That could be any number of things. Whatever it is, you need to figure it out and change it. Or at least be content with how things are now.

Whether you are looking for someone new, or already in a relationship, if you always point the finger away from you, then you are ignoring whatever role you may have. It's almost never one-sided. You can't do anything about the other people, but you can do something about yourself.

[DermalPunch]

Oh believe me. I agree. I have done ridiculous amounts of internal work. I can say yes, I was the author of my own misfortune plenty of times.

If being direct, honest, reciprocating and evenly-paced is still problematic then it is seriously hopeless.

[AimeeKyle]

You are unfortunately / apparently finding Insecure men. Stay positive and keep trying…. Don’t settle, you will likely regret it. Next, try not to focus your thoughts of finding a marriage partner, rather, having a good time without expectations (taking note of the traits you ultimately are in search of). You’ll likely find what you are looking when you aren’t actually looking for it.

[DermalPunch]

No, I absolutely am not changing my intentions. That's an even worse recipe for disaster.

[Jennz6]

You won’t find anyone perfect, you will just have to settle for the guy who is almost what you want but not really the dream guy. You will never be happy. Don’t let it ruin your life. Be independent and happy.

[DermalPunch]

Absolutely 💯. I'm far from perfect. But paranoia-induced name calling is a bit much.

[Jennz6]

@DermalPunch I didn’t call you a name. I’m just saying that you probably won’t find the Dream Guy, I love 💕 you sweetheart and I think you’re beautiful and too perfect for any guy that will make you unhappy.

[DermalPunch]

Of course you didn't! Sorry if it came across that way. I just experienced that recently. All good vibes here. 💖💞 I am for from perfect. It's lomike there is some sort of epidemic.

[Jennz6]

I understand honey

[FilmGuy93]

Women actually do this a lot too. It's because of insecurity. As soon as someone figures out that they want to impress you, they immediately worry about not measuring up.

[DermalPunch]

Yes. In a small dose, this can be endearing but obviously, this isn't what I am talking about.

[FilmGuy93]

I know... it comes from the same place though.

[Gent207-2]

The type of guys you are attracted to are not right for you. It's curious how this pattern seems to repeat itself so many times? You may be looking in the wrong places.

Try church or special interests groups or nonprofits

[DermalPunch]

No, I don't think that's the issue.

[Gent207-2]

@DermalPunch
Your addendum doesn't make any sense in context of the post. I would equate this The Happening movie lol

[DermalPunch]

I haven't seen the Happening. If people date qnd it doesn't work out, then obviously it wasn't the person for them. I am speaking about normal seeming people turning cuckoo.

[Gent207-2]

@DermalPunch
There are always signs of madness that most don't see

[DermalPunch]

Maybe I need to start setting my sights on guys who I think are "out of my league".

[Alex8736]

when it comes to putting their money where their mouth is by showing proof by actions their true colors come out but the quiet ones don't need to talk so much but they say what they mean and mean what they say

[DermalPunch]

I deal with the quiet ones. They have all been nuts.

[Alex8736]

what sites have you been meeting these nut jobs?

[DermalPunch]

I *do not* do dating apps. I only do IRL!

[DermalPunch]

Usually men who I encounter on multiple occasions who live in my area, who I deal with at the shops or for some other sort of repeated interactions or transactions. People who I have had a chance to observe and see interact with myself and others first.

[Alex8736]

sounds like me but it's usually when I'm walking my dog. But IRL is the best way to go especially with all the nut jobs x 10 online

[Stevefiveo]

Sounds like bad luck and the fact that there aren't too many good guys out there.

[DermalPunch]

Yep. Same for good guys. Slim pickings on the female side. The bonus for guys is that low value females are easy sex so guys have an edge there.

[Stevefiveo]

Yup, the dating world sucks.

[msc545]

Your focus on marriage will scare most men away.

[DermalPunch]

Good! I am not in the West.

[msc545]

I'm not sure that will matter, but for your sake I hope it does

[DermalPunch]

It is not negotiable. It would be a waste of everyone's time for me to play coy on this matter.

[msc545]

It's good for all that you see it that way.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the decent men know you’re judgmental

[DermalPunch]

I am not a judgmental person. More than ever before, people are ruthlessly self-serving and have no scruples about using deception and manipulation to get what they want out of a situation. Everyone presents their best face but few are genuine when push comes to shove. My filtering process is getting better and better which is bittersweet. People are truly amazing!

[Opinion Owner]

Okay

[DermalPunch]

Indeed! I'm sorry but there really aren't many decent people left. Male or female.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok 👍