So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 1.5 years. We're in college, which is where we met, but he transferred after our freshman year and we kept dating. I see him every other weekend.
He had trouble adjusting & making friends, and I feel bad about how he was treated by the people he befriended in the first few months after transferring. Luckily, he joined a frat and is doing better.
What's making me feel weird is the presence of this one new friend of his. They met at a mixer and hit it off because she's the ex-gf of one of my boyfriend's former bad friends. Since then, they've gotten super close, which I was initially really happy about!
But lately, it's felt weird. Bc we're a LDR, I can't always be there for the events his frat has, so he'd have to go without a date. But that's not happening, because she's lowkey becoming his go-to fill in for me... In fact, he's taking her to his formal tmr, even though I offered to be there. He said he had too much work for a visit.
I've noticed him hiding his phone screen from me when we're together while he's texting her, and acts really strangely around her; for example, if we're hanging out and she's nearby, he'll constantly look over at her and start to ignore me. Last night, he hung out with her until 5am.
I'm not usually insecure about female friends, bc my boyfriend mostly has female friends. When I call him out, he has reasons - he's really anxious so he's nervous around new friends, he needs someone to take to his frat events or he'll be alone, etc. - but I still feel off.
He's said she's like his "big sister" and that I "obviously shouldn't worry" because I've met her and they're just friends. But around when they started getting close, I noticed him pull away (which he admitted to doing but said wasn't related). So I'm starting to become a little uncomfortable, all things considered.
Should I wait until a firm boundary is crossed to say smthn? How do I bring this up without coming off as insecure?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
It's completely understandable that you would feel uncomfortable and insecure about your boyfriend's relationship with this new female friend, especially given the changes in his behavior that you've noticed. It's important to communicate your feelings to your boyfriend in a calm and non-accusatory way.
One approach could be to express your concerns and ask for clarification about the nature of his relationship with this friend. You could say something like, "I've noticed that you've been spending a lot of time with [friend's name] lately, and I'm feeling a little uncomfortable about it. Can you help me understand your relationship with her and why you've been spending so much time together?"
It's important to approach the conversation in a non-confrontational way and to listen to your boyfriend's perspective. It's possible that he may not realize how his behavior is affecting you, or that there may be underlying reasons for his increased closeness with this friend that you weren't aware of.
Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what boundaries you are comfortable with in your relationship. If your boyfriend's behavior continues to make you uncomfortable, it may be worth having a more serious conversation about your concerns and whether they can be addressed. However, it's important to approach the situation with empathy and understanding, and to prioritize open and honest communication.
Listen to your gut feeling. If you feel that something is off, chances are it’s true. Especially since it’s a LDR and he’s blowing you off and hiding his phone screen. Super suspicious.
If you’re in a healthy relationship, you should be able to voice your concerns without being seen as insecure. If you feel that you can’t voice these concerns with him, then maybe it’s not as healthy as you think it is
Are you having an attitude expression that kinda turns him off. Assuming?