Are jealousy and possessiveness the dark forms of love?

[SaRang21]

[DaveJord]

Jealousy is a very natural emotion that most of us have felt or dealt with on a personal level. So, jealousy in and of itself is not a negative thing... it's a very natural thing. And with all things there is a healthy level of jealousy and then there comes a point that it starts to violate boundaries and turn toxic.

Possessiveness... this is a tough one. I mean when say that is MY wife, or that is MY husband, or girlfriend or boyfriend. We are expressing a sense of belong to... that is my house, my car, my dog...

So on that basic level it is healthy and right to feel that your wife, or husband belongs to you... because they are your one and only, right?

But when this sense of possession turns into controlling or as means of ownership or domination its extremely dark and toxic. But possessing something is not the same as controlling.

That is my wife, because I possess her love and she possesses mine. That's kind of sweet thought, right? In that sense it's about possessing something that you have a great responsibility to, and degree of control in caring for and naturing.

While they're often used synonymously, possession and ownership are precisely not the same thing. Possession means physically having, while ownership means something belongs to you, and you have all rights to it.

No one person every had complete control or ownership over another person. That is dark.

[ohsheeT]

They might think it's love but it's basically a way to control you by saying that they love you
When you're deeply in love first of all you know who you are and what you're all about and you know you cannot make anybody love you all you can do is be you and be the best you can and whatever happens happens you have no control of it unconditional love

There's no need to be jealous because they don't give you a reason to be jealous you also Trust them and their loyalty and you will do that until the day that they do something and you can't trust that love is a beautiful thing that you always love to the depth that you have experienced it

[Agape93]

Nope. Neither of those are based in love. They're based out of insecurity and a desire to control.

[collie22]

Those are some of the many tools of the devil

[SaRang21]

How so?

[collie22]

I challenge you to find it in the bible.😊 you could do a bible search on Google that would be Okay too. Let me know what you find

[MementoMori777]

Depends how you look at it, you can look at it that wayor this way, jealousy shows an attachment towards someone and it shows that they have such a strong emotion for that person that they don't want to involve anyone else but themselves with that person and possessiveness is like jealousy's older brother because it's basically the same emotion but with a form of control, now don't get me wrong it is very possible for both of these feelings to get toxic and that's where it becomes the dark forms of love.

[SaRang21]

“To have such a strong emotion for that person”. Does it depend on the level of the intensity of jealousy?

[MementoMori777]

No, just the feeling of jealousy existing in the person is the sign that the person have strong emotions for the other, when the intensity gets high it opens the door to possessiveness and when possessiveness gets too high and out of control they both become toxic

[razelove]

Not really, I think they can pop up when distance appears, whether it's from the partner, or the person in question. I don't believe it's any coincidence that jealousy and possessiveness most often appear when a partner is sleeping with someone else, or believes you are.
I've noticed in monogamous relationships with no straying that that is pretty rare. When I'm in polygamous relationships though it is extremely common for partners to get jealous, issue ultimatums, so on and so forth.
It isn't a dark form of love, rather it's a desperate attempt to hold on to someone as a concept or thing when the love has already run its course.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Depends on what kind of jealousy you're talking about.

Getting jealous because your girl is laughing with another guy and won't keep her hands off him is perfectly normal.

But getting jealous because your girl has a male coworker or another guy looks at her, I think could be considered dark. Controlling and overbearing are better words for it though

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Paranoid jealousy isn't good. But it has to be unreasonable to fit in that category

[SaRang21]

Feeling jealous because your crush talks to someone else. But it’s just feeling but don’t act on it

[WanderingLoveWizard]

I don't think that's a big deal personally. That's pretty normal.
I mean it's your crush and you want him to like you

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Not some other girl

[Phoenix98]

It's natural the key is just to not let yourself be overtaken by those forms of love. A little possessiveness and jealously is fine every now and then but it can easily get out of control.

But like I said it's natural and neither are inherently bad or evil but they can be if you let them get out of control.

[SaRang21]

Get out of control? Like how? When it’s for a crush

[Phoenix98]

Jealously for example can turn into obsessive jealously or obsession.

And can go from just being upset at a crush paying more attention to another girl to obsessively watching the crushes every move to make sure they don't pay attention to other girls more then they are you or becoming obsessed with that person and being with them.

But that's more on the extreme end of the spectrum most people don't tend to act that way (least I hope )

[SaRang21]

What if indeed the crush is paying more attention to another person?

[Phoenix98]

Then take appropriate measures to get their attention within reason.

[shades777]

There needs to be a healthy amount of all emotions, thats how you know your human.


You also need a backbone to defend yourself and your girlfriend from threats and they come in all forms


for example if a man was flirting with your girlfriend in front of you and you do nothing then you look weak even though your not "jealous",


so even if its dark love there needs to be a balance of light/dark love because you can't through life always in the light

[SaRang21]

What if it’s just a crush or someone you aren’t in a relationship with? Is it a dark form of love?

[shades777]

then its not love, its a crush

[SaRang21]

Then jealousy is the dark side of affection in this case

[Blueeyes81]

No. They are the dark forms of self. Its a projection of our insecurities that we are not enough. Its the opposite of love, its self loathing.

[WonderBell99]

Well said

[loveslongnails]

Jealousy and possessiveness have nothing to do with love. They're not even the perversion or antithesis of love - they're something else entirely unrelated unto themselves.

[ChillaxingLove]

No it’s a form of selfishness. Has nothing to do with love.

[alearningboy]

My girlfriend has no jealousy but that pssessiveness she likes it very much for me its also no problem.

But some people in the relationship can have problems with it.

[LovelyJaneDoe]

It's not a form of love. It's a sickness of one person

[Jersey2]

Jealousy is fear based and possessiveness is insecurity. Love is love.

[LiamJHayden]

Maybe of self-love, but definitely not love of another.

[cjrp01]

Sometimes possessiveness comes from fear, they might have cheated on you and feel that you could cheat on them back at anytime with anyone.

[spartan55]

They don't belong in the zip code as love.

[DizzyDesii]

Thats wanting control not showing love

[Molly1997]

I love a possessive man ❤️

[Spade_01]

No, they're just signs of self respect.

[RHK36]

They are emotions of the weak

[Anonymous]

No, they are both too negative.

[In_Trance]

No they're not