She thinks I’m not talkative enough?

[Anonymous]

The girl that I’ve been seeing is always saying that I’m not talkative enough and that I “don’t know how to have a conversation”. This is strange to me because I’ve never heard this before from any friends or girls from the past. She’s expecting me to talk her head off because her family does it and so have her past partners. I’ve always been a fairly popular person and no one has ever said that I don’t talk enough, if anything I’ve spoken too much.

I have tried to talk a bit more and sometimes it feel like she isn’t giving me anything when I try to converse with her. She hangs up the phone when she feels like I’m not being talkative enough. I dunno. It’s weird. It’s as if she’s asking me for things that I can’t give her and I’m asking her for things that she can’t give me. I dunno. I’m not currently going to school or working right now. Just say day trading. I don’t have a whole bunch going on and neither does she.

Will this work? What can I do? We’re doing long distance at the moment.

[therealricksanchez]

Maybe your personalities don't fit very well, but when engaging in a conversation with her, try to make questions that allows her to do most of the talking, listen closely so you know what to respond if she asks you things back, or so you know how to keep the conversation going. This might also give her the feeling that you are more of a good listener rather than a talker, you can even tell her that.

[Asker]

I’ve tried this approach and it didn’t work. She doesn’t want to answer any questions, she wants to hear me ramble instead.. I guess

[therealricksanchez]

Then I think it's better to move on, she doesn't seem really interested

[provokeesmokee]

It's not gonna work.

I get the vibe she's not looking for conversation - she's looking for distraction.

She's grown up yaking away, but faced with someone who requires thought and consideration in their conversation, she balks.

I don't think this is gonna work for you, bud. I'm sorry.

[Asker]

Wow.. that’s an amazing take. She’s not looking for conversation, she’s looking for distraction. That’s really good. What makes you think that? I wonder if it’ll work too. I really want it to.

[provokeesmokee]

Instead of actually communicating her dissatisfaction, she just hangs up on you.

That's the biggest hint.

She probably isn't conscious of it herself, and that's not something you can fix.

She needs to make that effort herself. But I don't think someone who responds to dissatisfaction by hanging up is about to put that effort in.

It sucks when these relationships don't work out, but being miserable with her is hardly a healthy alternative.

[Asker]

The biggest hint was that she just hang up on me.. She was trying to so hard to get off the phone by say "I'm tired" then when she hangs up on me. I texted asked her if she was upset about something earlier in the day and she said no, then she said I wasn't being talkative. That messed my mood up and made me not want to talk to her anymore. So I stopped replying to her for a few hours then she texted me saying that she doesn't know what's wrong with me and why I'm upset with her. I then acted like all was good which was a bad thing for me to do. I should have let her have it. She isn't. She isn't conscious of herself in general. It's not me trying to put her down but I do feel like she's lacking in self awareness and I can't fix that. I think so too. Talking to her can make me pretty unhappy. It really is a shame because I like her and I would have wished for things to work out but she just isn't the person that I thought that she was. Her past lovers were able to put up with it I'm guessing because they were sleeping with her, but we haven't been having an sex.. so I'm able to really look at her for her and not have any ulterior motives. Me and her just don't mesh well.

[ShesRad80]

that's ridiculous to hang up on someone without warning. sounds like if you dont keep her entertained then she doesn't bother. maybe you should tell her you feel the same you have nothing to talk about, see what response you get

[Asker]

I've never before been told that I don't have enough conversation to give. She kept saying she's tired just to get off the phone with me then she tells me over text about an hour or so later that I wasn't be talkative. That ruined my mood and made me not wanna talk to her anymore. Just because you feel like I'm not talking enough, you hang up on me? She's really hard on me. Not to mention that while we were on the phone she had some choice words for me. ;// it's not too good

[Screenwriter]

Sounds like a fail. Give it up. There's nothing worse than being with someone who keeps asking you to be somebody else. And she hangs up on you? She sounds mean. Go elsewhere. She's not for you.

[Asker]

It does sound like an uphill battle. That's true. It's tiring and kinda.. insulting? To be told you're doing something wrong especially when other people have been saying you're doing good. The thing is, I don't take it too personally because she told me that her past partner would tell her that she's too hard on them. She didn't use to do it to me but since she's started, the relationship has kinda been on the decline.

[springxxx]

Sometimes people expect too much from others..

[Asker]

What do you suppose I do?

[springxxx]

You guys need to communicate with each other in ways that work for both of you. Communication is very important for relationships to work

[Asker]

You’re very right. Thank you so much. I just keep getting worried about how she’ll react. She didn’t take it too good last time I told her I was unhappy with how things were. She’s a fighter and I’m not 😅