Is he trying to gain control by making me jealous and question everything?

[Anonymous]

He wants an open relationship as he’s scared of monogamy. He’s been hurt in the past and has admitted to sabotaging relationships to get the control and upper hand. We’re best friends and he tells me he loves me everyday. He’s recently started seeing someone and I don’t know how to cope with the jealousy. He wants me to meet her and I asked him why and he said he talks about me all the time and she wants to get to know me. Is it unfair if I don’t want to meet her? Is he trying to make me jealous and is this a control move from him? I work away and he travels to see me all the time so it’s like he’s acting like a boyfriend but not wanting to label it. I’m so confused and don’t know what to do now. I don’t want to loose him as a friend and he’s said the exact same thing. He doesn’t want to screw up what we have. Then why date other people? We don’t have sex anymore because he’s worried he’ll get attached and it will ruin everything. Then why keep me around, he said I’m his main person but I don’t understand the need to date other people.

[definitelyNotHer]

I think you and this guy need to set boundaries or just quit being friends. You say you've had sex with him before and that he sleeps over sometimes and even tells you he loves you. This doesn't seem to be a healthy beneficial relationship to either of you and I'd strongly recommend just ending it. Even if it's just a one night stand, sex is a very intimate thing that you've shared with this guy and because of that, your friendship will never be the same.

To answer your question though, I don't think he's trying to make you jealous. I think this guys has some issues with commitment and issues with just women in general which comes off as him trying to make you jealous.

[kylee2437]

I’m confused - if you are just his friend, why are you meddling into his love life? If you know he has expectations you won’t accept , why are you allowing stuff that wouldn’t make you friends? He doesn’t seem like a friend , he seems like a guy that you are allowing to play you.

[Asker]

That’s what confuses me too, if I’m just his friend why do I have to meet her. I’m stupid for allowing the affection and relationship stuff to continue. I just feel so lost and confused by his actions. One minute he’s treating me like his girlfriend but then the next he’s telling me we’re just friends.

[kylee2437]

Well if he’s going to be in a relationship with her - of course he’s going to introduce his friends to her. What does he do to suggest actions of you being his girlfriend?

[Asker]

He tells me he loves me and sleeps over at mine. When I’m away for work he travels to come and see me. He buys me gifts and tells me he’s thinking of me when I’m not around.

[kylee2437]

Do you think maybe you are translating those actions a little differently than he is?

[Asker]

Well I wouldn’t do those things for any of my guy friends that I didn’t have feelings for.

[kylee2437]

You and him aren’t the same person though. If you had feelings for him, you should’ve spoke up on them and not just allowed a situation to fester in that way because he can turn around and say “I treat all my friends like this” .

[Asker]

I did telll him my feelings for him and that’s when he said he loves me and that he’s scared of ruining what we have. Because when he gets in a relationship he self sabotages.

[kylee2437]

That was a soft reject. He loves you as a friend - that means he does not see you as a girlfriend.

[Asker]

Then why treat me like one.

[kylee2437]

Because he probably doesn’t see it the way you do.

[Asker]

Well if I hooked up with my best friend it would be because I had feelings for them.

[kylee2437]

He didn’t hook up with you though lol if you have feelings for someone and they rejected you but you continued something with them - you broke your own heart. Tell him that you still have feelings and you can’t be apart of this friendship anymore. Nothing would come out of this friendship anyways anymore since you have jealous for a girl you don’t even know.

[kylee2437]

Jealousy *

[hahahmm]

You can do better, right? And if not, then work on that. If you aim low in life that's exactly what you get.

[soniaaaaaaa]

Yes he is gaslighting you

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆