At what point do you tell new friends you don’t Intend to date anyone?

[VIVANT]

I seem to attract people (as people not as love interest) relatively easy.. as in we meet, click, hang out. That’s more than good enough for me. But often at some point they think I’m into them for “more.”

I really don’t want to date anyone.

I also don’t want to tell people I’m not dating & coke off as if I’m assuming they will like me—it’s obnoxious.

I also hate the awkwardness when things are misconstrued…

internet pic

Never. I wait until they bring it up

Right away

A few weeks in

Other

[midnightmoon05]

I like clear communications…most healthy single adults want to meet someone special to have a long term mate/romantic relationship.

I would hate to be stung along, going out as “friends” and be friendly and enjoy each other’s company then turn out to have this “waiting game”’if he/she likes me.

politely … as friends … “I hate dating, I just like to be single and free”. That would be clear. They can take that message then decide what to do.

[Blackcupcake]

when the subject of dating comes up… usually with friends that topic will come up at some point. they will ask or you will ask if they’re in a relationship and want to hear all about it, and I feel like that would be the right time to mention that, you do not intent to date anyone for whatever reasons you have or you just might not want to mention any reasons. whatever you’re comfortable with!

[Friendlybro79]

Find a way to throw into conversation like tell me things that you wish others knew about you. Do that a couple times with different things and skip that one in there. I'd even say I wish this was easier to say without coming off like you think everyone is going to be into you lol. Something like that. I think this might work.

[asphaltrhymes]

I voted Never until they bring it up, but then lately as I get older, I tend to just be upfront. Like a conversation topic. I don't mind either way if I'm single I'm single, if a cute woman comes along that I like and she likes me, sure. But I'm unsure lol. 😜

[Aakash_Hangargi]

If it's one time it's them , if it happens numerous time a little inward exploration is required as in what things could send mixed signals to guys that they might think you are intrested in them more lol.

PS if you get too close to guys they will think you are intrested as it's a rare occurance for normal people.

Well you can also call it curse of being a girl as there are perks of being a gal haha😆

[VIVANT]

😂 I don’t think this is a rare occurrence for normal people it happens all the time for me and I don’t even flirt I just am talkative and I’d someone needs help I help them but that’s just human

[Aakash_Hangargi]

I am speaking in terms of a normal guy person

[Aakash_Hangargi]

You think that you don't flirt , but things you say or so sometimes can be considered as hinting to something more

[VIVANT]

Why do you think so? Can you give an example

Also
Maybe these are nit normal people bc I did tend to fake pity on anti social people
Lol

[Aakash_Hangargi]

It's a long topic to debate so let's not as of now.

Nah it's something the way you speak the words you use what appears to be straight forward for you other people use it to give hints

I like you but you need to make the move hints so it's kinda thing that girls do and guys follow and take initiative this has been the way from thousands of years except for a few exceptions.

For example in your case also you say you are straight forward yes in most scenarios but when you truly need to say something you always back out and expect the other person to do that stuff and you would comply

[VIVANT]

I didn’t think I have out unless the other person gives me reason to not trust so that really is a circumstance where they probably aren’t I tweeted anyway so there’d be no chance I’d miscommunication

I do agree I probably do things that Pepe’s sky take as a hint but it’s not meant as a hint

Like even being curious I tbh k many people conflate questions with expectations and I’m mostly a very curious lesson plus to understand the landscape I need Info but I do isn’t the same as rehung to spark an action

I think bc I didn’t grow up dating or thinking I’d be in relationship I never molded my actions to accommodate what people might assume I mean culturally, even once I realize that was an issue bc it does bug me that I have to play games to just to seem to be playing games

And I can’t think of any time I did something waiting for someone to do something— unless it’s a situation they gave me reason to think they are not Interested, honestly. If things are direct comfortable if things are secretive, or vague, or shifty, I’m just stuck or gone

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Yup controlling your mind and emotions is very crucial

[Anonymous]

I think it's hard for people to get that someone doesn't want to date. Because even the people that say it are typically lying.

My advice to you is a pre-emptive strike. When someone seems to be taking a liking to you. Let it drop in some way that you don't believe in dating. Unless they're stupid they should pick up on the hint. And at that point if they don't, know that you tried. Thier own self destruction in pursuit of you is not your problem.

[VIVANT]

Exactly. If all these low or would stop
Lying than my job would be so much easier lol

But i also understand why no one wants to be honest- bc everyone is so judgmental & presumptuous.. but it all sucks

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah this might be wrong of me. But I take women at thier word. If a women ever tells me she's not interested and for some reason is? She shot herself in the foot. Because I despise dishonesty and game playing. I don't take a liking to many women beyond just friends. So when I do she doesn't get a second shot if she passes in the first. Which in my opinion is the way things should be.
I feel you Vivant, I don't feel I fit into the whole interaction very well either.
But one thing I do know! I have had a few women who went that extra mile to know me. So while it may not work out with most women it will with the right ones. So I don't worry about whether the world approves of my process.
In short I wouldn't worry about yours either. If you're genuinely not misleading anyone then don't worry about the way they take it. Misunderstandings are occasionally going to happen.

[Spade_01]

Reason why I don't befriend people of the opposite gender. Too many complications to deal with and one can't be 'just friends' with the opposite gender.

[VIVANT]

It’s not just men tho plus I get along pretty well with men usually better than with women

[MotherEarth2020]

Not sure, I would tell them if they are pushing the idea on you.

If they don't get it then, a good kick in balls would tell him real fast to back off

[blondfrog]

There is really no easy way of saying it. Its' just one of those things. My advice to you is hang out with your new friends, but do it a seldom amount. They will understand that.

[Jamie05rhs]

@blodfrog That's terrible advice, my man.

[blondfrog]

@Jamie05rhs I agree with you actually lol, but so then her only other option than is to be brutally honest with her friends that she does not want to date them. I am 100% with you Jamie05rhs. And I rather a woman be completely honest with me and tell me she doesn't want to date me instead of sugar coating it or being very indirect about it. It's like having a band-aid on a certain spot for week and forgetting to have peeled it off. And when you tear that ban-aid, it will actually hurt less if you pulled it off really fast instead of slowly. Either way its still gonna hurt either way when you peel off that band-aid.

[VIVANT]

But the issue is I have to get ahead of it which is awkward or wait it out bc there’s no way of knowing for sure — neither is ideal

[VIVANT]

I could just wear a t shirt 😂

[blondfrog]

Sure but when the time comes its better to be upfront about it. Just like a band-aid. Its less painful to pull it off fast than slowly. Pulling it off slowly is actually gonna cause even more pain.

[Jamie05rhs]

@blondfrog
"but so then her only other option then is to be brutally honest with her friends that she does not want to date them."
No; not really. It doesn't have to be either of two extremes. There is a middle ground. You can still be friends with someone without dating them.
("But do it a seldom amount.". This is the part that I was disagreeing with.)

[Jamie05rhs]

But @VIVANT I do understand your predicament.

[VIVANT]

I’m direct I just hate feeling poor I lead people on so by the time anyone says anything that’s how I feel

[Jamie05rhs]

But @blondfrog is right.

... UNLESS you friendzone them prematurely and then later change your mind. (JK, @VIVANT! LOL 😆 )

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT I would just be upfront regardless, then. I think that's the best policy. State your position on Day 1.

[blondfrog]

I thought she already was trying the middle ground position which is why I offered both sides of the extreme options to her.

[Jamie05rhs]

@blondfrog Hmm. 🤔

[Lliam]

I voted A. You don't have to mention it unless they ask you out or start telegraphing romantic interest.

[TonyMetal___86]

Never been in this situation, never had a real life female friend in my adulthood...

Selected "after a few weeks" 🙂

[VIVANT]

Really Tony? That surprised me. I think you’d be a great friend irl 💜

[TonyMetal___86]

Thanks skyscrapper girl, i know that i can 😌
Especially with giant ladies with tall legs reaching the sky 😂😂

[TonyMetal___86]

That's what mr mr and the bumble bee's have told me haha

[VIVANT]

😂 🤣✔️

[rachel776]

I don't really announce it I could meet a guy today and decide I would date him or I might go months without meeting someone I would date.

[TacosRAwesome]

When you send that there is a romantic interest.

[VIVANT]

That’s hothead thing, I’m not good at that. Im very literal direct and do not really flirt and I don’t assume it from others.. I’m always blind sided when they come out with it.

[MysticDevice]

I gotta be honest, its been a very long time since I've made any new friends lol 😅

[VIVANT]

😅😅😅 I’m to tally with strangers. I’m either 💯 silent or non stop talker

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I'd wait to they bring the story of dating up.

[RealMarek]

You don’t need to tell them until they ask you out or you are getting to know them very well on a personal level.

[KrakenAttackin]

By "new friends" you mean guys right? You should tell them right away. Th smart guys will politely disengage while the simps will orbit.

[VIVANT]

Hmm nope actually I’ve been more blind sided by women than men. Probably bc I’m not even anticipating it in the slightest with women- with men I try to be a bit more careful.

[WhitneySnow]

Pretty early on

[harry000300]

Aren't you dating anyone?

[WhitneySnow]

@harry000300 I am. Which is exactly why I let new friends know I’m taken pretty early on.

[harry000300]

Ohhh. Hows it going?

[WhitneySnow]

@harry000300 Great! Thanks for asking.

[harry000300]

Mind following or PM?

[WhitneySnow]

@harry000300 no thanks. Maybe some other time.

[Jamie05rhs]

That's a really great question.

[VIVANT]

🙏🏼

[SnowedIn]

@Lliam is exactly right.

[MementoMori777]

mention it at the start but casually

[humanearth]

Tell them right away and to the point

[strateguy632]

first date and more than friends.