Who should pay for the first date when going out?

[Anonymous]

Men

Women

Split the bill

[razelove]

Never pay for a first date. Split the bill, she pays, or better yet go somewhere that the "bill" can't go up or to you anyway.

Most first dates I've had consisted of coffee, art exhibits, bars (get your own tab, make it clear no one else can order on it), only one time have I done the walk in the park one, kayaking.

Most of them were to bars though, using cash before I had a credit card, and offer to take turns paying for rounds, if they disagree, just try to pick up another girl in the bar. Regardless of how she reacts, you walked in with a woman, now you have significantly increased your credibility to pick up other women, just flirt with someone else and disengage from her at the same time.

It's wrong if you're in a monogamous relationship, not at all if you're feeling each other out to date, and you won't get consideration if you don't throw down 30 or 40 bucks on someone you don't even know, figure you do that once a week, that's 120-160 a month wasted plus the time.

At our age if a woman is dating online, and she isn't a widow, the chances of her being traditional, or getting into a relationship are vanishingly small to begin with. If you're looking for love, go to Asia. If it's tail, why does your behavior matter? A woman who wants to sleep with you is going to ignore most red flags, one who doesn't will find any reason not to regardless of what front you put up.

[AviatorTom]

In all but one of my first dates, I asked her out so I paid the bill. In one case, she told me she wanted to pay her own way, so we split it.

As a general rule, if someone asks someone else out, the asker should pay, unless the two of them agree on something else.

[Lliam]

That's my attitude.

[exitseven]

Exactly

[Screenwriter]

So no one feels they're being "taken." Go somewhere that isn't expensive: coffeeshop. Breakfast place, place with lunch specials, walk in the park, a bike ride.

First dates should be cheap dates. If it turns out they're awful, no one's the worst for wear. The idea that a man needs to take a woman out to dinner is so last millennia.

And why should a man pay for a date like he's getting a prostitute? The entire statement: A man SHOULD PAY! LIke it's a punishmenet. It just seems all wrong to me.

If you're both adults and you both have jobs, there is no reason for one or the other to have to pay for one or the other. Unless you're in a longterm, exclusive relationship and you've worked out who should pay based on income or an agreement, do Dutch in the beginning. And if the man insists on paying, women, leave the tip at least...

[WanderingLoveWizard]

A man should pay because it's chivalrous. First impressions are important, and I want the girl to know I care more about her than the money and I'm capable of providing.
It has nothing to do with expecting sex, and the fact that so many people think that is exactly why chivalry is dead

[WanderingLoveWizard]

This kind of feminist horsehsit has ruined the dating world.

"A woman can pay her own way!"
Whi gives a fucking shit, that's not the point

[Screenwriter]

@WanderingLoveWizard No, it's not about sex, per se. And the qualities of chivalry are: courage, honor, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak. Nothing about paying for dinner. Women should have these same attributes.

However, you are on a first date. No need to impress a woman that you are capable of "providing," or you care more about "her than the money you're spending."

What is most important is to have a conversation, see where we agree and differ, have complementary senses of humor, interests. Finance issues aren't front and center until later. If the first date tanks, doesn't matter what kind of provider someone is. There'll be no second date, or anything else.

[Ms_Facesitter]

I hate this question... I will scroll down and probably find people who will say something along the lines of he needs to show me that he can provide for me etc.

Just split the bill. Don't be a poor or spoiled parasyte. Because that's what I think if you expect him to pay.
Split the bill, show him that you can also keep the financial stable if something happens. That you don't need to be fed, just like the parents feed their kids, you're grown up up. Show him that you don't need your hand held anymore.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Pay for what you ordered. I could only see the other pay if they invited you and/or it's crazy expensive the place they want to take you to. But if I can I will pay for my part.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Phew most seem to agree. Great!

[OlderAndWiser]

I have always been the one to ask for a date, I have always been able to afford to pay for dates, and I would never ask a lady to pay for anything on a date. I think some ladies are concerned that a guy who pays for a date thinks he is entitled to get sex in return, but I do not have that attitude and would feel insulted if a woman wanted to pay because she had that concern about me.

[coachTanthony]

Women of course. It's 2023 it's time they started picking up those checks.

[Miristheiss]

It depends on what type of girl you've got.

If she is traditional, believes in sex within marriage, dates with marriage as her goal, wants to get married young and have kids, if she works she is planning to give that up when she has a family and only work once they are in school, is comfortable relying on her man and leaning on him... he should be a traditional guy and court her and pay... etc.

If she is a career first, hook up culture, sleep around chick, everything is about her "empowerment", she just likes to drink and have fun, dating/sex is a sport/game, even though men have all of the important jobs (building every building, house, road on the planet, build and maintain the electrical power grid, build and maintain the water supply system, do all the plumbing, heat and air work, build all the servers, they harvest all the energy on the globe and transport it, they grow all the food on the globe to feed society), they think their little air conditioned office job at a computer is revolutionary and that is her major reason for existing... then he should not act traditional nor adhere to any traditional gender role. They should split the check. If she is not a traditional girl then he need not be a traditional guy.

[hahahmm]

If you're a traditional type guy you should not waste time dating non-traditional women. And you definitely don't pay for them. In today's world you can't know for sure what kind of woman you're dealing with without interacting with her some and 'reading' her. If she seems to possibly be traditional then you meet to get more intel but it's either split bill or just don't do a date that requires spending more than pocket change.

Let's say you're not traditional & she's not traditional, then I guess the person who brags the most about having money should pay 100% and the other one just does a dine and dash like a pirate. That's life.

[Kaamraj]

Women keep saying they want to split the bill but in all the dates I went to no woman has actually paid, some did make the half assed attempt to reach for their wallets but never opened the zipper to their bags to actually pull it out. Men should always pay, men should always lead. However by the third date if it isn't escalating then drop the interaction. And that's why the first date should always be cheap. If you take her to somewhere expensive then you are doing Simp behavior as she hasn't earned your resources yet.

[Fireguy17]

Yes to all 3.
The unwritten code is/was who asked who out, would pay the bill.
I always hated just providing a free meal for someone who had no intention in dating me.
Splitting the cheque pretty much takes the pressure off of ok she bought me dinner now I have to sleep with her and the race is on.
But not always.
I have had my fair share of those that we ended up undressing each other with our teeth.
It might be best to cover that subject at the beginning or when the date is made in order to prevent that awkward moment when the cheque arrives.

[musicbrain5]

Each should pay for themselves. Don’t even split the bill in half, just pay for what you ordered or bought. And if a man insists on paying the whole shot, the woman should at least offer to pay her share. It will show the guy that she’s not just in it for a free dinner.

[richardcory]

I would always offer to pay but be happy to split. If the other person offered to pay, I'd offer to split.

I don't think a date should be a demonstration of wealth, so it shouldn't make much difference.

[lightbulb27]

The government. They should pay us to mate and reproduce because it boosts their economy and ensures they have a military. It's in their best intrest to make the investment.

If not for all those damn government rules and regs on first dates... jeeesh.

The guy, it puts the woman in a weird position otherwise. But if you are taking out a Movie Star at $10,000 a plate, you might want to discuss up front.

[Steelcore5280]

In a society where women wanna be treated like men, then they should also be given the option to pay for the bill, like men traditionally used to do. Y'all don't get to have your cake and eat it, too, ladies.

Also, I don't trust what most of the women answering the question have to say. They probably said it just to save face.

[Kiran_Yagami]

Men should pay for the first date when going out. Conversely, the first date should be cheap. Coffee is best. If she manages to run up a $50 tab on coffee, you need to eject. For two people it should be less than $20. Risk no foodie calls, my kings. If she won't accept a coffee date, don't accept her.

[PositiveFlight]

I always pay the bill. Its just what a gentleman does. Just like he should open the door, help her with her jacket/coat, protect her from the road, keep her warm, and be kind/respectful of her. Always

[KetoJames]

Theoretically, split the bill. But if you're a well-off man, and you're asking a struggling single mom out, the man should insist on paying.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Whoever asked out the other person. First date or otherwise. If you ask me to the symphony then expect me to get the tickets you've utterly lost your mind and there won't be a follow up date.

[Billlewis]

I firmly believe that the guy should always pay for the date, whether it's the first date, second date or any other date, every time, no exceptions. I've often even paid for women's dates with other guys.

[DaisyM23]

split according to what each person had not exactly down the middle unless someone REALLY wants to pay

[virtualwasp]

im in two minds, one is who ever suggests it (not who ever asks the other out i mean who ever suggested the place) or take it in turns.

[blueonblack22]

Whoever asks for the date should pay.

I’ve had the horrible insane experience of twice having women ask me to go “hang out” and then expecting me to pay.

[Adam1978]

Who ever asked the person out or each pay for themselves. Ie not a split.

[Smiling_Baby21]

He stands no chance if I pay for my share of the bill honestly.

[Billlewis]

Now, this is the kind of woman I want to meet!