Who should pay for the first date when going out?

[Anonymous]

Men

Women

Split the bill

[razelove]

Never pay for a first date. Split the bill, she pays, or better yet go somewhere that the "bill" can't go up or to you anyway.

Most first dates I've had consisted of coffee, art exhibits, bars (get your own tab, make it clear no one else can order on it), only one time have I done the walk in the park one, kayaking.

Most of them were to bars though, using cash before I had a credit card, and offer to take turns paying for rounds, if they disagree, just try to pick up another girl in the bar. Regardless of how she reacts, you walked in with a woman, now you have significantly increased your credibility to pick up other women, just flirt with someone else and disengage from her at the same time.

It's wrong if you're in a monogamous relationship, not at all if you're feeling each other out to date, and you won't get consideration if you don't throw down 30 or 40 bucks on someone you don't even know, figure you do that once a week, that's 120-160 a month wasted plus the time.

At our age if a woman is dating online, and she isn't a widow, the chances of her being traditional, or getting into a relationship are vanishingly small to begin with. If you're looking for love, go to Asia. If it's tail, why does your behavior matter? A woman who wants to sleep with you is going to ignore most red flags, one who doesn't will find any reason not to regardless of what front you put up.

[AviatorTom]

In all but one of my first dates, I asked her out so I paid the bill. In one case, she told me she wanted to pay her own way, so we split it.

As a general rule, if someone asks someone else out, the asker should pay, unless the two of them agree on something else.

[Lliam]

That's my attitude.

[exitseven]

Exactly

[Screenwriter]

So no one feels they're being "taken." Go somewhere that isn't expensive: coffeeshop. Breakfast place, place with lunch specials, walk in the park, a bike ride.

First dates should be cheap dates. If it turns out they're awful, no one's the worst for wear. The idea that a man needs to take a woman out to dinner is so last millennia.

And why should a man pay for a date like he's getting a prostitute? The entire statement: A man SHOULD PAY! LIke it's a punishmenet. It just seems all wrong to me.

If you're both adults and you both have jobs, there is no reason for one or the other to have to pay for one or the other. Unless you're in a longterm, exclusive relationship and you've worked out who should pay based on income or an agreement, do Dutch in the beginning. And if the man insists on paying, women, leave the tip at least...

[WanderingLoveWizard]

A man should pay because it's chivalrous. First impressions are important, and I want the girl to know I care more about her than the money and I'm capable of providing.
It has nothing to do with expecting sex, and the fact that so many people think that is exactly why chivalry is dead

[WanderingLoveWizard]

This kind of feminist horsehsit has ruined the dating world.

"A woman can pay her own way!"
Whi gives a fucking shit, that's not the point

[Screenwriter]

@WanderingLoveWizard No, it's not about sex, per se. And the qualities of chivalry are: courage, honor, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak. Nothing about paying for dinner. Women should have these same attributes.

However, you are on a first date. No need to impress a woman that you are capable of "providing," or you care more about "her than the money you're spending."

What is most important is to have a conversation, see where we agree and differ, have complementary senses of humor, interests. Finance issues aren't front and center until later. If the first date tanks, doesn't matter what kind of provider someone is. There'll be no second date, or anything else.

[Ms_Facesitter]

I hate this question... I will scroll down and probably find people who will say something along the lines of he needs to show me that he can provide for me etc.

Just split the bill. Don't be a poor or spoiled parasyte. Because that's what I think if you expect him to pay.
Split the bill, show him that you can also keep the financial stable if something happens. That you don't need to be fed, just like the parents feed their kids, you're grown up up. Show him that you don't need your hand held anymore.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Pay for what you ordered. I could only see the other pay if they invited you and/or it's crazy expensive the place they want to take you to. But if I can I will pay for my part.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Phew most seem to agree. Great!

[OlderAndWiser]

I have always been the one to ask for a date, I have always been able to afford to pay for dates, and I would never ask a lady to pay for anything on a date. I think some ladies are concerned that a guy who pays for a date thinks he is entitled to get sex in return, but I do not have that attitude and would feel insulted if a woman wanted to pay because she had that concern about me.

[coachTanthony]

Women of course. It's 2023 it's time they started picking up those checks.

[Miristheiss]

It depends on what type of girl you've got.

If she is traditional, believes in sex within marriage, dates with marriage as her goal, wants to get married young and have kids, if she works she is planning to give that up when she has a family and only work once they are in school, is comfortable relying on her man and leaning on him... he should be a traditional guy and court her and pay... etc.

If she is a career first, hook up culture, sleep around chick, everything is about her "empowerment", she just likes to drink and have fun, dating/sex is a sport/game, even though men have all of the important jobs (building every building, house, road on the planet, build and maintain the electrical power grid, build and maintain the water supply system, do all the plumbing, heat and air work, build all the servers, they harvest all the energy on the globe and transport it, they grow all the food on the globe to feed society), they think their little air conditioned office job at a computer is revolutionary and that is her major reason for existing... then he should not act traditional nor adhere to any traditional gender role. They should split the check. If she is not a traditional girl then he need not be a traditional guy.

[hahahmm]

If you're a traditional type guy you should not waste time dating non-traditional women. And you definitely don't pay for them. In today's world you can't know for sure what kind of woman you're dealing with without interacting with her some and 'reading' her. If she seems to possibly be traditional then you meet to get more intel but it's either split bill or just don't do a date that requires spending more than pocket change.

Let's say you're not traditional & she's not traditional, then I guess the person who brags the most about having money should pay 100% and the other one just does a dine and dash like a pirate. That's life.

[Kaamraj]

Women keep saying they want to split the bill but in all the dates I went to no woman has actually paid, some did make the half assed attempt to reach for their wallets but never opened the zipper to their bags to actually pull it out. Men should always pay, men should always lead. However by the third date if it isn't escalating then drop the interaction. And that's why the first date should always be cheap. If you take her to somewhere expensive then you are doing Simp behavior as she hasn't earned your resources yet.

[Fireguy17]

Yes to all 3.
The unwritten code is/was who asked who out, would pay the bill.
I always hated just providing a free meal for someone who had no intention in dating me.
Splitting the cheque pretty much takes the pressure off of ok she bought me dinner now I have to sleep with her and the race is on.
But not always.
I have had my fair share of those that we ended up undressing each other with our teeth.
It might be best to cover that subject at the beginning or when the date is made in order to prevent that awkward moment when the cheque arrives.

[musicbrain5]

Each should pay for themselves. Don’t even split the bill in half, just pay for what you ordered or bought. And if a man insists on paying the whole shot, the woman should at least offer to pay her share. It will show the guy that she’s not just in it for a free dinner.

[richardcory]

I would always offer to pay but be happy to split. If the other person offered to pay, I'd offer to split.

I don't think a date should be a demonstration of wealth, so it shouldn't make much difference.

[lightbulb27]

The government. They should pay us to mate and reproduce because it boosts their economy and ensures they have a military. It's in their best intrest to make the investment.

If not for all those damn government rules and regs on first dates... jeeesh.

The guy, it puts the woman in a weird position otherwise. But if you are taking out a Movie Star at $10,000 a plate, you might want to discuss up front.

[Kiran_Yagami]

Men should pay for the first date when going out. Conversely, the first date should be cheap. Coffee is best. If she manages to run up a $50 tab on coffee, you need to eject. For two people it should be less than $20. Risk no foodie calls, my kings. If she won't accept a coffee date, don't accept her.

[PositiveFlight]

I always pay the bill. Its just what a gentleman does. Just like he should open the door, help her with her jacket/coat, protect her from the road, keep her warm, and be kind/respectful of her. Always

[Steelcore5280]

In a society where women wanna be treated like men, then they should also be given the option to pay for the bill, like men traditionally used to do. Y'all don't get to have your cake and eat it, too, ladies.

Also, I don't trust what most of the women answering the question have to say. They probably said it just to save face.

[KetoJames]

Theoretically, split the bill. But if you're a well-off man, and you're asking a struggling single mom out, the man should insist on paying.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Whoever asked out the other person. First date or otherwise. If you ask me to the symphony then expect me to get the tickets you've utterly lost your mind and there won't be a follow up date.

[Billlewis]

I firmly believe that the guy should always pay for the date, whether it's the first date, second date or any other date, every time, no exceptions. I've often even paid for women's dates with other guys.

[DaisyM23]

split according to what each person had not exactly down the middle unless someone REALLY wants to pay

[virtualwasp]

im in two minds, one is who ever suggests it (not who ever asks the other out i mean who ever suggested the place) or take it in turns.

[Nikki1989]

Usually it is whoever does the asking.

[BrookeAZ90]

Always split for me so nobody thinks they're entitled to anything after.

[loveslongnails]

I hear this from women all the time, so with all due respect, allow me to explain why I think this is a logical fallacy. First for definition: a logical fallacy is a premise that appears sound and reasonable, but it basically flawed. Any argument built on that premise will be equally flawed.

Your premise, I presume, is that "men who pay for a date might have an expectation to be entitled to "sex. By paying for my share of the date, it vacates this possible expectation in the mind of the man". That premise - is invalid and here's why. You presume there are 3 types of men for this example:
1) A man who expects sexual favors or other entitlements IF he pays for a date
2) A man who expects nothing if he pays for the date
3) A man who "would have expected something if he paid, but no longer would if you paid half OR all of it

But there is a 4th kind: The man who expects something no matter WHAT happens or who pays, and in reality, that man and man #3 are the same man. That man will not be deterred by a woman paying her share, but will only think "ok, cool you saved me some money, how about my entitlement anyway?"

So to be clear, paying for your own share is something a woman might do to make make herself feel better, but unless you've chosen a man who is TRULY guy #2, it really has NO effect on his thinking. It's all for your own peace of mind, but it won't alter his thought process one bit if he's the wrong guy to start out with.

[BrookeAZ90]

First, thank you for talking to me like I'm stupid by defining basic vocabulary for me. Second, yes, I am aware that it might not change someone's expectation, but it changes whether or not someone uses that argument to try and convince me I "owe" them something. I had a guy early on before I learned not let the guy pay tell me I "owe some head" for him taking me out. There is at least some logic rooted in the argument that paying makes it such that I owe something in return, even if I wouldn't let that convince me. That discussion went on for several minutes with it all coming back to 'but you owe me' which some guys view as irrefutable. After splitting every first date since, I've never had a guy attempt to use that as an argument. They've asked and wanted it but there is no longer any logic-based argument that I "owe" them anything and the request being rejected has gone much smoother any time it came up since. There's never been a forceful attempt to persuade me by holding that over my head. It has fundamentally changed the way the guy broaches the subject and that makes a big difference. Maybe that's just luck, but if it's working, I'll stick with it. If you'd like to quibble with my initial answer by taking it in the most literal way possible based on the fact that some might feel entitled either way, then allow me to phrase my answer as "Always split so they don't have any logic-based argument why they're entitled to something and so it's easier for them to accept a no".

[loveslongnails]

I wasn't talking to you as if you were stupid, but I see you interpreted it that way. I chose to be specific about defining my terms so there'd be nothing left to chance. If that experience works for you, great, but I'd wager (and there's no way of really knowing), that you had chosen wisely and those guys were #2's to begin with.

This here " "Always split so they don't have any logic-based argument why they're entitled to something" ... only exemplifies my point. There was NEVER a logic-base to begin with! There's zero "logic" to the idea that "I paid, therefore you owe me sex". That, in and of itself, is another great example of a "logical fallacy" in the mind of the man who thinks that way.

I don't believe in luck, so I think you're probably better at picking the #2 guys than you give yourself credit for. Happy hunting.

[blueonblack22]

Whoever asks for the date should pay.

I’ve had the horrible insane experience of twice having women ask me to go “hang out” and then expecting me to pay.

[Adam1978]

Who ever asked the person out or each pay for themselves. Ie not a split.

[Smiling_Baby21]

He stands no chance if I pay for my share of the bill honestly.

[Billlewis]

Now, this is the kind of woman I want to meet!

[Kevininja363]

Whoever asks for the date. But typically since the man asks the man should pay.

[silvermoon84]

I prefer to split the bill but if it has to be one or the other, whoever does the asking out should pay

[Kabluie]

I'll side on me paying first most of the time. It's not because of being monetarily secure. But also if I go out on a date during a business trip, the meal cost is reimbursable :)

[strateguy632]

in my culture men pay even first and later. if she insists to pay then i would say "if you want" kuz series hannah montana had a story about that

[delilahlovesyou]

Whoever initiates the date pays. But, it would be gentlemanly of the guy to offer to pay, if we’re going off of traditional values.

[DizzyDesii]

Everyone should pay for themselves. If you can't afford the date then dont date

[yulbsari]

So, what should people without money do?

[DizzyDesii]

@yulbsari as i said above, if they can't afford the date, they shouldn't go out on dates

[yulbsari]

Wow... sounds harsh! So, only people with money are allowed to date?

[DizzyDesii]

@yulbsari there are “free” backyard dates that people can set up. But im specifically saying that if you’re looking to go out, its unfair to expect someone to cover your fees. So people shouldn't go out on dates unless they can afford it themselves

[MizzArtFreak89]

I say that the one who asks to go out should pay for the date I guess. Also if that person doesn't have enough then, they can split the bill and pitch in or pay for their own food.

[XXblack88]

split the bill or take turns. If a guy instead on paying for the date, it's not like I didn't offer.

[MoonlightShadow1111]

If you're taking me out, you're paying. If I'm taking you out, I'm paying.

[Anpu23]

The person who asked the other out. If the guy asks he should expect to cover the bill, and visa versa.

[provokeesmokee]

Unless I am really liking the person, we go dutch.

Otherwise, it's first to the bill.

[reds-noro]

I'm Dutch and, unless it is clear who will pay beforehand, going Dutch is the way to go.

[Berethor]

Each one should pay for himself, maybe unless one of them is very poor and unable to pay.

[slatyb]

I typically do just because I can easily afford to.

[BlackJeep]

Guys should ask out and pay. I would never make a dinner date a first date. Coffee dates only for a first date.

[AutisticLonelyWoman]

I heard men do but I think the one that asks out the person should pay for the date. Or at least split the bill.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Men should pay for the first date.

[Kreneman]

The Man because that is one the meanings of being a Gentleman.

[iron_ninjs]

As Curtis Jackson once said: " Who's idea it was to go on a date".

[HippieVeganJewslim]

Whoever invites the partner. Usually, the man pays, but it’d be cruel for a woman to ask a man out and expect him to pay everything.

[Sharkstealth]

I don't know. I'm kinda old fashioned but legit if we were saying equal rights then there should be equality.

[clampfan101]

I think the man should ask the woman what she would prefer. Like “Shall I pay, or do you want to split it?”.

[Lauliss]

Men. But that's the traditional mindset, which is mine.

[Unit1]

Split the bill, keep it simple with no hard feelings.

[Anonymous]

men. truly don't care what you say, but first dates are important.

[Sasha0426]

I say always split or pay for yourselves to save you both complications later.

[LiamJHayden]

The asker. Or if agreed beforehand, each pays for what he or she ordered.

[Sparkie460]

The guy should always pay. It's the respectful thing to do

[JesseP1nk]

I consider myself traditional. So when we go out with a girl - i pay.

[jacob33131]

I’m old fashioned, I guess. I think men should pay for a date.

[shades777]

depends bro, you dont mind have at it but be realistic,

[OddBeMe]

Chivalry will continue. But Emily post would say whomever asks should pay.

[exitseven]

It is the one who extends the invitation.

[DawnCoyote]

If the man volunteers to pay it that is fine. Same vise versa. but to save an argument split it.

[Apulu_Imback]

The one who asked for the date.

[California_Poppy]

Man for sure, but I'd be willing to split.

[spartan55]

Whomever asks for the date pays for the date.

[mandyfire98]

Always split the bill