Who should pay for the first date?

[Mathildebuxton]

What do you think? Or maybe you have some interesting story to share

A girl

A boy

50/50

[zeitgeist057]

It all depends on the situation. I've done all three, had someone invite me and they paid, I've paid, and I've split it.

Generally, whoever does the inviting/choosing the place does the paying, which is often the male. But even in those scenarios there is some leeway and a discussion can happen on if the bill will be shared or if one person wants to cover both parties.

This is not a new question (no offense, asker), but it is now coming into a new era of women's independence and empowerment, so often begets the question "so how much equality do you REALLY want?" when it comes to these more traditional approaches to what could easily be seen as disempowerment, misogyny, or some other form of men (possibly unintentionally) "keeping women down". There are lots of different viewpoints out there, and it's quite possible you could have a woman who interprets her date offering to split the bill as "cheap and rude", while he views himself as "empowering and communicative". You can also have men who view women who expect them to pay as "entitled and manipulative", while the woman sees herself as "having self respect and standards".

This is the beauty of a first date, you get to learn so much about the person sitting across from you! On an ideal date, two people splitting the bill are on the same page and develop new admiration and respect for each other, and also another couple where the man offers to pay, the same thing happens! :) <3

They agree!

If you leave the date feeling used or disrespected, or like you weren't treated well, then there's your first clue to move on to another prospect.

[OlderAndWiser]

For my generation, the guy always pays for the date. It's simple and there are never any arguments or misunderstandings. And I don't mind; I can afford it.

[VanillaSalt]

I can afford it too dont mean ima dip out cash for just any woman.

[OlderAndWiser]

@VanillaSalt Me, either. I am selective about the women I ask for a first date.

[VanillaSalt]

I’m not selective about who I date just who I commit to… can’t be selective if ya don’t know em.

[OlderAndWiser]

@VanillaSalt You can get to know them through a few conversations, then be selective on the basis of what you know. Of course there are some bad decisions along the way; those are the experiences that teach you.

[Jabberjaw]

You can do that.

You're also being wasteful with time which I'd argue is worse than being wasteful with money even if you have excess. The "I spend it because I got it" isn't really an argument.

It's a fallacious justification for a behavior you do exclusively because of tradition and part of your identity/sense of value is tied to your ability to provide.

If you draw your sense of value from within, and just assume you are enough... the idea that "well I pay because I got it" really just comes across as you don't actually believe you're enough.

Her time is more valuable than yours in your mind, because it's not an equal exchange from your perspective. So you compensate the time value difference by paying for hers.

If you honestly take a look at it. That's fundamentally what it is. You don't see yourself as having inherent value. And that's just not how I get down.

Personally I spend on my girl because she's my girl. I love her. But before she was my girl just like any girl she paid for herself because my time is enough. I am enough. And any girl of substance will be down with that.

Never have I had an issue with girls and me not paying for them, several have even went out of their way to pay for me, which I returned the favor. Because that's her indicating to me she values me and my time.

Bigger lesson. Don't deal with girls who are unwilling to invest their resources in you as a man.

[Jabberjaw]

I'm not saying paying for a girl is wrong. What I am saying making the case that a man should in 2022 is dated and has no logical basis outside of Tradition or a fundamental belief that women are on a pedestal above you as a man. Which to me is flawed

[OlderAndWiser]

@Jabberjaw It's not that important and I don't care what younger people think about how my generation conducts relationships. We aren't the ones who are afraid to call and actually talk to a girl; your generation (but not all of them) is so cowardly that they send a text to ask for a date because the will melt if they get rejected, and they break up by sending a text because they are afraid to do it in person.

The "new way" of doing things is not always better.

[Jabberjaw]

Shifting the topic from why you do what you do and the logical justification for it, to broad generational outlook doesn't change the fact that you're doing it because of tradition and sense of identity not because it's actually important in any real way

A man cannot honestly believe that he has inherent value and at the same time believe that it's his duty to pay for a girl's time. You just don't value your time as much as you value her time if you believe that

At the end of the day you don't value your time as much as you value her time if you truly believe it's your duty to pay. She has more inherent value in your eyes 🤷‍♂️

I believe men and women have equal value, and that my time is enough. Most guys irrespective of their generation would benefit from that realization. That's part of what vanilla salt was getting at.

When a girl is your girl, then yes but the money on her. Because she's your girl and you love her. But before that point you don't owe her anything. You might offer a kindness to pay, but it's not your duty to do so

[Jabberjaw]

Sidenote: generational remarks is not an argument and is a common mistake of older Generations.

It warrants an "Okay Boomer" response to disregard your point because really it's not a logical point

[OlderAndWiser]

@Jabberjaw You have OD'd on Psychology Today.

[Jabberjaw]

Never read it a day in my life. Just critical thought and basic understanding of fallacious arguments. You can't logically support your position 🤷‍♂️

[Jabberjaw]

Nice try though

[OlderAndWiser]

@Jabberjaw Okay, you're brilliant! You saw right through me! If only I could have been that brilliant at the age of 30. Goodbye. (Yes, that was sarcasm, except for the goodbye.)

[Jabberjaw]

Weak minds usually resort to sarcasm. All good.

Still can't support your stance with logic 🤷‍♂️ lol

[OlderAndWiser]

@Jabberjaw And I'll bet you're one of those guys who thinks that having the last word is a tactical coup!

[anon1903]

The one that asked the other out.

PS. Women can also ask guys out. There are a few, and they do! There are also women who do 50/50, which doesn't seem fair to me as there's always a good chance the other person ordered something twice your price of dish.

[IveGotNoName]

Either 50/50 or the one who invited the other person out. Me and my boyfriend usually split, but since he has a full time job and lives with his parents and I'm a full time student and live on my own, sometimes he pays.

[Whatever2929292]

You aren't entitled to a free date those on here. If all you are looking for is a free date then go look for a sugar daddy. Not some dude trying to make ends meet paycheck to paycheck.

Same to you men if you can find a sugarmama then go do that. If that is all you care about.

Go work for your money. Paying for a date is a VERY nice thing to do please don't get me wrong. But especially when someone does not appreciate it or orders expensive stuff just expecting someone else to pay for it. Then you aren't worth being with. SORRY.

You are a narcissist if you think that you can expect someone to give all of themselves and give nothing in return

[faithgrace4u]

The guy, keep it traditional if the girl says she wants to pay for it let her you don't one to seem selfish and make her pay for it but you also don't know if she wants you to pay for it so maybe give hints

[Whatever2929292]

You aren't entitled to a free meal or whatever it is. Neither is he for that matter. Why don't you at least pay your half? Even if you want a guy who pays and this is your standard on a first date you still at the end of the day or night aren't entitled to something free. If you aren't wanting to be with him after that point that is another issue.

If you order a meal and then aren't paying. It won't be him who gets arrested. It will be you. Only saying... But then you call him selfish... When you are the one wanting something free.

Do not get me wrong that is a very nice thing to do. If you are thankful for someone paying then fine. But if you aren't even thankful or greatful when someone does it I think you might be the self centered on.

A relationship only really works if both people are giving 50/50 not if you expect someone to do everything and get nothing in return or vice versa

[Whatever2929292]

If you would not want a guy trying to get a free meal out of you then... don't do it back

[faithgrace4u]

I am saying is it would be nice to have a guy pay for it but of course I would be fine paying my half and i'd may be pay for the guy once in a while I can see where you are going. i think women just want to feel cared for you shouldn't feel uncared for on a date

[Whatever2929292]

Yea I understand that women want to feel cared for... But men do too. All that I am saying is that people aren't entitled to a free meal or whatever. Especially some women who either ask men out or hint that she wants asked out on a date and then does not even want to pay her half.

I do see your point though. But don't men too? One sided relationships suck when you get nothing in return. Even traditionally men and women both had roles to play. NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THIS.

But there are some women who are like that. There are some women who even get offended when a man pays (getting angry when someone is being nice) and then women who think they are entitled.

Some women think that the man should put all the effort in and get nothing in return. There are plenty of men like this too don't get me wrong

[faithgrace4u]

@Whatever2929292 I think you can do whatever makes you and your partner more comfortable

[Whatever2929292]

Pretty much once I figure out a woman is entitled and does not even apricate something nice I move on pretty fast. There are two extremes one is she feels entitled for me to pay and the other is she gets offended by doing something nice.

Either way people like that aren't worth my time and men who are like that frankly aren't either. There are men like that too where a woman tries to do something nice like that and he gets mad at her. It is paretic really to get angry at someone for trying to be nice doing something they did not have to do.

Overall most people aren't like that. I don't go to bars and nightclubs and even if I do I am not really picking a woman from one of them. Not that good women aren't there... Just not the best really

[BCA6010]

First dates generally aren't elaborate, and I have no problem paying for them. It's not uncommon for some women to insist on splitting the bill though, in which case I'll typically accept.

[MCheetah]

Go Dutch (pay for what you ordered or split 50/50) or don't waste my time, cause I ain't anyone's Sugar Daddy.

[TommyMountainFigure]

That depends on the two people concerned. I will always pick up the cheque, but if she insists I'll just say OK then.

[MTC29]

Whoever made the invitation pays. If the other party wants to split the check, that is fine.

[DaisyM23]

pay for what you eat/drink unless the other person insists

[TheUniqueOne96]

50/50 or pay for your own, as it's not always the same thing.

[UniquelyBasic]

If the woman asks me then she should pay and if I ask her out then she should still pay. 😜😜

[RebeccaBITex2000]

I pay for my own meal, so they do not expect anything

[bamesjond0069]

Depends. If she is a working woman she needs to pay. If she's unemployed then he should pay.

[LimitedBenefits101]

women " i'm independent " women also " he should pay for the date" confused creatures

[dustybiker]

Yet currently more men said B.

[LimitedBenefits101]

couldn't care less what men on gag said it doesn't change the fact that women scream " i'm independent"

[dustybiker]

*sigh* failed test. Moving on.

[LimitedBenefits101]

Spoke like a true feminist when truth is revealed

[dustybiker]

I thought you would be more interesting.

[LimitedBenefits101]

says every feminist

[dustybiker]

Disappointing.

[LimitedBenefits101]

yes a feminist is indeed very disappointing human being.

[dustybiker]

Such high hopes.

[LimitedBenefits101]

no hopes for feminist.

[dustybiker]

It must be horrible being that miserable. lol

[LimitedBenefits101]

indeed being a feminist is very miserable.

[dustybiker]

You’re a feminist? Huh.

[LimitedBenefits101]

that's what you are.

[dustybiker]

That’s just what you call everyone.

[LimitedBenefits101]

everyone can't be same thing

dont be ashamed.

[dustybiker]

Might want to look up the definition. It’ll get embarrassing for you at some point.

[LimitedBenefits101]

embarrassment is being a feminist

[Chiarac2003]

Whoever asked the other out…. In theory anyway. 🎀

[dustybiker]

If I asked them I offered to pay.

[saffoler]

The person who asked.

[Whatever2929292]

As harsh as I was in my answer I can see this

[sheikalana]

Whoever invites should pay.

[exitseven]

whoever did the inviting.

[TenkRealist]

Whoever asks the other out.

[KatherineJ]

The person doing the asking.

[zagor]

Bill Gates. He owes me.