Who should pay for the first date?

[chele_bell]

[rigmarole]

Do something free. Then money isn't a deciding factor if you want to see them again. Nobody has to pay for anything and nobody feels like they owe anyone anything. For example say you play racquetball as a normal hobby... You probably already have a couple of rackets and balls. You just have to show up to a location and share your hobby with them. You get to check out each other's body, you stand around on a court and talk to each other, you get to be a little competitive, do a little exercise and work up a sweat... They learn something about your lifestyle while having a long conversation. Nobody has to spend a penny. If you like their personality and body then maybe you meet up again.

[chele_bell]

And you would get to know if they can be pleasant without material gain

[rigmarole]

If material gain is ever a consideration in if you like someone, then you are just selling your body. If that is your intention, you should be upfront about it.

[chele_bell]

I agree

[sawno]

In current society thats to complex to just answer. So many factors, who currently earns more of the two? Who asked who? How'd the date go? Etc.

Lets say there is a girl who I know earns a similar salary and during the date she was awful. Why would I pay for her?

Meanwhile if I can easily pay and she was amazing i'd probably want to treat her. But in modern society not everyone is in that boat now women have high paying jobs to. So I think the expectation of it always being the guy is outdated. It very much depends on who wishes to be the provider in the relationship and if they actually want to continue to begin with.

[chele_bell]

It’s tricky nowadays isn’t it haha

[Moirine]

When my partner and I went out on our first date he offered to pay for my Uber and I kindly declined the offer and he kept asking months leading to that day, still declined. He offered to pay for my food and I declined the offer the same way I declined the first one but when we got to the restaurant he was adamant about it and said its a gentleman thing to do 🤷‍♀, I asked for his bank account details so that I can send him half the money he used but he said we'll split the bill next time. I think it depends on the person, some people don't mind covering everything everytime.

Some do 50/50 and some don't (the man pays everything every time and they don't mind it.)

[Cheerfull009]

Wow, you really love your partner without any material gain, very few women like you, surely, your relationship with go longer as you have passion of sacrifice, otherwise girls never like to spend a penny for the boy

[petitedollbabee]

Both of you. I believe in splitting bills for any date, or at least covering your own bill. That way no one feels obligated to anything and if the date doesn’t work out, one of you hasn’t lost lots of money by covering both bills.

[DaveJord]

If the guy is smart you can do things other than dinner at low cost. But if you are one of these people that wants to be wined and dined... then do not get pissed about the expectations that comes with that.

[chele_bell]

That’s fair

[OlderAndWiser]

I have always paid for everything on every date, except when an established girlfriend took me out for my birthday.

[chele_bell]

That’s very kind of you

[Tharithi]

U sound like an actual man

[OlderAndWiser]

I can’t imagine doing it any other way.

[NathanDavis]

I will... if she wants to split, that's fine...

if it is her idea, and she wants to pay... I'll suggest to split or for me to pay, if she still wants to pay for it all... I have not issue with that, I've done it before

one thing I won't do is to fixate over money or spending... never have, lol

[RavVid]

In the past I have said I would pay for the first date. Aside from inviting I have also chosen the venue which is the principal determinant of the bill. I am also aware that I have a high income and that my disposable $'s are not necessarily her disposable $'s.

Most men will not care about what she earns. I am quite happy if she is a broke waitress because I am looking for other essential qualities in her. The feminine virtues in short.

I did say in the past. If she doesn't bring femininity to the cafe table then I will now be inclined to fall back to splitting the bill.

Sadly some girls don't have enough femininity to accept the gentlemanly gesture of pulling the chair out to seat her. That has become something of the first acid test for me.

[chele_bell]

Yes let’s praise femininity, I want a guy who is willing to hold doors open for me and who appreciates me for my feminine qualities. I love your stance!

[RavVid]

It is the courtesy of it all. That is a major social lubricant between guys and gals.

I happened to looking after a 5 yo boy one day. He'd been good so I thought I would take him down the street to buy some candy. At the shop he just wanted to run in but I stopped him as there was a woman about to enter and said let the lady go first.

The woman was great - she gave him a big smile and said thank you to him. I saw a light bulb come on in his mind - he found that experience rewarding.

Hope you have a guy who holds the doors and appreciates your femininity. Cheers.

[TonyMetal___86]

Usually the one who asked for the date...
In my case, i'll always pay because i'll only date a girl whom i want a serious relationship with and if everything works well than i'm going to marry her and she will become a devoted housewife so in my book the man pays to feed his girl!

[chele_bell]

Love that!!!

[TonyMetal___86]

Thanks 😌

[Honest-Matt]

I will always pay for the first date. If it were something expensive or elaborate and her idea, she can pay. Her expecting to be paid for when it was her idea to do something expensive is a big red flag. But otherwise, a normal wholesome date, I'll pay every time.

[chele_bell]

I can see why you wouldn’t want to spend a lot of money on a first date if she planned something super expensive

[zennia_54]

He always pay he never let me pay even once.

[chele_bell]

How sweet!

[_piotr]

How awful. Be decent human and pay at least for once. Do not treat men as inferior.

[zennia_54]

@_piotr That's non of your business As i said he does not let me pay. I am not a gold digger.

[_piotr]

It is my business, because this thinking leads to the conclusion that men are inferior sex as a whole. I, being a man, fight with that.

[chele_bell]

@_piotr it is their relationship. She said nothing about believing men are “inferior” and it was her man’s choice to pay for everything. If you don’t agree with it for your own relationship that is okay but I see nothing wrong with it if both parties agree. Also she seems appreciative if anything. I would never view a man as inferior for paying for me, in fact, it would only make me think higher of him. Grow up and let women have their own opinions on relationships. You can have your opinion without being rude and insulting.

[_piotr]

So "grow up" and let me have my own opinion on that. The so called "chivalry" is degrading men to the role of a butler or a servant. Also I was not rude or insulting anywhere in my posts. I just stated what I think about that matter and why I do thing this is wrong. For me it is awful. Note that things like paying for someone should come from free will, not from a compulsory rules put on men.

[_piotr]

How do you know he internally agree to this injustice? Perhaps he agrees because he is brainwashed, by propaganda, that men should worship women, pay for her, open door for her and finally die for her.

[chele_bell]

You sound bitter and frustrated. Im sorry if you have had bad experiences but not every girl wants to degrade her man to become a servant, that is an extreme perspective on paying for dates. If anyone is “serving” in a relationship where a man is paying, I should think it would be the girl because the man is the one who is financially responsible for the woman and is providing. You are entitled to your own perspective, but be polite and understand that not every woman has an anterior motive when expecting a guy to pay, they just appreciate it.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

I believe in paying, but I'm curious to know why it's automatically assumed it's the guy's DUTY to do so since the 2 individuals are both adults and presumably want to both get to know each other. It seems like a mutual thing.

[chele_bell]

I agree for most dating today. It should not be assumed that it is a guys responsibility to pay if both individuals stress for equality in the relationship. However, when it comes to traditional relationships where the women and men want to provide different roles, I believe the man should pay. Assuming the woman is doing her part in the relationship as well.

[chele_bell]

But there is a lot of hypocrisy currently where other girls I know say they want to be treated equal in a relationship but refuse to pay even when they have the money to do so.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

@chele_bell i agree with you.

[BarryLiverstone]

Chele_bell I agree. If they want to be traditional the guy should pay. Also the girl has other expenses he doesn’t have

[ImalwaysrightOK]

@BarryLiverstone this is stupid too. Makeup and clothes are part of her grooming and attire every bit as much as the guy having to pay for gym membership, his clothes, his grooming supplies and the other preparation for the date. It doesn't count as an extra contribution to have to buy makeup.

[BarryLiverstone]

Dude please show me when I said makeup.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

@BarryLiverstone I admit I thought that's where you were going, ok then what are these "other expenses"

[BarryLiverstone]

One of them is birth control. While some guys pay for condoms, she must bear the monthly cost of BC. Other feminine hygiene products are costs that men don’t need to worry about

[Astarlessnightsky]

Doesn't matter, just talk about it before ordering.

[JacobJordan]

Whoever asks. I asked my wife out I paid. I asked her out for a second date I paid. She asked me for a third she paid. You get the idea

[Bad_milk]

I feel the guy should and if she offers to split or pay the tip, she can do so.

[Billlewis]

The guy pays, always, and if she has additional dates scheduled with other guys, hopefully she'll let me pay for them, as well.

[abc3643]

The person who asked out the other.

This should be obvious. This question is like asking "Is the Pope Catholic?"

[clampfan101]

If not split in some way, perhaps whoever suggested the place they went to.

[collie22]

I think who ever dose the asking out is offering to pay.

[IslaTheWitch]

I would split. I don't want any obligations after a few first dates.

[andylakes09]

The guy should definitely offer to pay at least! Depends if the girl is happy for him to pay!

[Luckycharms12]

The guy first date. After that can split it. Or take turns paying

[exitseven]

The person that extended the invitation.

[chele_bell]

Makes sense

[BarryLiverstone]

First date the guy pays. There are legit reasons. After that for more dates both can contribute

[ImalwaysrightOK]

I would love to hear some of these legit reasons.. last time I checked it's 2 adults wanting to share each other's company. Don't get me wrong, I'm traditional and believe in paying for dates, but you make it sound as if it's a man's obligation because he has a penis.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes it’s the guys opportunity for sure. As you are traditional, can you guess some of the reasons why he should lead planning and paying for date #1?

[ImalwaysrightOK]

@BarryLiverstone i just asked what reasons? You didn't give any. Just because she has a vagina? In today's world, both work, both are expected to be involved in HH chores and family responsibilities, yet men MUST pay for first dates? I choose to because it makes ME feel good, makes me feel better as a man, but if I thought she thought it was my obligation and didn't show common desire or interest, I'd get up and walk away.

[BarryLiverstone]

He we go, and I said this before on gag.

I am old school. I believe there is a leader and a follower in all relationships. While that dynamic can change when talking about a first date and getting to that point I believe the guy takes the lead. Here are the reasons:

- as you said. It makes the guy feel good to work hard and be able to spend money on a nice date. Taking her out and having an experience. Buying a meal or concert tickets.. but moreso being protective on the date

- girls want to feel safe and secure. If the guy is wishywashy about making plans or wants to split the check that’s telling her that he isn’t confident and might even be cheap. Spending $150 on a date (adding up all expenses) or more isn’t a huge amount and if he’s unwilling to pay she knows he’s not that serious about a long term relationship. Again she wants to feel secure and if he’s not even sure of a plan she is left feeling on guard.

— the first date is an audition. And she will pay attention to the small things. Does he open the door for her? Does he walk between the road and her. Does he use his manners with the staff at the restaurant or park? As much as he’s watching for her to be well behaved she’s wanting to see how he will act as it tells her 6 months down the road what to expect. If he wants to let her pay and he wants her to plan that first date; he’s saying she will need to provide in their relationship.

— the chase. While things are slowly changing, girls still want the guys to step up and pursue them. They want to see his effort in remembering what ice cream flavor she told him she likes so know he was into her. She wants him to take her hand leaving the restaurant in a crowded room as he’s leading her out. Yes he’s got a penis but some trad male roles are not out of style.

What you said I agree with once a committed relationship is formed. Both partners can work and both can share HH responsibilities and both can plan dates. I was merely saying

[BarryLiverstone]

That for the first date, let the guy have a change to make a good first impression. A date 10 years from now they can recreate if they got married and not have her worried after that first date if he is even serious about being into her

[BarryLiverstone]

And if all that is sexist. Then I guess I am sexist

[ImalwaysrightOK]

Yes you are sexist, against men. Your speech is typical of blue pill guys who don't realize just how disadvantaged men have become and how privileged women have become in society. You give reasons about making HER feel safe and auditioning FOR HER. That's ridiculous. Men don't need to compete and win any woman. Being oneself should be enough. Enjoying each other's company should be enough. Where do you get the idea that men must live up to our past roles of pursuer and provider of security, meanwhile allowing women to do as they please without consequences? I've seen you defend women's right to act any way they please on this site, but yet you still believe men should be expected to cater to women and perform like a trained seal to win their affection. A woman SHOULD WANT to be with a man on that date JUST AS MUCH as he wants to be.
I enjoy paying for the date only if it's with someone that appreciates it and wants to be there as much as me, not because I am trying to win them over.

[BarryLiverstone]

I see. You asked for my reasons and when I spent time giving them you had already prejudged me. Obv if she doesn’t bring value to the date then why would the guy wanna waste effort on her? he's got rights , duh. Of course men have to compete.. just like women compete.

[BarryLiverstone]

Women have consequences. Just this past weekend I had someone lie to me claiming she was sick and didn’t show up on our date. The consequence is I’ve blocked her and she can lie to the next guy

[SpaceGalaxy]

The guy should since he is hoping to receive pussy afterwards even though he may not act like it or admit to it

[Staximus]

The guy unless he's a bum haha

[jahaims]

Either split it or whoever asked

[ThrillSeeker01]

Always the guy.

[chele_bell]

Personally I agree

[ThrillSeeker01]

It's the right thing for a guy to do

[Anonymous]

Whoever asked the other person out

[LiamJHayden]

In general the asker.

[chele_bell]

How about later on in the relationship when it becomes more routine?

[mandyfire98]

Split the check

[riverrat3]

the person that asks, or pay equal

[sheikalana]

Whoever invited.

[Iron_Man]

The man

[BLP11520]

The guy always

[Cheerfull009]

Definitely, boy

[LavLavLuv]

Split