Boyfriend won’t talk to me at all after fight?

[Anonymous]

We had a fight 5 days ago and since then he hasn’t spoke to me. If I text him or try talk to him he gets annoyed and tells me leave him alone he needs space and he gets more angry if I talk.

We live together so I’m finding it super difficult to lie next to him and not say a word. I found it so hard last night I was crying next to him and he didn’t say anything. It’s his birthday in 2 days and we had plans together so I don’t know what to do.

Has anyone been in this situation that can give advice? I don’t see how us not talking at all is gonna help..

[boggboss]

Their is not much u can possibly do if he is not willing to engage with u as his input is needed for a conversation to take place

[Asker]

I’m just finding it difficult mentally loving together and not talking at all. Like I keep getting upset. And I don’t know when he is going to talk to me is giving me anxiety

[Asker]

Living*

[boggboss]

Nothing anyone can do about it its irrelevant how hard u are finding it if he dont care or is willing to engage with

[Asker]

Is it weird he doesn’t care? I know I would care if he was getting upset or found it hard if I wasn’t talking to him.

[Asker]

Also do you think he is being mean acting like this. I should add I have apologised for the fight

[boggboss]

Weird no bad yes to some degree but equally if he is still angry or annoyed by what happened and this is how he process the situation rhenium can't really change that

[boggboss]

If he is doing it to hurt u then yes if he is doing it in oart to process how he is feeling no

[Asker]

Well usually when we have fights we still talk or text and try sort it out but this time complete distance and nothing from him. So it’s not really usual for us. He hasn’t even attempted to fix it with me so I’m not sure what’s going on, if this maybe means he’s breaking up with me

[Asker]

And also the fight wasn’t anything major it was fairly petty

[Asker]

So I’m not sure how he can still be processing how he’s feeling after a stupid fight,

[boggboss]

Do u fight regularly was anything said that was bad does it seem like he has started to have enough with them

[Asker]

Last time we fight before this was probably 2 months or more. And the fights usual consist of him getting annoyed at me for asking a small thing so no I didn’t say anything bad at all. Like this fight was basically I was in a jokey mood and I asked him if the kitchen knife I had could kill someone. He got super angry calling it a “retarded” question and said my stupidity is unattractive. I was just in a silly mood not serious. His friend did die from a knife years ago so that made him more pissed off even though I explained after I completely forgot about his friend and it wasn’t my intention

[Asker]

And I apologised twice the next day when I realised he was annoyed

[boggboss]

Then I'm not really sure it dont sound like u guys have good communication at the best of times so not really sure

[Asker]

I feel like I do have good communication I prefer sorting things out and I apologise if I’m in the wrong or upset him. Even me apologising hasn’t helped like do you think what I did was really bad for him to still be mad and not talk to me? I’m trying to get outside perspective cause I’m not sure

[boggboss]

One person's communication is irrelevant when a relationship need both sides to communicate no I don't feel his response was warranted or that u even needed to apologise but by the sounds of it that's pretty normal for u to apologise over small stuff he makes issues out off

[Asker]

Yeah I do apologise a lot. I think he has apologised once in our 4 years relationship. But I just don’t understand why he’s so mad at me so if other people are saying it’s not a big deal what I said. Like I asked some of my friends too.

[Asker]

Like if I told him to f*ck off or something bad I could understand but nothing bad really happened

[Asker]

I just can’t believe this fight is this bad and has lasted this long over a stupid question I asked. Even writing it out seems ridiculous

[boggboss]

Because it seems u got with a guy that has no problem treating u shitty and u expect him to act normal even his response of thats retarded was a crazy overstep for a innocent silly question

[Asker]

Normally he’s really nice to me like when we’re not fighting he’s really good to me. Yeah also I remember after I saw he got angry after my question I did tell him to chill and calm down that I’m only joking or whatever so maybe that pissed him off more

[boggboss]

A man apologising 1 Ince in the time of your relationship don't sound like some amazing guy lol

[Asker]

Well I’m mostly in the wrong or say stupid things that’s why. I’m not ashamed to say sorry if it’s warranted from me

[Asker]

And I’m not as easy to get annoyed or if I do I get over it fast so he doesn’t really had as much of a need to apologise to me I guess

[boggboss]

U are really trying to convince me that in 4 years he has only on one occasion done somthing that required a sorry and every other time it's u thats caused issues in the relationship

[boggboss]

One should apologise because it's required for their partner to move on u do it because u are sorry for aomthing u have done wrong their is no way u can convince me he has done nothing to annoy or upset u in 4 years and look I'm not even saying he is a shitty guy but this is reading off as a basic relationship where u are made to feel or accept that all the issues that are caused are your fault and he is perfect yet his response to a simple question goes exactly against that

[Asker]

You’re right it’s because he tells me it’s my fault most fights and gets so angry like for example about this question that makes me feel I’ve done something wrong or bad to warrant this anger and silence.

[boggboss]

I dont know u or him but if I am able to point this out how is it your friends or family have not

[Asker]

I rarely talk about my relationship with my friends or family unless something is really bothering me but I don’t like airing out arguments to them every time

[boggboss]

Fair enough look your relationship has some crazy fundamental issues that clearly need fixing mainly communication and u standing up for yourself

[Asker]

I do need to stand up for myself more but I did try to with this fight and it usually makes it worse , him more annoyed so I’ve literally just stopped and just apologise and hope for the best. I just don’t want the fights to last longer and they will if argue back my point.

[boggboss]

So whats the alternative u walk on egg shells for the rest of the relationship what about when kids are involved how will situation like this work

[Asker]

It’s just not worth the headache. What do you suggest I do right now? Just carry on ignoring him until he feels like talking to me? I feel like it will be him missing out on his birthday plans and I spent a lot of money on his presents so he’s the one missing out I don’t know how he can’t see that

[boggboss]

U can't think for him if this is how he is acting u can't change him or his behaviour

[Asker]

Well to me I just try not to annoy him in the first place and then avoid these kinda arguments cause it’s too much hassle and headache then trying to argue my viewpoint and how I didn’t mean such a comment etc

[boggboss]

Well if that's the life u want if guess situation like this are somthing u will need to just get use to then

[Asker]

I know I can’t change him but he needs to take into consideration I’m still his girlfriend and he can’t just freeze me out. It just doesn’t seem very fair to me. I’m at work now but it makes me want to avoid even going home

[boggboss]

Why does he need to take it into consideration when u will happily wait for him to start acting normal again and clearly he is not acting fair but this is behaviour u are willing to put up with so why wpuld he change that

[Asker]

What do you suggest I do that I haven’t already done? I’ve tried to talk to him and said we need to talk. Like how do you suggest I make him see this behaviour can’t continue?

[boggboss]

Again by standing up for yourself unless he dont care if u left or not hw wpuldnt act like this if he believed u wouldn't stay with him if he treated u like shit but because he knows he can treat u like this he won't stop

[BlackJeep]

You're living together and communicating through text? 'That's your biggest problem

[Asker]

No I text him when I’m at work or he is, i have also tried talking to him in person but this makes him mad so I’ve stopped