How many dates is appropriate before sex?

[debbiedenise]

I have had three dates with a guy. I really really like him. He is so cute and so sweet. We do kiss and hug. I really don't feel comfortable having sex for about a couple of months at the earliest. I am pretty sure that he wants to, but I would like to wait a little longer. Is this appropriate, or do you think he will leave? What should I do?

[OlderAndWiser]

Don't have sex before you feel ready, or you will simply resent your partner for making you feel pressured. However, after three or four date, at least SOME guys might be expecting sex, so you need to address their expectations.

"Braden, I think you are a very handsome guy and I certainly feel attracted to you, but I'm not a girl who can have sex with every guy on the third date. I'm not ready quite yet, but it feels like we're moving in that direction, so if you can be patient with me. . . I promise that I'm worth waiting for!"

[Lliam]

It's up the individual, but I prefer it as soon as we decide to start dating exclusively. If we are infatuated and want to be monogamous with each other, I see no reason to waste time. I never needed a guarantee that the relationship would last forever.

Girlfriends and I have had sex as soon as the second or third date. I waited close to a month (6 or 7 dates) for one.

I would never pressure a girl. It's her decision. But if she made me wait too long I would think there was something wrong. Is she sexually inhibited or what's the problem?
I mean, how could we get along great, have good times together, and make out passionately without her wanting me as much as I want her?

[chicken_nugget24]

When me and my boyfriend first started dating when we were broke students in college. We had dates in the park for a pininc, going for long walks as we were both very adventurous back then, Netflix and chill etc.

I actually don't remember the number of dates we went on but it was around 4 months before we had sex. We are still together 5 years later and are each others firsts 💜

[electromagnetic]

As many as it takes before you feel comfortable to be intimate with them. Could be 1, could be 30.

[AviatorTom]

There is no number. It's whenever you both want to have sex.

You've known this guy for awhile. Communicate with him. Tell him exactly how you feel about sex. Don't "give in" because you're afraid he'll leave. If it's okay with you, maybe there's a compromise... oral for example?

[Avicenna]

It really depends on the personal chemistry. When I was younger, I tried to do it on the first or second date, but I'm patient now. I think three or four are enough.

[BoopBoopBeep]

There's no expectation, but typically by the third date I've had sex. You've had sex before, presumably, did you make all the people before him wait similar times? If so then you're being consistent with your past, so... you do you... don't let someone tell you what's right/wrong for you.

He's investing his time and money into you. On an infinite timeline there comes a time when that is no longer worth it to him if he's not getting laid, because he can get the same thing with a friend and only have to pay half as much to go out. It's on you two to figure out where that tipping point is, not a bunch of disinterested parties on the internet.

[RespectfulGuy]

You're 41, hence I assume you had some previous relationship.

How many dates before you had sex for each of them?

How long after those relationship last?

What were the reasons for broke up?

I think if you write down the answers, you may then answer this question yourself.

Perhaps you may find answers to have a more permanent and lasting relationship.

[Hithere4567]

I think it's fine. You should take as much time as you need to really get to know a guy before moving ahead. Like see if there's something special about you that he loves you for. And if he's serious about you, he will wait for you.

[SawerBrown]

You dhould follow your heart and whatbyou feel comfortable with. Ifvhe truly cares for you he will wait. If you give him what he wants to early he may disappear as he has gotten all he really wanted. If he waits patiently you could reward him with a hand job but fo give up everything.

[SawerBrown]

Feel free to dm me if you want to chat further about it.

[richardcory]

No set rule. Its up to when you both feel comfortable. If its too long for him before you feel comfortable, you probably were not sexually compatible anyway

[SnowedIn]

It's exactly what you said: when you're comfortable. It isn't a specific number or an exact number. For some people it might be the first date and for others several months.

[UniquelyBasic]

I think you should just go off the amount of time you've been around a person. Dates can be a few days or longer apart so it's hard to go off of how many dates.

[TheSpaceGnome]

number of dates doesn't matter, length of time knowing the person does.

If you don't know every last thing about him, and can prove it all, its too soon.

[BoopBoopBeep]

"If you don't know every last thing about him, and can prove it all, its too soon."

That's never been the standard to put someone in the ground how is that the standard to put someone in your bed?

[TheSpaceGnome]

@BoopBoopBeep That comparison is too retarded to have a logical dialogue about it.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@thespacegnome
Just being pragmatic. You think you knew "every last thing..[and] can prove it all" about everyone you've put in your bed?

I certainly can't, to either place. What's retarded about that? There aren't a lot of certainties in life I'm curious how you so easily find them.

[TheSpaceGnome]

@BoopBoopBeep
1. No, pragmatic is doing what I suggested, because its easier to avoid stds, divorce, cheating, unhappy relationships, unplanned kids, etc that way.

2. I've not had anyone in my bed yet, I'm a virgin, when I do, it will be with a woman I know everything about.

3. It's retarded for the reasons I just mentioned, and because saying "people killing strangers is why you wouldn't practice safe relationship practices", is an insane nonsense line of thought.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@thespacegnome

responding in order:

1. I've never divorced nor had kids with any of the women I've been with. Pretty sure there's been no STD with all the screenings.

2. I think, despite your abrasive attitude, that's pretty admirable. Go you, man... go you.

3. I never mentioned strangers. Nor is anything I said something given as a reason for anything, merely observation of a reality. In a former job i provided final stage care to people with advanced terminal conditions. Neither I, nor anyone who has done my job knows "every last thing about him, and can prove it all." If that's an unreasonably high standard to end a life it seems odd that it would be the standard to swap some sweat with someone.

But in your defense, you're not being a hypocrite about it since you're a virgin, and, I'm guessing haven't done the other stuff either, so like I said before... good on you man.

Now just watch that BP so you don't have a heart attack. So hostile...
;)

[TheSpaceGnome]

@BoopBoopBeep

re:1. It's not if, but when. I've never been hit by a car, does that mean I should run around in the middle of the freeway instead of using the crosswalk? No. You're luck will run out.

re: 2. I don't have an abrasive additude, I just grew up during a time when common sense was valued and it was every person's duty to enforce it by pointing out bad ideas.

re: 3. Your wording choice was bad if you meant you were a caregiver for terminally ill patients. Thats not putting them in the ground, thats trying to postpone it or increase remaining quality of life.
Oddly enough however, despite it being wildly different than what you originally implied, that still makes it a bad comparison.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Your*

[BoopBoopBeep]

I've also never been eaten by a lion. I don't carry around "distraction hams" just in case, but I suppose we'll just have to disagree on that one.

Uhm... you grew up in the 90s. Let's not act like it was the Great Depression or something. "Meh back in MY day..." Uhm... okay. That probably works on people 20 years my junior, though, so don't lose that schtick all together.
Hmm. I wasn't much of a caregiver. Think of it more like helping them cross over quickly... but even if you were right, don't need to know everything about those people either.

[BoopBoopBeep]

crap that was supposed to be @thespacegnome

[TheSpaceGnome]

@BoopBoopBeep You're really bad at making relative allegory.

Ok so, first off, if you carried around a "distraction ham" in the wild, you would just increase the odds of a large carnivore attacking you (assuming any even lived in your area). Might as well slather yourself in gravy too at that point...

Secondly, that would take extra effort, whereas it takes far less effort to not hump someone I don't know well, and far less effort to not have to deal with the aftermath problems. Plus, Imagine how much time gets wasted humping non starters when it could be spent finding a match.

It's all about making life easier, not going out of your way to attract problems with "distraction" hams or an uncontrollable libido...

It doesn't matter what your job was, its still bad allegory for the topic. A terminally ill patient isn't going to demand child support money, divorce you, or give you herpes, its not the same sort of risk assessment catagory.

Its like defending eating rat shit by saying "but who cares about germ risk though? I stepped in a puddle yesterday and I'm fine".

[TheSpaceGnome]

Also, If you are older than me, you should know better. I should not have to explain common sense to you.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Haha, thank you. I'll make "Imagine how much time gets wasted humping non starters" the title of my memoirs. Have a great day.

[DutchessDahlia]

It depends on you, your comfortability and morals I guess? I don't know, if you’re comfortable with sex on a first date go for it. If not wait. I don’t think there really is an “appropriate” amount of dates you have to go on to have sex.

[Nikki1989]

Whenever you are ready. It could be 5 minutes, it could be a few months.

[Vegasrunner]

This is similar to a question I recently asked. If a guy is waiting more than three dates it's usually because he's unable to attract other women.

[slatyb]

Whenever you both want to have sex, it's appropriate.

[Anonymous]

0 to 10. If we haven't done it by date 10 I'm not interested enough to continue.

[Jerre]

You have to let your feelings for him and your conscience be your guide. I usually have sex on the first date, but have been communicating with the girl for many days or weeks.

[Jerre]

@debbiedenise Thank you for the Like

[Anonymous]

a lot of them most likely. Unless I feel there something longterm brewing I'm not going to sleep with her. If she's just chasing some fantasy then she's got the wrong guy.

[JCT666]

There is no 'appropriate' number. As long is it's consensual, it's okay. So take your time.

[baseball_del_tuono]

Yes its appropriate to make him wait!!! It’s been a few dates are you guys even monogamous yet like committee to just each other? Mutually exclusive? Have the respect for yourself to make him be committed

[NotTacocaT6969]

The textbook answer is 3.

[baseball_del_tuono]

3 what?

[Billlewis]

Make him wait.

[gothbxtch]

the people on the date should decide

[DextroShade]

A lot of guys won't wait that long.