How long should you wait for a response before losing hope when you ask someone out?

[Anonymous]

There's a guy I've known for a few years now. We started casually chatting on Snapchat and talked on and off for a week. Since we already know each other, and talking was really fun and easy, I decided I wanted to ask him to hangout. I thought it'd be fun and we could get to know each other better. I sent him a message asking, and even put "no pressure" to keep it light. I see he opened it last night but he hasn't replied yet. This was wildly out of my comfort zone, and I'm feeling a bit dumb now. I also have anxiety and get anxious about these types of things. I never want to get my hopes up in case it doesn't go well. Do I consider it rejection at this point? In our casual chatting it took him about a day to respond as he's not a big social media person. I'm just scared of being hurt and I don't want to give myself false hope. I also hope I didn't creep him out. Any feedback, especially from a guys perspective, would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

I don't wait at all. @boobslayer might have a better guesstimate as he is the most helpful guy of the week. ﾠ ﾠ

[Oliverlogan263]

Here are my thoughts on when to lose hope after asking someone out:

• If it's been less than a full day, I would not lose hope yet. People get busy and distracted, and some take longer to compose a thoughtful response.

• Since it only took him a day to respond to your casual chatting previously, I would give him at least 2-3 days before losing hope. Anything less than that is too soon.

• However, if it's been multiple days or a week with no response, then I would consider that a soft rejection and lose hope. The lack of any response at all suggests a lack of interest.

• The fact that he opened your message but hasn't replied yet is a yellow flag - not an immediate no, but not an encouraging sign either. His response time will reveal more.

• Anxiety can definitely make these situations harder. Try to remain optimistic but realistic. Don't get your hopes up too high yet.

• You didn't come across as creepy - you asked in a respectful, lighthearted way. The ball is now in his court to respond however he chooses. You did your part.

• Regardless of his answer, try to be proud that you put yourself out there and took a risk. Rejection is a natural part of dating. With time and experience, it gets easier.

So in summary, I'd say give him 2-3 full days to respond before truly losing hope. If he was interested, he likely would have responded by now. But more time will provide clarity either way. At that point, you can move on with your head held high, knowing you put yourself out there unapologetically. I hope this helps - you've got this!

[BasedBaeBecca]

Don't jump to conclusions or give up just yet! It's still early and there could be many reasons for why he hasn't responded yet. Maybe he's thinking about what to say or trying to find the perfect answer. It's possible that he also has anxiety about the situation and is nervous about replying. He could also be busy with other things and just hasn't had time to write back. In any case, you should give it more time before jumping to conclusions. If you've enjoyed talking with him and having fun, there's still hope!

[Asker]

Thank you, that actually helps. I guess I just felt like if he was excited about going out he would've answered by now. I've been hurt in the past, so putting myself out there like this is incredibly scary. I also never want to look desperate or needy. I'm just one to follow my gut on things, so if I want to know someone better it just seems logical to get the confidence and ask them. I know it doesn't fit the mold of letting guys lead, and that's also scary. Between the fun conversation and noticing he's been watching all of my stories, it just felt right. Can I ask what your opinion would be if a girl asked you out?

[ProbablyClueless]

Wait a few days, send another message... that's all you can do. You took your shot; there's no shame if that shot doesn't land, even if it's a frustrating feeling.

One reason that I stopped communicating on SnapChat is that the messages delete and it's super easy for people to just forget about the messages you send them.

[Asker]

Would you take it as rejection at this point and move on? I just had a really good, excited feeling. He also didn't delete me so I literally have no idea what he thinks.

[ProbablyClueless]

I wouldn't take that automatically as a rejection, no. But, if you send a few messages and he doesn't respond over 2 or 3 weeks (assuming he doesn't have something unusual going on); that's probably a sign to give up and move on.

People have busy lives. There's this really common perception people have that people who are interested in you are just going to drop what they're doing in life to text/call you, no matter what else is going on, but that's just not true. It may have been true when cellphones were a newer and more novel thing, but everyone is used to having cellphones now. It's not a special thing to get a text from someone anymore, and a lot of people have actually started to resent their cellphones.

The idea that the only reason someone wouldn't respond is because they have a problem with you is just kinda... outdated.

[Asker]

Thank you, that actually helps. I guess I just felt like if he was excited about going out he would've answered by now. I've been hurt in the past, so putting myself out there like this is incredibly scary. I also never want to look desperate or needy. I'm just one to follow my gut on things, so if I want to know someone better it just seems logical to get the confidence and ask them. I know it doesn't fit the mold of letting guys lead, and that's also scary. Between the fun conversation and noticing he's been watching all of my stories, it just felt right. Can I ask what your opinion would be if a girl asked you out?

[ProbablyClueless]

I've had several women ask me out. I've always been very flattered by it.

[Asker]

That helps me not feel so awkward. Also, in regards to your previous comment about if I send a few more messages and he still doesn't answer. I also have it in my head that I shouldn't message anymore. That messaging any further would also look needy/desperate and I just have to wait now. And I totally get that there could be numerous reasons he hasn't answered yet. I just get so scared to get my hopes up. I've given myself false hope in the past and I don't want to do that anymore. You know?

[ProbablyClueless]

All you can do is the best you can do. Don't be pushy. Play it cool and don't be a spaz. Realize that whatever he does in response to reasonable behavior on your part isn't a reflection of you.