Is it wrong that I always lose interest in dating a white woman if she liked or dated black guys before?

[Anonymous]

Being friends - ok.

Having casual fun with her - ok.

But dating? Nah, man, I just can't.

[jshm2]

Yes, as it makes you look weak and insecure.

If she's managed to get DP's by two Black guys, and can still walk, then you know she's game to put out. You're just being a clingy pearl clutcher in thinking every women you date must only be for monogamous marriage.

News flash, kiddo, women tend to go through an average of four partners

https://www.her.ie/life/whats-your-number-study-finds-the-average-number-of-dates-and-relationships-before-we-find-the-one-90330

[Asker]

Lol. Okay.

[ShadezMcgee]

So casual fucking/friends with benefits is okay, but actually being exclusively dating is an issue? That makes no sense.

[Asker]

I don't expect loyalty from FWBs.

[ShadezMcgee]

There still is a level of loyalty with friends with benefits. It may not be commitment on an exclusive level, but depending on terms, they are still banging each other and doing things together as friends.

It is still a relationship centered around sex. You would imagine being FWBs would be the more fetishized one that bothers you because she could be hopping from one to another. Exclusive shows restraint and standards of one's dating stancd

[Alli39]

I mean it's a weird, vaguely racist stance, so I wouldn't say it's right. You should probably consider why you feel that way and if that feeling is actually rational, or if it's some sort of overreaction to a past experience or circumstance you've observed that's negatively affecting your current thought process.

[Asker]

I only get serious with girls who *undoubtedly* like white men.

And there are lots of girls who *undoubtedly* like white men, so why would I settle for less? That's what would be weird and irrational if I did because I'd be sabotaging my own life.

There's nothing racist about my dating standards and you know it yourself.

[Alli39]

Um... liking people who are white and liking people who are black are not mutually exclusive. I'm not clear on why you think they are. Having liked a black man doesn't mean that she doesn't also find you equally attractive.

[Asker]

"it's some sort of overreaction to a past... circumstance you've observed."

I have to recognize that you're smart and know a little bit how to understand other people's minds. Are you studying psychology by any chance?

The root of my point of view is indeed based on an overreaction to a past event I observed. But that's it, there's nothing I can do about it since I believe that I'm dodging some bullets due to my standards, so it doesn't impact negatively on my life.

[xKayTea]

It seems your worry is rooted in insecurity.

Many men and women like all races and can fall for whichever, just because she/he has previously dated a black person in the past does not mean you are not her 'ideal type' or she does not love you.

Would you say the same for hair colour? 'She dated a blonde last year and I'm not blonde, I dont think im her type'. It's delusional.

[Asker]

@xKayTea A girl like that might or may not really like me, or like me for the wrong reasons, or use me, and I'm "insecure" if I decide not risk my time investing in her, huh?

I know that I will be right in a lot of cases and wrong in some other lot of cases. I know that in some cases I'm excluding the exact kind of girl I don't want in my life, but in some other cases I'm excluding a girl that may actually like me.

But what about you? Do you know anything about life?

And, please, tell me where in the "manual of life" it's written that a man must be overconfident and ignore all signs that something will go wrong!

[xKayTea]

I am pointing out your insecurities so you seem to have jumped to extreme assumptions that I never actually said, to justify your actions.

I did not say be over-confident, nor did I say you should ignore all signs if something is wrong.

I simply said, a woman having dated a black man in her past does not mean she does not like you, it simply means she is more open minded and goes more so on her feelings, what I mean by this is she is open minded to date any ethnicity, which means it's unimportant to her and that she can be attracted to anyone, making the more important factor to her, how they click.

Which if anything should assure you that she is not just dating you because you're 'white' but because she likes you.

[Asker]

@xKayTea You're not pointing out any insecurity on my part... But trying to shame me because my standards don't match yours and you think it's absurd that someone doesn't think like you, as you think you have the monopoly on truth since you figured out everything in life?

It's a manipulation trick, and it's not gonna work with me, honey.

In practice, you're shaming me for *not* being overconfident.

In the real world, neither you can 100% guarantee that a white woman dated a black guy because "she's more open minded" and so, nor can I 100% guarantee that a white woman did so because she has a race fetish.

Both things are real phenomena and happen in the real world.

Your approach is strict in ignoring that a lot of girls do it for the wrong reasons.

And my approach is strict in ignoring that a lot of girls could be with me for good reasons.

We can't be 100% right all the time, honey. Nobody can.

[xKayTea]

You are coming off as completely offended as the assumptions keep coming out of your mouth.

Please read my last reply. I repeat since you cannot read, I did not say be overly confident.
I also did not say I can 100% guarantee anything, nor did I say I am always right.

These are things you have said yourself, and things you feel yourself. None of these things have I said. Which shows that you just fling out random things when you feel threatened or someone challenges your point of view.

It will never be valid, as I have not said any of those things nor will I, they are things you yourself dreamt up when trying to perceive me as a person. They are wrong. I am also not trying to manipulate you.

I think you should calm down and stop putting words into my mouth because you did not like the reply I gave you, I do not appreciate you lying and making things up about my intent simply because you did not like me disagreeing with your reply, it is childish.

[Asker]

@xKayTea Do you like when people try to shame you for your dating standards or beliefs?

Don't be arrogant if you don't wanna come off as arrogant.

You can't simply claim that I just don't accept to be contradicted... You just need to read this convo to see that it's not true.

The OG poster stated that I could be overreacting to a past thing I saw, and I won't deny that because she's on point.

[Alli39]

So I didn't read what all you were talkign about here with xKayTea, but no I'm not studying psychology lol.

And if your current choices are being guided by a known over reaction to your past, there actually are things you can do about it. And I'd suggest that it is negatively impacting your life, since it's limiting who you consider as a potential partner. You may meet an incredible girl, but as you are now, you're going to completely pass her over if she thinks Micheal B Jordan or Will Smith is attractive, even if she's also into you. Moreover, I suspect that there is some insecurity involved because it seems like you believe that a woman will automatically be more intersted in a black man than yourself, meaning you probably, on some level, think that there is something inherently more attractive about black men (to those who find them attractive in the first place) than white men, which is not the case. You also probably experience mistrust in people who claim otherwise because it doesn't match your beliefs, even if they're making statements about their personal preferences. But because you're mistrusting them in this context, you may find it harder to trust them in other contexts, or me more doubtful of people making true statements about their preferences in general. This in turn make make interactions with people much more difficult and combative, since they will likely pick up on your mistrust and feel offended that their personal experiences are being rejected.

As for what you can do, most of the solution to your problem, should you choose to acknowledge it, has to do with understanding and working through why you've developed the beliefs you have, what aspects of them are potentially harming you or creating an unhealthy cognitive dissonance, and what you think you should replace these beliefs with to more accurately reflect reality and be more accepting of a wider variety of human experiences.

[Asker]

#1 An overreaction is not necessarily a bad thing. It's surely better than an underreaction.

#2 It's silly to say my standards are negatively impacting my life since it doesn't limit too much my dating prospects. As I said, there's no shortage of women who like white men.

[Asker]

#3 "You may meet an incredible girl"

In theory everything can happen. You could become a millionaire tomorrow, but do you think you will?

#4 I don't think that black men are more attractive or feel insecure towards them, that's another silly thing to claim. If you were really smart, you'd notice that I said "I don't date *white* women who like or date black guys"... Do you notice how I didn't mention women of color?

I'm very specific about the kind of women I don't want in my life.

[Alli39]

Look, you don't have to choose do do anything about it, but know that you can shift your mindset to be healthier and more empathetic and also know that people are going to call you out sometimes if you walk around making judgements of others on the basis of skin tone. Like what does it actually say about a woman, white if you choose to specify, if she likes people who are of a different race or of several different races. In my experience, and logically, the answer is "very little".

[Asker]

Listen up, white girl, I'm the judge of my own life. I judge people, things and situations all the time, and my highest criterion to do so is not what a parrot like you thinks it's right or wrong, but what's in my best interests.

After all, if something goes wrong in my life, it's not you who will screw yourself and pay the price for it. It's me. So don't you think I'm more interested in making my life work than you do?

[Alli39]

I mean, I'm just here to give my opinion. You don't have to engage with it, or even read it. No need to be rude.

[Asker]

Oh! Wow! You're more empathetic than me! Beautiful!

Those empty words you say to feel better about yourself can't bring back the time I'd invest in a shitty relationship with a girl who could be using me *if* I let it happen.

Time is the most precious thing we have in life. We all will be dead at some point and no one can give us back more time to see our loved ones or enjoy our most favorite things again. Time should be used wisely.

[Alli39]

I'd appreciate if you didn't try to put words into my mouth. And I say these things because I think your assumption that shifting your beliefs will bring you more harm than good is incorrect and legitimately think you will be better off if you do make that change in you mentality.

Again, you asked for opinions and I gave mine. But you don't seem to be interested in hearing what I have to say and further and I have no interested in dealing with insults and sarcasm, so I'm going to head out. Have a nice day.

[Asker]

Having that said, I decided that I'll never invest my time in a disgusting race fetishist.

I don't want a race fetishist white woman in my life.

I'm not interested in whatever they have to offer.

I also don't want a psycho, a drug addict, a porn addict, a cheater or an extreme materialist girl in my life either. They're all on the same level of a race fetishist in my opinion.

I know that many girls say, "Oh, I had a fetish, but it was a phase and I grew out of it!"

That's good, but not good enough for me. I like people with consistency. I like people who'll be in their 70s and say, "I'm the same person I was when I was an 18 yo, but wiser."

After all, no one can bring me back time. I choose to spend mine with the people who I'm certain that won't waste it and to be honest with you? It works. I have nothing bad to say about my exes, only good things.

[Anonymous]

Why specifically black men? Pretty sure you’ve come on here talking about this before and it makes no sense.

[Asker]

I wanna hear from other men what they think because I'm sure there are plenty of men like me. I see that kind of white women as porn addicts and fetishists, it is what it is and I won't do any effort to change it.

[Opinion Owner]

So what’re you gonna do? Come back every few months with this question? Feels obsessive at this point. Didn’t you say you have black male friends? Do they know you see it as fetishization when white women date them?

[Asker]

I told you, I wanna hear opinions from other men. There are lots of them who think like me. And I'd like to hear from people why they think it's a sin to think like that. I'm not oppressing anyone, I just think it's a red flag if a girl has a fetish on men who have a different skin color from mine.

[Opinion Owner]

You said that last time, and my thing is do you want opinions or just agreement? Solidarity? Since you think you’ll be cancelled for voicing it IRL.

[Asker]

People can share whatever their opinion is, but they should make sense.

[Opinion Owner]

But you’re not making sense yourself dude that’s the thing. Like you say you feel like it’s a fetish, but why? Do you not see how degrading that is to black men? That a white woman can’t be interested in him outside of his genitalia?

[Asker]

It's quite obvious that black men are fetishized by white women because of their skin color, not their genitalia, which is the same thing as a white man's or Asian man's genitalia, but black.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, a lot of folks would think you’re weird for that, and if your response is “I’d call them crazy”, then you’re wasting people’s time on this site when you know you will be biased regardless.

[Asker]

Whether you like it or not, my point of view is the safest approach on such matter... I only date girls who are *undoubtedly* attracted to my kind. If there's doubt that a girl isn't really attracted to me, then I wouldn't date her.

It couldn't be more rational than this.

[Opinion Owner]

I feel like you’re indirect when answering my questions. For one, what about dating a black man says that the woman is fetishizing him for his color? Like the exact thing. Secondly, why do you interpret her willingness to date outside of her race as being disinterested in you? You date black women, and for whatever reason in your mind, that doesn’t translate to not liking white women. So why is it ok for you, but for another white woman it’s a fetish?

[Asker]

#1 There's the stereotype of white women who fetishize black guys. And a lot of white women will date a black guy because of that fetish. Have you ever wondered why there are much more white women dating black guys and not - let's say - Asian guys? Tell me why!

#2 If a white girl wanna reject me because I've dated girls of other races, I completely fine with that. I never had a race fetish, but there's no way she could know that.

[Opinion Owner]

Exactly! There is no way she could know if you’re fetishizing a specific race, so it’s absolutely ridiculous for you to do this yourself and just assume that’s the case with a white woman dating a black man. Flat out ignorance.

[Asker]

I'm saying that I'd respect whatever be her decision. If she wanna trust my word that I don't fetishize women of other races, fine. If she doesn't wanna trust me, fine too. It'd be better for her to be with a person she trusts.

We can't have it all.

[Opinion Owner]

And I’m talking about the sheer ridiculousness here. It’s fine if you don’t care whether a woman believes you or not, at least they have the opportunity to hear you out or cast you off without a second thought. You automatically go into a situation assuming that woman fetishized a black man simply for dating one, and that’s nonsensical.

[Opinion Owner]

Anyway this convo is going no where. Bye.

[Asker]

"You... assuming that woman fetishized a black man simply for dating one, and that’s nonsensical."

That's not nonsensical. That makes sense if I want to completely exclude from my dating pool any white girl who have race fetishes.

Yes, I know that my "no-policy" also excludes white girls who just loved a guy and not his skin color, but I have no doubts that the benefits of my approach outweigh its drawbacks.

As I said, my approach is the most sensible and safe on that matter. I only go for a kind of girl who (i know that) is attracted to me, who likes me, who will see me as *the ideal man in her life*.

And men would be happier if they were like me. I mean, the ones who aren't already...

[Asker]

Correcting: white girls who have race fetishes.

[Opinion Owner]

So she can’t be attracted to you because she’s dated a black man? Like what? Would you have the same sentiments if she last dated an Asian, middle eastern, basically any other race than white? No, you specifically choose to single out black men for whatever reason, and honestly at that point it comes off as a bit racist. And yes, it is absolutely nonsensical to just assume that woman is fetishizing black men because she has one or two in her past, what does that have to do with you? If she weren’t interested in you she wouldn’t even have given you the time of day.

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly I feel like you have some strange obsession with this topic. You bring it up on here every few months, go back and forth with people knowing you have no desire to think outside of your beliefs. How can you properly receive anyone’s opinion when you go into the conversation knowing with certainty that you will be biased? What if we say you’re wrong, we all are crazy? That makes no sense.

[Asker]

How many white girls are dating Asian men or Middle Eastern men?

And how many are dating black men?

Can you tell me why those numbers are so disproportionate if it's not because of a culture of racial fetishism?

I told you, I don't want a race fetishist in my life. My standards exist exactly to exclude them.

[Opinion Owner]

Where are you getting these stats? Because I don't know what numbers you’re talking about. What I’m solely speaking on is the fact you turn down a woman because she’s dated a black man, and assuming she’s fetishizing, that’s it. Now if she has specifically only dated black men, then ok you might have something. But if she’s talking to you with interest, then what tells you that she isn’t interested? Like that doesn’t make any sense, she would turn you down straight away.

[Asker]

Now you're making sense.

I know that my way seems too strict.

I wouldn't reject a girl in case it's undoubtedly clear to me that she hasn't a race fetish.

[Berethor]

Well I guess you see her as treacherous so you don't want anything serious with her.

[Asker]

I mean, it's not far-fetched to think that of a woman like that, right?

[Berethor]

Yea he like to cheat on you with a black man, so you can't trust woman like that.

[Asker]

I'd not give her an opportunity anyway. 😂

[Anonymous]

What if she treats black guys the way she treats white guys and if she's dated a black guy it's because she thinks he's attractive and enjoys his personality?

What if it's not a fetish and she doesn't believe the myth that every black guy has a huge penis?

So in that instance you still wouldn't date her?

[Asker]

No, because I don't have a crystal ball.

[Asker]

I can't know her true motivations, I can only form a perception of her and I know I'll always perceive them as fetishists.

[Opinion Owner]

So you just don't want to risk being with someone who might be dating black men in a fetishized way? Basically using them? I understand that.

You think most white women only will date a black man because they think he has a big penis?

[Asker]

I think those white women are attracted to their skin color, as there's no basis to claim that black guys have bigger dicks and only a really clueless person would believe so.

I don't think those white women who go for black guys are that dumb, but if they're, it just reinforces my point that they aren't girlfriend material.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok so if it's not the BBC myth.
Then you think they're fetishizing them just based on liking their skin color?

What if she likes white guys and black guys?

Are you only worried about the women that only date black guys?

[Asker]

I'd stay away from girls who fetishize men of other races as well. It's just not common.

I've only seen white women fetishizing black guys and Asian women fetishizing white men. I don't have any issue dating an Asian woman who has a fetish on my kind though.

[Asker]

I've bever seen women fetishize Asian men and Latinos. It's either black or white.

[Opinion Owner]

Are you black?

So you would say most white women who've dated a black guy was because they only liked his skin color and thats all?

Is that all they are fetishizing? Skin tone?

[Asker]

No, I'm white. I don't have any issue dating women who fetishize white men, but I don't date women who fetishize black guys.

[Opinion Owner]

So why are you ok with white men being fetishized but not black men?

I'm just generally curious.

What is it about black men?

Why them in particular?

[Asker]

Because I'm a white man, duh. It's not an issue if an Asian girl thinks my skin color is a bonus.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh so it's more of a thing of you don't like that black men are being competition for you?

Like they are taking your women?

[Asker]

This is not about competition. There's no shortage of women who like white men.

Having that said, why would I invest my time in a woman who prefers another kind if I can be with a woman who likes my kind? That wouldn't make any sense.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok so if white women have dated both and most white women that had an experience with a black guys also have dated white guys as well.

So then what would be your issue with that. If she likes both white guys and black guys?

Do you feel in a way that if a black guy has had sex with a white woman than to you that woman is now tainted in some way?

Does that idea gross you out a bit?

[Asker]

We can't have it all. That's how life is. It's not always about who's right and who's wrong.

I don't think a white woman who has had sex with a black is tainted... I just think ***we don't belong together***. It'd be better for us if she goes for a black guy and, I on my turn go for a woman who's into white men.

[Opinion Owner]

So if let's say you're getting intimate with a woman who's had a black penis inside her, does that thought of her having sex with a black man disgust you at all?

[Asker]

I wouldn't think about it. I could have a casual thing with her, but not a serious relationship because we don't belong together.

The same way I'd respect the decision of a white girl who finds disgusting the fact that my penis has already been inside an Asian girl.

Some white girls don't like white men who dated Asian girls. I'm fine with that. I accept that we can't have it all.

[Opinion Owner]

You can though. You can date anyone you want as long as they're consenting adults.

[Opinion Owner]

But to each their own. It's definitely an odd point of view though that you have.

[Asker]

You need more than consent to make a relationship work.

[Opinion Owner]

And interracial relationships work all the time.

[Asker]

And?

[Opinion Owner]

"you need more than consent to make a relationship WORK"

"And interracial relationships WORK all the time"

2 consenting adults who date can make their relationship work. It happens all the time.

[Opinion Owner]

That's my point. When you say you can't have it all. You can date any race you like if both parties are consenting adults. So you can have it.

To say that certain races shouldn't mix and don't belong together is ridiculous.

[Opinion Owner]

But like I said it's your choice, nothing is gonna change how you view white women being with black men.

Just know you are certainly in the minority about that.

[Asker]

You're trying so hard to rationalize your point of view that you're losing touch with reality. See:

"To say that certain races shouldn't mix and don't belong together is ridiculous."

I never said that. I was crystal clear that I think a white woman who prefers black guys and I don't belong together.

She can date whomever she wants and wants her back. It's just that I will never be that "whomever."

[Asker]

And lots of men are like me, they just won't say that in public to avoid problems.

I will say it again, we can't have it all, nobody can have it all. It's just how life is.

[Opinion Owner]

You never did say why it bothers you that white women date black men. You have yet to actually say why you refuse to date any white woman who has dated even one black guy. Even if they date white men and black men both you won't say why it bothers you.

And it's not about a white woman that "prefers" black guys. You won't date any white woman who's dated a black guy even if she has no preference. Even if she doesn't base her decision on skin color but whether she likes the individual.

So if you don't belong together with a white woman just because she's dated a black guy, even if she dates white guys too, then say Why!!!

You're pussy footing around.
It's not fetishizing if she dates both races. Just come out and say why. You're anonymous. It doesn't matter what you really say. We don't know who you are.

By the way way more people don't give a shit about race even in public. So you're definitely the minority on this.

[inhua]

it's your life. you don't need permission from others on what's right and wrong with your preferences

[Anonymous]

"guys" in plural no because then she has probblaby been with many men and maybe thats not what you look for in a wife but his skin color shouldn't matter. That's weird..

[Anonymous]

If everyone on here told you that it was wrong would it change how you feel?

[Asker]

Of course not, I'd feel that they're crazy.

[sheikalana]

It's weird and racist.

[Asker]

It's neither racist nor weird and you're saying this just because you're butthurt and not really intelligent. Stop being this entitled.

[Asker]

Oh, wow. Someone told me that you, @sheikalana, hate white men and say all kinds of hateful things towards white men on this platform. Is it true?

In that case, it's ironic that a pathetic, racist loser like you would be accusing me of being racist. Do you have any shred of decency and self-awareness?

[sheikalana]

Someone woke up and choose violence. Have a great day mate.

[sheikalana]

And nobody told you anything you're the one who stalked my profile. I don't get offended by you calling me a racist. I've had my experiences with white people.

[Anonymous]

Would you date a black woman?

[Asker]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

That's pretty common.

[Asker]

Yeah, I think a lot of guys are like me, but avoid saying that in public due to cancel culture.

[Opinion Owner]

There's no reason to mention anything. Just go on your merry way.

[Anonymous]

No, I would do the same.

[Anonymous]

Not wrong... silly, but not wrong.😆