Is this behavior caring or annoying?

[Anonymous]

I don't know what to think of it. Tbh I find this behavior annoying. Let me explain..

If I ask my boyfriend out, he will say something like this:

"Let's go out Saturday because you might be busy on Sunday getting ready for the week".

Or he would say something like this when we text at night:

"I will let you sleep because it's getting late".

What do you think?

[DaveJord]

Yeah, it's annoying in my book. Sounds like he is projecting his thoughts on you, then acting like he is doing you a courtesy when honestly its only about what he wants. None of the things you quoted were in the form of a question. He is just assuming that is what is best for you, and he did that without asking you first.

So, for me, I would have said this "I would prefer to get together on Saturday, because that works best for me. Sunday can get a little busy for me. But you let me know what works best for you and we can figure something out. Either way I would love to together this weekend with and do something together"

When it is getting late... I was just say straight out,

"it's getting close to my bedtime, so I am going to let you go soon. But I would love to chat more tomorrow, what's a good time to connect again?"

[DaveJord]

I am just saying a guy that does this type of thing early on, will just continue to assume and project even more things on you later. Its more than annoying it's a big RED FLAG! And that goes for woman as well, that do this to men.

[Asker]

I hear what you're saying. Could it be that he's insecure and therefore acting this way? Not that I'm excusing his behavior. I am wondering.

[DaveJord]

I mean it totally could be him projecting his insecurity on to you. I mean it's definitely him projecting his thoughts and wishes on you. I am not a therapist, so I can't really say... but Narcissist are Narcissists, because they project confidence as a means to hide their insecurities. All types of Borderline Phycological Disorders (BPD) are rooted in some type of trauma, which drives one's insecurities.

He could just be controlling, but then again if his feels this need to feel in control, is it rooted in some insecurity that drives his need to feel comfortable and secure by taking lead or assuming control?

I do not get into the whys honestly, all I know is that I am not getting a good vibe, so I trust my gut. Every time I go against my gut feeling it ends bad. I am not a professional, and I have dated therapists, and psychologists. Sometimes those types are worst about this type of behavior. Like they can't turn off their inner therapists, like they have to feel in control, like they are running a therapy session. I mean they are trained to do that professionally, so they stay in control, so they can best help their clients, yet protect themselves emotionally but setting boundaries.

So, who knows, just trust your gut on this one. Its bothering you for a reason, so don't ignore it.

[Olivier-628]

it's care that might be influenced by his own interest. maybe he wants to sleep and tells it like that. but it is a part of care as well. you don't want to end up a conversation thats boring but rather let you have the feeling of why did it end so soon.

So it's care and love, he seems like a nice guy. why whould you be annoyed by that?

[EmmaMary]

So do the two of you ever actually get out, or just sit wasting time?

[Asker]

LOL! Yes we do get out.

[EmmaMary]

Well that's something I suppose.