Boyfriend went to see a female friend and got drunk?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend called me the next day and told me that the night before his female friend asked him over for dinner and that they got drunk together. He has a drinking problem as well as drugs. I’m struggling with my emotions because he didn't tell me prior and I don’t know how their relationship is. He said it’s platonic and put her down, but with other factors involved I feel hurt.

If it were a friend catch up outside of her house I would be okay, even just dinner, but going to her house and getting drunk bothers me. I think they’ve been friends for less than a year. He had a problem with my guy friend of five years who lives in a different state saying someone will always like someone. Maybe this planted a seed. I hate feeling this way and I never had this happen in previous relationships.

Am I overreacting? Is there something I should ask him?

I’ve been trying to be supportive of his own struggles and that’s something I’ve been dealing with on my own and this just added a bit of hurt. I don’t see the other addictions getting better even though he has said he would stop drinking several times.

[Bethany22]

You shouldn't date men who drink and do drugs. All round, he's not a good catch. Just a waste of time. He will never change. Stop using him as a self-esteem boost by having someone you can help to improve. Improve yourself instead. You're young yet, you still have time to meet a guy that isn't as much of a challenge as that. Use your most powerful years as a woman to find the best guy you can. Guys will only get worse than him as you get older and wrinkled, so date nice, uncomplicated men now, and if you still prefer men like this guy, you can still date all kinds of them later.

[madhatters4]

i'd like to think this is purely platonic. but the fact that it is a friend he's known for a relatively short time, his drinking problems (which i imagine lead to questionable decisions), and his past of telling you that girls and guys will ultimately like each other as a reason he stressed you having a male friend... makes me think you have reason for concern.

the reality is you may never know what happened if anything did. you can discuss your concerns. point out his past comments about having friends of the opposite sex and hope he is being honest. but ultimately i think this is a time when you have to trust your gut (trust your feelings)

[Kaneki05]

The addiction is for sure problems, and if that causes problems just leave you don't have an obligation to stick around because they aren't trying enough to get clean.

Though I see nothing wrong with getting drunk with a friend no matter their gender or sex or sexuality. If I have a friend and want to go there's get drunk with them my partner shouldn't be able to control that I can't do that.
And if they are worried I am a cheater then there is already a door they should've walked out of, because I am not going to be with someone who don't trust me. And I would trust my partner if they did the same thing.

[Asker]

I think that’s why I’m feeling so torn. I think had he told me prior to going I’d have said have fun. I had called him when he was there and he said he was at a friends place and we’d talk later. He said he knows she likes him but that she’s not his type. Another thing that has been lingering is I saw used condoms in his garbage twice now and they weren’t from our time together. They were right at the top and I think maybe that’s adding to me being like this and I hate being like this. I’m not sure if he was using them like alone for less mess maybe but on another occasion it looked like there was blood.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

“He said it’s platonic and put her down,”

Sorry to tell you, that means nothing… I knew a guy that did the same thing, would claim they were “just friends”, they were too fat for him to want to have sex with, but in fact dude was in fact having sex with em…if me had a problem with you being just friends with someone in another state yet HE can be friends/get drunk with other females, you might want to rethink if this person/relationship is right for you…

[SueShe]

You will have serious talking to do with your boyfriend because there are so many red flags in his behavior that should lead you to reconsider your relationship.

1. The fact that he (willfully?) did not mention anything to you prior to seeing this woman.

2. The fact that he has alcohol and drugs issues.

3. The fact that he went to her place.

4. The fact that he got intoxicated.

My reaction to that problem would be that I will demand, require and insist (not suggest) that he seeks professional help and gets a detox treatment for both of his addictions before I even consider continuing the relationship.

Misuse of trust is the key word here and he clearly cannot be trusted. I am sorry for you and the situation you have to endure.

[Anemone978]

I would not trust a boyfriend staying out all night with a female "friend" also do not date people with drug/drinking problems unless you don't mind putting up with issues because they will always have them. Most people don't change..

[Asker]

I asked him to get help with this and he said he will. So we’ll see. He’s a really nice guy otherwise but this is really controlling his life I feel

[JHAYES317]

If it bothers you, let him know how you feel. If I keep things to myself it just eats me up inside and I get depressed. So you need to say, hey, I don’t feel comfortable with you going to a female friend’s house and getting wasted without letting me know first.

[Asker]

I let him know this when we spoke and we were supposed to talk today but he hasn’t messaged me and this is exactly where I am now. It’s eating away at me and I’m depressed. I’m not sure if he’s sleeping or if he doesn’t want to talk anymore

[JHAYES317]

Have you tried calling him?

[Asker]

Now he messaged, he was drinking again. I’ll see him today and discuss but it’s really hard and I think this was too much for me to handle

[EmmaMary]

Sounds like they did a lot more than just getting drunk.

[Asker]

This is actually eating at me so much. He said he went to her place so the condom wouldn’t be from her. Unless this was a lie. I’m torn in that i want to just cut ties but then I also want hard proof. I think my trust issues started coming up when I saw the two condoms and I let that go because it was an old garbage but it was on the side he usually doesn’t go to which is why I got suspicious. Then when I saw the one that looked like someone was on their period I’m just at a loss. His texting with me has been different too. I didn’t confront him about the condom because I’m an idiot.

[EmmaMary]

The hard proof will be when this woman announces that she's actually pregnant.

[caitycat21]

That is wildly inappropriate. I would never be ok with my boyfriend staying over a female friends place and getting drunk 💀that’s a whole body

[BoopBoopBeep]

Guy sounds like a loser for a number of reasons. Do better. You deserve it.

[Alex-Snow]

This is not going to end up well unless he gets control of the bozze and drugs. How is your sex life with him?

[Asker]

It’s been good. Except the other issue is I’ve seen condoms in the garbage that weren’t from when I was there. It happened twice now and I wasn’t sure if it’s normal for guys to do that. But last night I saw it and it seemed to have blood. I point blank asked him if he’s slept with anyone else since we started dating and he said no. That he’s not interested in anyone else why would he do that if he has me. It was at the bottom of a new garbage bag so I clearly saw it. If I see it again I’ll ask and then I’m done.

[Alex-Snow]

I think he is cheating on you. Used condoms... how can he say no?

[Kimchi_doll]

Trust me you should leave him. Only going to hurt you more and more.

[ChicoFromThe305]

If this is overreacting them is be overreacting in your situation, that's foul play from his part

[zagor]

If he is having issues with alcohol and drugs I think his spending the night with a female friend is a secondary issue.

[Staximus]

If he does any other drugs besides weed and alcohol, get rid of him

[Anonymous]

So many red flags in this situation. It doesn't look good.

[SquareWave]

Sounds like a keeper.

[KingslayerC]

This would be a deal breaker for me.

[soe11]

Rid of him from your life

[Iron_Man]

That’s bad