I grew up in a home where I had to make myself small, couldn’t make request, I wasn’t allowed to cry/express if something hurt my feelings, and my parents made the last word without considering if it affected me.
Fast forward, I choose a partner that behaves just like my parents when I was 18. I didn’t do this intentionally. He was mean, always right, can’t express if something hurts me, etc just like my parents. I didn’t know they behaved the same at the time, but I knew how to survive in it by doing the best I can to make him and staying out the way, making little to no demands, etc. just like I did with my parents. The whole time I knew something felt familiar, but I didn’t know what. He had the same can’t ask him for anything, can’t depend on him, no affection, trying to break us down type of personality just like my father and other family.
He noticed this and used it against me staying it’s weird that I chose him, a 36 year old man, and that to be able to endure abuse like that shows that there was something going on at home. He said that all the abuse he did to me was my fault and that I liked it and needed it. I thought it was normal to date older if you wanted to (I was 18 he was 36) but he said that only damaged abused young women choose such older partners that acts like him.
I didn’t intentionally choose a person like this, I just happened to wrongfully pick him and I’m used to that personality so I knew how to survive in it. Now that I’m older and know better I wouldn’t pick him though. Was the abuse my fault? If I was smarter could I have avoided the abuse? I didn’t know about childhood trauma and connections to choosing NPD partners when I was 18.
I didn’t like it like he said I did, it just took me a while to realize what was up.
Fast forward, I choose a partner that behaves just like my parents when I was 18. I didn’t do this intentionally. He was mean, always right, can’t express if something hurts me, etc just like my parents. I didn’t know they behaved the same at the time, but I knew how to survive in it by doing the best I can to make him and staying out the way, making little to no demands, etc. just like I did with my parents. The whole time I knew something felt familiar, but I didn’t know what. He had the same can’t ask him for anything, can’t depend on him, no affection, trying to break us down type of personality just like my father and other family.
He noticed this and used it against me staying it’s weird that I chose him, a 36 year old man, and that to be able to endure abuse like that shows that there was something going on at home. He said that all the abuse he did to me was my fault and that I liked it and needed it. I thought it was normal to date older if you wanted to (I was 18 he was 36) but he said that only damaged abused young women choose such older partners that acts like him.
I didn’t intentionally choose a person like this, I just happened to wrongfully pick him and I’m used to that personality so I knew how to survive in it. Now that I’m older and know better I wouldn’t pick him though. Was the abuse my fault? If I was smarter could I have avoided the abuse? I didn’t know about childhood trauma and connections to choosing NPD partners when I was 18.
I didn’t like it like he said I did, it just took me a while to realize what was up.
