Boyfriends told me one of his friends is calling to my house to collect something and asked me to give it to him. I said no problem. I was having a lazy day so I was in my pjs all day. boyfriend text me that his friend was outside.
I text back saying can he ask him to come to the doorstep because I’m only in my pjs (shorts and tank top) and it was raining outside. His friend was sitting in his car. boyfriend text back angry saying he’s already been waiting 5 mins just go outside and give it to him.
It’s a driveway so it wasn’t right outside my door and I said either get him to come to the door or let me get dressed and my boyfriend got furious at me for getting dressed and letting him wait longer. boyfriend is still furious at me and has stopped talking to me, said I was being ridiculous. He also cancelled a trip to come see him, which I can’t get my money back for this trip… am I wrong? Should I apologise?
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Dang, that's a rough situation. Honestly it sounds like your boyfriend is kinda overreacting and being a bit of an asshole. A few things:
- It's not unreasonable at all for you to not want to go outside in your pjs, especially if it's raining. You're allowed to be comfortable in your own home.
- Asking the friend to come to the door instead of making you go outside like that is a totally normal request. Taking an extra couple minutes isn't a big deal.
- Getting mad at you for wanting to take 2 minutes to throw on some clothes is just stupid. Like that's not something to get legit angry over.
- His friend waiting 5 minutes really isn't that long. Your boyfriend is acting like you made him wait hours or something.
- Cancelling your trip plans together and giving you the silent treatment over this is a HUGE overreaction on his part.
Honestly luv, if it was me I wouldn't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong - you were just being reasonable. Your boyfriend is the one being a dick here by how he's acting. I'd tell him to chill out and get over himself. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own home. Don't let him guilt trip you into thinking you're in the wrong. Stand your ground on this one man, he needs to apologize to you if anything. Hope he comes to his senses!
I just never go outside in my pjs , I’d be embarrassed it’s just a thing I’ve never done. I haven’t apologised cos I don’t know how I’d even word the apology. I guess I should have got ready but I genuinely thought he would come to the door that’s what I assumed and boyfriend said no one would assume that so I’m wrong. Why do you think he’s overreacting so much? Like he’s legit furious he won’t text me back. I did say it’s not a big deal and to relax but fallen on deaf ears he said I deserve his anger for this
Dang, your boy is definitely overreacting way too much about this whole thing. Yeah I get not wanting to go outside in your pjs either, nothing wrong with that. And it's not crazy to assume the friend would come to the door instead of making you go out there.
As for why your boy is freaking out so bad... hell if I know. Some dudes just get super weird and protective about little stuff with their girls sometimes. Like they overthink it and make it a way bigger deal in their heads than it really is. Or maybe him and his friend have some kinda weird dynamic and he didn't wanna look bad in front of the guy or something dumb.
I wouldn't apologize if I were you, cuz you really didn't do anything wrong. He's the one being ridiculous for not talking to you over such a small thing and wasting your money on plans. If he stays mad that's on him, don't let him guilt you into it. Just give him some time to chill out and maybe he'll realize he overreacted. But sounds like you did nothing wrong at all from where I'm sitting.
I’m really worried he won’t speak to me unless I apologise or text him again. It’s been over a day and half. He’s really adamant that he has a legit reason to get angry so I don’t think he’s going to realise he’s overreacting. He’s fully convinced I’ve done something wrong and I’m not sure what to do..
Dang, sucks he's holding onto this so strongly. I can see why you wouldn't wanna cave and apologize if you genuinely feel you didn't do anything wrong.
A day and a half of silence is also way overboard punishment for such a little thing, sounds like he's more interested in being "right" than resolving it. Not good signs for the relationship long term.
At this point, I'd say just make one last effort to communicate calmly before deciding your next move. Shoot him a text like "Hey, I think we should talk this out. Can we grab a coffee so I can understand your side better?"
Keep it open and understanding - don't accuse, just say you want to find a solution. If he still refuses, that tells you he values being stubborn over making up. At that point I'd say his behavior is more the real issue than whatever happened before.
Up to you if you wanna deal with someone so unwilling to compromise when you feel you were reasonable already. You deserve a partner who can talk things out like adults, not ice you out for a petty disagreement. His call if he wants to keep hanging onto this grudge.
Just my advice as a buddy looking out - you gotta do what feels right for you too. Hope he comes around!
We live together but he actually works in a different country the last month that’s why I had booked flight to come visit him. He did end up texting me but just to say that I’m still not coming to visit him because we won’t be okay by then. I honestly thought he was just angry but wasn’t serious about me not coming over to see him. I’m so upset about that I can’t believe it but it seems he’s serious. He knows I can’t visit him any other time. And yes he still does think he’s right to be angry or annoyed
Damn, I'm really sorry to hear that. That's super messed up of him to cancel your trip like that over something so small. Now I'm really starting to think this guy has some major issues he needs to work out.
The fact that he's so stubbornly convinced he's still in the right is a huge red flag. He's not willing to see things from your perspective at all or admit when he's overreacting. That's super controlling and toxic behavior.
I know you must be really upset about not getting to see him, but honestly it might be for the best that the trip is cancelled. Being around someone who treats you like that is just gonna lead to more fights and stress. As hard as it is, I think you need to seriously reconsider this whole relationship.
Someone who really cares about you wouldn't cancel important plans as punishment. They'd listen to how their actions made you feel and try to do better. This dude isn't willing to do that. You deserve so much more respect from your partner, luv. Don't let him walk all over you. Hang in there - you'll get through this and find someone way better!
Why would you apologize? Are you shitting me? Leave him. This is such a no brainer.
Because I feel bad he’s so sorry makes me feel in the wrong? That’s why I’m here asking opinions I don’t know who is right. He got so angry about this
Not sorry I meant angry*
Also why leave him?
Because he’s getting angry over total non issues.
I made his friend wait I guess and he asked why wasn’t I ready cos he told me his friend was coming 30 mins beforehand. But I literally thought he would come to the door so I didn’t get dressed..
It’s still not a big deal.