I told him he had to choose between me and cigarettes. Am I being too mean?

[Anonymous]

I told him he had to choose between me and cigarettes

[Marten]

Although I may appear as biased I say you should stick to your ultimatum, as you mentioned this is important to you, that's not mean, you need to be kind and considerate also to YOURSELF not only to your boyfriend!

Personally I would never even date a girl who smokes, it's an instant deal breaker, but for you, you gotta manage somehow to solve this situation!

If you'll stick to your ultimatum, it's very likely the relationship will cease to be, nicotine addiction is EXTREMELEY strong, and although it sucks to say it, even a soul mate couldn't do anything cardinal to cure an addict!

But if you will yield, you'll have to tolerate all that terrible smell each time being near him!

Don't know how could you be happy about it.

My neighbours smoke like chimneys, damn.. they even have a little daughter.. like.. 2 years old? They're killing their own child!

Sometimes wish I could just shoot those f***ing neighbours! That's one good thing for those who live in the USA!

[DonMichelle]

If a girl ever pulled this on me... I'd choose the cigarettes PURELY because she's holding me ransom, trying to control me. Asking me to stop for my health... yes, I'll try. Threaten to leave... I'll leave her AND blow smoke in her face

You have NO IDEA how hard it is tpo stop until you're a smoker yourself! Nicotine's more addictive than heroin you know, FACT!

[tigersgirl4ever]

Sweety as the other poster said, you can't make him quit but you can ask him to not smoke around you, say outside or something. Talking from watching my mother and law. She will tear her husbands cigarettes up if she catches him, which has resulted in him hiding them and borrowing money and cigarettes off of his son, my fiance. It also affected how her kids and husband acts since she has always been like that. They can't stand her and are always trying to be the one in control of things. I don't like several things my fiance does but believe me, making him choose will put you as the bad person.

[Becky_kate]

Personally I don't think you should try to change him. He was smoking when you got together and you knew this and accepted him for that. Also if he is quitting for you rather than for himself he may end up resenting you. (and it's much harder to quit if you don't want to.)

[angyismytitle]

No as long as you make it clear that you want this because you care about him and his health long term rather than you just don't like it he should understand but realize it's still an addiction maybe you should help provide him with something to quit.

[Coffinspire]

Why would you date him if you didn't like him as he was? I'm a smoker and I'll tell you it sucks being treated like a 2nd class citizen just because of a habit I have, get over it I don't know why it's such a big deal. "it gives you cancer" well yeah so do cell phones, microwaves and computers and people still use them.

[Asker]

well not only is it killing you its also harmful to the other people around you.And people look down at you cause your bothering them. There happens to be many people close to me that have died form cancer cause they smoked. Who knows if cellphones and stuff actually give you caner or not...you don't see people die every day from that like you see with cigarettes..

And I wouldn't make such a big deal about it if it didn't give me migraines and I puke half the time he smokes one

[Coffinspire]

Why don't you just tell him not to smoke around you, but you mind as well just break it off because he's a smoker, who are better off with other smokers because of these sorts of things happening.

I don't understand how it bothers everyone, when I was little I loved the smell of menthol cigarettes. I think people over react just to be a**holes like saying "I'm allergic" that's like as rare as people being allergic to weed.

[ambermarie]

Yea its unfair

1 he's his own person you can't make him quit anything

2 cigs are very addictive and Its not as easy as it sounds to up and quit

If you don't like it find another because even if they love you more then anything its probably not gonna happen and will put lots of stress on the relationship

[brifaye]

I don't think that's fair. You're entitled to your opinion and surely you could speak out against him smoking. But it's never a sign of a healthy relationship to have ultimatums thrown around.

Being an ex-smoker, I understand how hard it can be to quit, so if you want him to quit, don't expect it to be cold turkey, it takes a lot of time, and a lot of support and understanding from people around you. Like any other addiction I guess.

[confusedgirl198]

yes you should support him and help him to quit, tackle the situation as a unit. making someone choose is a very selfish thing to do. Smoking is not who he IS its something he does and if you GENUINLEY have feelings for someone how a simple habit as this can cause you to feel you need a way out is beyond me. Support him not abandon him at the first hurdle

[littlelotus]

Personally I would choose the cigarettes! If your handing out ultimatums then you don't really love him. You knew he was a smoker when you chose to date him. He will only quit if he wants to maybe you should actually try being a supporting girlfriend rather than a whining demanding one! Maybe try coming up with ways to help him quit smoking instead of demanding he quit since if my boyfriend were to ever demand I quit something I am not going to just to p*ss him off even more. Quitting is harder than you think. I stick with what I said try being supportive of him instead

[Giogiogio2011]

I don't think so. as long as your putting out and the relationship is great.

Im just against giving up anything to a woman who keeps distant in a relationship. Tells me to stop playing my guitar? Heh Goodbye. Tell me to stop doing my work for college and that kind of stuff goodbye!

I just have it against a woman who only wants to be my partner when it benefits herself.

[Anonymous]

Ultimatums rarely work how you would like. I do agree he should quit, and don't think it is as hard as most smokers make it out to be. The thing is he has to want to quit for his own reasons, not for yours. He might try to quit temporarily to make you happy, he might hide it from you and act like he has quit, but it is most probable that he will not quit based on your demand. People do not change unless they want to.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you are being mean. You are being honest about something you are not willing to live with. You have a right to have standards. If he can't meet them, you have a right to leave. You are also giving him a lot of incentive to do the right thing.

Just be ready for the fact that you will probably loose him over this. Cigarettes are more addictive than heroin.

[Opinion Owner]

My fiance smokes. I don't. So he only smokes outside. He knows how I feel about it. He is a doctor, so he knows perfectly well that he is killing himself. He has told me twice that he had quit, but then he would forget about quitting a few months later. It is very hard to quit. Ultimately, I love him too much to loose him over this issue. If he smoked around me, that would be a different story. I hope that he will quit, but I am not going to hold my breath waiting for it. I don't think he can.

[Luzerne]

I think it's fair. If it's something you really can't stand, you can't just put on a smile and ignore it, since it'll just create a lot of resentment in the future.

Though once you deliver a statement like this, you have to live with the consequences, whatever they may be.

[kmhco]

I know I could never be with a smoker. That being said, he probably won't quit the cigarettes unless he was already thinking about quitting.

[Anonymous]

That seems fine. If you don't want to date a smoker, then don't date a smoker.

However, if he chooses cigarettes over you, just be aware that you brought it on yourself.

[probabilist]

whod he choose? I hope you didn't put him in a situation where now he will just lie to you about smoking...

[decentusername]

a bit harsh. I don't think most people can just quit cold turkey. did you give him time?

[Asker]

yes I told him when we first got together...and its been a year.

and I wouldn't make such a big deal about it if I didn't get a migraine and feel like I'm gonna puke every time he smoked one

[decentusername]

oh well then you're not being too harsh. did he even try?

[sixstring]

I think so yes. It's good you want him to quit but making him choose is too harsh.

[smokinginbed]

well..if he's anything like me...he'll choose smoking...not for smoking per say...put I hate it when a girl makes me choose between her and something...cuz that's not how things work

[arashmenalagha]

tootin your own horn huh? no but I def wouldn't choose you lol

[branmcc1220]

No, your just trying to help him make healthier choices

[TheWhiteFreshPrince]

Not really, but you need to understand how hard it is to stop smoking ciggs.

[MorganTey]

I would too. I don't think it's mean. I hate smokers

[Anonymous]

No.Smoker wasting a lot of money.Its better for him to get you are nice dress rather than burning his money just like that.