How often do you date someone who is not "your type"?

Question

If I was not in a relationship, and I bought a brass lamp at the antique store, and the geni in the lamp could deliver the girl of my dreams. . . she would be an older version of the girl in this photo. BUT. . . after 50+ years of dating and relationships, I have dated only one woman who came close to this ideal; she was REALLY hot (but she was eventually revealed to be a drug abuser and a horrible potential partner for me.) I have dated women who were taller, heavier, not blonde, more endowed upstairs, not as cute, etc. Many of those women were very good dating partners and many of them appealed to me in a lustful way! I am engaged now and my fiancee looks NOTHING like this photo, but she's a GREAT match for me! So, if you ask me about my ideal woman, I can describe her but this ideal ("my type") has really eluded me all of my life. That's okay.

So. . . what about you? How often have you dated someone who was a good match for your ideal guy or girl?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Probably not, I have some strict standards and then there are things I have preferences on. Such as I like tall bombshell women. But I could be with a short woman if she was a good Christian woman with the same standards I have when it comes to certain things (in essence. Sex before marriage).

You have to remember the verse of a virtuous woman. About how beauty is vain and favor is deceit. A lot of men (and women) put a lot of focus on whose the prettiest. Well not everyone whose beautiful and/or handsome is bad by any means. But you shouldn’t just judge someone based off of looks one way or the other. Which so many people do. Most people can look good depending on how much effort they do or don’t put into their appearance.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%2031:10-31&version=KJV

Proverbs 31:10-31

King James Version

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

A lot of men don’t want that kind of woman. It “hurts their little manhood” when in reality it builds them up. A lot of these dudes just want to have sex and sleep around. Many lukewarm Christian’s as well.

Guido · Accepted Answer

The woman I dated that came the closest to the physical features I like, turned out to be the dumbest person I ever dated. It did not last long even though the sex was fantastic. It was not enough as intelligence turned out to be way more important then hot sex for long term.

TenderFantasy · Accepted Answer

Well, I'm not as old as you, but back when I was younger, I also prefered blond/blonde hair and blue eyes. Or even dark brown hair with light eyes. But then I came down to EARTH lol. Some of those types were jerks, heck a lot of them were. One was using me to cheat on his girlfriend (I was basically the side chick and I didn't even know it till a few weeks in!). I've also been used, yeah, only for that one thing. Some were upfront about it, some were sneakier, but over all, their message was sadly the same: That they didn't see any long term potential with me..

I don't know if it's because I am Asian and I am not the right race (Because duh, it's only usually WHITES that have varied eye and eye color - in extremes. Though I HAVE seen lighter features in some East Asian populations such as light brown hair and light brown (hazelish) eyes, and they weren't even mixed with white). Of course I am talking about Anglo Saxon race, not the Spanish variety from Spain, though I HAVE dated one of those a long time ago too.

I think for me, it's just whoever I happen to come across and I was horny. Yeah lol, that's right, I admit a lot of it was out of convenience but still.. lol. In recent times though, I have been looking more and more for people I have in common with, not just their physical attributes, but as we all know in relationships, it always takes TWO, so they gotta feel the same about me unfortunately! Anyway, good question.

P. S. Oh and no I'm not racist. I've dated the colors of the rainbow too mind you. From BLACK, to Vietnamese, to Filipino, etc.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Accepted Answer

Now I don’t have ideals. Before 22 - I did. I dated four men who looked quite similar to this image.

And like this

The very first one - I believe the one who caused me to have this type - He loved me in my teens and he was my brother’s best friend and my childhood friend. Last time I saw him, he hugged me, lifted me up in his arms and told me,

Doesn’t matter what “I am yours and You are mine.”

I was looking for him in every blond man I met.

The third and fourth men who looked exactly like this, asked me to be their girlfriend. It didn’t work out though. I wasn’t exactly ready.

At 22, I fell for someone total opposite of what I thought my type was, I fell for an Asian guy.

He had sharper and more prominent nose and shorter stylish hair, but he was pretty much similar to this guy.

And after a while, he became my ideal.
After break up. I slowly lost interest.

Today, I don’t have any ideal images, no ideal men.

I stopped putting so much importance into looks and caring much more about maturity and compatibility.

Ideal men will be the one who’ll love me ideally and let me love him back the way that feels the most natural to me.

devilish-cutie · Answer

I liked different looking guys when it comes to height, hair, eyes... i do tend to like more guys that are handsome and sporty so if that is a type
I have never ever started to like a guy after gttring to know him well if I didn't find him initially physically attractive

AviatorTom · Answer

Neither my then-wife not my current SO are my ideal women, which is why I don't believe in soulmates. I had a good marriage for 20 years before an amicable divorce, and my SO and I are going on 7 years and counting.

There was one girl I dated when I was much younger who was close to my ideal, but that didn't work out.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

I married him 🤣 actually neither of my husbands were my “type” but I fell for the person versus an image 🤷‍♀️

GuyAnswersGirls123 · Answer

I have a difficult time with this question since I don't think I had a type beyond, "She's pretty enough and I enjoy my conversations with her so let's ask her out on a date!" 😅 I've always been extremely open-minded about this and possibly guilty of times where my brain fell out.

So I dated the most radical variety of women, perhaps similar to you, with a wide variety of physical builds, a variety of races and ethnicities, and personalities. It was exacerbated by the fact that I started off traveling a whole lot to new cities all the time, living in company-rented hotel rooms and venturing down to the hotel bar and beyond to meet people, sometimes dates (although I was always happy just to make new friends in these new cities), with a whole lot of short-lived relationships (both girlfriends and just regular friends) that turned long-distance and fizzled out as I hopped from city to city.

I've been called a "player" before but I was more like the "serial monogamist". I exclusively dated and saw only one woman at a time and always with some slight hope of finding a wife. The big problem that turned me into a serial monogamist with a love of short-lived relationships that resembled adventurous flings is that I was extremely picky about who I was willing to marry but hardly picky about who I was willing to date.

I ceased to become a serial monogamist when I raised my standards of dating and only dated women I already knew well enough to think there's a good chance of marrying them before I even went on a first date. I soon found my wife that way after I changed my mindset after being close friends with her for almost a year, and realizing there is a good chance she'd be the one before we even went on a single date.

Still, I can't even tell you what my type is. I find a wild variety of women attractive enough. The one thing I learned (very slowly and painfully) over the entire experience is that my type is a very emotionally mature woman who communicates very openly, is as interested in deescalating conflicts as I am, and doesn't get upset very easily or for long periods of time.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm not the sort of person who's been going out with multiple women a lot, heck, I may have dated a bunch of girls in the past, but I don't actually consider any of them my long term girlfriends besides my first ever one I dated in my teens up until the age of 20, so that says a lot about me; so yes, call me picky and choosy, but I don't agree to date someone if they don't at least fit 80% of my dating criteria.

As far as looks go, I'm 5'11 myself but I don't really have a preference in height all that much. She can be 6' tall or even as short as 5'1, as long as she doesn't have a problem with my height (because most women nowadays wouldn't even dare look in a guy's direction who's anywhere less than 6'2). Dark hair are attractive to me too, like a dark brown or black color. Again, no real preference on skintone, but speaking personally, I have tan/olive skin

Above all else, I prefer a woman that has a good personality and is fun to be around. Not someone who's always on their phone when you're trying to talk to them or someone who's always taking pictures of literally everything you guy are doing without ever living in the moment. A good sense of humor is also a huge plus in my book, and I mean an ACTUAL sense of humor. Not the sort of person who'd target somebody's insecurities just to be funny and then end it off with ".. just kidding!"

Seems kinda basic, doesn't it? Yet it's wild to think that apart from a couple women who I've met in my 24 years on this earth, none of them had all those traits, and those that did were either taken or had their hearts broken by some a**hole in the past and are now not interested in dating at all. As a result, I'm still single and look forward to be for the rest of my life if need be, if I can't find "The One" because I don't plan on settling for anyone less. Maybe that's just me being petty, but sorry, I choose myself.

Angxl3120 · Answer

I've completed stopped dating guys by looks, because i found that im not looking for a good ideal partner. I was looking for a guy similar to my ex, which might ruin my relationship as it might seem that I miss my ex, which is not true. Its because i found an ideal partner in my ex.

Now Im planning not to date until those feelings have vanished completely.

Then ofc some guys i find attractive say im not their type, which is completely alright because maybe they have a different picture of an ideal girlfriend in their minds.

Screenwriter · Answer

I can't say I had a formation of an "ideal" partner when I was dating back in high school and college and even later. I dated who was attracted to me and who was available and who I felt attracted to.

Dating is the whole thing about finding if the person you're dating works out. If you have a preconceived notion, how will anybody ever fit a "fantasy"?

I think general qualities work: intelligence, sense of humor, some shared interests. I've never had a "fantasy" type.

Miristheiss · Answer

I didn't really have a "type". I basically was attracted to girls I thought were cute or pretty and had relatively fit figures. I liked tall and short, all hair shades, average skin, tan, pale (I do kind of have a thing for porcelain/pale skin), skinny, thin, average, athletic, curvy (if she is fit).

Now I could be attracted to a girl who had deal breakers. I hate tattoos so if I met a girl who I was really attracted to, face, figure, sweet and then I'm bummed because she scarred her skin with these green ink marks for life, if we clicked, I would have entertained doing something short term with her but I'd always know this was never going to be a long term girlfriend or wife because I loathe tattoos.

HawkPerception · Answer

Before I say any of this, I'd like to state that I am not perfect. I'm not really close to ideal in terms of either looks or personality. I'd say I'm a 7/10 overall.

None of my exes were my dream girls physically. However, my last ex was as close to my ideal girl in terms of personality and her looks were above average, but still not dream girl.

The thing is I would have loved to marry her still, because I honestly can't imagine being lucky enough to find a better girl than she was, but she ended things with me.

exitseven · Answer

I had just ended a long term relationship. It was long distance and she did not put much effort into maintaining the relationship. I think the relationship had run its course. I dated 4 or 5 different girls over the next year or so. One of them was the polar opposite of my old girlfriend. She was not athletic and she was a bartender that never went to college. Her whole life was drinking and partying. She was a lot of fun at first but she may have been an alcoholic. She would show up at my place during the week wanting to go to some bars. I had to go to school the next day so I would tell her I could not go. She would get really angry with me. She was just crazy and I never knew what she would do next. after a while I told her that she should maybe get some help. She was bi polar as well. She got mad at me and dumped. me. A few months later I met my future wife who really was my type more than anybody else.

ImHere22 · Answer

Well, I’m not really a serial dater, so since I’ve had like 3-5 girlfriends in my lifetime and I married my last girlfriend, I’d say 95% were ‘not my type’ since 95% of the women I’ve dated I ended up not marrying.

Lol
Now if you want to include the total number of friends with benefits, a couple of whom I was ‘unofficially’ with for several years, then that percentage increases even more so.

NathanDavis · Answer

I don't really have an specific type... at least not when it comes to physicality, and all my ex-girlfriends were greats in a few different ways of their own

and, even if I start to think and idealize a "this is what I want, I'm always undecided about picking on specific feature... because it all starts to feel as great to me

RebelinSteel · Answer

I don’t really have a type or ideal girl, just a bucket of compatibility options. It’s a fairly wide selection as away from social media and dating apps, that’s what you average person is. Things like skin colour, hair colour, eye colour, height, hair length, tattoos or no tattoos, and a bunch of other stuff just does not come into it. If I need a girl in the library, the pub etc and we get on, have a laugh, then she’s my ideal girl. I would not date anyone I did not get on with.

Sun_Kim-Ai · Answer

A couple of girls I dated were not my type, but the one that went farthest was this girl with a dyed purple undercut and who always wore shorts and loose tank tops. Very friendly though.

Ran into her on Facebook, nowadays she's keeping her hair their natural color and dresses more normally, so I think it was just a phase.

Wallythewalrus2 · Answer

I always dated the little fair skinned blondes, that’s why I was surprised, along with everyone else, when I started dating my wife. She’s a 5’10” brunette with a darker complexion.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

I don't think I can put a face on my ideal someone. It's kind of like putting the cart before the horse scenario.

I'm not attracted to any certain look or race, there's beauty in lots of women that appeals to me.

My ideal partner is someone who is positive and someone I can't wait to see again when we are apart. They have to be energetic, kind-hearted, funny and intelligent.

If she happens to be in attractive packaging, then all the better.

Fireguy17 · Answer

When I met them I really didn't know if they were my type.

Back when I was young if they had a pulse they were my type.

There weren't any computers, internet etc, it wzs6either pure luck, fix ups video dating.

If you did find someone it still takes a while to get to know the real person, not their representative.

itsclearlynicholas · Answer

I was able to vote 81-100 percent, the last option, because while I've never actively dated, I'm sure I've probably crossed paths with chicks who would've been my type. Especially the big natural tits bundling along like milk jugs... jugs... jugs...👀🥛🥛

Kylie_Bug · Answer

It happens because you don’t really know a ton usually until get into dating. Then, it sometimes you find out not your type. What dating is about, to test the waters.

DJB72 · Answer

I've only dated 3 girls. I married the last one but the second was more my "type" at the time. With hindsight I ended up marrying the girl who offered what I  need  rather than  want.

How often do you date someone who is not "your type"?

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