Is it normal to feel hurt from a previous relationship once in a while?

[Anonymous]

I was in a 5-year relationship, had done a lot for this guy, built him up from having no driver's license, no car, no job. Showed up and supported him whenever he competed in sports and races. Drove 1+ hour to drop him off and pick him up from airport whenever he went to visit his family internationally (who, did not know that I existed since he hadn't introduced me to them).

Sometimes when I think of this relationship, I still feel hurt that I'd done so much and he could just say that he didn't have a goal for the relationship, after 5 years and all that I'd done didn't wake him up to think that he would want this type of woman in his life, forever. Sometimes I do still cry. We broke up 9 months ago.

Recently, I've gone on dates with a guy and things have been going well between us, but he hasn't asked if I wanted to be in a relationship (which I'm not in a hurry to be in, but we've had good times so I don't know what he's waiting for. I feel ready whenever he is, since I've seen his good qualities and personality, enjoyed time with him). I'm worried if he's going to be another guy who's going to hurt my heart too.

Is that normal to feel this way in the back of my mind, or am I not ready for a relationship?

[Anonymous]

It's completely normal to feel hurt from a previous relationship, especially after investing so much time, effort, and emotion into it. It's understandable that memories and emotions from that experience may resurface from time to time, even after nine months. Healing takes time, and everyone's journey is different.

As for your current situation, it's natural to feel cautious given your past experiences. It's important to communicate openly with the person you're dating about your feelings and expectations. If you're unsure about where the relationship is heading, it might be helpful to have a conversation with him to express your thoughts and see where he stands. Remember to take things at your own pace and prioritize your own emotional well-being. Trust your instincts and give yourself the time and space you need to heal and grow.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your response. What would be a good opening line for such conversation?

I've asked him, but probably didn't word it properly since I didn't know how to word it without sounding like I was pressuring him, so I received no response from him.

[Opinion Owner]

A gentle and non-confrontational opening line for such a conversation could be something like:

"Hey , I've really enjoyed spending time with you and getting to know you better. I wanted to check in and see how you're feeling about where we're at in our relationship. I value open communication and just wanted to share my thoughts and hear yours as well. No pressure, just wanted to have an honest conversation."

[Asker]

But we're not in a "relationship" yet. What would be a better word for it? 🤔

[laly520]

it's normal
healing is a journey