Beauty/style/appearance
Sexual chemistry/vibes
Intelligence/shared interests
Liveliness/playfulness
Elegance
Shared values/passion for same causes
Other (comment below)
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For me it's just really clicking in conversations and having an emotional chemistry and connection. There's sometimes a quality I have with a rare set of people where, even upon talking the very first time, it feels as though we've known each other our entire lives. That's the strongest quality that made me attracted to women and date them.
All the other things help as well but I have a simple "in or out" mindset with most of these. For example, I do want a girl to be at least slightly pretty to me but I don't see a real difference between a 6/10 and a 10/10. I've dated a variety (including a model one time) and they don't look or feel much different when the clothes come off and we've slept with each other many times in a row.
The women that stood out to me even sexually were ones with whom I was so into them not because of an hourglass figure or something like that but because we were so deeply connected and couldn't get enough of each other not just sexually but everywhere else.
But also I'm the type of guy at a social event that talks to literally everyone. Whoever is next to me: man, woman, old, young. So I'm not the type to look for the prettiest girl at the party. I'm the type who, if I happen to date the prettiest girl at the party, might not have even noticed she was there until I stumbled into her and asked her how it's going. Then I get attracted to her if the conversation is going extremely well and if it did, I'd ask her to hang out more in the future.
I suspect I'm somewhat demisexual though. I can't be if it's binary like you're either a demisexual or you're not since I still get excited if some random stranger of a woman with anything from an okay to great body bends over in a bikini, but if it's a spectrum like some people are more demisexual and some less, I seem to be a lot. Even though my caveman side will get excited by that random stranger of a woman bending over in a bikini, I won't be deeply attracted to her in a way that will motivate me to do anything unless we have a very engaging and soulful conversation with each other.
Her hair, body and personality.
when I first joined college... there were a few girls interested, or intrigued... or just definitely crushing on me, but... I didn't really see them as "options to pick from"
and I didn't consciously made an "evaluation list" or some "pros and cons ranking" or whatever, no... I just happened to met someone, that caught my attention because she was friends with me, and then I just found myself attracted to her for many reasons (actually all the reasons you listed and a few more) and not just one reason that I prioritized over the others...
but, I can tell you this... genuine confidence will always stand out and high above from many other things, and the one that ended up being my girlfriend, definitely had that
Opinion
44Opinion
I feel like after you've had sex with enough different woman, the body becomes less and less the first thing you notice about a woman. And for me at least the personality starts to become more front and center.
Maybe the way she's talking to someone or she'll say something smart in a way I thought was attractive. Or we have a similar sense of humor.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it could be anything that you notice right away. Is it most likely to be the looks? Probably. When you're younger for sure. But after that it's just whatever peaques the man's interest in her.
Yeah we all need to be attracted to the other person but besides that, because that's not enough for a long term relationship, I'd say be a genuinely good person and someone that's generally in a good mood. No one is always on a good mood and I don't mean that you can't have bad days but if every day is bad and you're bitter and mad at everyone and everything (I've met people like this) then I'm not interested. It's just bad energy.
I don't need to date someone that has all the same interests but I'd like someone like me who will smile, do a random good deed here and there just because, and even when times get tough just be there too.
I said elegance because in a first moment I'm unlikely to recognize intelligence or shared interests, same with sexual chemistry. All of these are important, but in line with your question, I don't cross the street to talk to your intelligence.
I'd look for the same traits that I currently look for to find a woman who stands out:
Does she make her interest in me obvious? She doesn't act aloof or wishy-washy about her attraction to me.
And is she agreeable and easy to get along with/supportive/helpful/submissive/kind? Is she a good team player? Is she motivated by our shared success?
I always say beauty is the most important thing in the beginning, however it is the least important thing once you start dating. If the girl is not interesting and we don't get along, I don't care that she is hot. Many many girls are hot, many guys are hot, it's the chemistry that keeps things going.
Most good men I know admire women that seem to resemble unicorns. But they are beautiful mythical creatures that don't exist. We respect and desire women that are kind loving and considerate. There is nothing worse then driving home from work knowing that there is a nasty hostile woman waiting for you.
Immediately it's always beauty... It's just a plain fact. But I've been with crazy beautiful women who have caused me hell.
I now absolutely want to find a girl with the same morals, values, goals and marry her.
Obviously I'd have to find her attractive but she doesn't have to be the prettiest girl anymore. Behavior and maturity is also very attractive as well as when your thoughts align with someone else
I can't stand women who are false. I can see through an act straight away. If you want to stand out? Don't try and be anything you aren't.
That is what works for me anyway!
Selection isn't based on first moments. Men bond or not through intimacy and decide accordingly through the feedback of bonding and reciprocation of the female. If she doesn't pass bonding criteria , then off to the next. Not cheating , just moving on.
Beauty/Style and elegance because that´s what I see first. Shared values is something that comes later because that´s not a topic I bring up similar as sexual chemistry.
The first thing I'll notice is usually if she's NOT doing something... and that something is... glued to her phone on social media checking her 800 accounts, or babbling incessantly something ABOUT social media. Why? Because 98 out of 100 now are virtual robot clones doing exactly that. Most have no idea just how cookie cutter they really are straight out of the gate. If she's not doing that... that stands out right away.
I voted F. I'm looking for someone who I can make a good life with. All the other things are important too, but none of them matter if she doesn't share my values. If she isn't family-focussed and can't be a good mother to my children, she is not right for me.
The question asked what stood out in a "first moment". It will always be looks! Every other choice comes after being hooked on the looks.
It will be a combination:
I' ll first sort out those who are too heavy.
From the remaining 5% I'd then most likely notice first the one with the warm face expression, who's standing somewhere in the background.
Could be all of the reasons given above but since men are more visual creatures, it's difficult to ignore a woman who is better looking than everyone else.
In a first moment I can't tell about interests, but I can get a good idea of intelligence and disposition.
That's an easy question. The women who brings me less problems is the one that can stand out. If you can simultaneously passively solve, a problem that also is the best way to stand out.
The way she dresses and how long her hair is
First moment is physical beauty, but she needs to have shared passions/hobbies/interests/talents to hold my attention.
The only things that would matter to me is similar interests and how easy communication is.
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