Men, how would you feel if the girl you’ve been long distance dating for a few months decided to move to your city?

[Anonymous]

Would it be weird or exciting? What thoughts would you be having?

Updates

1 y

Are you referring to when I move there?

Earlier this month he flew me out and had an entire long weekend planned for us. Was an amazing time— since then we text, call, and FaceTime regularly, he initiates it pretty much every day. He’s coming to visit me in April so I think casual is out of the question for now lol.

What I’m most concerned with is how and when I’m going to tell him.

Updates

1 y

That was not supposed to be an update but a reply, oops!

[jadspop]

I can see it gong 2 ways. Personally I'd be crazy happy and probably anxious.

But I can also see with it being long distance there's a level of justification in him having you as a comfort online and him also having comfort in person. And you showing up means he wouldn't be able to go to other girls for comfort or sex like he would be able to do with you far away

I can also see you moving closer just being a huge change to your dynamic. Or might not be that there anything wrong going on. But just that he needs to get adjusted. Or that he might be scared that bite that your around more is more serious and he could mess it up easier.

There might be a level of comfort in the lvl of commitment or preasure to preform in the relationship when your not they're. So being there might put more pressure on him.

Again personally I'd love if the girl I've been talking to long distance moved to the same city. But those are a few reasons I can think of that would make him uneasy about it

[Asker]

Thank you so much for the thorough comment!!!

I’m pretty sure we’re only seeing each other as he’s introducing me to his family in April. He’s also a very one girl type of man.

Just a bit of backstory because your comment caught my interest!

We met almost 4 years ago and went on some dates but I ended up breaking things off with him after a couple months as he was interested in a relationship and I wasn’t emotionally ready for that. We went no contact for almost 2 years and after I became single again last summer, he randomly reached out to me. We would talk almost every day following that.

However, we haven’t just been talking, at first it was like that but then he flew me out to visit and we realized that time helped us grow/mature and that our chemistry was off the charts. We are sexually involved now and he calls/FaceTimes/texts me every day. He’s even gone to the point of reassurance in how he feels about me unprovoked which I love.

He’s flying to visit and stay with me in April and then from there, he’s taking me on a short road trip to meet his best friends and family. There have been absolutely no red flags; he makes plans for the future with me, talks about wanting marriage and children. He’s turning 30 soon so I think he’s ready for that type of commitment, and I’m pretty sure with me! Very exciting and very nerve wracking because I don’t want to mess it up. I think distance is the biggest issue for us.

Definitely needs to be a conversation, as I don’t want to put pressure on him either! Not expecting to see him every day, but then again, he’s a really good man and I can also see him wanting to be around me any chance he has. I like to leave things to men to decide so I would not be the one to initiate asking to hang out. After my last relationship, I’ve decided to go with the “let him come to me” mentality.

Knowing the backstory, do you think it’s safe to say that he may feel more positively about it?

[jadspop]

Sorry for the late reply. Given what you've said it sounds like he never got over you in the first place. If anything out sounds lie he really likes you and got a little burned when you called it off. So the issue now isn't that he dosent like you or he's not serious. It's that he's just worried and trying to make sure he's not going to get hurt again. He WANTS to get excited and be there with you. He's just trying to be a little guarded to he's more secure about you not leaving again.

If I had to guess he'd fem that way if it had been with any one but the fact your the same girl that got away the first time just make the emotions a little more fresh on the high and low end

[ProbablyClueless]

I would be happy about that, but my dating experiences would probably make me wonder what weirdness was around the corner.

[Asker]

What do you mean by weirdness?

[ProbablyClueless]

I've just had such bizarre experiences. For example, I've had multiple women tell me that they could see us starting a family together, only to ghost me a couple weeks later.

[RSav4013]

I just wouldn't do it as a surprise. That sort of thing needs to be a conversation in advance.

[Asker]

Definitely a good point. I’ll tell him but it’s more so about when and how. I see him just over a month so I’m going to wait until we’re in person

[RSav4013]

Good idea!

[firenine909]

Exciting probably would want to meet up with them and date for real

[Asker]

Interesting, I think I’m just overthinking things! We’ve talked about me potentially moving there but I haven’t told him that it’s my plan to move there this summer specifically with one of my friends.

Tryna play it cool for now but I’m hoping he responds the way that you did and it doesn’t freak him out. I know I would personally be very excited for him to move back to my city, just curious if men process things the same way.

[firenine909]

I’d take it a bit slow and ask him to go to a coffee shop or something causal. Ease into it

[exitseven]

I was in a long distance relationship for 3 years and it would have been awesome if she moved to where I lived. It never could happen and we broke up instead

[Vegasrunner]

This actually happened to me once it was terrible.

[Asker]

What happened?

[Vegasrunner]

@asker Long story the gist is that it was fine when I only had to see her once every few months but as soon as she moved into town, she expected more time.

[Asker]

Gotcha. Sounds not great, luckily for me, I’m pretty independent and will be moving there with my friend/future roommate. The place we’re looking at is about 50 minutes by train so not too creepily close.

I’m also a working gal and pretty chill when it comes to spending time with my S/O, mainly waiting for him to initiate things so that when we are together, it’s because he genuinely wants to spend time with me. Not because he feels like he has to. I feel like that’s the best route in in the early stage of relationships. “Let him come to me” mindset, we both have our own lives to live.

Will definitely keep this comment in mind though, you make a valid point. Changing from once every couple months to multiple times a week sounds intense in the beginning.

[Anonymous]

Depends if I'm seeing someone at the time. It could work otherwise.

[Asker]

I’m pretty sure I’m the only person he’s seeing but you never know. That’s why I haven’t told him yet, because even I’m not moving there strictly for him, I’m worried he will think I am and be weirded out by it.

We’ve mentioned me moving there a few times but nothing in stone, just a “I wish you lived here” from him and a never ending multitude of “I miss you’s” initiated by him.

I know I’m probably overthinking it. I just want him to be excited and not weird about it lol.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I'd actually love that!!!

[shortster]

I would look forward to going out on a date

[Fireguy17]

that would be great.

[lildkman1010]

I’d be happy