Why do women play so hard to get and yet cry about being so lonely?

[Anonymous]

As a guy who’s been in the dating game. I met a lot of women who are sad being lonely. But yet, when I get to know them, they put up this barrier against all men. But in reality, they desperately always want a boyfriend once they get to know me. So why put up a show? I think that’s one of the reasons I don’t even approach women at bars anymore. Because they want a guy to do all the work. But then they get sad when they leave, and it’s because they don’t even try the smallest amount of effort back.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I think a lot of people haven't caught on to the modernization of dating and how it's different than say, small town 1980s dating would have been. With all the technology available, not just dating apps, hookup apps and the like, but things like Meetups or Strava, I can connect with dozens of people this week. Are they all going to be potential dates? No, but maybe their friends are. Plus, for anyone who isn't glued to a keyboard and active in the community, eligible women aren't exactly a limited commodity.

The one hot girl from high school in a town of 500 could have been such hot shite in 1980 that guys would line up to date her, now she's just a statistic. Are all the women I interact with going to be interested in ME? No of course not, but how much time would I waste playing games with one when there's dozens more to follow after her by the end of the month?

It's like globalization's effects on the economy. We COULD make tshirts for walmart in Idaho, but China will do it for pennies on the dollar, and that's how Walmart can sell them for $5ea. You want to pay a U. S. worker $20 to do it? Those shirts go to $25ea. Time is money. I'm only going to spend so much on a woman who hasn't demonstrated she brings anything unique to the table (because we just met) when I have so many more options out there.

Same thing of course applies to men, but I don't date them.

[MMelanieM]

This is an interesting question - Over the years, this is what I have noticed. When I was younger, I was more shy and didn't have all the skills to be protective of me and my well being, and hence I don't pursue a guy. Cause i have lots of things going on in my life and I cannot collapse emotionally which can eat into the other sectors of my life. So I'm being mindful of it. The thing at that time was that I'm slow in warming up to the man and getting to know him and getting to the next level... by which time they have moved on to other girls/a girl. I didn't find someone patient enough & I noticed if he really keen, he would have hung around, but maybe I wasn't quick enough for him.

I also noticed, after i started to pick up on my pace and i'm genuinely giving it a shot, the guy tries to play hard to get and it becomes a mind game that they play. This exhausts me mentally and emotionally & it disturbs my energy and the functionality of things I do in a day. I have realised that my energy is too precious to be played with and hence I have to stay in balance with a strong core, and I need a man, that comes peacefully and not to make my existing energy chaotic.

As time went by the amount of apps available to choose from is plenty and with socialising also lots of options are there. So I take it as with plenty of options around, competition is also high and while I put my energy, effort and I genuinely have a good vibe with the guy... they take onto someone else.

So moving forward, I'm just focusing on my life and if i meet someone who comes on my path, gets to know me and wants to put sure effort, i'm in... but I know I'll be conservative of my energy, as I'm trying to hold onto the life that I'm building behind the scene also.

[MMelanieM]

thank you for selecting my opinion as the MHO :)

[Glittergirl4]

Because just as guys don't always know what they are doing, we women don't know either. I always believed the guy was supposed to chase and set all the dates and initiate conversation or else they just don't like you. I'm finding that maybe that's not the case because now I feel like I'm losing the interest of the guy I'm seeing. I'll be honest, I don't know what a guy wants and expects from me. I suck at this. I'm also very shy. Maybe it's my fault and I should initiate conversation more, show more interest, and actively try to schedule a date since we've been out about 8 times and we've been talking for 4 months. I would say, even though it's not you guys' fault, maybe men could try to be a little more open and communicate about what they want and how they feel.

[RingOfFire]

That's a very insightful comment and introduced me to something I have never thought about. If I had to give a general response about it I would probably say that in general, guys like a girl to be a little bit of a challenge, but not too much. At some point they appreciate when she shows a little interest back so at least he feels he isn't wasting his time. But if you show too much interest, he feels like it's too easy. Men are hunters. They like the thrill of the chase. But there needs to be some feedback so he knows that eventually he can go in for the kill (so to speak). 🙂

[Glittergirl4]

@RingOfFire Show interest how? I know I can tell him he's cute but that's kind of basic. What do guys take as interest?

[RingOfFire]

Just little things... like...

I'm glad to see you...

How was your day...

What have you been up to...

Small talk. That shows interest without giving away too much.

[RingOfFire]

It encourages him to not feel like he will be rejected.

[Glittergirl4]

@RingOfFire Ok, that's helpful. I'm shy so I have a hard time with those things. Honestly, I don't do them. Something for me to work on.

[RingOfFire]

Well... I have always loved shy women because I find that once I got to know them, they usually have much more to offer than outgoing women. So it isn't necessarily a negative. I find it attractive. I'm sure there are other guys like me.

[ChiTown33]

Yes, but by the same token so could women could be a little more open about what they want. But you by your own admission haven't done that.
I think the biggest thing women need to understand is that there a lot of your gender don't want anything from a man other than his attention and whatever she desires at the time. She will cash him in in a heartbeat when she wants something else. And ALL these women use the same claim "I'm shy". She's not shy. She's a narcissist. There's a big difference. But on the surface they act the same. a lot of women say they want a man to communicate when actually what she means is she wants in his head. She wants to know how better to manipulate him.

[Glittergirl4]

@ChiTown33 I'm also willing to communicate, I'm just looking for the man to lead. And I am in fact shy. I don't have friendships because of it. It's a thing that hurts me and I've been working to improve. I'm not speaking for other women here because there are high quality and low quality women just as there is high quality and low quality guys. I just want to know someone cares so I won't spend more time and energy just to get hurt. I'm sure guys feel the same way. It's scary to show vulnerability. Not all women are about manipulation.

[RingOfFire]

@Glittergirl4

You are 100% right. And your attitude is perfect. Keep it up and you will succeed.

[ChiTown33]

So do guys hun. Closed mouths don't get fed. That's just reality. You want something you have to put yourself out there. Guys do that constantly and get shut down constantly. You're absolutely right, there are high and low value men and women. But you're going to pat the price of a lot of those low value women because you're "shy". Because while you might not be a low quality woman (I don't know you I don't know). On the surface you look exactly the same. And you inaction projects the same.

[Paul09]

Both sexes are supposed to get to know eachother, so do that! What do they enjoy to do in life? What do they want in their life in the future? What hobbies do they like? We are suppose to see if we connect on some level. I myself get anxious. But I always try to ask questions. Well not that I have in years. In my opinion it's attractive when a woman shows some interest in me. Rather than I'm just showing interest in the woman. We humans are so weird. That's why I like doing fun activities rather than a restaurant. Might loosen up and talk more.

[Purpleronnie]

I think your views are very polar and a little skewed and bitter being honest. I have never thought that women / girls play unjustifiably hard to get , I think knowing how guys can be with their single mindedness why shouldn’t a woman weed out those that are more intent on using them for sex For those that are actually interested in them. Attractive women get a lot of interest from would be suitors and so get really good at reading guys and recognizing what’s actually on offer. I am no lothario or don jaun and so would never measured my worth by my success with women. Nor would I make sweeping generalizations about women and how they take take and never give , when clearly that just isn’t true. If you want my advice it’s take a break from the dating game , attempt to just spend time around women talking to them and understanding how they are complex just like us men. I feel it will likely give you the insight you are missing.

[JacobJordan]

Because they want to see how much bullshit you will tolerate and they fail to realize that if they push to the point he walks away he isn't coming back. That is why I skipped the entire chase. I show my interest if she is interested we go next steps if she displays anything else I walk. Lead to some fascinating outcomes when I was younger

[genericname85]

they aren't playing the same game you are. for them the challenge isn't finding someone that shows interest. for them, the challange is sifting out the duds from all the people who show interest. and that proofs to be more difficult the more attractive they are.

[Asker]

They really don’t know that though. You can’t really get to know someone unless you try. So that’s where they f up on. Not trying at all. And I understand some women have unrealistic expectations, but I give everyone a chance. And if I’m not feeling it, I apologize and move on.

[genericname85]

well imagine everyone you ever got to meet is an asshole and you just never figured out how to avoid that happening. sure you can go through the cycle over and over again and chances are you'll get hurt over and over again. that's bitterness. i would personally not go for a girl like that, cause she needs to fix herself.

[genericname85]

i mean turns out to be an asshole after the fact. not be an asshole right away.

[Asker]

I’ve been hurt by girls all my life. Does that make me want to stop? No. Stop giving them excuses. They’re grown adults too. Like the saying goes “If you always look for the bad in things, you’ll find it.” So therapy if anything is what you should go to if you feel that way/bias against men.

[Asker]

And again, I keep trying because I know not all women are the same. Every girl is different in some ways. So you can’t change others, you can only change yourself.

[genericname85]

well people become bitter experiencing the things you did. you didn't become bitter i guess. but what you're doing is dating chicks that are bitter. so yeah. no point in complaining about it. they have issues they need to fix. that's all there's to it.

[Apple1996]

Any woman who does that has most likely been hurt by a man in the past. So its not that they don't want to put in work but maybe scared of being hurt?

[Asker]

I understand, but don’t you think they need to resolve their mental state? Like go to therapy.

[Apple1996]

I'm not sure that's really a mental issue. Like they cannot trust others and they are doing it in a protection type of way so it is understandable

[Asker]

It is. They have biases, and/or trauma. I think everyone needs therapy at some point in their lives.

[dustybiker2]

Maybe you are interested in the wrong (if you don't want that) or same sort of woman? There are plenty out there not interested in games. If you aim only for the brightest spark playing the 'chase me' card, then that is what you get.

[normalice]

They aret playing "hard to get." They are playing "does he actually want me or just my ass" and are sad when they find he just wanted their ass.

[alice55]

cause if they don't they're called whore and easy not mariage material. This only bother you you have no game and aren't able to understand anything.

[Asker]

I have a girlfriend now…. Guys in prison could get a girl. Not a big deal, narcissist.

[alice55]

Where is your proof? And why are you anonymous then? yes and? What's the point? They get girls hen they're hot and some women are just into this kind of hardcore stuff though it's only letter they get and some visit no sex because sex with inmate are only authorized if they're married and one time per months (at least it work this ways in France), you can hardly say inmate get women when all they get are some letters.
I fail to see the point and logic of this sentence?

[Asker]

Why do I have to prove anything to you? You don’t matter to me. And I’m anonymous because I hate stalkers. And I’m not from France, I’m from the US. All I’m saying is that you make it a bigger deal than it is.

[mattthefatbat]

Sounds like OP hasn't met the right woman yet keep searching and im sure you'll find the one that really wants you for you

[desidoll]

Eh, trust me it is not only women doing this. I have seen plenty of men whine about being single yet never put effort to get a girlfriend.

[naartjie]

Because if you don’t play hard to get then guys just use you and you end up alone anyway… might as well have high standards and be alone then not.

[ThatOneGuy247]

I agree. It's based on evolutionary psychology. What you described is called commitment scepticism bias.

[RebelinSteel]

Fair question, pass, I guess their counterpoint are those sad guys who are pretty much permanently single with zero hope.

[Unit1]

They play hard to get towards men they are not interested in. Watch them running after the top 10% of men and break every rule they had for you.

[A_Bell]

Maybe they are different women an you are just being a generalizing a-hole?

[Anonymous]

Because to most of these women men are simply games to be played. When they cry about being lonely it's generally because men have wised up and caught on to thier games. And now she had NOTHING not even I guy to take advantage of.

[JHAYES317]

Because they magically want their dream guy to come out of nowhere but that’s not realistic…

[Ms_Facesitter]

I don't play it, I just take a while to warm up to someone.

[Anonymous]

If I was lonely I wouldn't play hard to get, I would let any guy fuck me.

[Jamie05rhs]

It's not about sex. I don't think he was talking about sex.

[Asker]

@Jamie05rhs you’re right. I wasn’t talking about sex. I’m talking about relationships.

[KittygosMeoWW]

I don’t play, I am hard to “get”. I’d rather be lonely than in an toxic and miserable relationship.

[Nikki1989]

Typical male attitude on display here. They never stop to think that THEY could be the problem.

[Anonymous]

Women who play games should not cry about being single

[TM_KO_AF]

they like chasers and beggers
just don't come off as too pervy

they like playing games
and bitch cry when they lose