How to avoid a first date to feel like an interview?

[Kulotz]

Have you ever experienced a first date to turn into a job interview? How do you avoid it and still ask the things you are curious about?

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Simply focus on learning about each other, openly sharing, and reciprocation. Dates that end up resembling interviews or monologues are too lopsided in expressed interest.

The interview date is when one person has too much lopsided interest in learning about the other person without teaching the other person about themselves. The interviewer ends up asking lots of questions prompting the other person to share but barely shares anything about themselves.

The monologue date is when one person has too much lopsided interest in teaching the other person about themselves without learning about the other person. The person delivering monologues while the other person is reduced to saying, "Uh-huh, I see, uh-huh, oh, uh-huh," shares a whole lot about themselves but barely lets the other person share anything about themselves.

So to get a date where the conversations flow very naturally and reciprocally, you want to approach a date with both an eagerness to share and an eagerness to learn. We want to be like chatterboxes and great listeners at the same time; this way we maximally share and maximally learn.

Also it helps to be spontaneous and take things slowly. Interview dates often come across as though the interviewer rehearsed their questions in advance and often give the impression as though the other person is rushed to find out as much as what interests them in a partner over a single date. There's time to go on multiple dates and just spontaneously learn all this information about each other over the course of having fun and being fairly spontaneous.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

[*] Interview dates often come across as though the interviewer rehearsed their questions in advance and often give the impression as though [they're] rushed to find out as much as [possible about] what interests them in a partner over a single date.

We don't have to learn everything about each other in one day. So it helps to relax and go with the flow and have some fun together and realize we can learn this type of information about each other over the course of multiple dates and not a single one.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Also echo the suggestion to make friends first if possible. That's the absolute ideal as I see it. Although this can still help even when just hanging out as friends to help have more productive and reciprocal conversations with friends.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Don't call it a date or at least don't make it that formal. Just hangout. Don't turn it into some bullshit where you gotta play dress up or where there are a bunch of expectations.

That's my basic advice and why I always say "I don't do dates." I just hang out. If it's a meet'n'greet like a friends with benefits/NSA chick online I always set it up like this...

We agree to meet in passing, like at a grocery store, we do a quick hug and then split. I do this both for me and for her. Because then later we can say yay or nay later online/text without some uncomfortable conversations or forced bullshitery for 30 minutes to an hour. A catfish like the fat chick with a pretty face can get bent in my system... and if she decides I'm not good enough, I don't have to deal with a bunch of awkard ways of getting rejected.

If it's not a friends with benefits/NSA situation though... I still let things progress organically. I don't chase her or any of that PUA bullshit. I'm just myself, I put it out there that I'm down if she's down, and then she can take it or leave it. We already sort of know each other so there is no need for games or some stodgy date bullshit.

If it don't work for both of us... I don't want it.

[jennifer_bloom]

My cousin says not to date a guy who tells you he is rich cause a good guy does not try to buy female attention. The reverse could be true too, I notice on cultural dating sites, over 75% of women refuse to disclose their income. I googled other female profiles to see if my profile matched other people’s profiles. But I only used it for 4 days.

[silyt_ghoest]

deepest childhood trauma, mild name, fav color, in that order.

[AviatorTom]

Learn about each other indirectly. Rather than talking about oneself, talk about things around you. For example, if the first date is at a restaurant, see what other people are eating and make comments about it.

[CalmUntilAbused]

First of all... Is there anything wrong with the first date resembling a job interview? I mean, with dating, we're talking about matrimonial market, after all, so it's reasonable for the date to resemble a business meeting.

If I really didn't want the first date to resemble a job interview, though... I guess alcohol would be the most simple answer. However, the potential detrimental side effects of this solution might outweight the benefits, and by a great margin. Finding common interests and making use of these during the date would be a better option, but it's far less probable to find common interests with a stranger, so it's a definitely less reliable way, statistically speaking.

[Overandunder89]

Talk to the person on the phone first and deal with all of the formalities then. By the time you first meet in person, you won't feel like total strangers and will both be comfortable enough to just chat and laugh more casually assuming the phone conversation goes well.

[NathanDavis]

I only go out with people I already know better than this

[LadyLa820]

Probably at least know a few facts about them. So you can have discussions based on them to avoid making it feel awkward.

[LiamJHayden]

Just have fun. If you can do that, then you can start to dig deeper on subsequent dates. If you can't have fun together, then why bother going deeper?

[MrDaveAPSI]

Don't date people you don't know. That's why the best relationships, start off as "just friends"

[Nikki1989]

You don't ask personal invasive questions.

[Shy_Steve]

Try to make some jokes that they might find funny about the things they do or the things they have told you.

[Awesomesauce2005]

A first date is a job interview. Maybe thats why I've never been on a second date...

[zagor]

Unfortunately my skills at both are lacking, as can be attested to by my record on both.

[clampfan101]

Become friends first.

[OtterMan68]

don't ask for a résumé

[KrakenAttackin]

Avoid asking "interview" questions.

[Mariena_Anne92]

Be yourself

[sheikalana]

Be a good listener.

[In_Trance]

Make it fun