Is he being too much from the second day of talking stage?

[Anonymous]

So I met a guy on a dating app, and both of us are looking for a serious relationship. We're just in the talking stage (2nd day) and we're currently in different states but he expects me to be exclusive to him already- altho I haven't even conveyed any strong interest. He texts me from midnight until 4 in the morning, says I'm the love of his life and says he wants to eat me. On one hand I feel too rigid for not going with the flow, on the other I feel it's alittle over the top.

[DoggyDude]

It is very over the top. It's sweet maybe that he's seriously into you, and the attention is, in itself not overly disturbing. That you haven't conveyed that you have any particularly strong interest is a concern though.

I would say, unless your feeling this guy is someone special that might accept this over the top behaviour, you might want to just pull back a bit on how much time you make available.

It can be difficult, if you don't really know yet, so try to make it clear when you pull back that it's not anything except you need a time to get to know him and he you, and that is not something to rush.

Again, if you think he might be particularly special, then you might not want to risk causing him to rethink his attention level. Though generally speaking, he is being too much and there is an overlap between someone trying to rush someone into intimacy and someone seriously into you. So for both your sakes you need to cool things, but try to do it without ruining something if he's just genuinely in love with you (honestly, if he IS genuinely in love, your caring suggestion to cool, not end stuff should be accepted and supported, if he pushes against that, maybe you should escape him).

Though thats one opinion. At the end of the day, know how your feeling and this poster agrees he's being too much given where your both at.

Though again, in fairness, I've been in that kind of love and I very much was hurt when the girl in question ended up with other guys. So, in sympathy to any guy who genuinely is in love and just over the top because of that, work out where your at and give them the best chance to be someone if they had a chance to begin with.

*bow*

[Doktorpete]

Dear, learn the difference between love and attachment.
This guy probably doesn't know the difference too.
He is trying too show you he deeply seek connection. But he is also lying saying he loves you, further, he is manipulating your feelings by showing false feelings

Don't LIE to him and pretend this behaviour doesn't bother you, or you will just manipulate what he feels instead of showing who you really are and that you're a little scared by him throwing all this shit at you

If you don't talk right now, you reinforce unwanted behaviour.

Shit.. this guy needs to play cool, he is obviously exaggerating, and what that shows is he genuinely believe you re going to fall to a psycho dude who in two days has the illusion of founding the love of his life TEXTING.

Best way to proceed? Say: "wow, I do appreciate you like me, but don't say that you love without really knowing me, I think you're idealizing me and wants me to say that back, but you don't mean it, moreover, you don't want to be lied too either"

[Asker]

Thank you, I really needed to hear this. Obviously, the guy doesn't harper strong feelings as such and really I want to tell him to stop, but I'm worried as to how he'd react. I didn't react to his msges, and he started saying I was being boring, so I felt that I was being too rigid

[thatshydork]

I’m going to give you one of the only pieces of advice about love that my mom has given me thus far in my life: always be careful of the guys who will say things like “I love you” way too soon.

It sounds like he’s doing what is called love bombing you (for those who might not know what that means, love bombing is when you try to manipulate or persuade someone by using over-the-top demonstrations of affection. One of the main ways of doing this is saying ‘I love you’ or things like that wayyyy too soon) which is something you want to be VERY wary of.

[Summeroflove]

Exactly. I’ve been told this before as well. Even things like someone wanting to get married too soon could be a sign of something else going on.

Not always there could be anything going on. Some people have limited interactions with people and when they find someone they become attached too soon. But they unfortunately are probably going to get themselves hurt. Getting attached to someone whose love bombing

[Horse-girl]

It is a bit early I'd say, I've had someone do that and he even asked me to marry him without even meeting in person and after having only talked for a week or so. I personally find it a bit too much too soon but it just depends how you feel about it.

[Summeroflove]

I agree. When you barely even know someone and they’re wanting a full on relationship and saying they love you. It can be a problem. At best it’s someone with attachment problems and at worst it’s someone with nefarious intentions.

[Horse-girl]

@Summeroflove it definitely put me on my guard, especially as we'd never even met in person or anything.

[Summeroflove]

It would me too. This is why I really don’t date online. I would rather meet someone in real life and go at what pace we both felt comfortable.

If someone was telling me they love me and we haven’t even met in person. It would be a huge red flag.

[Horse-girl]

@Summeroflove same, I wasn't actually wanting to date online it's just he kind of pressurised me into it. I'm not saying it's his fault because I should have stood my ground and said no.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah. It’s not my thing. I get that some people have a hard time meeting people. But not for me

[Horse-girl]

@Summeroflove well it does help people meet I guess but it's not a very natural kind of relationship.

[Summeroflove]

Not really I don’t judge people who do it. But I don’t really trust people online. It’s like I’m not really into cold approaches either

[Horse-girl]

@Summeroflove same, I have seen some people find their person but I'd rather it in real life myself.

[Summeroflove]

I’m looking for my soulmate. Too many people are too busy trying to impress everyone of the opposite sex instead of looking for someone special. But that’s them.

A lot of people on dating websites want something casual anyways. Most
I wouldn’t trust. Not that they’re all bad

[Horse-girl]

@Summeroflove well I wish you luck with finding your special someone! 😊

[Summeroflove]

Thanks and you too

[Summeroflove]

I think that the decision to be exclusive is one that BOTH people need to be ready for. Also, texting late at night and early in the morning especially if you have to get up early is rude at best.

People learn pretty fast not to be texting or calling in the wee hours in the morning unless it is a EMERGENCY! Now some people have different boundaries and if it’s something both of you have talked about. That’s one thing.

This is why I generally avoid dating apps. Some people can seem like good upstanding people, to find out later they’re are as nutty as a sack of squirrel turds.

If you feel you’re loosing interest. Tell him. Maybe he isn’t even bad but maybe it’s not meant to be. I don’t think it’s good for someone to get overly attached to someone they barley even know. Maybe he’s lonely though and doenst ge to talk to a lot of people. So don’t hate him for it. But maybe you need to discuss boundaries and just tell him how it makes you feel in a nice way.

[Avicenna]

At best it's love bombing. At worst, it's part of a scam.

[Yoursweetgirl]

Absolutely agree

[Summeroflove]

I would agree. It could be some sort of attachment problem at best in my opinion. Some people mean well they just get attached too soon and it can cause problems. But like I said that’s the BEST case scenario.

[Summeroflove]

But it’s also very possible it’s some sort of love bombing or even a scam. Happens all the time. Especially when they find someone vulnerable who isn’t told nice things often.

Like preying on someone whose been abused a lot. Preying on people who maybe aren’t as attractive. Because they seem like someone whose genuinely being nice to them at first

[coachTanthony]

It’s icky no matter what you call it

[Pinay_ako]

Clingy. Stay away. Fast.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

What is the talking stage?

[Vermillion30]

I was. OKC Community Mod from 2012-2020.

There is about 50-200 Male profiles to 1 Female. That doesn’t take into Foreigner trying to get green cards, Escorts, OF bunnies and Cheaters.

The “Love of his life” is a little bit of a red flag. I’m guessing he’s Desperate and is trying to keep a conversation going so you don’t look at other messages or guys.

I fall extremely easy, but I need 2-3 months to mentally like someone, before I can even be physical. Last person I liked took me 5 Months to Start to like.

Personally I would Question how far are they? What common interests do you have? Do you like them physically (Photos)? Why is he up all night texting? online dating is 90/95% lose rate for men.

[Daniela1982]

Sounds like he is desperate or something. I would move on if I were you. These kinds of people are usually very possessive too. 😖 You definitely don't need that type of person.

[Summeroflove]

Exactly. At best he has attachment issues and means well. At worst it’s a romance scam. What it probably is is some form of love bombing.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who thinks things should be exclusive before you've even met up, is a fucking delusional moron. You should run--don't walk--away from this guy.

Although you should ALSO be aware that the ENTIRE point of meeting people online is to IMMEDIATELY meet up in person or reject them altogether. The very fact that you seem to think there's a "talking stage" where you spend more than 15 minutes interacting online before deciding to meet in person, tells me that you've got a lot to learn as well.

[sheikalana]

HUGE RED FLAG ALERT! He's not being too much he's being the ultimate red flag himself. Don't fall for this BS dear. The fact that you posted this question with all these details make me think deep down you know there's something wrong with his behavior.

[Summeroflove]

Yup. Women are generally better at seeing things then men are. Not always… some women fall for stuff like this. But it’s also how some women abuse men is they find men who are clueless and they find men who aren’t going to do the same thing to them

[Summeroflove]

But what’s pure entertainment is seeing two narcissists get together using the same tactics on one another. And in the end watching them both try to sabotage one another.

[poshspice123]

Sounds like lovebombing phase of a narcissist. Be careful of these people, the intensity as quickly as it rises, it quickly decreases as well. And the decrease in intensity will make you feel if you did something wrong for the intensity to decrease and that is how these people manipulate and control you.

[Asker]

I agree, there were parts of the conversation where he'd also try and get me to do what 'he' wants, not what 'I' want for my own self. Like he'd tell me to move out of my house (I currently live with my parents, as it's culturally the norm for us and I don't really have a strong reason to move out) but he wouldn't listen

[poshspice123]

Omg, never never never date a guy who separates you from your parents or manipulates you against them. I did that for my narcissistic husband, and I always struggled between him and them. And my parents are very loving, he just wanted me to himself so he can slow manipulate me and eventually destroy my per original personality. A healthy relationship is inclusive not exclusive of your family.

[superchan2011]

That sounds very fishy for him to already be acting so strongly about you after just the second day of talking. Sounds like a big red flag to me. Like another commenter said either he's love bombing you{which in and of itself is usually a bad sign} or he's trying to scam you. and I can back that second one up from all the scammers on instagram that tried to love bomb me only to end up asking me for money. So all I can tell you is to watch out.

[Anonymous]

You made the mistake of saying you're looking for something serious. You guys both said the same thing but meant it in two different ways. Neither one of you is wrong per se.

This is why I avoid dating questions with, kids, marriage, serious etc. Because all that hinges on who the other person is. Do I want to get married (less so now😆) but at one time very much so. Point is if I talked to a woman who wanted that answer in 2 weeks back when I would have been younger I don't think I could have given her that answer. Now i'd say "f*** no"!

You need to be honest with this dude. If you lose him you lose him.

[myloveforuisinfinte]

Simple , by balancing it out like ignoring him 😭 then text him when u need attentionnn and then ignore him out of the blue. Haha 😆 he sounds like he is using "love bombing trick" on u😂
Why don't u use "hot and cold" or "ghosting" trick on him lmao.
Or just block him
And find a guy who is genuine not manipulative.

[TommyMountainFigure]

A little over the top.. sorry, but a LITTLE over the top? The only creatures in the known universe to get THAT clingy in so short a time are blood sucking leeches, and everyone knows how difficult it is to get rid of those!!!

Leech

[lightbulb27]

It's too much and over the top... it seems desperately needy. But can happen as they go too quickly rather than getting to know you, he's in fantasy in his head.

your call... long distance, is hard and I wouldn't start that way. when you disconnect, it be really painful for him.

[Mr_twoface]

I agree with the rest! RED FLAG, alarming, too enthusiastic! If you want to continue to chat for the fun of it, do so, but don't give away personal details, social media etc. Otherwise, block and find the next charming guy.

[itsclearlynicholas]

Lol, even without picking them up, in more chatty to my OnlyFans women, past and present. So I for one, love to talk. If a woman had a problem with it, I'd not date her or I'd say no second date and politely, maturely, just metaphorically show her the 🚪 by saying, I'm clearly not your type, yet have a nice day 😁😊 or a nice night 🌃

[randomBrotha]

2nd day... I don't understand how someone could love anyone after knowing them for 2 days. These things are hard to gauge because sensitive guys like this can make great boyfriends but on the other hand they can be a nightmare. I would say it's safer to just tell him you're not feeling it. But only you can really know what's best.

[Asker]

It is possible to fall for someone within a day or two, but it's extremely rare and I certainly do not "love" him at all. I was kinda interested, but that's about it, I wouldn't even say I like him yet

[Truthatanycost]

Where are you finding these mentally ill people?

[strateguy632]

yes, too extreme. you need to sleep at night. if he started texting at 12 say i need to sleep and block for 8 hours. so you can sleep. later ask how he plans to meet in person?

[Asker]

Yeah, that's the other thing, he texts constantly and even when I take hours to reply back, he responds in a minute or so. I tried telling him to tone down, but he just doesn't get why. I feel I need space