I do believe in love, but I think the focus the average person has on romantic love is heavily warped. Platonic love is just as valid as romantic love, but there’s a very strange, centralized focus on romantic love societally speaking. I think, rather than simply attributing romantic love into nonexistence or a rarity, why not just talk about love period? The love I have for my family and friends is just as great as it would be for a lover, I would die for them and fight for them just as much as I hope they would for me, I find joy in their joy, share in their pain and try to ease the burden. I think that’s where we need to shift focus. Romantic love can still be a wonderful experience, but society acts like if you’ve never experienced it, you’ve never known true happiness, which simply isn’t true.
I had to grow up and my boyfriend made me realize love takes work. It's not a fairy tale. He's not my Prince Charming, he's not perfect and not going to always going to get it right and neither am I Cinderella and going to get things perfect. I do believe in love entirely but no longer the ones in movies. That's not real. Real love is the kind that you have to fight for and work at everyday. You're not going to get a perfect match because no one is perfect. There are going to be differences but you have to learn how to accept those differences and learn to love all the flaws your partner has. That's what love is all about. It exists and I am glad to say I have found it in him. No matter how hard things get, I know we will be able to work it out because we love each other so much and want nothing but to see happiness in each other. There may be days where it may not be all sunshine and rainbows, but there will be more days of that than bad days if we work at it and believe in our love.
Well said I love the way you put that
Thank you! 😊
I mean if we conflate love with finding an ideal match, then that's impossible since ideals aren't something we can ever reach (it wouldn't be an ideal if it was).
For me, love is about action. It's not a feeling. It's not about finding the ideal match. It's about building more than discovery.
Here in Japan, love is treated like a verb with a show, don't tell approach.
So agree with this. My boyfriend has taught me that!
@Simslover92 I think that's the best way. It's two people willing to devote their lives to building something together. It's a collaboration of sorts. Also we change over the years; physically, in terms of interests, things change.
So I think even if there hypothetically was an ideal match where it seemed so effortless to cooperate, it's not guaranteed to stay that way over the years, and I think people who think too much about trying to find that perfect partner and thinking everything will just magically work out might miss the very component that could keep things operating over the years together.
It actually wasn't so long ago in Japan when arranged marriages were common. They weren't the types where people's hands were forced in marriage but the type where the family recommended suitors to both men and women. They selected the candidates.
My wife's mother and father were actually married this way, and I'm not in favor of arranged marriages whatsoever, but they made it. They're devoted to each other and have this gentle and peaceful kind of relationship now as an old couple who has been married for like a gazillion years (I think around 40 years now to be more exact).
I noticed that people who have had arranged marriages their marriages usually last. I'm not for it either but it speaks volumes about what it really takes to be in a marriage or relationship with someone. It's not easy and it's not going to be some ideal match because like you said ideals aren't something we can ever reach. And we do indeed change over the years and we have to learn how to deal with those changes. It takes a lot of work but with love and devotion to that person, it will be possible to make it work.
@Simslover92 I actually think it might have helped some of them knowing upfront that they're not dealing with their ideal choice since their parents chose their candidates. It's like, well, we're in this situation. Let's make it work! Let's figure it out! Like two people stuck on an island with each other; if they're mature, they'll work it out and grow to love each other's company so much that they'll feel incomplete without it.
On the idea that it takes a lot of work, I actually prefer that we don't use that type of kind of language like "hard work" and "sacrifice". To me it's a collaboration between two people forming a team for life. There's work involved, there's sacrifice, but it's not so dramatic as both people are really devoted to overcoming obstacles together.
We typically don't have to climb the tallest mountains unless our SO someone finds themselves trapped on the tallest mountain (what were they doing there in the first place?). It tends to be as easy or as difficult, as dramatic or as peaceful, as we tend to make it in our minds. So I generally recommend against very dramatic languages that conjures up challenges and difficulties.
When we're really working as a smoothly-operating team, those challenges don't seem so challenging, and those difficulties don't seem so difficult. And if it's not a smooth-operating team and we're on top of things, we'll fix any problems before they become big ones.
That's true. It is more like a collaboration between two people forming a team for life. I just meant there are going to be times where you will not always agree on something and it may take some work to come to a compromise. But I guess a better way to think of it is like you said. I like the way you put it. Working as a smoothly-operating team.
@Simslover92 One thing that was a life-changer for me just in case you didn't already know it is that debating, even in its most formal and civil form absent fallacies, is thoroughly counter-productive between two parties trying to persuade each other. I don't know why schools don't emphasize this disclaimer to students as they teach us how to debate.
Debating isn't for the opposition, it's for judges, like the judge and jury in a courtroom. The opposition isn't going to concede their argument. They're trying to win just as much as we are if we choose to debate.
So unless we're trying to persuade third parties, we should abandon debating in my opinion outright as a communication strategy. Instead we should just share, admit freely where we might be wrong (if we trust each other, we don't have to worry about our SOs exploiting this as a weakness; instead they'll reciprocate and admit freely where they might be wrong), and then in place of a competition, there be deep sharing, deep mutual understanding, warm, affection, and compromising isn't going to be so difficult with that deep mutual understanding because with it, and love, will emerge a solution that makes you both satisfied.
None of this should be too difficult with the right mentality. We tend to things more difficult in our minds than they need to be, and that tends to make them more difficult in reality.
@Simslover92 Sorry, I completely butchered my English above! 😅
[*] [...] then in place of a competition, there [will] be deep sharing, deep mutual understanding, [warmth], affection, and compromising isn't going to be so difficult [...]
[*] We tend to [make] things more difficult in our minds than they need to be [...]
That's so true. You're certainly right on that. We should certainly just share admit freely where we might be wrong and then in place of a competition, there should be deep sharing deep mutual understanding like you said. Compromising wouldn't be so difficult in that instance. Which is what me and my boyfriend try to do. We try to be as open and honest as possible and share with a deep understanding and compassion. That's the best way to overcome any misunderstandings.
@Simslover92 Nice! 🤝 You two really sound set to me.
Yes we are! And you sound like you have a wonderful marriage with your wife! I hope we are like you guys one day! 🤝
Love is what grows from time and trust on top of the things you listed, as a man though I don't want financial stability from a partner I would far prefer affection. I think it is thrown around too easily but I don't believe it is a rare occurrence. Infatuation is very often called love though
Opinion
28Opinion
I would say, it's out there but it's SOOOO FUCKING HARD to find! And, SO OFTEN, it's just NOT the real thing but, you usually end up not finding that out until you've pissed away a great portion of your life and love that somebody worthy should've gotten!!
It's not that it is a fairytale. It's that to get there people need time and effort. And many give up and believe in the fairytale that it is easy and should be there just like that. A relationship is not easy. You can either see arguments as fighting or as working on your relationship.
I don't believe it is a fairytale at all. Hard to find yes. I have loved a girl, she did not love me back so it was a one sided love but love nevertheless. You mentioned needing financial stability but that is not needed in love. My parents were poor for years struggling but loved each other and were happy. Love is hard but very real.
Love isn’t a fairy tale at all not even in the slightest, love is a real human feeling that is so strong and impactful and complex. Humans are capable of loving not only themselves but others as well and in different ways because there’s different kinds of love. Love makes people do many beautiful and hard things and many of us wouldn’t even be here today in existence had it not been for love.
I believe in platonic love just not any other type of love
Yes me too. I think romantic love that’s not one sided is uncommon
All romantic love is one sided people just don’t like to admit it
Not true but a good portion
All of my past relationships were one sided. They were the only ones that benefitted right up until they cheated on me. Haven’t had a relationship by choice for 9 years now. I already expect to get cheated on again. These hoes ain’t loyal
I just think you’re pussy. No offense lol
You have no dog in you.
Honestly idgaf
🤷♀️
@SolitarySolace that's an excellent response to that toxicity.
Thanks, @Juxtapose. Dealt with toxicity from women for a long time now. Gets easier to deal with after so long
Thanks, man. But honestly I’m not interested in finding a lady. And no I’m not gay. I’m interested in women but all of the man hating and feminism and manipulation and false accusations and politics have completely turned me away from relationships and dating. I’m happier being single.
@Juxtapose @SolitarySolace
Awww, now kiss.
To each his own, good luck out there. Don’t get screwed over. 😅
@Chelsdope0 you women and your yaoi 🤣
My what?
Nope never heard
I get what you're saying about the importance of the attributes you mentioned, but how would you explain two people who are looking for love, being compatible if they are NOT in love with each other?
Is that not a paradox?
I mean you have to like/ love someone enough
But you don’t have to be in love with them.
Nope love is very real and even easy to find. People just think it's something impossible to find because they aren't open to it. A closed heart won't ever allow love into it
Love is easy to find? Lmaoo mmm no
Not true either
My husband and I have been in love for over 9 years, and the love is probably stronger now than ever before.
It must be sad going through being so negative and bitter.
I believe in love because I experienced it. It's over now... but for many years, I lived in it.
"Love is fairytales", I have been in one so I fully believe in it.
m This song describes it best... :-)
https://www.youtube.com/embed/qIL6QW4qw2I
The love concept as it's propagated in romantic context is fiction and exaggeration. But some kind of love exists and shows up in 'happiness', being very comfortable with a partner and such.
I didn't believe in it before too
then I changed my mind when I met him
n yes its so rare n hard to find ur perfect match
I feel sorry for all of you that don't believe in love cause that means you've never experienced it cause if you did you'd believe it. What's a life without love that's sooooo sad
lol so where’s your love? A love not one sided either
It's not one side. I can't believe you've never been in love before
lol I haven’t been in love. I’ve loved but I’ve never had a guy fall for me. But I’m also just not that type of girl
Awwww im so sorry
Sorry about? I don’t need sympathy
I just know what it's like to love someone that doesn't love you back that's all
It is what it is
True that
The word love is just a word that means nothing. 🚫
Love 🚫
It depends upon how one defines love. The commitment of seeking the best for the partner is a choice, and is as common as people want to make it.
There is love, i believe in it because i myself do love for real but i have difficulties to believe that others are able to love like me, maybe it's very rare...
I agree to what you are saying to some extent.
Love is something that is present out of fairytales too but the picture of love painted for us by books and movies is of fairytales.
It is rare, and most modern women are too ran-through to be capable of it even if they found the right guy.
So you'd rather have a rich guy who doesn't love you? That's stupid.
No a man must always love me more than I love him
Mmmm no
Love obviously exists. The lack in your ability to experience it doesn't negate its existence.
I didn’t say it doesn’t exist. I said it is rare.
agreed with you. especially with how many people are on this planet? crazy
I absolutely believe in love. I would never be in a relationship if there wasn't love involved.
Love is the culmination of shared experiences and a fundamental commitment to each other.
You should believe in love! Everyone has got companion just need time to find it
I don't believe it these days, this business made me a jaded bitter cynic
I believe in familial love. Beyond that no.
m yes, I have it
Yes and it is rare nowadays but I'm not a quitter
I think you’re a good guy. I know you’ll find your one.
Thanks, I know you've given up I'll carry the hope for you.
lol ‘okay’
You're welcome cause your hope is heavy
lol huhh?
I'm calling you hopeless
Nah never that
I’m not weak
Then carry your own hope, you legit got me carrying it for you 😌
You ain’t gotta care it for me lol 😂 I’m gooddd
If you aren't weak youd have hope so still hopeless? 😌
No, not true. I just don’t believe in it. Love is for the weak
Not really, it takes more strength to deal with love then to avoid it, weak would be the one scared to love gearing heartbreak 🤷🏽♂️
Fearing*
If you say so. I think living without sex, companionship and ‘love’ is brave … most people can’t. That’s why they settle
Something you’ll probably have to do
I will do it but not cause I'm weak but cause I want to love, it's a god given feeling and I will express it, it takes some bravery I'll admit if you know you'll live in misery and proceed but if it leads to misery what's the point of expressing that bravery
I’m not going to be miserable bc I’ll replace that with self love and solitude.
You can only get so much of that before you crave it from someone else, just like most things the lonely life will get boring and then it gets miserable, even with money, there's a lot of miserable wealthy people that are lonely
Lmaooo no.
I do.
Love= A hormone induced illusion
Love isn't a fairly tale but nowadays it is rare
you are a broken woman then
I believe in love. ❤️
God is love
Yes of course
yess
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