Why do I always fall for one of my friends?

[Anonymous]

Hi
I grew up in the Middle East
I moved to Europe last year
I made my friends and I became close to particularly one girl
I started spending a lot of time with her and I developed feelings for her
A lot of things happened that led to the girl asking to date me
She had commitment issues and 3 weeks after dating she told me how much her feelings are strong for me and apologised for wasting all this time
2 days later we had a small argument so she ended everything the next day

I was very sad at this time
And another friend particularly helped me through this hard time
For 3 months we were texting every day about relationships and dynamics and economy and everything
And here I am again
Completely attached and 8 have feelings

I made some obvious hints that I am interested in dating her
But what happened is that she took a step back and put some distance

Now I have some chest pain and hate myself for allowing this to happen again

I have a lot of female friends
But I always fall for the closest one to me very quickly (around 2 months )

What am I doing wrong?

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t sound like you’re “always” falling for your friends, but probably are getting closer with these women than you should.


I don’t have a single male friend I’m texting day in and day out, or getting especially close with. I treat all my friends the same, so that what you’re going through doesn’t happen.


You chose to lean on this most recent friend while going through a rough breakup, so it makes sense that you fell for her with how much attention you were getting/receiving. But you never verbally told her your feelings and also seem to be assuming she’s backing off rather than having an actual conversation about it.


Your chest doesn’t have to hurt, you could reach out, tell her how you feel and let the cards fall where they may. But in the future, if you become friends with a woman, try setting some boundaries.


Maybe that will help.

[Asker]

We used to talk about how a relationship should be and how she was telling me how she wants to be treated in a relationship her boundaries, her expectations and sending me quotes about relationships and her personal prospective and we were discussing our prospectives for hours

We both want the same thing , long term relationship ending with marriage and children

She told me that she doesn’t like dating apps and that all 3 relationships she was in before were friends /colleagues
She told me she likes guys with dark hair like me and that she has intimacy issues because she only trusts guys who after becoming close to her

Because we both moved to the same new city 10 month ago , She told me once I am now her No 1 Friend in that city and that now I know more about her than anyone else in the city (guy or girl )

The hints I made in her birthday was giving her a bouquet of red roses we talked normally for 3 days

The conversation reached moved to what are gender roles in a relationship
I told her we should meet and talk about this in person and she agreed

But for 3 days she delayed the meeting responded very shortly to my messages stoped sending me any reels or relationship quotes
I asked her when will we meet , she said she is not done with her notes

[avery58]

It's called "rebound". It's basically your way of coping with loneliness, it doesn't seem you truly fall in love with this girls but experience an infatuation that distracts other feelings.

[avery58]

As hard as it is you should try healing alone for some time and working on yourself

[avery58]

These* this keyboard is killing me

[Asker]

It has been 3 month after my break up

At the beginning I thought of her as my friend like any other friend

But the relationship talks got me impressed
She openly says she wants a family
She told me a lot of herself and a lot about her past
At some point she was very vulnerable with me and talked about her previous experiences and how her ex boyfriend cheated on her
Telling me that she usually doesn’t have close guy friends
And later told me that now I am the closest person to her in the city we live
“You are now my no 1 “
Is what she said

How exactly can I respond to that
She is very attractive, very feminine, very smart and very sensitive very supportive and texted me every day

She is an absolute gem

How or when do I know this this is not a rebound and is real feelings?

[avery58]

Just keep getting to know each other and let time tell, don't rush into it

[avery58]

Sorry I forgot to ask, do you still miss your ex?

[Asker]

Nope I don’t mess her or hope to get her back
But from time to time I think about situations I handled wrong with her to avoid making the same mistakes in the future
For the past 2 weeks
I am only thinking about my friend
We didn’t text for 2 days now
And I really miss talking with her more than anything else

[avery58]

Then it's not a rebound. A rebound means that you go to someone else soon after ending a relationship because you want to distract yourself from missing your ex. It doesn't necessarily mean it's true feelings either though. Because if you went something similar with your ex and forgot her so quickly then you never really loved her. It could be that you just don't like to feel lonely in general or go through deep and intense infatuations. Either way, 2 weeks is too soon to be in love, so just take your time and work on yourself try to focus on yourself and see how you feel after some time. Give it some time, if it's meant to be it will happen. But it's important you both know if your feelings are true.

[avery58]

Because if you haste it then the other party could get hurt

[Asker]

My ex was very emotionally damaged
She usually ends up in toxic relationships with guys who are only interested in sex

I wanted to save her
And for 3 weeks she was always saying how happy and how much she loves me

The reason I don’t miss her
Is that the first and last fight was about a previous hookup buddy she met without telling me
It was a small fight
Later that day
She went to his place at 4 am
The guy knew she was with me so he told her to sleep on the couch

2 days later
She broke up with me
Immature , self sabotaging damaged girl
I did everything I could , she doesn’t want to be

But this one ,
She is perfect
And carried me through my sad times
She is very mature and kind

I hope I can raise my daughter to be like her , even if I didn’t end up with her

[Asker]

I knew her for 9 months
2 weeks is when I started having feelings for her

[RedInnocent69]

Because you’re around them, notice them more, and already like them, or they wouldn’t be your friends.

[Asker]

Yes
Like if I am texting someone everyday
Joking laughing and agreeing about how to treat your partner in a relationship
We are both shy , care a lot about people and we can spend hours together

We bith want family and long term commitment

She prefers to date people she already knew not people she just met
even when we argue about something, we talk about it in a civilised way

I think she is an amazing woman
How am I supposed to not fall for her

[RedInnocent69]

With a relationship like that, don5 b3 surprise if it’s mutual, but she’s too shy to level up or afraid of ruining the friendship.

[Asker]

But what might be the reason for her talking distance

[Anonymous]

So u keep falling for every random girl? Lol. U are the one that needs help. And thank god she saw that and ended it :