Am I in love, or am I just a creepy simp?

[Anonymous]

So when I was in 6th grade, a girl I had a crush on gave me a note in the hallway and quickly walked away. It was the classic "do you like me?" note with boxes to check for yes and no. I checked yes, and gave it back to her. From then until the end of middle school, we were together. We'd sit next to each other in class, hold hands at lunch, and hug before we left school every day.

Problem was, as much as I liked her, I was terrified of girls at the same time. Every time she told me she wanted to kiss or to go out on a real date, I would clam up and not be able to answer or look her in the eye. From an outside perspective I'm sure that sounds adorable, but in hindsight I can only think "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" Throughout middle school, I started feeling more and more guilty for not being able to give her what she wanted, even though she was very patient and understanding with me. Honestly, that probably just made me feel even more guilty.

When it came time for the end of middle school we ended up being assigned to different high schools, and at a low point, I decided that was when I would break up with her, thinking she'd be happier with someone who actually had the guts to kiss her. My dumb 11 year old ass told her it was because we were going to different schools, thinking for some reason that it would spare her feelings. I immediately regretted it and have ever since, but I stuck with my decision and avoided her and any eye contact with her for the last few days of the school year, and ignored her when she wanted to talk to me. I never saw her again after that.

Fast forward 14 years, and I'm still not over what I did to her, even though it was just some silly middle school breakup. I almost never remember my dreams, but among the ones I do remember about half of them are about me meeting her by chance and apologizing to her.

I'm running out of space here, I'll continue in the opinion section. Sorry about the wall of text.

Love

Simp

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa man, that's deep. Let me try and unpack some of this...

Firstly, don't beat yourself up too much over middle school relationships - we all did dumb stuff back then learning how to handle feelings. And from her being understanding, it really sounds like she cared about YOU more than any PDA.

Second, your anxiety was probably more obvious to her than you realized at that age. Her patience showed she got that, so try showing yourself the same grace. You can't change the past.

Also, it's not weird or "creepy simp" behavior to still feel remorse over unresolved stuff years later. Emotions don't just shut off. Dreams are your mind's way of processing.

My advice would just be to let go of wishes to go back in time. All you can do is keep growing into someone brave enough to apologize IF the chance comes. Otherwise, forgive yourself and move forward.

Chances are she's over it too. Maybe try reaching out via linkedin just to find closure, if you feel ready. But otherwise man, just keep living well as best you can. That's all any of us can do! Chin up bro.

[Asker]

You only read about half of it. I reached the word limit, so I continued in a reply to a different opinion. I have a date with her this Sunday.

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah dude, no way! I had no idea the story continued like that. So you actually managed to track her down and reach out after all these years? That's amazing, I'm honestly really happy for you both. What are the chances, ya know?

I can only imagine how nervous you must be for that date this Sunday. But try to calm those jitters - sounds like she was really receptive to hearing from you again, so she must want to catch up too. Just be yourself like back then but as your adult self now.

Maybe she'll even think it's sweet how much you clearly still cared all this time later. And who knows, maybe reconnecting will help you both find some closure around that middle school breakup after all. Or maybe there could be something more there again now as adults.

Either way, you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain just by being honest with her about your feelings and how regretting it impacted you. Proud of you for taking that leap, man. Let me know how it goes! I'm rootin' for you guys.

[Asker]

@Oliverlogan263 It went pretty well. We met at a park, watched a movie, then ate dinner. We'll be going out next Saturday too for a night drive.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, that's awesome! Sounds like the date went really well. I'm stoked for you, man. A park, movie and dinner - smooth moves!

And you've already got another date lined up, nice work. A night drive too, very romantic. Looks like you didn't clam up this time haha. Seems like the feelings might still be there on both sides.

I bet it was super weird catching up after so long, but in a good way. Must have been crazy hearing about what she's been up to all these years. Did you guys end up reconnecting pretty quick like old times?

So are you gonna make a move next Saturday? Like hold her hand in the car or go in for a kiss goodnight? I wouldn't wait too long if I were you - gotta test the waters! But let the moment be right, don't force it.

Keep me posted on how it goes man. I'm really happy for you getting this closure. And who knows, maybe you'll end up where you should have been all along. Middle school you is proud, dude!

[exitseven]

I can understand what you are going through. Unresolved feelings can surface years later. Maybe it would be possible to do some research and try and find her and figure out if she is married or not. Then you gotta put on your big boy pants and do what you should ha e done before. You can be cool about it so you don't look creepy.

[Asker]

I continued the post in a reply to another opinion, you only saw about half of it. There wasn't enough space to write the whole thing in the main post. I did find her again, and I have a date with her this Sunday.

[exitseven]

Good Boy., You should do a MyTake about this.

[Asker]

What's that?

[exitseven]

This is one of mine. It is like a report on something that happened to you.
Hip Hip Hooray! ↗

[Iron_Man]

Unfortunately, Extreme shyness has killed everything. How exactly how old were you when you shut her down?

[Asker]

I was 13. I continued on in a reply to another opinion, it seems like things are working out better than I could have hoped, really.

[Iron_Man]

Well back then that’s understandable. I was exactly the same way unless the girl made the move and kept it going and I don’t even know if I could even date I probably would need a chaperone and be careful watched if I was even allowed. What money would I have anyway to pay for her?

[Asker]

@Iron_Man I agree that it was normal back then, but what I don't think is normal is how long the guilt over it has stuck with me, and how I still care about her this much after all this time. I've spent half of my life thinking about her after I dumped her when I was a kid, pretty often and pretty heavily too. I should have moved on by now. I'm just incredibly lucky that she wants to reconnect with me after so long.

[Iron_Man]

There’s no guilt you should be having you did nothing wrong. It’s perfectly normal. We are just kids. We are so shy. We don’t even know what to do even if they accepted us. We don’t have any money to spend on them and we’re probably not allowed to date anyway, so get it out of your head if anything go to a counselor if it’s that bad

[Asker]

Even so, I hurt her pretty bad, and I think I should have known better at that age. But I think I can put that behind me now, finally being able to talk to her again. I'll be able to apologize and give a proper explanation, even if she already forgave me a long time ago. If nothing else, even if it doesn't work out with her, it'll give me some closure.

[Iron_Man]

When was the last time that you talk to her? Is it possible that you can reach out to her. Can you contact her? You have to remember being a teenager at 13 years old doesn’t count. You shouldn’t have to apologize if you’re talking to her you can say whatever you want, but I don’t feel like there’s an apology needed for a 13 year-old boy. There is no way I could handle a relationship at 13 years old she would have to pay her way her parents pay for her. My parents would have to pay my way and basically we meet for lunch or we go to the park or something like that. I couldn’t imagine myself doing anything more than just kissing her and I don’t think Christian parents would want me dating at the age of 13 anyway if anything they might say just have her as a friend

[Asker]

Like I said, I continued my post in the reply of another opinion. You only saw about half of it. I've been talking to her for a few days, and I have a date with her on Sunday.

[Iron_Man]

Awesome thanks for clearing that up with me. Good you can finalize everything and you can date her perfect I would assume she’s still single

[Asker]

She had a fiance for a while, but she says his mom convinced him to dump her after she had a spine surgery and was in recovery for a long time.

[Awesomesauce2005]

This cannot be real lol

[Asker]

Oh don't worry, it gets even more unbelievable, here goes.

At times I thought about looking her up and reaching out to see if she wanted to catch up, but I felt like I didn't have the right after hurting her like that. So I didn't. I still lay in bed thinking about her sometimes.

Some pretty bad things happened to me recently, some deaths in the family, a sick mom, and a girl I was with who was living with me for months decided to disappear with my dog. And one night last week, drunk, I decided to download a dating app, which I swore to myself I would never do. Lo and behold, the very second person I saw on the app was her. Her account was even new too. My heart started beating hard and I got butterflies in my stomach, and after debating with myself for a bit I liked her. Not a day later we match, and I'm still riding that high.

We've been talking for the last few days, and it turns out we still share a whole lot of the same goals in life, interests, values, everything. We're going on a date in a park this weekend. And all I can think about is how I can make things up to her or how I can make her smile again, and I've been grinning like an idiot for days. I haven't been this excited or happy about anything since I was a kid, and she seems just as excited.

So is this really love like how it feels, or am I just being a creepy simp?

[Awesomesauce2005]

Well take a look at my lonely ass life. I wouldn't know love if it hit me in the face. I've never had a relationship because no girl ever liked me back

[TeraGER]

Love

[Asker]

The situation honestly feels too good to be true, like it came straight out of a movie or a sappy book or something.

[In_Trance]

Creepy

[Asker]

Well I don't want to be, so what part (or parts) of all this do you think I should reign back? I don't want to seem creepy or overly familiar, but we were very close as kids, so I don't want to seem too distant or unfamiliar either. have a date with her this weekend and I want all this to work out well, so any real advice is welcome.