Girls, Would you talk to a guy for 10 months just for fun?

Xper 5 Age: 31

It depends on context of the relationship I have with said guy.
If the guy was long distance, and we agreed to be friends, and played games online together, Yes.
If the guy was in a relationship, and wanted to remain just platonic friends, Yes.
If the guy was not interested in dating, or I am not interested in dating, Yes.
I have a few guy friends I've been only friends with, for years. We catch up on mic and play co op games together a few times a month. We also chat on instagram every so often, but neither of us are interested in dating eachother as we live in two different countries. So long as the expectations are informed early on in the friendship, and so long as both parties are in agreement about said expectations, Yes. I'd absolutely chat with a guy for fun / randomly for months, to build a friendship.

Asker

+1 y
what if both know the intentions but she's being wishy washy with her emotions where one minute she likes and the next minute she's cold with him, wouldn't you say for 10 months that's not good.

Reply
SallyTho87

+1 y
Depends on the intention - was it platonic friendship, or a relationship they both wanted to work toward?
typically "wishy washy" means an uncertainty about feelings or proceeding to a commitment (if it's relationship you both agreed to expect) she might be having "cold feet" and doesn't know if it's the right time, isn't certain it feels right yet to spark that relationship, etc.
10 months isn't really that long of time. It's great to get to know someone, but it also depends if it's solely online communication, or in person. 10 months is different depending which scenario!

How are YOU feeling about this girl? I understand it can be bothersome, and the uncertainty makes it even more confusing. Do YOU feel it's not worth anymore of your time to contribute to this person, if things are not progressing as expectations outlined previously?

Reply
Asker

+1 y
It ended, I spent 10 months and it ended with her acting immature, now she's married, i still sort of miss her, I've tried to move on by using dating apps and going to speed dating events but girls are rude or awkward to talk to. I know girls usually defend girls but if a guy has the courage to say hi hows it going, whats your name, give a simple kind compliment and something clever/interesting the guy has done his job breaking the ice. It's like applying for a job. I could have all the qualifications for that job, but the manager gives it to someone who isn't as qualified. I'm in my 30s and I don't have time to waste. I told my older sisters about her, I told my mom about her and they were angry by her actions. I know you might say, they are defending you because you're family, you're a brother/son. But my mom and sisters will give me shit if I fuck up, its called accountability, not everyone will accept their faults in life. I'm getting tired of pursuing girls and im thinking to just focus on my life but the whole focus on my life is getting tiring now because I work, Im doing my masters, I exercise daily, I cook, etc.

Reply
Asker

+1 y
This girl got married, so between end of October to February, she met someone or her parents introduced her to someone and she got married within months. When people are past 35, they shouldn't waste time especially if marriage is their ultimate goal. I don't need a girlfriend, this isn't 2006 for me.

Reply
SallyTho87

+1 y
I'm sorry that was your experience with that girl. It sucks, but it sounds like she was keeping you as option B, with her primary focus being option A, of finding someone better suited for her, and decided to keep you around in her life as a way to boost her ego. If she can't have option A, she would have you to fall back on, which is prob why you were getting the Wishy Washy, inconsistencies!
Some women marry quickly, they jump right from one person to another and decide this is the one I want to marry, not even thinking or acknowledging how their actions have hurt others. I agree with your family on this one - it WAS a sh1tty thing for her to do. At least you didn't end up with someone who is okay treating other people wrongly like she had.

I can empathize with you, I'm in my 30s too and seeking marriage one day. I don't know why some women are so quick to cancel on someone they have invested time into, especially 10 months worth of time from BOTH you and her. It sounds like you're doing a great job trying to get out there and meet new potential partners, and introduce yourself to dating scene again. I hope you can find your someone soon, maybe try through mutual friends - that is how I met my first boyfriend. I'm not sure what else you can do, but dating is difficult nowadays, I get that completely.

Ultimately, I am glad she didn't end up with you, as morally and realistically, you sound like a genuine person who DOES care about others feelings, and accepts accountability, whilst that woman you were speaking with did nothing but lead you on and disregard you.
People who use people are truly never happy, and they realize that one day. You are better off without her, and your family seems awesomely supportive, reasonable and knowledgeable about what decency is when dating and being involved with someone.

Reply
SallyTho87

+1 y
Part 2 :

I cannot offer much help other than maybe try expanding your area of searching for dating partners, maybe try online dating (tagged, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Bumble) are all great growing apps to give a shot if you're willing to. I hope you can find someone worth giving your time to moving forward - and please don't accept anymore wishy washy, uncertainty from these women. They KNOW if you are someone they want to commit to and spend time putting their energy into. It doesn't take 10 months for them to know that.

Reply
Asker

+1 y
I started using Tinder and Bumble probably back in 2015, its garbage, it's for hook ups. I genuinely liked this girl. She followed me on social media, I don't know why. She gave me her number and she was the one saying ohhh we should meet up and go to an art exhibit or museum, this was last April/last May 2023. Problem is, my dad was in hospital for over a year and passed away April 10th, 2023, I had to burry my father on the day of my sister's birthday. So for a few months I didn't feel like going out of respect for my dad who passed away. I graduated uni with a degree June 2023, and got a new job with more money, so I wanted to meet her. But then she had her own issues and I left her alone so by the time we met because of work scheduling and her going on vacation with family, we met in early October. I paid for dinner, I made her laugh, I didn't hug her or kiss her because I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable and I gave her a rosey scented candle from a city she adores. I really genuinely tried and she broke my heart. I truly hope she feels REGRET one day for what she did to me, because to insult me and my family with a deceased father for a girl who acts all religious and pious makes me angry. I hope God blesses me with a fantastic girl one day and again I hope she regrets hurting me.

Reply

What Girls Said

SallyTho87 Follow
Xper 5 Age: 31 , mho 90%

+1 y

It depends on context of the relationship I have with said guy.
If the guy was long distance, and we agreed to be friends, and played games online together, Yes.
If the guy was in a relationship, and wanted to remain just platonic friends, Yes.
If the guy was not interested in dating, or I am not interested in dating, Yes.
I have a few guy friends I've been only friends with, for years. We catch up on mic and play co op games together a few times a month. We also chat on instagram every so often, but neither of us are interested in dating eachother as we live in two different countries. So long as the expectations are informed early on in the friendship, and so long as both parties are in agreement about said expectations, Yes. I'd absolutely chat with a guy for fun / randomly for months, to build a friendship.

1

7 Reply
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  what if both know the intentions but she's being wishy washy with her emotions where one minute she likes and the next minute she's cold with him, wouldn't you say for 10 months that's not good.
  
- SallyTho87
  
  +1 y
  Depends on the intention - was it platonic friendship, or a relationship they both wanted to work toward?
  typically "wishy washy" means an uncertainty about feelings or proceeding to a commitment (if it's relationship you both agreed to expect) she might be having "cold feet" and doesn't know if it's the right time, isn't certain it feels right yet to spark that relationship, etc.
  10 months isn't really that long of time. It's great to get to know someone, but it also depends if it's solely online communication, or in person. 10 months is different depending which scenario!
  
  How are YOU feeling about this girl? I understand it can be bothersome, and the uncertainty makes it even more confusing. Do YOU feel it's not worth anymore of your time to contribute to this person, if things are not progressing as expectations outlined previously?
  
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  It ended, I spent 10 months and it ended with her acting immature, now she's married, i still sort of miss her, I've tried to move on by using dating apps and going to speed dating events but girls are rude or awkward to talk to. I know girls usually defend girls but if a guy has the courage to say hi hows it going, whats your name, give a simple kind compliment and something clever/interesting the guy has done his job breaking the ice. It's like applying for a job. I could have all the qualifications for that job, but the manager gives it to someone who isn't as qualified. I'm in my 30s and I don't have time to waste. I told my older sisters about her, I told my mom about her and they were angry by her actions. I know you might say, they are defending you because you're family, you're a brother/son. But my mom and sisters will give me shit if I fuck up, its called accountability, not everyone will accept their faults in life. I'm getting tired of pursuing girls and im thinking to just focus on my life but the whole focus on my life is getting tiring now because I work, Im doing my masters, I exercise daily, I cook, etc.
  
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  This girl got married, so between end of October to February, she met someone or her parents introduced her to someone and she got married within months. When people are past 35, they shouldn't waste time especially if marriage is their ultimate goal. I don't need a girlfriend, this isn't 2006 for me.
  
- SallyTho87
  
  +1 y
  I'm sorry that was your experience with that girl. It sucks, but it sounds like she was keeping you as option B, with her primary focus being option A, of finding someone better suited for her, and decided to keep you around in her life as a way to boost her ego. If she can't have option A, she would have you to fall back on, which is prob why you were getting the Wishy Washy, inconsistencies!
  Some women marry quickly, they jump right from one person to another and decide this is the one I want to marry, not even thinking or acknowledging how their actions have hurt others. I agree with your family on this one - it WAS a sh1tty thing for her to do. At least you didn't end up with someone who is okay treating other people wrongly like she had.
  
  I can empathize with you, I'm in my 30s too and seeking marriage one day. I don't know why some women are so quick to cancel on someone they have invested time into, especially 10 months worth of time from BOTH you and her. It sounds like you're doing a great job trying to get out there and meet new potential partners, and introduce yourself to dating scene again. I hope you can find your someone soon, maybe try through mutual friends - that is how I met my first boyfriend. I'm not sure what else you can do, but dating is difficult nowadays, I get that completely.
  
  Ultimately, I am glad she didn't end up with you, as morally and realistically, you sound like a genuine person who DOES care about others feelings, and accepts accountability, whilst that woman you were speaking with did nothing but lead you on and disregard you.
  People who use people are truly never happy, and they realize that one day. You are better off without her, and your family seems awesomely supportive, reasonable and knowledgeable about what decency is when dating and being involved with someone.
  
- SallyTho87
  
  +1 y
  Part 2 :
  
  I cannot offer much help other than maybe try expanding your area of searching for dating partners, maybe try online dating (tagged, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Bumble) are all great growing apps to give a shot if you're willing to. I hope you can find someone worth giving your time to moving forward - and please don't accept anymore wishy washy, uncertainty from these women. They KNOW if you are someone they want to commit to and spend time putting their energy into. It doesn't take 10 months for them to know that.
  
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  I started using Tinder and Bumble probably back in 2015, its garbage, it's for hook ups. I genuinely liked this girl. She followed me on social media, I don't know why. She gave me her number and she was the one saying ohhh we should meet up and go to an art exhibit or museum, this was last April/last May 2023. Problem is, my dad was in hospital for over a year and passed away April 10th, 2023, I had to burry my father on the day of my sister's birthday. So for a few months I didn't feel like going out of respect for my dad who passed away. I graduated uni with a degree June 2023, and got a new job with more money, so I wanted to meet her. But then she had her own issues and I left her alone so by the time we met because of work scheduling and her going on vacation with family, we met in early October. I paid for dinner, I made her laugh, I didn't hug her or kiss her because I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable and I gave her a rosey scented candle from a city she adores. I really genuinely tried and she broke my heart. I truly hope she feels REGRET one day for what she did to me, because to insult me and my family with a deceased father for a girl who acts all religious and pious makes me angry. I hope God blesses me with a fantastic girl one day and again I hope she regrets hurting me.
  
TycheKairos Follow
Xper 4 Age: 31 , mho 49%

+1 y

10 months is a long time. Is it only for the purpose of partnering with the opposite partner? So if you're not your girl's priority in terms of a partner, she can talk to you for fun.

0

1 Reply
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  girls I've talked to about her said she probably just wanted attention and she is to guilty to face the music so she acted immature and said fuck you to me and insulted my family, when I didn't insult her or her family so it goes to show her real character. All I asked her was, where is this going because I don't want to get hurt because I sort of like you. She's like go talk to her other girls. I'm like you don't want to meet up? She's like our first date was great I liked it! And I was thinking about meeting up again but you weren't calm so I don't see a future with you at all. 3 months later I find out she's married now back in February 2024. It's possible there was a side guy because I didn't argue. If a girl asked me, where's this going? If I snap and guilt trip her like she's the crazy one, then im merely deflecting and not acting like a man. I hope she feels regret in life for wasting my time because she was legit giving me girlfriend vibes for months. We never argued, she blew something out of context one time. I didn't cheat or do anything shady.
  
u
Ez-Bri-Z_v2 Follow
Guru Age: 46 , mho 81%

+1 y
497 opinions shared on Dating topic.

I mean, I have male friends I talk to for fun so I guess so?

1

2 Reply
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  No I meant have you purposely given mixed messages to a guy or guy you’ve talked to for over 6 months just for fun?
  
- u
  
  Ez-Bri-Z_v2
  
  +1 y
  I've flirted with guys with no intention of doing things with them before, but I don't think it was for that long.

Girls, Would you talk to a guy for 10 months just for fun?

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