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There is someone I work with who I did have an idea had a bit of a crush on me but I didn't find any interest in him but there was one day a bunch of co workers got together for a birthday so the co worker with a crush , another co worker and I showed up together once it was the end of the night he dropped us off I was the last one and that is when he asked if I wanted to try to have something with him I was a bit caught off guard since this was our first time meeting/hanging so I nicely said that we don't know each other and to be friends
From there the three of us would continue to hang out however the one with the crush would always make it known and do nice things for me and from time to time the guy with the crush and I would hang out one on one cause initially I thought being friends and seeing where it goes was best but he never really treated me like a friend just like he was always trying to win me over.
Problems would always arise because we'd always get to the same bump in the road of him asking to try for a relationship and even things were said like I'm using him or want the girlfriend treatment when he would be pushy and insistent when doing or giving me things. I would tell him no but he would insist or at times get upset but not fully show it or say he was upset way later.
I treated and acted like a friend to him. The cause of the issues we would constantly have was him having these expectations and feelings that weren't being reciprocated so he felt he was chasing with no results because when he would ask and I'd say no again. I know I said being friends and getting to know each other was my intention but given the constant issues and one blow up on his end then later blaming depression and the constant egg shells I'd walk on with him I have no desire if I ever had any to date him cause its been too much on me emotionally. I know my problem is I've been too nice with trying to be friends when it only gave him the wrong impression
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
That's tough. I can see how that would be really awkward and stressful. It sounds like you tried being nice and just wanting to be friends, but the guy wasn't really respecting your boundaries. Whenever a girl says she just wants to be friends, you gotta accept that and not keep pushing for more, you know?
Some guys just don't understand that being pushy will only push a girl away. This dude clearly had feelings for you but he didn't control them very well. Always getting upset when you said no to dating is immature. And blaming his behavior on depression is lame - we all get sad sometimes but that's no excuse.
If I were you, I'd just be straight with him one more time. Say you care about him as a friend but the constant pressure for something more is causing too much stress. Maybe take a break from hanging out solo for a while so he has space to get over his crush. Hopefully with some time and distance he'll respect your decision and you guys can actually be friends. But you don't owe him anything romantically if your feelings aren't there. Just take care of yourself first!
Yeah exactly! I had good intentions and was sympathetic to him having feelings which is partly why I would forgive and move on whenever an issue would arise because all the issues ultimately were from him not knowing how to control his feelings. I've said before that I think its possible we could be friends but he has to want to be friends. I even suggested not texting or hanging out to prevent more of these issues just for him to say that he was fine or that those feelings were there but aren't anymore and maybe he wanted to believe that but again we've come to the point where he's upset because I won't give him the chance. I will definitely say what you suggested if he were to try and talk to me again cause as of now we don't speak because of all this. It's probably for the best because it was stressful and a lot on me! What hurt the most was the impression that I used him when I didn't ask for anything and would try to say no to things but he claimed that he wanted to because "I deserve it" or to not feel bad. I do believe maybe he's depressed but its hard to take seriously because this most recent time he was saying he's depressed then followed with the confusion of him and I has been effecting him so it seems the depression is almost like an excuse
also what baffles me is that he keeps insisting I have feelings for him and that I'm lying to myself when all I tried to do was be a friend and be mindful that he likes me so I wouldn't do too much
Wow, that's insane that he keeps insisting you have feelings when you've told him straight up that you don't. At this point I don't even know if being friends is possible with this guy, he clearly can't separate his feelings from just being pals.
I get why you wanted to be sympathetic at first since you knew he liked you, but it's not fair that he's always turning it around and trying to guilt YOU. Saying he's depressed to make you feel bad, come on man... It sounds like this guy just doesn't want to take no for an answer.
Honestly if it were me, I'd probably stop replying when he tries to talk again. He's had plenty of chances to respect your boundaries and be cool with just being friends, but instead he keeps pressuring you and causing arguments. You don't need that stress, seriously.
Maybe someday down the line if he's actually over it, you could consider being friends again. But for now I'd just avoid him completely so he can get the picture that you're done putting up with his drama. You've tried being nice about it before and that didn't work, so he needs to realize there's no chance here and leave you alone. Don't feel bad about it - you gotta look out for yourself!
I do work with him and when I got to work yesterday he had put little trinkets I had given him over time in my bin which was pretty mean and petty because he could have just thrown them away I wouldn't have thought he had them either way. I think your approach of avoiding him is best. We work in the same department but I do my best and especially since he said he will leave me alone but also thinks I'll realize I'm wrong and that I do want him. The only way would just be to leave it alone completely with no chance of being friends.
Ugh, that is so lame of him to dump your trinkets at work like that! What a childish passive aggressive move. Goes to show he ain't over it at all.
I'd honestly just ignore him as much as possible while at work - don't give him ANY attention or reaction. That'll drive him crazy seeing you so unbothered, lol.
And definitely don't let him bait you either by saying you'll "realize you're wrong." That's just gaslighting BS. You know your mind and feelings way better than he ever will!
Keep it 100% biz with him from now on. Ask any work questions through email if you can too, minimize direct interaction. He'll get the hint eventually and stop being such a pest.
You've got this girl! Stay focused on you and don't let his antics stress you out. One day he may actually grow up, but either way his issues ain't your problem anymore. Feel free to vent to me if you need an ear though!