Why is my ex-bf dating a girl older than me now?

[Anonymous]

He broke up with me after over a year and now he's dating a woman 6 years older than him. Why would he want someone older than him? I asked him and he said just me asking the question demonstrates my immaturity, that she's not so much older. You cannot tell she's older by her looks but she must want kids soon. Why would he choose her over me? He claims it wasn't a choice between us, that we ended and then he chose to date her but if he can have someone younger than him that still wants him, why go for someone 6 years older?

[Anonymous]

The guy I was talking to did this. He is 20 now and his wife now, is 27 now I believe. When they started dating it was 2 months after him and I stopped talking, and she had ways been there. Before he even came to talk to me (I met him at church, he lives in a different state then me tho, he just came to my church.) he was going to the same church as his now wife. They had been going to church for years together. She basically watched him from I think since he was maybe 16. Anyway, he came to my church, saw me and said the moment he saw me he knew he wanted to do whatever to talk to me. He did exactly that. He worked 8 months, prepared to come and ask my dad if he can talk to me. We started talking after those 8 months. (He also had never talked to me before this, he just saw me and wanted to talk to me, but had asked everyone about me and my personality and how I was) Well, we talked for a bit, then his mom ended the relationship. I didn't know because he called my dad about 2 days after we had gotten back from the state he lives in, I and my family had gone up to spend a week with him. So I and him can get to know eachother more. We had so much fun together. Well, I get back home and 2 days later he calls my dad and tells him he can not talk to me for now, that he has to focus on God, his mom said. He didn't even tell me we were ending things. He told my dad. I never got to tell him an actual goodbye:( anyway, so skip to 2 months, bc of what he had told my dad, I thought, "ok, he said for now, that must mean he's coming back maybe". I also thought maybe he was bc he was still following me on social media, always one of the first to watch my stories, literally seconds after I posted. He posted stuff he knew I liked. All kinds of things. Everytime I posted on my story, he posted something similar to what I posted literally right after me. I tested it a bunch, bc at first I thought maybe I was crazy, but I tested it by Posting, saw that he looked at my story seconds after I posted. Then he posted something similar a few minutes after I had posted, then I posted again right after, and he did the same:D

Well, I hadn't seen him for 2 months, all I saw of him and all he saw of me was us posting. Never talked on the phone nothing. Well, I thought he may have been coming back, but then I saw he posted a girl, and sure enough, it was the girl that is waaayyy older than him, 6/7 years older? I was like what in the world. She had always been at his church, even when I went to visit him she saw him and I talking and laughing, having fun together. Flirting together. She saw it all. Well, 2 months after they started dating he comes to an event at my church, with his mom and new girlfriend. I was so mad and hurt. His girlfriend was looking at me like "look who I'm talking to" I wanted to say something so bad and tell her what I had in mind. I wanted to tell her that he chose me first and she was just his 2nd option but I didn't. Well, while he was here with his girlfriend, he was looking at me. I and other people caught him looking at me several times. I caught him one time, while his girlfriend was sitting on bleachers, bc we were at a baseball game and her boyfriend (the guy I was talking to) was playing too and then I was there bc my friends were playing. Well, I looked over and saw him with the happy glowy eyes he had always looked at me with. And I held eye contact with him and forgot he wasn't talking to me. After a bit, he stopped smiling, stopped looking at me and looked at his girlfriend, and looked away. I hadn't seen him look at her the way he would look at me. Then right before he left and went back home, he turned around and got "one last glance at me". It was like the worst feeling for me as I knew him and I would never be together again. He went back home and proposed to that girl 10 days later. His mom told me that if it weren't for her, he would have still been with me. I got to researching and found that often times, guys who are either very controlled by their mom, will want a girl a lot older then them, like their mom. They don't really know much, or how to do anything really, and end up going after a girl older then them. Then another reason I found, is rebounds. I think that the relationship the guy I was talking to and his now wife's relationship was/is a rebound. I think he wasn't over me, based on how he acted. He had gotten a jeep after I told him the jeep I wanted. He got one exactly like the one I told him I wanted. He did sm for me. And that showed he cares. So, I think that possibly seeing how he is with his now wife, she wasn't what he wanted from the beggining and it's sad. If he wanted her in the first place, he would have chose her instead of me, and she would have been easy A LOT easier for him to talk to her instead of me. He knew she always liked him. She made it obvious. And how fast he started dating her after him and I stopped talking, it was obviously easy for him to get her. So, even though she's older, he already knew she would be easy. So he went with her. Those are the two main reasons I know of. The guy your talking to could very well be using her as a "bandage" to cover the pain. Basically a rebound. Maybe she was easy to get

[Asker]

thanks for sharing your story - i appreciate that. I dont think he was controlled by his mom so that's not the same here. I think if you are in early twenties 6 years is a much bigger difference than when late 20s or into 30's. My ex is in his 30s and so for him the age is probably not such a difference but for people in their 20s like us we see it as being more. because for example he is 5 years older than me and I thought it was something but as we dated I didn't care. I think from your story, there are other components such as you guys religion and so you never know what could have been happening there - maybe some pressure from their church to pick each other?

[kylee2437]

I want to say he’s correct. You even remotely asking that does show your true colors and possibly goes to show why he did end up dating someone older now.

[MrTannedman]

Karen

[kylee2437]

@MrTannedman maybe you should date this user, both of your attitudes match each other.

[MrTannedman]

I'd doubt that🤦‍♂️I'm gay

[Asker]

What do you mean true colors? It is true. She is obsessed with kids based on her social media - always posting her niece and nephew and saying she can't wait to be a mom as a "joke" and when I dated him he always said he's not ready but now he chooses some woman who probably wants a baby after a year.

[MrTannedman]

You are completely right to have concerns, at the end of the day you are in the right. Don't listen to this Karen.

[kylee2437]

@asker do you ever think maybe it’s not about kids but your initial insecurity and immatureness? I mean you literally let your ex know that you stalk his new girls life

[kylee2437]

@MrTannedman interesting because you told her in your answer she should move on, but at the same time she should be concerned? Make it make sense.

[MrTannedman]

@kylee2437 It's her buisness to be concerned but she still is right to move on.. not hard to work out is it🤣then again judging off your original statement I'm not suprised💯

[kylee2437]

@MrTannedman a relationship that doesn’t involve her anymore is none of her business and he doesn’t need to explain why he moved on quicker than she did. Get off my comment, you are literally cancer.

[MrTannedman]

Said in your opening statement maybe she should "date me" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 yeah clueless @kylee2437

[kylee2437]

@MrTannedman fuck off.

[Asker]

@kylee2437 Because I wanted to know who he chose to be with. I messaged her as well but she blocked me and didn't respond because she is a coward. I feel she will trick him into having a baby. I asked him about this and he said he will block me if I dont stop so you are correct but I am hurt. Why didn't he want a baby with me. Always said not ready but I met his family and everything then suddenly we are over out of nowhere.

[MrTannedman]

I mean your the one telling women who have a hard love life at the moment to, date gay men 🤣🤦‍♂️

[kylee2437]

@MrTannedman nobody cares that you are gay dude. You are just another stupid cancerous Gen Z’er that likes to flaunt that you are gay every chance you can get. Go away.

[kylee2437]

@asker she is correct for blocking you. You are being petty because you are hurt. Once you move on, you are going to learn that what you are currently doing was ridiculous.

[Asker]

Do you not feel I can make him see that this is the wrong girl for him? If he didn't want a baby then he will be miserable. I can wait some years but this woman will not wait. I love him still and I want him to see it. He last said he didn't want to have children with me at that time but that may not be true now. Why do guys say they dont want something for years then turn around and start a family with the next girl in 6 months?

[kylee2437]

@asker just because he didn’t see a baby with you, doesn’t mean he doesn’t see one with someone else. I didn’t want a boyfriend until I met my boyfriend. You can arguably say “hey I thought you didn’t want a boyfriend” but the reality is, is I didn’t feel like any of the men I was talking to at the time was worth making a boyfriend out of. Similar can be the same here.

[Asker]

@kylee2437 it hurts though. feels like something is wrong with me when on paper I should be a better choice. I thought I'm his type. I am blonde and I learned to speak Spanish for his mom as he is half chilean. He was a good boyfriend but never felt ready for anything then suddenly we break up and in a few months he is posting some girl and he never posted me ever. And she looks nothing like me, is older than me, I am still in school and she has degrees already and he is showing her off like she's better than me. But I am the blonde standard of beauty I always thought.

[kylee2437]

@asker it’s not about looks. It’s about maturity possibly so. And here’s the thing, the way you chose to ask this question goes to show your maturity level. Do you possibly think that your immaturity showed throughout this relationship? Do you think he got sick and tired of the immaturity? Do you think the immaturity kept him from seeing any future things with you?

[kylee2437]

It sounds like you need to do a lot of self reflecting. Obviously I’m not saying he wasn’t a problem in the relationship but the way you have reacted towards both of them, goes to show you have a lot of work to do especially when you aren’t self aware enough to understand messaging the new girlfriend and messaging him while he is dating someone new is someone that lacks basic boundaries.

[Asker]

I understand what you mean. He often was upset with me for saying or doing things that he said make "no sense". I thought he enjoyed how much I needed him though. He said he liked being needed but not feeling like I will be unable to survive without him at times. When we broke up he said he could not give me what I need and "did not want to". I took that to mean he doesn't want to have children as I was really pushing to try for a baby as I am turning 28 soon and want a child by 30.

[kylee2437]

@asker well girl that’s stuff to work on. You have all rights to not move on, but you don’t have rights to go after him and her for making their own decisions. This is coming from a place where this has happened to me before. And surely, I came off immature in the beginning and did things in that moment I’d never do again, especially because he was instantly loyal to her while he was cheating on me the entire relationship. Once I decided to go into deep thinking, I was the problem in many circumstances and me being able to fix those problems is the reason why I am who I am today.

[Asker]

Thank you for responding. I am very hurt by this. In my head it's me comparing to her and everytime I try talking to him he is annoyed saying it is never about comparisons just "compatibility" and saying he doesn't feel we were compatible. I said I can work on it and he said it wasn't something to work on, just "two roads going in different directions as they were intended" he has all these analogies and crap. He only gets mad when I start insulting his new girlfriend and he's so defensive of her that it makes me mad if that makes sense? Like defending her from me. I want him to be on my side. You get me? I appreciate you responding/ chatting. He did not cheat I am sure of that. Which is why I even feel more hurt because I know he is so good. But I know he met her before we were over. He knew her from work or something and I just keep imagining him falling for her slowly while he had me the entire time.

[kylee2437]

@asker once someone moves on, there’s no changing their mind. He definitely stayed longer than he wanted to see if things would change and in his mind, things didn’t change. The best thing you can do for yourself is stop paying attention to them and work on yourself. They are a new item anyways, and things are always exciting and feel new in the beginning. You don’t know what the future holds for them. Everything happens for a reason, maybe down the line you will realize that you also weren’t compatible with your ex. 6 years later and I feel this about the ex that left me for someone else. There was lots of lack of compatibility that wasn’t necessarily one of our faults only and I’m quite happy that we didn’t stay together in the end.

[Asker]

you are right - thank you. to be honest i do feel bad insulting her in a way because all she did was start dating a guy who technically was single. She wasn't my friend or something like that. From what I can see, she's a nice person. It's just that feeling of him choosing her over me and knowing he met her and probably held back because I was in the way or something rather than just being happy with me. then combining the idea we look so different - its messing with my self esteem. its like comparing blake lively (me) to jessica alba (she kind of looks like that), two different tastes in looks and features. Also knowing they have the same kind of job which is a sort of job you need to be very smart to get into - makes me feel he didn't think I was good enough or smart enough maybe. She also went to a better school than me, things like that and so did he. I feel like not good enough or something. How long did it take you to feel happy you are not with your ex?

[kylee2437]

@asker it took me a year or so, and tbh I still do get upset that he chose her overly me because a lot of things were his fault , however all in all I’d prefer not dating a guy that would be constantly cheating on me

[Asker]

yea for sure, you did not deserve to be cheated on - that provides perspective. thanks a lot.

[Anonymous]

Maybe because she’s more mature than you. It’s over. You’re still stuck on it a year later. Maybe she treats him better. Cooks for him. Takes care of him. Maybe she treats him like a man. Who knows. My firm is 8 years older than me. Wasn’t what I was looking for but she turned out to be exactly what I described. No I don’t treat her like a housewife, expecting her to do all these things. She just enjoys it. We’ve been together for 15 years now. Maybe it’s just a fetish right how. To be w an older woman. Who knows there’s a lot of possibilities. You need to move on. Ok sure this is making you feel worse that he chose an older lady over you. But again you need to move on.

[Asker]

it has not been a year, we were together a year then he dumped me and suddenly seems in love with his coworker a few months later. So I am still heart broken and confused.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. But regardless you can’t do anything about. He was probably interested in her at sometime during your relationship. Maybe he was already messing around w her. Hard to say but if it was that quick than more than likely that’s what happened.

[Asker]

thanks - I am sure he didn't do anything until we broke up. But I also know he hid the fact I existed from her all together. I also know from what I saw in his iMessages that they never met up or anything outside work but he did not ever say he had a girlfriend, just kept offering to be some great friend to her. I think the moment we ended, he made a move and she had no clue I existed until I contacted her and then she blocked me. He was very mad when I did that, said it was psycho and then said he did tell her he hadn't asked her out sooner because we were together but she did not know about me and that does make me mad like he planned to end us to go after her. He said it wasn't like that, but I think he doesn't even realize that it was.

[Opinion Owner]

I’m pretty sure he’s lying. She may not have known about you but he definitely was planning it. That’s why he didn’t mention you to her. Regardless it’s over now. Mate I ask why you contacted her?

[Asker]

Because I wanted to know if he cheated on me or not and if she knew about me as it was clear they spoke while we were still together. If she knew about me, I would know she's not a good person and I would feel better like they deserve each other. But she never replied. Only at first to ask if we knew each other, then when I said how I was she blocked me. She had NO idea who I was at all. My ex told me he never mentioned me to her because it didn't come up as she was just a friend at work then he went for her after we ended. I believe if he was not planning it then he would have mentioned having a girlfriend to his "friend". I mention having a boyfriend within the first conversation with people naturally.

[Opinion Owner]

But don’t honestly believe me he didn’t lie about not telling her about you? I mean if he’s this low of a person to do what he did to you what makes you think he wouldn’t lie? I have a feeling she knew about you, that’s why she blocked you. When you messaged her, then she found out who you were she probably got nervous. Why would she just block you like that? He’s had to have said something to her. Maybe that you’re an ex who he’s been trying to avoid. That you’re stalking him, won’t leave him alone. So a that said if he said something like that you just solidified that in her mind as far as the lies he’s been feeding her. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he didn’t tell her. But what exactly made her block you instantly as soon as she found out who you were?

[Asker]

haha in her defense, I sent a very aggressive message. She didn't block me initially then I got emotional and sent some aggressive things back to back. She initially was just asking who I was etc and if we knew each other as I texted her from a fake number on Skype. Then I switched to instagram and began sending her photos of me and my ex boyfriend and then texted again and asked if she cheated with my boyfriend and that's when she blocked lol so that was on me. Im not mad at her, I did not date her. I was just trying to get information from her.

[Asker]

He hasn't avoided me at all. He answers calls and talks to me but he said it should stop now and I need to move on. He also said his girlfriend knows we speak and she doesn't mind. For me it was wanting to know though, when he planned or if he planned to leave me for her and if she knew. His story is that she had no clue about me, that he never told her I existed ever and only now she knows because of me. I dont get why he would lie about having a girlfriend if it's just a friend. Who hides girlfriend from a friend unless you are going to go after them? So nothing he says adds up.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok so yes I can see why she blocked you. You made it seem like you were psychotic. I’d do the same thing. But honestly I have a feeling she knew he was w someone. Something tells me she did. But just speculation from what you’ve told me. I’m not sure how you’d react if someone reached out to you like that out of the blue acting the way you did? Probably wouldn’t be a good response either.

[Opinion Owner]

A lot of people hide things like that. Some just may not tell others. Not because they’re trying to deceive them but they just figure it’s no one else is business. A lot of people hide the fact that they had a boyfriend or girlfriend. It may not be because they intend to cheat or something. Could just be that they like the attention. I don’t really see the need to get an explanation as to when he planned or didn’t plan all this.

[Asker]

From the messages I read in his phone before we broke up, they chatted a lot about just work stuff and at some point she was asking him what he did on weekends and stuff and he mentions stuff we do but doesn't mention ME. She does sound suspicious and I think at that point as a woman I can tell she liked him and was trying to figure out if he had a girlfriend because she asked "oh that sounds fun, who did you go with?" and he would then ghost her for like a month then start up chat again about new topic work related again. So I feel she suspected. I dont think he cheated because of that, he could have lied and planned stuff - i didn't see any of that. But I feel probably he started liking her or something and that's what hurts and I want him to admit it. He makes it sound like after we broke up it just happened and not that he had a crush on her before, you see what I mean? Also If someone is intentionally asking what you did and you omit it was with your girlfriend that's on purpose. Like you said, to plan to go for her maybe or so she doesn't know. I just want to know the full story so I can heal and know who he REALLY is and not just keep guessing and have it in my head he was everything I wanted.

[Opinion Owner]

Of course he liked her before you two broke up. I’ve liked numerous women I’ve worked w before when in a relationship. Not just on a friendly basis either. He knew what he was doing. I know most of us men think this way. Maybe the intent wasn’t to get w her, maybe just sleep w her but he likes her before you two broke up that’s for sure. Now what if he never tells you the truth? You’re not you g to heal? Now you’re damaged for life? What if he is telling you the truth? But you’re not accepting it as the truth? A lot of times people say well if you have nothing to hide why are you getting mad or defensive. It’s because yes that may be true but at the same time the person may be telling you the truth but you won’t accept it. So yes it gets aggravating trying to say I’m telling you the truth.

[Asker]

Oh I see. Yes Thank you. Even from another guy it helps haha You all know what you are doing! I can't stand him acting like he just stumbled upon his beautiful friend months after ending our relationship. I think he knew immediately he liked her and decided to not tell her he had a girlfriend just in case he became available so that she would be an option and would not have to explain his situation. I also think he did not tell her so that he could see if she liked him as she probably wouldn't flirt or talk to him as much if she knew. He knew what he was doing. And he had someone that wanted to start a family with him.

[Asker]

I also think that if you are really in love and committed then you dont hide your girlfriend to girls you might like because you dont think they will be an option as you dont see yourself ever needing options!

[Opinion Owner]

Yes he knew he liked her. Men know from looks right away if they like a girl or not. Personality comes much later. If a girl doesn’t have the right looks she will never get to show him her personality. He didn’t tell her because more than likely she wouldn’t have interacted w him the way she did. Most women I think would be like that. Some still flirt w a man even if he is w someone. But most men can’t be honest about a lot of things w women.

[Asker]

What do you mean cannot be honest with a lot of things? What other things? I am curious... Guys always make it seem like girls are the sneaky ones. But I believe this experience has shocked me because of this very reason. He knew what he was doing. He was moving pieces on a game board for months when we were still together so he can date that girl. It makes me feel like he was over our relationship before we broke up and it hurts.

[Asker]

I have a friend dating a guy from work and when they met he was married but he hid that from her as well. He claims they were getting a divorce but I also think he was lying and met her, liked her and decided to leave his wife for her. It's stuff like that! I think my boyfriend did the same thing but won't admit.

[Opinion Owner]

I’m probably sure he did do that. Met her. Checked out of his relationship w you before you two were even separated. I think both men as well as women. I think women are just better at hiding it. I can’t tell you the number of things I’ve gone through w women as far as being deceived, cheated on, etc. But that’s anecdotal. But I also know a few friends as well as one of my brothers who’s also been through a lot of similar things like myself.

[Finchie40]

Because age really doesn’t mean shit , when you meet someone that you have great chemistry band connection with and that you find attractive. I date older and younger girls ‘ so her age doesn’t determine on whether I will like her or not , what matters is the connection her and I have for each other.

[Asker]

I now see based on everyone's response. Just see a lot in media about preferences but guess that's a lie or for low value men.

[Finchie40]

Yea don’t believe half the shit you see on media , most of it is bullshit. You are best to move on from him and focus on yourself , and eventually you will meet someone that will stand by your side , it’s a chance we all take especially on todays’ dating world

[Avicenna]

He probably felt comfortable with her. Did he know you wanted to get back together with him?

[Asker]

oh yes, he broke up with me then began dating her within a few months and knew her before we broke up. I was discussing with someone else on here that I think he began to develop feelings for her before we broke up but I don't think he even realized it. He knew her at work or something. He is still nice to me, takes my calls to make me feel better if I am crying but he said there is no chance as he is sure he does not want to be together. After others comments on here I think I am accepting it may be time to stop trying.

[Avicenna]

Yeah, it's going to take time to heal, but you will be OK in the long run.

[Anonymous]

I agree with him, your immaturity is showing because why the fck does her age matter? That’s like attacking him for choosing a woman who’s heavier or skinnier than you, just nitpicking and being shallow because he didn’t pick you at all. You need to move on, this is just a shameful low as a woman.

[Asker]

I just miss him and was shocked he broke up. Then suddenly he's dating this mixed race woman older than both of us.

[Opinion Owner]

Look at you dude, like mixed race as well? You are digging so low, lower than you need to. Her age, race, height, teeth, none of that matters. In fact I think it shows that he’s not as shallow as you clearly thought he was. You need to accept the breakup and heal, stop checking in on him and certainly stop judging the woman he chooses to move on with. It just does nothing for you but makes you look bad and like a bitter bully on the playground.

[Opinion Owner]

I just noticed your age range, is that incorrect? We are both in our 30s, I thought you were early twenties or something. You are no spring chicken yourself…

[Asker]

I understand your point. I just thought I am his type. She looks nothing like me. She is a pretty woman and its not that she is fat or has bad teeth haha, but I was very shocked by the details of who he chooses to be with when I still love him.

[Asker]

My age is wrong, I am 27.

[Opinion Owner]

If you purposely date men who look very similar to one another then that is your choice, but this does not apply to everyone.

Not a single one of my exes look alike, if not in race then their features, height, etc, nothing is the same. I’m 30, my current boyfriend is 3 years older than me, my ex is 28 and was just not a good match for me. Do I go back to my ex because he’s younger and still loves me? (Which is true, he comes around every few months asking if I’m single). Of course not, that logically makes no sense to return to a relationship that no longer worked for me, just because he is younger or is my exact age.

I feel like this mindset of yours is a component as to why he broke up, even if it’s not your intention your very shallow minded without seeing the bigger picture. She can be an amazing woman and you’re focused on her age. You actually shouldn’t even be focused on her at all.

[Summeroflove]

Exactly. She needs to move on and find someone else. It’s not like he’s cheating. They split up and he found someone new.

Sure breakups suck. But when you turn into a stalker. It makes the person that much more glad they dodged a bullet

[Summeroflove]

Why do you care about her race and she’s 6 years older. Leave him alone and leave her alone

[Asker]

@Summeroflove people dont just get over heart break instantly.

[Opinion Owner]

Asker, no one is suggesting you get over him easily, we’re addressing “how” you’re moving on because it’s bully mentality. I saw your comments elsewhere and you said you feel bad for commenting on the woman’s age and appearance, you’re just hurt. While yes I understand that, it is definitely something to work on because the first thing you attack shouldn’t be the other woman, or tearing down things she can’t control, like age, race or even height. It’s ok for the new woman to look nothing like you and it really shouldn’t matter, that’s the point here. You’re comparing yourself to someone else when you shouldn’t because she has nothing to do with this. It doesn’t mean he was talking to her prior, none of that. He just moved on quicker than you, which to me says he checked out of the relationship long ago.

[Asker]

Yes thank you. and that is true, I am not a bad person. I dont think she is ugly - I actually find her to be very pretty but that makes me angrier because she looks nothing like me so in my mind he wanted the opposite of what I had to offer in every way because she looks nothing like me, her background is nothing like mine, she is very tall and I'm not, just everything, she is the opposite and so I feel like all along he maybe never loved me and then the opposite came along and he offered to her everything he told me he wasn't ready for rather than saying hey I dont want those things with you. I told him this and he said he did not know he was ready, until he just was but it wasn't with me and it feels terrible as he keeps saying its not something wrong with me just we aren't "compatible". But in my head its something she's got or is that I am not.

[Opinion Owner]

You’re only hurting yourself by drawing lines and making connections where they just don’t exist. Like if you dated a short Asian man, broke up and then moved on to a tall white guy, it does not specifically mean you wanted a tall white guy all along, or never liked anything about the Asian guy, the new man is just who you happened to fall for. How you’re feeling is completely unrelated to her, so you shouldn’t make her the focal point here and create unnecessary insecurities. You’re fine just as you are, you two just stopped being compatible. It happens, it hurts, but it’s life, and he’s just at a place in his where he wants something different than what he has with you. Maybe you don’t understand it, but from my experience I totally understand outgrowing men or relationships.

[Asker]

thank you - a few others have said something similar about compatibility and he did multiple times as well, he keeps saying that (he might stop taking my calls soon). I like how you frame the concept around the looks, that helped. But the part that will still bother me is that we had many arguments and serious conversations about trying for a baby as I knew I wanted him or someone like him to be the father of my children - he was everything I was looking for, high paying job, good person, reliable and I trusted him. And I wanted to get engaged but he said he wasn't ready or sure about either of those things. But last time I spoke to him, I asked him and he did not say it outright but implied that is on the table immediately for his new girlfriend!!! I asked why and he said he just knew within a few weeks of knowing her like he was dreaming about it or something and that he doesn't mean to hurt me but that he feels I will also feel this with someone else. He keeps pushing me to let go and I feel it's insensitive to not see that I dont get why he didn't dream of those things with me.

[Opinion Owner]

Maturing as a woman is knowing when to let go, and I think you need to start coming to that finalization in your mind rather than fighting it. Trust me I absolutely get it, I went through this before and I know it is deeply hurtful. But despite how much he aligns with what you want in a partner, you can’t twist his arm into wanting the same thing, and honestly you shouldn’t want to. Like no man or relationship should be worth sacrificing your dignity to essentially beg or plead for. You’ve done more than enough fighting for this person that I think it’s time you show some restraint, respect his relationship and finally let him go. I mean, you acknowledge yourself that he’s been trying to walk away, so maybe it’s time to pull your claws out. It will be a painful aftermath but if you’ve ever been through a breakup before then this isn’t new. One thing you know for sure is that this is going to pass, you won’t always feel this way. Keep that in mind.

[Opinion Owner]

Also, no need to thank me honey. This is just advice from one woman who’s gone through it, to another. You’ll be alright when it’s all said and done, give yourself more credit for your ability to be strong.

[Asker]

I appreciate this. It's helpful and I will do my best to remember all the people on here telling me they have all been through this so its not me.

[Summeroflove]

No asker you’re right. It takes time. But that doesn’t give them a right to try to control someone they’re not with anymore.

[Summeroflove]

Opinion owner I mean

[Summeroflove]

And she needs to let go. She needs to leave him alone because its his life. The same as she needs to find someone who makes her happy.

She’s putting her nose in his business where it don’t belong and I don’t think she would like the same beinf done to her

[Anonymous]

It’s none of your business. Move on he isn’t your boyfriend anymore. He found someone else and you should do the same.

Yes it is demonstrating your immaturity. He isn’t your boyfriend anymore and isn’t obligated to put up with your shit.

If things are over they are over. Find someone new yourself and stop worrying about his life. Maybe he found someone he is genuinely happy with. Leave the man alone

[Asker]

but he clearly emotionally cheated because he met her at work before we broke up and they used to talk as "friends" at work before we broke up. I dont think nothing happened at all but he must of been attracted to her and thought about her when he had me and she looks different. She is mixed race. Plus it makes me feel bad about myself that she went to a good school like him as they work at a good company that is hard to get in and he always criticized me for not following through on things. And he told me he's not ready to start a family but based on his social media I think he will start a family with her soon. He lied to me. Its not right

[RavVid]

The only answer can be that he finds something in that 6 yo woman more aligned to what he wants. What that is I cannot say.

[midnightmoon05]

Any reason why you have a need to stay in contact with an ex who is dating someone else?
you are disrespecting his new woman/relationship.

[Asker]

Because I am still upset he left me after a year and dont understand why he said he was not ready to start a family but seems ready to do that with someone else after only a few months. I have been reading others responses though and am slowly seeing its not a good idea for me to continue this path

[TommyMountainFigure]

Assuming this isn't a troll question.. (I strongly believe it must be, but still) I fail to see it is any of your business WHO he dates now.

[Asker]

why would I troll? I am literally just heart broken and trying to understand so that I dont walk around feeling like something is wrong with me.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I used the word troll, because I do not understand when to virtually every woman on the face of the planet, an ex choosing to date a younger woman is what would hurt them, why you are so hurt he is dating an older one!

[Asker]

Oh I understand what you mean. For me, its from a position of, why he would choose her over me when I am still available for him as I still love him and because we look very different and I thought I was his ideal type. I am blonde and thin and younger than him and his new girlfriend is older than him, nearly his height (she is tall) and she's mixed race (kind of looks like that actor Jessica Alba) and so nothing like what I thought he would go for. And I always need his help which he said he liked as it made him feel like a man but she has even more education than he does and is successful so I thought it would emasculate him. I asked him and he said actually she does need him a lot but he wouldn't go into details because he said it's none of my business. And it was also because I wanted to have a baby with him and he said he's not ready but his new girlfriend is older and from her social media she really wants a family too and will want it sooner than me and he knows this and chooses her. I asked him and he made it seem he's willing to start family with her but wasn't wanting with me which hurts

[TommyMountainFigure]

If there is ONE thing you should teach yourself from the whole experience it is this:- (I apologise in advance if this sounds cold, but it will help, hopefully) Dating is merely a process to find the one you wish to spend your life with. It cannot be one sided, both have to want it. Otherwise learn to say thank you for the good times we had and move on, bring up the firewall to protect yourself from any hurt for a couple of days.. a week at most and then go out and find someone else.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I fully appreciate to some it is hard.. VERY hard, but you can teach yourself how to do it! Just do not look at it as your fault.

[Asker]

Thanks. that's true actually lol that is all dating is. But it does hurt when you feel like people choose people over you like you not worth choosing after you chose them.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I do understand. It crushes the ego and feels like a personal attack. I've been there too. BUT, loud music, enrol in a fitness class, make a list of everything you wanted to do whilst together and couldn't.. Go out and do them.. see your friends, go round to family.. Spend a few days pampering yourself and really make yourself feel special.. buy a new wardrobe.. It really doesn't matter what you do.. just treat yourself a lot better than you have been.. You'll get through it surprisingly quickly... and there, >:D< That's an old Yahoo style hug to help you get started..

[Asker]

thank you

[TommyMountainFigure]

You're very welcome.

[MrTannedman]

He sounds like a right condescending piece of work, he's trying to belittle you because the relationship has come to a close. Iknow you won't like hearing it but it is probably best long term if you move on.

[PeachyPie93]

Could be he want's someone who acts mature and doesn't cause drama.

[Asker]

how am I immature for wanting my boyfriend to not leave me and date some girl he clearly had feelings for beforehand as he met her at work. That is emotional cheating.

[PeachyPie93]

I assume you are immature because 1 he isn't your boyfriend anymore, 2 you are chasing a guy who already left you and 3 you think being younger means you are automatically better or more suited to someone.

[Asker]

right but he was my boyfriend when he made the decision to speak with a girl he knew he was attracted to, in a professional environment and at some point he must have known she was attracted to him as well and he chose to continue being her friend while he had a girlfriend. He put himself in that situation and now I am wrong for being mad.

[PeachyPie93]

You aren't wrong to be mad. But he left you and emotionally cheated. Why would you want him back?

[Asker]

I dont have a good answer for that, true.

[SpeedAnswerDemon]

It's you're ex.

U don't have a say in who he dates now :/

Why should you care who he is dating anyway

[Anonymous]

Because she'll have more money, more life experience, is less likely to be liberal and less prone to BS

[DrPepper12]

At your ages its kinda meaningless.

[Danny_dan92]

Why are you keeping tabs on your ex boyfriend?

[Asker]

because it wasn't so long ago we broke up and I'm still upset

[Danny_dan92]

Take the L and walk away from it. Trust me

[midnightmoon05]

What will that do for your well being by maintaining contact with someone who is not on the same
Path as you?

[Danny_dan92]

Exactly

[Asker]

@midnightmoon05 I see that now after you all's response. I thought he was making a mistake or something but it's very clear he dont feel that way and the more I try to get him back the worse it is actually.

[Danny_dan92]

It’s better to just move on. Trust me. You continuing to think about him is only digging yourself deeper into this perpetual hole that is detrimental to your mental health.

[Asker]

@danny_dan92 yea I know that its unhealthy but a part of me just wants him to almost see that I am a good person to of chosen to start a family with. I feel like he thinks I'm not good enough or something like what's she got that I dont. But I can see from the responses it is not like this. I hope time will help me.

[Danny_dan92]

Let that go

[LiamJHayden]

Why do you care whom he's dating?

[MasterKS]

He enjoying his life! Kudos to the man!

[noohair]

He is right, you are immature, age is nothing.

[Luckycharms12]

Why do you care at that's his business

[OddBeMe]

Why do you care?