Should I ask my long distance friends with benefits to pay half of the ticket price?

[keira]

I’m in a long-distance friends-with-benefits situation. My friends with benefits is in another state, and I’ve been spending a lot on travel to visit them. It’s getting frustrating because they haven’t offered to help with the costs. Is this setup even sustainable? Any advice?

[Vegasrunner]

Crazy my guess is most of those guys on the podcast you watch are simply regurgitating things I wrote about 20+ years ago. Women understand what they specifically find attractive, men need to understand how to be attractive to a variety of women. If we're comparing education I own a degree in sociology w/ an emphasis in gender studies, and a degree in communications w/ an minor in rhetoric. I also worked as a VIP host on the Vegas strip, a job that allowed me access to thousands of women in addition I've slept w/ over 400 so I would be an expert in this subject matter. If you actually understood women you wouldn't have asked them questions you would have judged their behavior. Studies have shown that most women are dishonest when it comes to disclosing what they are attracted to. Also no human is answering a 500 question questionare. 5 years is cite but it's about a 1/4 of the time I've been in this industry. I can certainly understand why you would become emptional because that's a by product of women when they hear information that challenges their belief.

[CrazyGirl2]

Firstly, you stating that "most of the things those guys on the podcast you watch are simply regurgitating things I wrote about 20+ years ago” is that again confirmation of your intense narcissism, and is simply an affirmation that you actually DO watch them or you wouldn't know what they say!
Secondly the only time I've ever watched them was in class when we were doing units on behavioral analysis, body language, as well as a unit that we did on the sex workers. Trust me, I have better things to do w/ my time than watch, misogynists berate sex workers on YouTube.

Wait… if "Studies have shown that most women are dishonest when it comes to disclosing what they are attracted to,” then THOSE studies are in accurate because their conclusion is that "most women are dishonest when it comes to disclosing over their attracted to” 🤣 you do know that is a formal fallacy known as Argument from fallacy. I state that I've performed. MANY studies on relationships, as a research assistant, you claim those conclusions of false because "other STUDIES have shown the women lie on studies”! That makes absolutely no sense, and it's also a Fallacy of exclusive premises, because it’s a categorical syllogism that is invalid because both of its premises are negative!
Continued...

[CrazyGirl2]

2 of 2
Also, you stay that you slept with over 400 women as if I'm supposed to swoon… You do realize that to myself and most other intelligent women, the fact that you have such a little regard for intense intimacy of sexuality is repugnant! The only subject matter THAT would qualify you for expertise in would be that possibly you're an expert in having a lack of character, or possibly you're an expert in having zero restraint.

Also, clearly, you have never been to college, because you’d know that colleges pay students to participate in studies. The longer the study, and the more questions involved, the more money they make! When students find out that there's a 500 question survey being conducted in the psych department the line is literally down the hall and out the door! Look, I would love to have a battle of wits with you, but you are very clearly unarmed. I mean, you replied to me and I completely separate post that was unrelated to my post, instead of just hitting reply! You don't know how to use the Internet, you expect me to believe you have two college degrees? I Oh, and I do not believe for one second that you have two colors degrees, and gender studies!. No misogynist like you has a degree in gender studies (which lets face it, is women's studies) additionally, I'm sure that a lot has changed sociologically speaking in the last quarter century since you (improbably) stepped foot on a college campus!

[Vegasrunner]

@CrazyGirl2 I think I understand your confusion. Like most women you are hearing what you want to hear and pretending it was said. The actually phrase began w/ "I guess" you removed and are formulating an argument w/out including that part. Secondly I never made a claim that I didn't watch relationship podcast. I've also read every relationship book and written multiple thesis on this subject. Again these are things that make me into an expert on a subject you're attempting to learn. Your response to the studies question proves you have no clue what you're talking about, as it is a collection of incoherent, emotional out of context in accurate industry jargon.

[Vegasrunner]

@CrazyGirl2 This is gold, and the type of things I show young men I mentor to help highlight female incongruency, it's also why in my opinion women make poor defense attorneys. My sexual history was provided along w/ multiple other pieces of information, as answer to a question you asked. How you feel about my regard for sexual intimacy is completely irrelevant to me or this conversation for that matter. Your logic is a man doesn't understand women because he doesn't know enough of them but if he does know enough of them he lacks character so he doesn't understand women? Lol, I actually have created many of the "studies" that have been used on college campuses throught the US. Also the pay for survey is a relatively new model, I know because I'm an investor in one of he largest companies in that space and the median revenue for those surveys is a little under $20. Tbh this subject has gotten away from you and like most woman you're reduced to using emotion ad hom attacks to disguise the fact you don't know what you're talking about at all. I replied in a separate post because you blocked me after your feelings got hurt, however because I've been w/ 400+ women and interviewed thousands of them, I understand you need to get in the last word so I created a separate post? And didn't even tag you in it (couldn't because I was blocked) So I knew you would respond and you did mostly w/ a long incoherent, inconsistent, out of context rant. As I tell young men all the time most women are more concerned w/ being right to let the truth get in the way. Your argument is exhibit A. TY for sharing.

[CrazyGirl2]

You are SUCH a bullshitting troll! There are over 500 relationship books just on Amazon, That doesn't even include the thousands of relationship books that are out of print! I don't believe for one second that you have read EVERY relationship book, and neither would anyone else with the ability to think logically! I’m done with you, you’re a troll, and a really bad one. Not bad meaning malicious, bad meaning you are really terrible at it! 🙄 🤦‍♀️

[CrazyGirl2]

I won’t be replying to you anymore. I don’t respond to liars!

[Vegasrunner]

@CrazyGirl2 So you're saying you haven't read every relationship book?

[Vegasrunner]

@CrazyGirl2 Interesting, your accusing me of "lying" because of how you feel yet readers are supposed to ignore the fact that you've lied throughout this correspondence?

[lightbulb27]

this sounds like a for hire prostitute that pays their own way but doesn't get paid.

does that all sound right? What do you get out of this... is it worth it?

Womens liberation and equality has so devalued women to where they are asking questions like this.

[CrazyGirl2]

Sure, why not? If they are gonna receive half the “benefit”, then why should you pay ALL of the cost of the ticket? friends with benefits is one thing, but friends with benefits that you have to pay for… C’mon! There is cheap, and there is cheap! If a guy is not willing to help you at least pay to get there, maybe it’s time you stayed home and just took care of yourself! You need to develop a higher sense of self esteem, and self worth. You are worth more than paying ALL of the travel costs. The fact that he hasn't even offered should tell you he’s not much of a friend! Which makes your relationship just “benefits” w/o even the friendship! A real friend would have offered to pay half from the beginning!

[Vegasrunner]

@CrazyGirl2 As someone in this same situation, I would tell her that she can ask, but there's a reason why she's traveling across country to see me. She's going to get told no, then feel even worse when she goes back on her word and has to pay for travel to see him anyway. A Better option is to make him handle all the expenses after she gets there. My deal is if you travel to me I'll take care of lodging transportation, food etc.

[CrazyGirl2]

@Vegasrunner No! Why should “he" OR “she" pay for everything? I hate when women whinge that they want equality, until the bill comes, then suddenly they’re like “but I’m a girl, I shouldn't have to pay!”. I hate men who just use women for sex, but I equally hate women who just use men for money! A relationship is supposed to be a partnership, and guys expecting sex after a date, because they paid for the date is the reason that I paid for my own food and drinks on dates! If she’s 21 she can decide what she wants, but not having enough self esteem to ask him to pay half, or him travel to her half the time Is just sad! it’s not unreasonable to demand that he OR she pay for half the travel expenses in a friends with benefits type of situationship! Besides what kind of “friend” does not even volunteer to pay every now and then?

[Vegasrunner]

@CrazyGirl2 You actually make a valid point, however in my opinion what you are missing is practical experience. All the talk about finances isn't sexy and defeats the purpose of the trip. It's fair that you don't understand this because as a woman you don't know what it takes for a man to be attractive to a woman. Having conversations like these can be instant vibe killers and I would advise most guys to avoid them all together which is what it sounds like the guy in the post is doing.

[CrazyGirl2]

@Vegasrunner Wait! Did you seriously just write that as a woman I don't understand what it takes for a man to be attractive to WOMEN? You do know I'm not a lesbian right? While you ARE a man, and fully understand infinitely more than I ever will, what you (and maybe also your friends) personally do to try to be attractive to women… I would say that as a woman, I know a bit more about what it is WE find attractive in men. But hey, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you do know more about what I and my friends are attracted to in men than I do.

As for you sating that "conversations like this are instant vibe killers. What conversation? Telling someone "I'd love to come this weekend, but I can't afford all of these travel expenses. Would you at least chip-in half" is not exactly a conversation about finances. She's not asking him for a bank balance, or stock tips. She's just asking him to split the tab. Besides, I'm guessing they've already had a conversation about it, because she wrote in her initial question, "I’ve been spending a lot on travel to visit them. It’s getting frustrating because they haven’t offered to help with the costs”. If her asking him to help defray, the travel costs is an instant vibe killer, then GOOD! She's the one with the vagina, I've got a feeling it's gonna be a HELLUVA LOT easier for her to find another friends with benefits who’s closer, than it will be for him.

Look, I absolutely and completely understand that you would object to any woman being with a man so that she can siphon off as much money from him as possible. I'm fully behind you on that, I absolutely agree! Women like that are gold digging whores, and I can't stand the women who do that bullshit! However, if you TRULY believe that, then you MUST also believe that any guy who's with a woman just for sex, AND he's making her pay all the bills, is equally repugnant! If not, then you're just a hypocrite!

[Vegasrunner]

@CrazyGirl2 Yes I did. You understand what you and perhaps a small homogenous circle of friends like, however that is vastly different than knowing what it takes to be attractive to women in general as a man.
Your statement about finances proves this. For a man initiating a conversation like that is no upside and all risk. You don't understand this because most men aren't rejecting women based on finances, so in your mind since it wouldn't be a big deal for you to bring this up in this hypothetical situation you think that a man would be just as comfortable doing so. In reality your job as a man w/ a women is to create an environment where sex can happen, discussing lack of finances us not one. Also by definition discussing a budget falls under finances, I do respect your honesty because most women do attempt to leverage sex for compliance against men, they are just reluctant to admitt it. The part thar you don't understand partly because you haven't experienced the back end of your smv yet is.
1. At 35 the poster has far less options than you personally have at 21 and probably has fewer viable ones than a successful 35 yro man.
2. Even if she does have more options for sex she is less likely to act on them because of her attraction to this guy, and women typically prefer having one partner at a time.
Leveraging sex only works when the guy doesn't have any other options. The fact that she's willing to go broke to travel to see this guy tells me he probably has plenty of options. The fact that he's simply not responding to her hints tells me he's experienced with women.
You have misunderstood my position. I have no problem w/ a women being w/ a man for money or a man being w/ a women for sex. What I agree with is your right to dislike both equally, however what you actually don't like is the thought of not being able to leverage sex for compliance, for equalivelency purposes your throwing in the female golddigger portion.

[CrazyGirl2]

@Vegasrunner You watch WAY too much online dating podcasts! To claim, that as a man, that you know MORE about what women find attractive, than actual women do is arrogance squared! Then to claim to know how many women I have spoken to about what they are and are not attracted to in men is even more pathetic! I have a degree in psychology, and I’m finished with my academic work on my masters degree. My specialty human sexuality. I’ve been a research assistant on multiple studies on dating, relationships, and yes, attraction. I’ve also lead my own study on atypical paraphilias, and their link to child sexual abuse! I’ve literally interviewed HUNDREDS of women about what they like, and find attractive in men, what they like men to do and what they don’t like. I’ve asked hundreds of women over 500 questions ea. about their dating experiences, and what they like and don’t like about what men do, say, wear, their preferences for penis size, height, income, you name it, and I've questioned hundreds of women between the ages of 18 to 35 on it. So do NOT assume that you know what I do and do not know! I have LIVED in the academia of dating, attraction, and sexuality for 5 years! Thens of thousands of data points gathered and analyzed! What do you have? Your own biased beliefs, and your own limited experience, and anecdotal evidence from YOUR small circle of “homogeneous friends"! You USED TO be a decent guy, but you have become a fckn’ troll! You argue and contradict me for nothing but the sake of being contradictory! You're clearly just a miserable MGTOW troll, and I’m done with you! (Oh, now is the part where you try frantically to insult, contradict and degrade me, my education, my life experience, and anything else you can think of, in your last-ditch effort to desperately keep your trolling going!)

[Anonymous]

so you're only traveling just for sex? i'd end this. there's so many more people closer to you that could help you out with sex if that's all you're looking for. not worth wasting money on.

to answer the question, yes, should be half/half.

[Opinion Owner]

and, like others said, why is your buddy not putting in the effort to come see you instead of you always seeing them? something to think about.

[DishLady]

Nope. If you want to go, that's on you. If you don't, that's also on you. Why isn't your LDR friends with benefits coming to you if he's so fab?

[AviatorTom]

Why not find a friends with benefits closer to home?

[SugarSugarplum]

Long distance friends with benefits?
friends with benefits means fycking without any emotional commitment.
How does that work over long distance?
If you say sexting, or video sex that's not friends with benefits, you just have a cam girl.

[Dr_Lovejoy]

Absolutely. Unless he’s participating against his will (😝). I’m sure you wouldn’t have any trouble finding a friends with benefits in your own zip code. Why pay to fly in non-domestic sausage when it’s hot and fresh and just around the corner? 😉

[Daniela1982]

Sounds like you are being played a chump. But I guess you subscribed to it so you gotta pay your dues. You gotta take the good with the bad. Is this person really worth it?

[Nikki1989]

How can a friends with benefits situation work, being long-distance?

Surely you are not that desperate.

[Anonymous]

Maybe all him if he's be willing to pay. I think they should help and pay. I have a friend who lives am for from me and comes here and i offered to pay bc it is expensive. So yes they should

[Billlewis]

No -- he should be paying all of it, every time.

[Anonymous]

Women don’t anything from “friends with benefits” situations. You’ve been blowing money on a man that isn’t committed to you at all and has put no effort to come see you himself. If you’re gonna give it up for free at least choose a man who lives close enough you’re not paying! This whole post is embarrassing…

[katiesmuff]

You can certainly give it a try, I would think he would be happy to oblige

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

What exactly is this "friends with benefits", if you can't benefit at all? 🤦🏻‍♀️

[KostasKouvalis]

It sounds like it's not as important to him as it is to you. I wouldn't ask him though. It will make you seem like a gold digger.

[ProbablyClueless]

You should ask. But no, that situation is not sustainable.

[Ms_Facesitter]

I wouldn't, but instead tell him to come to me instead.

[jahaims]

They don't care enough to pay. They are involved now because it's low effort pussy.

[OddBeMe]

If you’re hard up on the price…yeah. It’s not bad to ask for help. And no one expects you to pay for everyone.

[OhLongJohnsoning]

I don't really like the idea of friends with benefits, it's silly to me. If you want a relationship, JUST GET ONE

[the29thhuman]

Why would you do that?
Please respect yourself

[Iron_Man]

But do you stay at his place for free? Does he feed you?

[TheWombRaider]

No you should ask him to pay the whole thing

[spartan55]

All that for some dick? Pretty pathetic.

[LiamJHayden]

You should discuss taking turns visiting.

[Mike6658]

He should offer to pay half

[noohair]

You are paying for sex? Nothing local?

[In_Trance]

You lost me at long distance

[CubaPirate]

Caring is sharing

[Cheerfull009]

Not good , leave this relationship

[Jmmmfi4]

PROBABLY NOT