Am I a bad person when I refused to pay 50/50 for vacations?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend of 2 months is angry with me because I refused a 50/50 relationship model. I don't think it's fair at all to women. At the beginning of the relationship he wanted to pay for everything, but I often invited him for dinners or movies, or cooked meals at my home (we were spending most of the time at my place) and baked deserts for him. I really enjoyed to make everything cozy, treated him well and pampered him all the time.

It feels strange to me that in first weeks he would buy me presents, he wanted even to buy expensive presents that I refused to accept, because I felt like he's buying my love. But on the other hand, I want my man to be a provider and protector and to invest in mutual activities in a relationship. Suddenly he came up with notion of being equal, contributing 50/50 and I know for sure that he was not having these kinds of relationships in the past.

Am I completely delusional if I believe that it's man's role to invest more?

[SteveSmith1985]

I'll be honest. You are purely delusional.

You basically have really really conservative beliefs about this. Most men do not. 50/50 is the expectation, and you are just plain 100% wrong here.

The only men who are going to share your beliefs about this are going to be EXTREMELY conservative men. Who are going to also have some other views about women... that you might not be quite so cool with.

But if you are talking about anything like a normal guy, then 50/50 is the expectation here. Your relationship will not survive your differences in philosophy. You are not going to "feel" like you're wrong about this, regardless of how many of us tell you that you're wrong. It's still not going to seem "right" to you. Because to you, its not right.

If you can possibly actually come around to truly understanding why 50/50 is the expectation, then your relationship with this particular guy might work. Otherwise it won't. He is not going to change his view on this. His view is the standard, regular, expected view.

Your view is the view of extreme conservative view of relationships (like... the kind of conservative where this is a non-issue... because women shouldn't work anyway... kinda conservative)

[Summeroflove]

Stop using him for money. If you don’t want to go on vacation. Don’t go. He doesn’t have to take you.



He can easily find another woman too if you only care about money. Stop crying how unfair ir is.

If you’re not both compatible in what you want. Maybe it’s time for you both to move on. Wish one another the best and find people who are more compatible.

[Quackthulu2]

So break up with him. If you are getting pissed off about being asked to pay your share then you are clearly not mature enough for a serious relationship.

[smilelots]

Not sure what you mean by men should invest more can you explain Hi there every one is different and the world is changing and woman have a bigger part in it then they ever did.. Its up to you in what you feel is right or wrong to contribute in any relationship your part of ,, money plays a big part rich or poor or inbetween. is up to you to talk about it and go from there and if you dont like what is offered move on to someone that likes what you are willing and able to contribute to the relationship.. Its all up to you no one can do it for you.. good luck and stick by why you believe in or change why and what you think.

[Pyrofox]

It's clearly a test if you can be selfless. It's typically a man's last test before green lighting having kids. When guys ask for the 50/50 it is mostly to see if you have the qualities to be a mother. Or are you just another woman digging unconsciously for a lifestyle rather than for a man and a family.

[AMS700CX4u2]

So now the thing that enters into the question is intent. If this is a casual friends with benefits relationship then 50/50 is fine. However this will not work in a serious monogamous situation. 50/50 signifies that total trust is not there.

[bamesjond0069]

Do you have significant income yourself? Then 50/50. The whole concept of a man taking care of a woman financially was because WOMEN didn't EARN MONEY.

If you make significant money yourself then contribute. If you're 18 without a job or a waitress at the diner then sure he should be paying. A lawyer, doctor, making $40k in HR... you need to contribute.

[Asker]

I contribute, but I believe that 50/50 is not fair at all. He makes more money than I do, he's older and he's at my place most of the time. I would be open to 30/70, as it's more reflective of a reality

[bamesjond0069]

No. If you make any significant income him making more is generally irrelevant. If my girlfriend worked full time and i work full time, whether she earns $15 an hr or $50 an hour... the 40 hours a week is subtracted from her traditional qualities cook clean availability non stressed attitude etc. That is taken from me. Therefore I don't owe her my traditional quality in the same way either ie paying for things.

This is why my girlfriend does not work at all because she wants me to take care of her. This is why I told her she won't work as my girlfriend because I only want a girl worth taking care of.

You remove a portion of the value a man looks for in a relationship with a woman but still expect him to provide all the things women expect. That's generally not how it works. It's a common problem for the modern woman not just you. Modern woman wants traditional man. Traditional man wants traditional woman. Modern man wants Modern woman. Modern woman does not want Modern man.

[NamerOfStars]

If you think that equality is unfair to you, then yes, you're delusional.

[Anonymous]

Well I always believe in give n take...
If girls give me best sex then it's my duty to give her financially comfort...

[slatyb]

Do you earn as much as he does?

[NostalgiaSenpi]

You sound grossly entitled.

[cloud9vortex1234]

I think you should at least pay something.

[In_Trance]

I'd dump you for that