I overheard my boyfriend say that he chose the wrong girl. What should I do?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. We met through mutual friends. We were friends for two years before dating because I was too shy to make a move, and he was in love with another mutual friend. After she got a boyfriend, he started liking me, and we've been together ever since.

For his birthday, he mentioned he’d never had a surprise party and wanted one. I spent all week planning and organizing it, making sure everything was perfect. The party was a success, but when I went to find him to cut the cake, I overheard him telling his friend he regretted not pursuing our mutual friend and felt disgusted with our relationship. He even said he hated waking up to me and felt trapped. I didn't let on that I heard him and continued with the party.

Now, I’m struggling with what to do. I don’t want to break up, but I also don't know how to make him truly love me. I’m scared to start dating again, especially at my age. Should I try to make him fall in love with me, or should I just move on?

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

Yeah I’m sorry that’s why he’s never proposed marriage. He’s with you because he’s invested time and energy into you wasting 7 years of your life (and his own life for that matter) because he’s too big of a coward to have ever been honest.

I think you know you have to break up he resents you and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s cheated. He’s looking for someone else. Look at all you did for him and that’s how he feels? It never will matter what all you do for him. If he was a normal person he would have broken up to find someone who makes him happy and allow you to do the same thing.

But some people keep stringing someone along because they would rather have someone for no one. You need to break up. I know grief is a bitch and the denial phase is no exception. If you think you’re gonna save this or make him love you again. It’s denial. One of these days you’ll look back in all the pain he’s caused.

For your own good it’s better for you to be alone in peace then with someone doing this to you

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

"Now, I’m struggling with what to do." You know what you need to do, but you are afraid and hesitant. Very understandable.

"I don’t want to break up," Of course not, but sometimes you need to do it for your long term benefit.

"but I also don't know how to make him truly love me." There is no method to MAKE him love you, and if he doesn't love you after 7 years, it's probably never going to happen.

"I’m scared to start dating again, especially at my age." What is your fear, that you won't be able to attract a new partner?

"Should I try to make him fall in love with me, or should I just move on?" You can make him love you so there is only one choice that makes sense.

midnightmoon05 · Accepted Answer

you need to move on.
he doesn’t love you. He already wasted 7 years of your time.
the next question to ask yourself - I don’t know is not the answer.
are you okay being in this position for the rest of your life?

I don’t know your age… if you want marriage/kids… you might still have time… but you will never get that from this guy.

PeachyPie93 · Accepted Answer

He is hung up on someone else, the best thing you can do for yourself is dump him. I honestly wouldn't even give him an explanation because he may try to lie or change what he said to keep you stuck to him. I am sorry this happened but that is why it is best never to be someones second pick.

ManOnFire · Answer

Wowwwww I can imagine how painful that must've been for you to hear him say that, and then on the day that you put all your hard work and effort into to make it special for him. God, that is really awful and I'm sorry you had to find out like that.

Yeah, I think you should break up with him. And I think you should tell him that you heard him say that at the party. It's what he wants anyway. I know you guys were together for 7 years but if he really regrets not getting with the other girl then hanging on really doesn't matter.

DishLady · Answer

At your age? Come on, girl. Don't you think you deserve better than this dbag? There are SO many guys out there. Ditch this guy. He thinks he can do better? Let him drown in his own quicksand.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

There's honestly so much context that could be missing. But something about the story isn't adding up.

You've been together for 7 years but only just now did he tell you nobody's thrown a party for him and he still feels disgusted and trapped?

Maybe I'm weird but my issue has always been ending relationships I didn't believe in when I probably should have milked it a little longer 😂.

But these details seem strange to me. Also sounds like maybe he's waiting for some kind of change to take place on your part.

butterfly · Answer

Hearing what he said must’ve been heartbreaking, but you deserve way better than that. If after 7 years he’s still talking about another girl and saying he feels disgusted or trapped, it’s not fair to you. You shouldn’t have to change yourself or fight for his love. If he’s not appreciating you now, he probably never will, and that’ll just eat away at you. Leaving might be scary, but staying in a relationship where you’re not valued is way worse. Trust me, you deserve someone who’s excited to be with you, not someone filled with regrets.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

Stop: It is a speech you overheard ,  not said to you Now the speech is very strong, regrets, disgust and feeling imprisoned. But, if his speech is legitimately what he feels, he is wearing a mask since all this time,  some signs have to corroborate , like he spends his free time without you, little to no cuddling, little to no sexuality... There must be  behaviors  ! If his disgust is real, there is absolutely no way he can change,  it's completely unreasonable to "make someone love you" , at core, especially when he expresses such a  level of resistance . At best, you can seduce someone, but certainly not when he doesn't even want to be seduced. Look at these signs, behaviors I mentioned, there must be something you don't see here...

luvstoned4him · Answer

Im sorry but you have to do the think which you don't want to do. Break up. The universe gave u still very vital info. He doesn't love you and even said he felt disgusted. I'm sorry but I would've just dyed that moment if I heard my boyfriend say that. He loves the other girl and is clearly still not over her. Also, take it from me, you can make a guy love you if he doesn't. I think you should move on

Radiate143 · Answer

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years.

No need to read any further.

He's probably done all kinds of stuff that says leave but you kept holding on.

Just go. He doesn't want you.

And if he comes back it's because his clothes are piled to the ceiling, he's hungry and lonely.

bobalife · Answer

It’s heart breaking, but the worse thing to do is beg someone to see your worth when they’re unable to see the blessing infront of them and being in a relationship due to fear of being alone. Save yourself the time and heart ache, start new and someone else out there deserves you.

avery58 · Answer

I think you should leave his sorry ass, if he hasn't learned to appreciate you after 7 years he never will. He doesn't deserve you.

He's the typical type of loser who can't forget the person that never cared for him no matter how many years pass by.

LifeHitMeandRan · Answer

Sorry you are going through this. Nothing is worse than having your heart broken.

It sucks. It really sucks. But, you do not need to put yourself through torture for someone who does not love you. Better to deal with the pain of the breakup, heal and be a better person than to let his resentment drag you down, which would affect you negatively in all aspects of your life.

Anonymous · Answer

after she got a boyfriend, he started liking me, INSTEAD...

that is something. i'm questioning if he even wanted to be in a relationship just because the girl he did like got into one with some other guy.

this isn't your fault at all. it's his for making you a rebound. but god he sure did waste 7 YEARS to be saying this now.

does he act like he "feels disgusted" with you or around you? look at his actions and body language.

rienna888 · Answer

I don’t understand how someone can be in a relationship for seven years without being in love and at least be attracted. Was he upset about something? Like are you guys constantly fighting? He thought he didn’t get anything for his birthday? I know you should leave him but I also know it’s a tough thing to do

Anonymous · Answer

You have been given a chance to learn the truth. Many don't get this chance and go on living a lie.

'' I don’t want to break up...'

Ignore what you heard at your own peril! When you are given divine intervention, you do not ignore it!

Anonymous · Answer

I'm really sorry about what you're going through. It's really hard when all you did was love a person and they treat you like shit. You have to break up with him, you can't make a person who don't wanna love you to love you. No matter what you do they'd not care. Don't waste your effort on this person. It hurts. Yes. But time heals.

Breanna_nonbinary · Answer

You cut your losses. You are now in an unenviable position. You can never know what he really thinks. Either he meant it and you should leave or you confront him and never know if he is telling the truth. That leaves one option.

Youngasianboy1 · Answer

onsider having a calm conversation with your boyfriend about what you overheard. Share how it made you feel and ask for clarification on his comments. Communication is key to understanding each other better and resolving any underlying issues. I feel that there is definitely someone out there for everyone so you should move on if you can’t make the relationship work

EmmaMary · Answer

REPORTED ... DUPLICATE .

thatshydork · Answer

Leave him. Why would you want to waist your time on someone who doesn’t appreciate you when there’s someone else out there who will?

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Ask him about his true feeling about you and if they could change without a total change in your personality and deportment. ( I assume you're a good lass). If he still seems as if you're not his sort of woman, find a new man.

Iron_Man · Answer

You better talk about it and have a serious conversation. Maybe he was angry.  this is a problem don’t let it go

Surferboi_02 · Answer

You're u should dumb his ugly bitch ass and move on. He obviously doesn't deserve a girl like you and doesn't know how to treat a woman properly. Don't even tell him just walk out of his life. You deserve and can definitely find better.

KpopMusicFan · Answer

I would definitely confront him about it and dump him. You deserve better.

FreyaRed · Answer

He takes you for granted. Show him he has to fight to keep you.

ManInChains · Answer

Maybe he did, and leaving would be the best thing for him

DrPepper12 · Answer

Ditch the asshole. Wasting 7 years is sad enough.

Friendlybro79 · Answer

I am so sorry. You can't make someone love you. You need to tell her you heard him and take it from there.

dudeinohio · Answer

People at our age can still date and find someone. Do not worry. I'm older than you and had lots of success.

noohair · Answer

This does not sound good. You can't make another person have feelings that are not there. And I think you know what you have to do to protect yourself.

onedarkcloud · Answer

Say bye-bye so long don't call we'll call you. Hold your head high and live your life. The child you are with does not have the balls to tell you then you tell him! BYE BYE

Anonymous · Answer

Cut your losses and move on, if it’s been 7 years and he’s still hung up on your mutual friend then there’s no hope.

Twalli · Answer

I honestly think he's just with you to remain close to tgetvfruend and will dump you as soon as she's available

nawtee_me · Answer

Leave him and he will be saying why did the wrong girl leave me…..

The_Confusion · Answer

Step 1 is to panick and scream.

SweetJoyGirl · Answer

Oh, heccccc noooo Dump his ahh!

ICanSmellTheCosmos · Answer

I think you need to leave.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Move on.

scott04sa22 · Answer

Cut your losses

I overheard my boyfriend say that he chose the wrong girl. What should I do?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

What do guys do when they realized they picked the wrong girl?

I overheard my boyfriend say that he chose the wrong girl. What should I do?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

What do guys do when they realized they picked the wrong girl?

We're glad to see you liked this post.