Would you date someone with a cheating history?

[12karen]

[MisterWack]

No because it is highly likely they would cheat on me.

I warned this woman who coached this guy at her college to cheat on his current girlfriend with her because she was jealous…. I warned her “if he cheats on his girlfriend with you then don’t expect him to be loyal to you”. She said she would listen then she did it behind my back, guess what happened? She complained that he cheated on her, which no sh*t Sherlock!

She then talked about revenge in which I said, “This is on you, don’t”.

[BarryLiverstone]

If they only cheated once I might. But a repeated pattern of cheating speaks to their character

[Summeroflove]

Not ever, if she was a changed woman maybe if there was divine intervention but otherwise if I knew someone was a notorious cheater I wouldn’t touch with a 10 foot pole because I know exactly what would happen to me.

Avoid cheaters being completely honest it’s better to be alone…. Then it will ever be with a person who makes you miserable.

[Avicenna]

You'd have to be pretty desperate to do that unless maybe the cheating was long in the past/when they were young and they acknowledge their mistakes and can show they won't do it again. If it's a repeated pattern of cheating or was recent, stay away.

[HawkPerception]

Absolutely not. There's truth in the quote "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

Because once they cheat, they become desensitized to doing it. Everything gets easier after your first time. Killing, raping, cheating on a test, skipping school... you name it. Why do you think they say serial killers usually start with smaller animals? It progresses to something bigger.

[OlderAndWiser]

Not knowingly, but how would I know that before I started dating her?

[12karen]

you ask..

[OlderAndWiser]

I would never ask before or on a first date because

1. if a lady has never cheated on a partner, I would expect her to be offended by that question. Not a good first date move.

2. If a lady HAS cheated on a partner in the past, I don't expect her to give me an honest answer in response to the question. . . so why ask?

[Anonymous]

I often a bigger problem with a cheater’s attitude towards their bs behavior (self justifying, gaslighting, saying it’s okay since they already “mentally” broken up someone, etc.) than the actual incident (s) itself.

I can count the times on one hand I’ve heard a woman flat out and honestly admit what she did was wrong. They usually bring up the story immediately blaming their ex partner about something to placate their delicate egos. As for guys who cheat they usually don’t talk about at it all, keep it on the DL or if they don’t admit they own up to it. But I just don’t hear guys “confessing” about cheating while at the same time looking for ways to self justify it. We know it’s a matter of general principle. That doesn’t mean there aren’t a lot of cheating male scumbags out there. There without a doubt are. But society doesn’t give us the same sympathy for our bs the way it often coddles women for their crap.

Funny but true story. Everybody knows who Stormy Daniel’s is and what a scumbag Trump was to cheat on his pregnant wife. I won’t get into the legal case (I think it’s disgusting and horrifying lawfare). But nobody including Trump himself is trying to justify his past immoral decisions.

But how many people know the name Willie Brown (aka “the real slick Willie”)? He was the former mayor of San Francisco. When he was a 60 year old married man he openly dated a 29 year old Kamala Harris and promoted her career in politics. She would be a no name if it wasn’t for him.

Now in fairness he was estranged from his wife when he dated Kamala. But it was still technically cheating. And Kamala being a “strong and independent” woman must of just found married 60 year old men who were in positions of power attractive or something.

The reason I bring this up is the fact that women really do get more societal leeway then men for their cheating bs. The Willie brown incident has coincidentally downplayed by the mass media. How convenient.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2019/01/27/willie-brown-kamala-harris-san-francisco-chronicle-letter/2695143002/

[DrPepper12]

So support the pedo & rapist versus ALLEGATIONS & OPTICS?

[Opinion Owner]

@DrPepper12 so Trump’s a “pedo” now? Also if you want to go down the Eugene Carol “rape” accusation rabbit hole I can pull up clips of her telling Andersen Cooper that “rape is sexy” during an interview. Also there are clips of her bragging about what she is going to spend the settlement money on.

[DrPepper12]

I think forcing your way into Ms teen USA changing room repeatedly counts as a pedo yes

I think publicly ruminating about dating your own minor daughter and agreeing she's a "hot piece of ass" is pedo yes

I think (but can't prove) he fucked minors on Epstein Island (IDC who else did for this thread) and in NYC where I've watched this prick for 35 years it was an open secret about the "gentleman's parties" Epstein threw at his ny mansion

IDGAF about Eugene Carol. Bad case. Bad law. Bad outcome. There WERE better cases to prosecute but many women went silent after seeing MAGA thuggery and what that Michael Cohen enforcer did for trump.

[jorfan3]

It depends on how many times they've done it. If they've done it once, maybe. I believe most people will cheat if they are abused enough.

If its like a pervasive issue, and they believe the other person was the problem every time, fuck no.

If they identify that they have a problem, and they're going to therapy for it, maybe. I'd consider it.

It's not about the behavior so much as about the person and their willingness to grow.

I've noticed the whole "I don't judge" culture only goes so far. It does not extend to cheaters. But just like everyone else: hurt people *hurt* people.

[DannyUk2017]

Once a Cheater... Always a Cheater... so a big NO!
Been there, done that!
I met a "cheater" that she became my wife"(for a short period), then soon i went abroad, she "got pumped by my next door neighbour"... so... No-No!.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

No. If they've cheated on their past partners than who's to say they aren't going to cheat on me? Only acceptable reason would be if their partner was abusive so cheating was the only way to get away from them. Other than that, it is a no through and through.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Probably. Anyone don't have to have a cheating history to cheat. Anyone can cheat anytime so it doesn't really make much difference but there has to be some sort of a motive if my partner told me about her cheating history. But if she don't tell me, there's no way I would know. The term wants a cheater is always a cheater can be BS because if cheaters will never change then how come anyone who never cheated can change to be a cheater?

[jorfan3]

The thing I hate about the label, is everybody does it. I consider porn cheating. I consider strip clubs cheating. I consider emotional affairs cheating. People will fight to the death to only stand against what they consider cheating, even if they are doing it and judging someone else for doing it more blatantly.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

"everybody" well you can only speak for yourself if you did. However, watching porn, going to strip clubs, etc. being considered cheating or not is pretty much debated in controversial. Having another partner when you're already in a relationship is generally considered cheating and that's what the asker maybe talking about.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

*and controversial

[thatshydork]

No. Loyalty and trust are the two most important things to me and if they’ve cheated on a partner in the past, then how can I trust that they won’t cheat on me too?

[bolverk]

NO - If I knew the background of someone I was considering dating and they have a history of Cheating, I would avoid them. I have been on the receiving end of two cheating relationships, If I'd known what those women were like I would never have even started a relationship with them.

[Still-alive]

Hell no!

only thing i might excuse (emphasis on might) is if they only did it once during say high school when they were still young. I would want to hear them out to determine if they were truly remorseful for it or not.

[Little_Bumblebee]

Not if they were the one who cheated. I wouldn't feel like I could truly trust them.

If they were cheated on, yeah, depending on how they feel about it now, and if they feel like they can trust someone else again.

[Bricealan]

I did, and later married her, and she left me for another man very soon.

[12karen]

lesson learned

[PeachyPie93]

Maybe but I would always expect them to cheat on me lol. If I like a guy enough I don't mind seeing how it goes, but I wouldn't get my hopes up that he truly loves me.

[FreyaRed]

Yes, but I wouldn't look for deeper connection with a cheater. Those people are trash and when I have enough I dump them like a hot potato.

[Smartgirl_hey]

Wrong

[FreyaRed]

@Smartgirl_hey Sure, sure.
Cheaters are positive examples for society.. XD

[anon1903]

Probably not.

I wouldn't like to be their test subject

[12karen]

well said

[anon1903]

Thanks

[EtherealQueen01]

HELL NO! Run away fast!

People don’t change and that saying- once a cheater always a cheater is 100000000% right. I’d never degrade myself and go near someone like that and I’d suggest no one else does either if they have ANY self respect!

[EmyyWolf]

Ummm no. What kind of stupid question is that. Do I want to get cheated on?

Unless. 🤔 I want to cheat as well. Then yeah choose someone who’s 10x more likely to cheat on you 🫵

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Once a cheater always a cheater & as for me I would prefer not to date a cheater or someone with cheating in their history but I do believe in giving someone a chance.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't want to, No.

It's a simple fact that Guys who do cheat are more likely to get more opportunities for sex than a Guy that doesn't.

So there isn't much incentive for a Guy to be Faithfull really if that's how he is rewarded when he does Cheat.

You can't blame Men for that.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I get the taboo, yet, I favour understanding over morality, so case-by-case basis

[jorfan3]

Cheating, just like any negative behavior, is a product of pain. And it's the person's willingness to grow and change that matters.

[Juxtapose]

You are 100% responsible for your own actions. Why be understanding towards someone who KNOWINGLY did something so foul?

[jorfan3]

Then everybody should be held accountable for their actions exactly the same way. People do things deliberately, like gossip and judge and buy things that are product of unfair trade (slavery) and say things in fights they don't mean and all sorts of shit. And people can cheat because they are in horrible pain and they don't know how to stop. There are people who are compulsive cheaters who hate it, and there are people who have attachment disorders who hate it.

People are people. Everyone deserves compassion, and everyone deserves a chance to redeem themselves.

[Juxtapose]

You can be imperfect and still criticize people for malicious actions. I don't need to be perfect to judge others because I at least don't cheat and I own up to my mistakes without trying to make some sort of sob story up and excuse my responsibility.

People are vile and they don't deserve a chance to redeem themselves if they cross a certain point. They are too used to being excused for their bullshit and they don't think enough before they act.

[Juxtapose]

Like these people that raped one of my friends? I will never forgive them regardless of what they do. They don't deserve forgiveness, they only deserve death.

[jorfan3]

That's where you and I are different then. I will forgive anyone for anything, and create a boundary to protect myself. I have been abandoned for adoption, molested, betrayed BY my adopters, raped 5 times, my private dairy has been violated and shamed publicly, neglected, and abused. And I would rather forgive ALL of this than be self-righteous. Because forgiveness is strength, and love is what changes people, not hate.

I understand why other people have their hang ups, and I don't judge them for that... but I'd prefer not be one of those people.

[jorfan3]

I believe in compassion, boundaries, discipline, justice, mercy, and redemption, but not hatred.

[Juxtapose]

You are not the first person I have seen that has forgiven their violators and I do not understand it whatsoever. Forgetting about these people? Yeah, I can see why you would want to do that. But to outright forgive them? Why? They did nothing to deserve forgiveness, they have done nothing to demonstrate they are not absolute scum who would do the same vile acts all over again if given the chance.

Do I forgive the mosquito or do I crush it? I crush it, every time.

[Juxtapose]

Justice is harsh, by necessity.

Imagine if you were a general and you came across a duplicitous group of enemy cultists who immediately shed crocodile tears and begged for mercy. You could grant them a full pardon or you could force them to enlist in your army and prove their sincerity on the battlefield.

If you forgive them, they will seek to backstab you again as soon as it is convenient. Why would anybody trust or forgive these cultists in that scenario?

[jorfan3]

@Juxtapose Forgiveness is something you do for yourself more than anyone. I love being a kinder, gentler, more compassionate person through every circumstance I go through. I hate being bitter, resentful, angry, and spiteful. It's exhausting, and that's what unforgiveness cultivates. Forgiveness is not granting innocence. It is simply saying, "I am not going to let your decision dictate the rest of my life". I can still have peace, despite what they've done. Unforgiveness grants me nothing.

[Juxtapose]

@jorfan3 that's a different form of forgiveness than what I am familiar with. To forgive someone is essentially returning them to a state where they do have their innocence and should not be judged anymore. To give that to someone who is still evil and eager to commit evil..

You do it to let go of your emotions. But is that not unfair towards their potential victims? What if your wrath could stop it? It is good to be angry and even violent towards some people because otherwise they will destroy you. You cannot reason with a mosquito, you can only prevent it from sticking you and giving you a disease.

[Juxtapose]

What would you think of wanting to crush evil to people but keeping hatred out of your mind?

[Juxtapose]

*evil people

[jorfan3]

I still believe in justice. I even believe in the death penalty. But judgement of a human is like saying "you don't deserve God's love", and I will NEVER say that. I will never condemn a person to hell in my heart. Never.

[jorfan3]

If I could save a person on death row from going to hell, I would.

[jorfan3]

And the forgiveness you described is toxic forgiveness. That is like Stockholm syndrome. That isn't healthy. That's an abused mentality.

[Juxtapose]

@jorfan3 oh that would explain some of our differences, I am an atheist. I don't think any of us have some inherent love from the universe, the universe is actually a really dangerous place without a shred of mercy.

Well hell is supposedly eternal punishment and that is so fucked up that not even Adolf Hitler deserves it in my opinion..

When I forgive someone for let's say dropping something on my foot, the forgiveness is total. I have no more anger and I have no blame directed towards them. I think that is true forgiveness but how you choose to deal with your business is your business. I'm just saying my thoughts.

[jorfan3]

I respect that. Tbh, I was speaking under the assumption you might believe in the traditional idea of God. I used to believe in an eternal hell. I don't anymore. But if an eternal hell existed, I'd feel the same. I'd want to save them

I've been watching Near Death Experiences (people who have met God), and they talk about reincarnation, and the purpose of life is to learn and become more loving (soft or tough love, they're both valid). So that's the direction I've been moving in. But I do respect your right to be mad about someone raping your friend. I struggle to forgive my spouse's abusers the most...

[Juxtapose]

Thanks for being understanding on that, I hate it when people are close-minded on topics where people rarely agree anyway! We certainly agree on saving people from eternal torture.

How do you know those people during near-death experiences are not just hallucinating because of the biological processes going on while they are dying? I have hallucinated before and if I was superstitious I would have thought it was real. I have seen it, while watching very keenly, a bottle turned into a cat right before my eyes. Then when I look away a little bit, it's back into a bottle. Our perception deceives us.

But let's say regardless, the universe wants us to be more loving. To what end result?

Your last sentence really hits home. I have the most trouble letting go of people who hurt people I care about. I also have trouble for giving myself if I even accidentally hurt someone I care about. I am more protective about my friends and family than my own damn self 😂

[jorfan3]

I totally get that. I have things I've struggled to forgive myself for. But not forgiving honestly makes me anxious, and I just hurt people more. I must forgive myself to be able and preserve the relationship.

As for their experiences, there is actually a NDE study because their experiences tend to be consistent. There are actually 12 distinct traits of NDE. I have been listening into an audiobook. In one video, a guy says you see what you perceive God as. I will most likely see Jesus. You might see Buddha, or someone else since you're an atheist. But the light explained this to him. He was clincally dead for HOURS.

I guess my grand belief is... We only understand 5% of the universe right now (our universe). Whose to say God isn't at the 36% mark? Or the universe next door? I guess I just have faith in God, just like how people believe scientists aren't being paid for all their testimonies.

You never really know, until it's real to you. You know?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@Juxtapose
I get the atheism viewpoint, and there's a bit of nihilism I see in your speech, when you ask "to what end?". The way I see it is on existentialist grounds, on these grounds, the end does not matter, what matters is what there is to live, if I can sum it up like this

[Juxtapose]

Well if the universe has a motivation then it has an end goal in my opinion.

[jorfan3]

The question is: how can there be an "end goal" if we exist in eternity?

[Juxtapose]

That's a "what if" predicated on something we don't even know if it's true or not.

Even an eternal being though would have goals unless it had no desires whatsoever.

[jorfan3]

What if finite thinking is something we've adopted to live within this context of life? I've heard we reincarnate and forget our old lives so we can focus on the current lesson, and not dwell on the past. What if character growth and learning and experiencing really is the main point of all of it?

[Juxtapose]

Reincarnation and the afterlife in general has nothing to substantiate it so to me I might as well make up any number of things and it will be equal.

Reincarnation is a brutal idea though. Nobody deserves to be born as a child who is deformed and takes about a month to die or some shit. That's not a lesson, that's torture. Not to mention all the animals who suffer horrific deaths.

[jorfan3]

People who have died and come back actually say we choose our lives, like books on a bookshelf. I genuinely believe nothing is wasted. I don't think that justifies evil... But what kind of people are we if we can't overcome every obstacle that comes against us?

[Juxtapose]

Yeah, they say that because they are tripping while their oxygen deprived brain is slowly dying.

Did my friend who got raped for 9 years and got locked in a closet to piss and shit in there choose that life? She is so mentally fucked that her whole life is ruined, mentally she is halfway to being dead.

[Juxtapose]

There are many, many obstacles which we cannot overcome. I could casually list off at least a dozen torture techniques that would break me within a day or less.

[jorfan3]

I don't really know the answer. All I know is, I don't believe life is just... Happen chance. I think there's too little known to declare there is no God. Wow this conversation took a weird turn 🤣

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@jorfan3 Yes, some people have very good reasons to believe in the absence of god, you just read some intense ones. You can't remove these reasons easily, and you shouldn't anyway, the only thing possible is to say:

I understand your point.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

And, as a bonus: I feel your point.

[jorfan3]

What's the difference

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@jorfan3 understanding is cognitive, feeling is empathy

[jorfan3]

I mean I understand THAT 🤣 But I also think I get what you mean.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@jorfan3 I hope you do, I hope you read this right:

"Did my friend who got raped for 9 years and got locked in a closet to piss and shit in there choose that life? She is so mentally fucked that her whole life is ruined, mentally she is halfway to being dead."

Because these three lines are of extreme importance here. I would not laugh after reading that. I would feel what there is to feel, you know.

[jorfan3]

I'm not saying I know all the answers. All I'm saying is what I've heard. I'm still exploring my beliefs because a lot of things don't always add up. But I have seen enough miracles in my life, that I don't think God doesn't exist

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Apparently, you're missing my point, at least partially. Well, I tried.

[jorfan3]

I'm sorry

[Juxtapose]

Interesting read from you two.

[Miristheiss]

Absolutely not.

100% deal breaker. Unless I was after nothing but a hook up. I would have NEVER committed to her.

[slatyb]

That depends on the circumstances. There are no absolutes in life.

[Jerre]

If I was attracted to her, yes I would date her.

[Jerre]

@12karen Thank you for the Like

[12karen]

You're welcome

[itsannalee]

If u know from the first time i won’t.
Most of cheaters are narcissistic.

[itsannalee]

If i know from the first time, typo.

[quickquesocheese]

Once a Cheater, always a Cheater. I don't know how you could possibly trust someone that has cheated.

[bobby_bush_eater]

Eh it's tough. I would have to know the details and see honesty/remorse from the person.

Nobody is irredeemable but I am not a fixer of people nor do I want to be played

[WhitneySnow]

Not knowingly, not unless there were really extenuating circumstances

[Nikki1989]

How would I know?

I certainly wouldn't be so intrusive to ask.

[DrPepper12]

If I was in HS or college yes.

If I was in my 20s maybe I need details and context

If I was 30 I would be hesitant but open minded

[Phoenix98]

Nope because someone like that with an established history of doing it can't be trusted.

[Berethor]

Well I want to date a virgin to begin with, I don't trust hos as they are very likely to cheat.

[Anonymous]

Not knowingly. Not a chance! People do not change in this area. A person who has cheated once will ALWAYS do it again if given the opportunity.

[lexie_xo]

no because theyd do it again if they haven't learnt from the past

[Walksbehindtherows]

Yes, but I would only date a woman like that for sex, not to marry her. I only plan to marry religious and white women.

[LEGENDARY4200]

Not likely, wouldn't even consider, people don't normally change traits like this just get better at hiding

[Juxtapose]

So they can stab me in the back next?

I don't think so.

[Pohjolan]

Alas cheaters don't usually advertise being one.

[nawtee_me]

The past is the past until it isn’t, so yes I would.

[msc545]

Considering how many women have cheated with me, I probably would. In fact - I have.

[Coden7]

No. I don’t think I would be able to trust them fully

[Inthelines]

No. I believe in morality and I am against premarital relations.

[Anonymous]

I left my abusive ex-husband for another man. I think should depend on the circumstances.

[MyBrainsInsaneReign]

Maybe if she was really hot, and it could be like a short-term thing.

But not long-term, because someone with a cheating history isn't trustworthy, so there's no long-term potential.

[Anonymous]

If she’s super hot, sure why not 🤷🏻‍♂️ but I wouldn’t take her seriously to be with

[KpopMusicFan]

No i would not. One a cheat and always a cheat.

[sage2021]

What do you mean would I? I did for many year's!!

[Kelly6]

@sage2021
Exactly

[Kelly6]

@sage2021
My husband would have said same ☺️

[sawno]

Thats asking for trouble.

[mandyfire98]

Nope

[DermalPunch]

How would you even know?

Also, no.

[bowenw]

I would need to know more details first.

[Huntingnfishin]

It's a bad idea like really bad

[Staximus]

No, cheaters rarely stop

[Kelly6]

@12karen Yes I wouldn't mind.

[DrPepper12]

Thank God I
a kindred spirit! My pov is it's a regrettable lapse not an unforgivable sin!! Monogamy is unnatural anyway!!!

[Anonymous]

Yeah. If I love him

[LiamJHayden]

Not if I knew.

[Bklynbadboy12]

No I have zero tolerance for bullshit

[Alexandria84]

If she cheated once ok. More then once then no.

[EnjoytheDay777]

Depends on how well I know the other person.