My gamer boyfriend never leaves the house and It’s driving me crazy. What should I do?

[sharren]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year. We don’t officially live together, but I spend most of my time at his place, about four nights a week. When we first started dating, we used to go out regularly—dinner, movies, etc—but now he never wants to leave the house, and I think video games are to blame. He spends almost all his free time gaming, even when I suggest free activities. Recently, I got frustrated because he refused to go out and then resisted going to the store for a missing ingredient when I was cooking dinner. Although I understand that he works long hours and needs downtime, I feel neglected and like our time together is no longer a priority for him. I’ve tried talking to him, but he doesn’t see the problem. How can I get him to understand my perspective and encourage him to spend more quality time together?

[CrazyGirl2]

Thanks for sharing this. It sounds like a really sh! tty situation, and I can understand why you’re feeling frustrated. Here’s what I think might help:

It seems like your boyfriend’s gaming has become a major part of his routine, and even his life, which is impacting how much quality time you guys get to spend together. It’s great that you’ve already tried talking to him, but sometimes it can help to approach the conversation from a different angle.

Maybe try expressing how much you value the time you spend together and how you’re feeling very disconnected because of the change in your routine. You could frame it in terms of how it affects your relationship, rather than just focusing on his gaming habits. For example, you might say something like, “I miss the way we used to go out and do things together. I feel like our connection has changed, and I really want us to find a balance that works for both of us.”

It’s important to be honest about your feelings, but also to listen to his perspective. Sometimes, people get caught up in their hobbies as a way to unwind or cope with stress, and it might not be about losing interest in the relationship, but rather a misalignment of priorities.

If he’s still not seeing the problem, you might need to have a more serious talk about what you both want from the relationship and whether your needs are being met. It’s absolutely okay to set boundaries and express what’s important to you. If his gaming has become so excessive that you feel he has an addiction to gaming, then you need to make a choice whether the relationship is serious enough, and important enough to be in a relationship with an addict! Being in a relationship with an addict rarely works out. You need to set boundaries, stick to those boundaries, and if he keeps violating them, then it’s time to move on, and rather than 4 days a week, switch to no days a week. Tell him that if he wants to spent the night together, then he needs to date you again. But you need to stay true to not spending the night at his place. Do not allow him to “just 30 minutes” That’s not how people get off addiction.

Hope this helps, and let me know if you need to talk more!

Take care,
Laura 🤗 🥰

[CrazyGirl2]

Thank you so much @sharren for the MHO. I really appreciate it, sweetie.

[ZS007]

I get that he works and also wants alone time but since he is in a relationship he should also make time for you. If you constantly communicate your needs and you re being understanding of his then maybe its time to start doing some serious thinking…

[sawno]

Alright so lets dissect this a bit. You have a guy who likes games, that's not the issue. I don't think it ever was the issue to you neither do I think its the issue now or should it be made into an issue. What he enjoys doing in his downtime is up to him, he needs to prepare and relax so that he can handle the stresses in his life and shouldn't be messed with.

But I also don't think that is your issue, your issue isn't what he's doing in his downtime, the issue is what he isn't doing in your couple time. Now its pretty obvious he probably didn't value doing the activities you are suggesting as much as you thought he may have done, he probably only did it to win you over. But even if he did it for that reason only you can't then suddenly stop, you have to present a realistic version of yourself when your dating. So based on the expectations he set at the beginning I think its totally fair demand that he also partakes in the kinds of activities you enjoy doing.

But here is the biggest issue of all, he isn't listening to you. And I think that's the core issue you two need to find a solution for. Not the fact he enjoys being indoors and games, but the fact he's not taking your side into account and aiming to seek / restore balance in the relationship. Your going to have to find a way to get trough to him on that or your going to have to find a partner who will.

So the biggest question it leaves me with is what his excuse is, that part you unfortunately left out of your post. When he says there isn't a problem why does he believe that? If you don't know find that out so you can counter it.

[Summeroflove]

Look, communicate directly to him how you feel and what you think, then listen to him as well and just talk as well as communication.

The last thing that needs to happen is that you both just keep things inside until it turns into resentment later on down the road. At the end of the day you cannot force him to change but you both do need to decide if this is something that can be worked through or if it’s better for both people to move on so you can both find someone whose a better fit, and end the relationship on good terms.

I mean yeah you can game with him but at the same time if you’re doing things that he enjoys doing he should at least do the same for you. I can also ask if you’re also working long hours as well?

It’s never going to do you or him any good to start nagging and it’s also not going to help to keep things inside. Having open communication is key not to hold something in until it explodes into a major argument later on.

[ohsheeT]

Well I'm sure you thought about this many times and your subconscious you already know what's going to happen and it's just a matter of time this is the start of it when you say I've had enough and he's going to promise you everything but he's not going to follow through

So you have to make the choice and then make the choice for him if you're tired of it walk away if you really loves you he will get his shit together quit playing games and go get a job and then hunt you down and tell you he loves you

[Finchie40]

That’s what happens when you get into a relationship with a gamer boy , you need to have a sit down talk with him and express your feelings of concern to him and try to compromise with him , if he isn’t willing to compromise with you , you are best to go your separate ways. If he loves and cares about you , his video games will no longer be a priority to him over you

[OlderAndWiser]

A 30 or 40 year old man who spends all his time playing video games is not boyfriend material and is certainly not marriage material. Why are you still with him?

[Static_In_The_Attic]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/EglOsfErtaEhttps://www.youtube.com/embed/H2grZK9UrpI

Unfortunately your boyfriend has an addiction & although smashing his gaming system or running over his games with a lawnmower sounds like fun it’s probably not the smartest idea in the world. You can always talk to him however it will probably go in one ear & come out there other & things won’t change. If he is gaming walk in the room naked & see if he notices & see if that helps. Also when he is gaming look at him, that is your future if you get married. Good luck!

[normalice]

This is trickier than it might seem. Video games mix entertainment with validation so once someone gets hooked it can be difficult to pass video games up for healthier forms of validation. You could just let it run its course - he'll get bored eventually. But that could take decades.

A start might be to communicate with him electronically. Even if you are in the same room as him, sending him an email or a text asking him if he wants to order pizza or whatever is more effective. One of most attractive things about electronic communication is it remembers for us. Trying to talk to someone in real life may trigger a sense of strain we have become accustomed to being relieved of. Joining that pile instead of trying to keep yourself separate from it may be welcomed with open arms. Joining his video games might be out of the question but visiting his world doesn't have to be.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I don't think anyone would want to go to the store for just one ingredient but he should be more open to laving the house more, shopping is boring tho, you'll never get him out of the house with that lol

You should communicate with him about that tho and make sure when you do so, he isn't gaming cause if he is he will only listen to about 15 to 20% of what you say.

[Anonymous]

My opinion is this:

Clearly, he doesn't seem to value you as much as he says he does.

I know you care for this guy and this makes my answer difficult to say, but:

If I were you, I'd give him an ultimatum or a warning:

* You could say, "I met this man who wants to spend all his free time with me and take me the movies every week.

You never take me out, and I'm not sure if this relationship will ever progress, so I think we should take a break".

(Whether the guy is real or not, does not matter. He'll still believe you)

* You could also say "I care for you but this relationship is going absolutely nowhere. I could be spending my time with someone who actually prioritizes me, or even be having a better time being single."

He's not actually your husband, and you sound like you're young, so my guess is you'll have at least a couple more boyfriends before finding the right one

[Anonymous]

I’m a gamer chick and my boyfriend is a gamer. This is my normal. This is why gamer boys need to date gamer girls. They don’t bitch about oh, you don’t leave the house. So ya let him go so he can get a gamer girlfriend to be home and play video games in peace. You sound like a nag. At least he’s home and not out and about.

[MisterWack]

“ My gamer boyfriend never leaves the house and It’s driving me crazy. What should I do?”

I mean…. If it clearly upsets you, break up which begs the question, “how the Hell did you fall in love with this guy if he never goes out?”

[PeachyPie93]

Dump him! Guys like this are lazy that is how they are lol. I like games but not more than I like hanging with my partner.

[EmmaMary]

Try Growing Up and start acting your age. smh

[sharren]

why are u acting like a high school mean girl? Try growing up and leave people alone.

[sawno]

Why the insult? She has a legitimate question and absolutely nothing in the question indicates she is being childish.

[Truthatanycost]

You can't because he is addicted. But If you are a believer, there is a way to help him though.

[MzAsh]

Games aren’t to blame. It’s his decision to keep feeding his addiction and your decision to live as a wife without any real commitment.

[the29thhuman]

Guys do this. Once you’re in a relationship, they pull back from the things he did to attract you.
A gamer boyfriend is annoying! That’s all he will do if you had a baby together.
Accept as he is or move on

[Enginn]

We live in the age of gamers. What did you think they won't keep up with technology and stay old fashioned? Come on

[the29thhuman]

I didn’t think shit. It’s a guy 😂

[WhitneySnow]

Explain it to him like you just explained it to us. He needs to balance gaming with his relationship with you.

[SweetJoyGirl]

Look…

If he wanted to, he would. Don’t even force it. Pick up your bag and leave. He isn’t ready to grow up.

[supercutebutt]

Maybe try pleasuring him while he plays his games?

[Nikki1989]

Find yourself a man, not an immature boy. How old is he?

[boggboss]

What do u do for spending time and also how much time do I spend together

[paledreams]

That photo silhouette by gag is epic 👥🗣️ lol 😆😆😆 and yeah sounds like not a situation I envy. Hopefully a therapist can help

[darkcloud1945]

Find a real boy friend and let him have his game boy and girl friends. You will be gone for months before he notices you have left.

[noohair]

He gets more stimulation from the games than he gets from you. This is sad and you need to figure out if this is what you want in life.

[Alexandria84]

If he isn’t listening to you your gonna have to let him go. Cause it’ll only get worst.

[MyBrainsInsaneReign]

Maybe you'd be better off with a different boyfriend.

This one seems to want to hibernate.

[Tashaaaaa]

Talk to him and offer him rewards to leave lol like a video game

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

Leave the house without him

[DrPepper12]

Make him come to your place! Solved

[Walksbehindtherows]

Dude, grab him from there and take him outside

[msc545]

Leave the house by yourself...

[gag6474]

so who pays for all of this

[zagor]

She says he works long hours.

[itsannalee]

Dump him.

[jahaims]

He sounds immature

[Inthelines]

Nevermind