My boyfriend stays up all night playing games. What should I do?

Question

My boyfriend stays up all night playing games, and it's causing issues in our relationship. I enjoy games too, but not like this. I go to bed alone most nights while he plays until 5-6 AM, then he sleeps all day, and the cycle repeats. It's a constant fight between us because I feel alone. We live together, I work 9-5 and want to spend time with him, but he’s always on his computer. His gaming addiction affects our sex life, social life, and his health. We used to have sex daily, now it's once or twice a week. I want us both to be happy and healthy together. He talks about marriage and kids, which makes me happy, but our arguments make me worry. I love him deeply and want us both to be happy. Any advice?

Skinhead-1979 · Accepted Answer

I went through this...

I am 45 years old; have been a gamer since I was 6; and I am using games as a means to escape reality. If there is nothing else to do, every waking hour of a day I am behind my PC.

My ex and I met in 2006 in the MMORPG 'World of Warcraft'. During the 3 years she has been grooming me (more will become clear later), we always met in that game and stayed together for hours and hours on end (she did have to leave a lot in between though; especially sine early 2008 because she had given birth to a girl).

So there was no confusion that I am someone who spends a lot of time behind his PC; and she pretended to be a massive gamer too.

February 2009 we finally got 'together' and I moved country to be 'with' her... I vowed [to myself] that all my time and energy would go to my family (We had a son in December 2009 too).

But gradually over the years I found myself stuck behind my computer more and more again; also every Saturday when her dad would visit us (I wasn't planning on doing that; it was one of the things she kept beating her ex up over).

Because here is the thing... While initially I thought I had found the love of life, my soulmate, as soon as she had me everything went down hill; something was seriously wrong, but didn't know what... it affected me mentally, severally, as I needed to escape again (I had also given up smoking weed in 2009 because I was going to have a family after having been a 'pothead' for 14 years; managed to stay of it the first 5 years of the 'relationship'...2014 I started again).

Eventually the realisation set in that I have been groomed between 2006 and 2009, and once she had me and I moved country for her the emotional abuse and manipulations started.

I knew she has 'issues'... so do I (I now have the diagnoses of Complex PTSD; and I may have Agoraphobia)... and I had also vowed to stick with her no matter what (I have even been stupid enough to say to her that "it doesn't matter what you do or so to me I will never leave you"). I am the kind of person who runs away when he can't handle things anymore; but a family, kids... no, I wasn't going to run away from that no matter how difficult things might get.

From 2014 onward it should have been noticeable that something was not right with me, but no one cared about me and thus no one looked after me (She had effectively isolated me from everything and everyone else; I had no one to go to). I struggle to look after myself, I do have the tendency to neglect myself... especially in favour of someone else. So I neglected myself for her, but I still had to calm my issues down... and thus I went down into escapism again; spent most of day behind my PC (although housekeeping and looking after the kids was still being done; due to bullying from the UK government I have been without ae 'Right-to-Reside' in the UK for 2 years, was not allowed to work and thus I was the 'housewife'), and I started smoking weed again. The last few years I couldn't even go to bed at more at normal times, I couldn't sleep next to her, and thus I stayed up behind my computer till 'stupid 'o clock' in the morning.

I brought the kids to school, and when I came back I went to bed. I slept a few more times throughout the day/ evening but always on times the kids were in school or the ex was at work. If they were at home, I was awake either doing house chores or I was behind me PC.

By that time the ex and I barely spoke to each other too. The ex has never been talkative (unless it is about thing she likes; she falls asleep when I talk about thing I like), and gradually throughout the years conversations got more and more reduced to "I love you" and "Are you alright?". The few times conversations were needed regarding our relationship, it was me initiating them (had to request them and 'book' a time and day with her); she wouldn't say a word and just stare right through me at the wall behind me.

2019 I lost the plot... Mentally I completely lost it. I, again, requested a conversation about our relationship, and, not completely known to me, I had been given a deadline of 6 months. I knew already that there was the possibility that she was grooming my successor for a number of years (though she kept denying it; even called him 'Creepy Kev'), but there was no longer any doubt in 2019. I forced her to make a decision before Christmas (she has a habit of setting deadlines right after Christmas; I guess Christmas is a 'make or break' moment for her in a relationship: IF Christmas goes alright, he can stay another year... IF not? Bye, bye. My predecessor got finally disposed of right after the Christmas 2008, on the 25th of January 2009... the day she came back to me again; 3rd time) and I got the answer "You've done you best, but it is not enough... it is over".
My world came crashing down... everything I have been dreading for years unfolded right in front of me (I know how she has treated my predecessor, and I knew the same would be in store for me)...21st of December 2019 I had my first suicide attempt; while I was recovering in the hospital over Christmas, she made me homeless too.

2 years later I had 4 more suicide attempts... of which the 3rd attempt should have been decisive (cord snapped while I was unconscious already; woke up on the bathroom floor)... because she again prevented contact with my kids (Only allowed to have contact with the kids through Facebook which she would monitor and censure).

Now, I am of course not assuming that your relationship is as extreme as my previous one was... but based on the little bit you've said in your OP, I do have the feeling that your partner is struggling with something, possibly can't sleep as a result of that, and uses gaming till 'stupid o' clock' as a form of escaping.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Learn what keeps him there. Gaming is something which people do for so many differing reasons.

The reason he's stayng in game longer and less with you, is the answer and what you need to figure out.

My advice, is try to share his interest; Offer to join him (assuming its a multi-player game).

I want to say clearly, don't be threatened by this behaviour; I know many gamers who have partners who have at one time or another felt threatened by how much the game (and all the people who share in the game) take of their partner. In my exerience its relatively unknown for the game to be something which exceeds their partners importance, but, that said, often times if their partner has expressed a need they cannot see the importance within (or feel their partner has over played their card of importance) they can decide for the game community vs their partners; Though I've never known them to not drop everything in game if its truly important. The complex space is sometimes little stuff matters with lovers and something seemingly unimportant can mean the world. So this is the complex space your in, and the BEST solution in this gamers experience is:

1) Realise what is critically important for you in feeling loved by your man,
2) Realise what is reasonable to ask of him (aka Assess your need to judge between true need and feeling of need, out of love)
3) Discuss how your feeling with your partner and make it clear the conversation is important for your ongoing happyness (but also make it clear you value HIS needs also, and allow him to put a time aside for you to discuss it.. aka you might start talking about it between gaming sessions but allow for him so he doesn't feel he's being coerced).
4) Once you both understand your needs, also you've reconnected to feel the love which keeps you together (however that happens for you both); Make a real schedule, working out how to meet both your needs.
5) If he loves you and you love him, you'll both find your not quite getting exactly what you want but your both much happier for knowing when your not, you have the true love of one another.

All that assumes everything goes well, but at steps 1 to 5 you may hit snags. Typical snags include:

o Needing separate worlds
o Feeling requests from either or both sides are unreasonable and need to be "talked down" instead of embrassed.
o Worries regarding if this ask for a change in behaviour typifies some kind of "not loving me as I am" deal.

You both need to be sensitive to each others feelings and the starts of the conversations need to be none confrontational but prefixed by CLEAR communication that the conversation, no matter the content, contains things which are CRITICALLY important to you and, he needs to understand that (aka "beware, this is my heart").

People often retreat into games because, frankly, the real world is a shitty mess (and games offer a community of people, mostly, just looking to have fun and relax). Make sure your interactions together always feel fun and realaxing, understand and good luck.

coxoabean · Accepted Answer

Tell him if he doesn't stop he's not going to live very long because his lifestyle is horribly unhealthy. That he won't be having this kids he talks about it he is very unhealthy.

"Overarching, sleep deprivation is associated with negative health consequences. With regards to specific effects of sleep on men's health, dysfunctional sleeping patterns have been shown to impact erectile dysfunction, lower urinary tract symptoms, hypogonadal symptoms, low testosterone, and male infertility."

My uncle is a gamer, does the same thing. You want to know how happy he is? He isn't and neither is his wife or 2 kids. His 2 kids fell unloved, so does his wife. He has been gaming like this ever since his son was little, he's been gaming, all night, sleeps during the day. He weighs an unhealthy amount, because people that do this are getting no excessive really. His son has had problems, been very misbehaved and getting into a lot of trouble at school and stuff, started acting up so bad, he almost had to come live with us. He was almost going to possibly be taken from my uncle, you know why this was, because my uncle's son didn't feel loved, or anything by his dad. All his dad does is play video games, that his kids can see. You know what they think and feel when they see this, "my dad's games are more important than I am". This is very dangerous as kids do a lot of horrible things and get into horrible stuff when they feel unloved by their parents. They can get into drugs, and worse. My uncle's wife is the one providing for them, going to work while he stays home and plays video games and sleeps, and eats. That is not a happy life to live. His kids are technically raising themselves. Not only that, kids watch how their parents are. They will often follow in their footsteps. Then end up doing the same mistakes their dad or parents made. Causing a chain in generations that affects lots of people. Think about this, you marry this guy who only plays video games and sleeps really, your not happy now, do you think marriage will change that? No, it won't. You will marry him and that means you are committing to him and showing him that you are ok with how he is as a person and want to spend the rest of your life with that. But are you really ok with how he is? Would you want your children to grow up having a father who only plays video games and sleeps, then they end up feeling unloved and both you and your children are miserable? I don't think you or anyone would really want to be in that situation if they are honest with themselves. My uncle's family is not happy. You will end up being the only one providing, having to come home and make dinner, breakfast, do laundry, clean, take care of your children, help them with their homework. Why? Because your husband will be too addicted to his games, he won't do those things. He will not help out, and you will be tired, stressed and depressed. I don't think if you don't like it now, and it is bothering you now, then it will definitely in marriage. Or if you have children. Only men should marry and have children. If he isn't even providing, he definitely shouldn't even be thinking, let alone talking if having children and marriage. I don't mean to sound crude, but he will only make all of your lives miserable. You need to set a boundary for yourself and show yourself some respect. Ask yourself, Is this the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? Are you happy now? If your not happy now, do you really think things will change when you decide to commit to this man for life? Is this how you want your children to grow up, having a father who pays no attention to them? Not having a father, or having one but him not giving his kids any attention, affects them greatly. Has horrible affects. You need to have a serious talk with him. Tell him that you love him and therefore want to help him out. That he needs to learn to have a small amount of time to play video games. Although, he should probably steer clear from them for a while since he has become addicted to them already, he could fall back into that habit or addiction again. Let him know that you guys need to think about your future and that you don't want your future to look a mess. That it would be bad for your children to not have a dad who is spending any time with them. If he doesn't listen, you should leave him, at least for a time, until he fixes it, or so he can see that it is bad the addiction he is getting into. It will catch up to him eventually. His lifestyle is terribly unhealthy and he could not live long if he continues it, because it is not healthy to not keep often. Maybe plan some fun date nights, then tell him you planned something for him, get him away from his video games for a bit and then that way he can be distracted from them. Maybe plan things like, going ice skating together, or hiking, or riding a bike together. Fun things like that, so he can see what he is missing out on. I hope you can figure all this out and that he will change

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Im kind of in the same Situation.
I met mine when I was about 22 and I’m 38 now. he also talked about family and good life s d he never changed.

im actually trying to talk some sense into him while I stumbled upon this question this moment.

When I was 33 I thought I was too old to find someone else to fall in love with and make a family with so I stayed with him with hopes he would change.

five more years later he’s still playing nonstop and he says it’s not “always” just because he’s not in game the entire full 24 hours of the day. That’s addiction. But he says it’s not. Now I wish I could go back to 33 and realize it wasn’t too late. Now I feel I lost an opportunity to have a real life with someone because I thought 33 was too late and stayed with him.

when few hours days or even a week seems like eternity of not playing, that’s addiction. He doesn’t understand.

we also don’t have sex anymore. Recently he’s been wanting but I don’t feel it. I need him to change. And I also don’t know how to make him see he’s eating up his life there.

i never really saw that as “unattractive” as I used to play as well. But seeing how he doesn’t progress and stuck there for so many hours it really starts to look unattractive even if he is tall and works out and eats healthy and looks good, just remembering he’s sitting there all those hours seems unappealing.

i don’t know what to do.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ah, the tricky game of love and gaming, entangled in a digital love affair! First off, your feelings of loneliness and frustration are totally valid. It sounds like your man is caught up in the digital world, leaving the real-world princess feeling a bit neglected. Love, let's tackle this quest together, shall we?

Communication is your power-up in this game. Have a heart-to-heart talk with him during a non-gaming time. Express your feelings without pointing the joystick at him. It’s not about game over; it’s about leveling up your relationship. Mention how you miss the co-op mode in your relationship and suggest ways to balance game time with us time.

You mentioned he dreams of marriage and kids—use that! It’s like holding the ultimate power-up. Talk about how teamwork, in and out of the gaming world, is essential for those dreams to become a reality.

Suggest a quest log - a schedule where both of you can jot down gaming time, couple time, and solo time. It's like planning your strategy before facing the big boss!

Lastly, love, remember it’s about compromise and understanding each other’s hobbies and needs. Maybe join him in a game session once in a while, and in return, he can join you in activities you love. Keep the communication open, sprinkle in some patience, and you may just find your way back to each other’s hearts.

If you've tried these and there's still more drama than a soap opera, it might be time to seek a quest guide, aka a couples counselor, to navigate through this dungeon. Keep the love spark glowing brighter than a rare item drop! 💖✨

kylee2437 · Answer

You want to marry someone and have kids with someone that doesn’t have a job? Wth is wrong with people these days? Marriage and kids are absolutely useless topics when you have a man that lacks priorities towards those two things.

Finchie40 · Answer

Put your foot down to him and make it clear to him that you will not stay on a relationship that plays games all night , and stand your ground to him , if he loves you and cares about you he will stop playing games like he does , if he doesn’t stop? Than you are best to move on from him

XHopelessRomanticX · Answer

If he’s not making time for you, he’s not going to make time for kids. Marriage is not going to change him, and honestly, this is what your marriage is going to look like anyways.

Purpleronnie · Answer

There is no world in which this is acceptable in any relationship. It’s not healthy for him personally to have this backwards lifestyle and gaming obsession. He is being extremely selfish and single minded and needs a reality check !

Everyone needs something that’s theirs , an interest , a passion etc and he shouldn’t be deprived of his if it is gaming but you are part of his life and deserve more of a connection than you have together.
It’s time for a calm discussion and setting some boundaries and if needs be allocated time where he gets to do his thing. Compromises must be made in order to grow what you have together especially if you’re planning a family. If he can’t see that then he is not mature enough to be in a relationship.

Just ask yourself what you need and if you’re not getting that and he can’t see that , is it really worth arguing over it … isn’t it time he met you half way? And well if he isn’t and won’t compromise well it’s obvious the relationship is over..

HawkPerception · Answer

As a guy that used to be a gaming addict and played those ridiculous hours almost every day, I can say it requires HIM to have a mentality change himself. It doesn't matter how good of a heart he has and what kind of vision he has of his life. If he doesn't actively pursue it himself, he'll never get to where he wants. Guys use gaming as an escape from reality, to avoid the things they know they have to do in life to get where they want.

I'm sure he loves you very much and has great dreams for your future together, but I can tell you he has to change himself. There's not much you can do other than to be with him.

TheLovelyIntrovert · Answer

I was having this issue. My boyfriend was staying up until 3-4am and only giving me 30 minutes of his time. I had enough and put my foot down and told him we need to set some us time every night and come to a reasonable agreement on a time for him to stop playing. He listened and has now stopped playing at midnight so we can watch movies or binge shows. We also have 3 kids, so nighttime is literally our only time together.

Your boyfriend loves you and I'm sure he will listen if you just talk to him about it and set a time you both think is appropriate for him to be off the computer.

art84 · Answer

My brother was like that when his daughters were little like 2 and 5 years old. His wife would be the only one working though he would get the girls after school and clean the apartment and make food. She eventually got tired of being ignored in the relationship and left after 7 years. My brother now has changed and works full time and limits his gaming. Before it was like midnight to early morning which really damaged his health. I think gaming can be good if done right like everyone needs their alone time. Though  you should have your boyfriend talk about how you miss being apart of his life with sex bringing you together daily. If he loves you then he will see how he is neglecting you and it's literally destroying your relationship.

SweetJoyGirl · Answer

Ummmm…I am all for a guy having his own hubby. In fact, I would prefer a guy to have his own hobby.

BUT gaming all night? That is too much. He doesn’t have things to do during the day or what? Is mans jobless?
You need to have a conversation with him and express how you feel in a calm and collected manner.

lightbulb27 · Answer

so many addicted to games for stimulation... and don't get me started on the phones as a method of distraction.

have a come to jesus meeting with rules around game usage... or else. explore other emotional issues related if there is avoidance? personally, I'd want to see the addiction dropped cold turkey.

you may have to make real substantial threats to get him over the hump.

MisterWack · Answer

Tell him you are concerned about his sleep schedule that it can’t be good for him to keep pushing his body in that way. Tell him you love him, care about him, and want him to be healthy.

Maybe also express that you want some quality time with him in bed like you used to, feel his warm arms around you, and both fall asleep together after having an intimate moment.

Express your feelings, try to compromise, and make it work. ❤️✨

luvstoned4him · Answer

Nothing wrong with everyone having a hobby but there must be compromise and if we love the other person , we adjust to make them feel secure. He needs to go to bed early sometimes or just spend whole day focusing on you and growing your connection together

SugarSugarplum · Answer

This is a serious issue. You can't make a good future with him unless he gets help.

idonotlikeyou · Answer

Men are like children. When they find a toy that stimulates their reward system, they get hooked completely. They have no self-control, or common sense. Limit his gaming to two nights a week and under no circumstances have kids with him; you'll be a single mother before you know it. If he continues to overdo it, dump him.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Get an adult boyfriend!
My ex-step-sister-in-law was married to a guy that just sat around watching action movies all day instead of working around the house. She'd go off to college or work for the day and ask him to wash a couple loads of clothes. She'd come home at the end of the day and he was still sitting there in front of the t. v. where she left him and he hadn't done a damned thing all day! She eventually divorced him and found a new guy that DOES do things around the house.

slatyb · Answer

You have told him how you feel. He has shown you that he doesn't care enough to change his behavior. Are you willing to continue in this relationship if nothing changes? What does he contribute? There's no loneliness like being lonely in a relationship.

Friendlybro79 · Answer

Get therapy. Why is this not the first thing you could think of? We're not experts and it sounds like he needs some help. No one knows what someone is going through that makes them act this way. Maybe something's up and he needs so help. The very least it will show commitment to the relationship by seeking help so you can both be happy. No shame in that. Everyone can go through a rut.

RingOfFire · Answer

He needs to get some professional help. This is an addiction and it's serious. You may have to give him an ultimatum which I know seems impossible for you to do because you love him but that may be the only chance of resolving it. You may have to tell him he will have to choose between the games and you and that you need him to get some professional help to stop his addiction because it is destroying your relationship.

strangeatcircleK · Answer

It's tough because video games can be very addictive and stress reducing.

I feel like it's worth it to plan something with him. Something that might help him to destress with you or something he would enjoy doing with you.

But it would be nice if you could negotiate something you both would like to do too, apart from video games

onedarkcloud · Answer

You already told yourself what the right thing to do. LEAVE it is not going to get better I almost hate to say this but it is an addiction You have heard the stories and the horrors of dealing with an addiction to but not anywhere near as bad as booze and drug addiction still addicted.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

I suspect if he got a job, he would be too tired to play video games all night!

Anonymous · Answer

Unplug it or hide the controller, if he’s around your age, then he’s got issues if he’s constantly on it that means there’s something going on in his life that he doesn’t feel fulfilled. That’s why he’s playing video game so much., sometimes it’s some type of addiction to it

supercutebutt · Answer

Why not pleasure him while he plays his game?

blueonblack22 · Answer

Hey needs to see a counselor and possibly join a anon program He’s addicted to the dopamine rush video games gives him.

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

He isn't worth your time break up with him you are way to beautiful to be putting up with his childish behavior.

Alex-Snow · Answer

He is not going to change unless he wants to or you put your foot down. I can't believe he does not want more sex... that is way weird for a guy. Is he jerking off a lot instead?

Gent207-2 · Answer

He has to be convinced that it's a problem for himself

handsomelad70 · Answer

Tell him that while you're a gamer gal, you believe his gaming may be getting in the way of your relationship. If he doesn't listen and reduce his gaming, ponder getting another boy.

Anonymous · Answer

So leave him. I read this, thought you were in your teens, maybe early 20s. Dump him. Move on. There’s no marriage coming out of this.

paledreams · Answer

Hmmm. Most people phase out of that by 30 and being a true adult aka 20s are over : hmmm 🤔 ah well lady,

Levin · Answer

Hun, you need to kick his deadbeat ass to the curb!

JesseP1nk · Answer

Wtf am i reading? Dump his ass  today ! How old is he? And dont have a job and plays games all the time? Is that what he wants to do for rest of his life?

HighValue · Answer

What kinds of games is he playing so late? Multiplayer online, or single player long RPGs?

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Tell him “stop” see what he says. If this clearly creates a problem for you, well then you need to make a decision

Blkgrnlntrn · Answer

What’s his job? If he’s not working or actively looking for work, you need to move on. A man that doesn’t have a reliable source of income, doesn’t have a life.

massb · Answer

Does he at least clean the house or help you with anything fo financially? That is ridiculous but I use to love games aswell but he needs to have self control

Anonymous · Answer

Threaten to have sex with a black guy if he doesn't have sex with you every day... and actually try it if you can :)

Fireguy17 · Answer

dump him and find someone that will stay up all night and play with you.

GeminiDiamond · Answer

Bye. Easier said then done. I have gamer friends who play responsibly.

Anonymous · Answer

You found him like that, you'll probably leave him like that. He won't change. Adapt or find someone who doesn't game.

clampfan101 · Answer

Make it clear that changes need to be made for your relationship to go further. Also make it clear that you’re saying it out of love.

MacDaddyRico · Answer

He has an addiction and should seek therapy. If he doesn't agree, threaten to leave. You deserve better.

DrPepper12 · Answer

What system? It may have parental controls that you can set together.

anusha126 · Answer

Play some spicy games with him he eventually feels tired and goes to sleep☺☺☺

MarkyMark2006 · Answer

Oy, some guys are... oy... ask him which he would rather play with, his game or you... if he has 2 brain cells there's only one answer.

GiganticPecans · Answer

You have to get in front of the screen and show him a much more exciting game. You know, one that he will always lose no matter how hard he tries to win. That's what all guys want...

jahaims · Answer

Why are you putting up with being used by a loser? Does he even work?

Staximus · Answer

Tell that bum to get a job. Why the hell would you want to have kids with a jobless bum?

jjj101010 · Answer

Does he not work too? How can he be up till 6am and still go to work?

Torrengsnyder · Answer

You got to go see a gynecologist something is seriously wrong with you

Anonymous · Answer

Are you telling us the whole truth story? Or are you trying to make yourselves a victim like most women do these days?

Nikki1989 · Answer

Date a man, not an immature boy.

ohmyguy · Answer

Walk around the house naked more often

Crazzyyworld · Answer

let him do it. no worries just be happy

Pterodon · Answer

It won’t change so you have a decision

standardguy · Answer

Hide his controler for a week.

nawtee_me · Answer

Tell him to get a job

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

MORE BLOW JOBS

Anonymous · Answer

Kick him to the curb.

Jennz6 · Answer

Unplug it

OhLongJohnsoning · Answer

Does he work

My boyfriend stays up all night playing games. What should I do?

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My boyfriend keeps me up all night with his video games and I don't know what to do?

My boyfriend stays up all night playing games. What should I do?

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My boyfriend keeps me up all night with his video games and I don't know what to do?

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