My boyfriend went on a boys' trip with all his single friends, and I'm upset. Am I overreacting?

[spring]

I'm feeling really conflicted right now. My boyfriend recently went on a boys' trip with a group of his single friends, and it's left me feeling upset. I trust him, but knowing he's out partying with a bunch of guys who are all single just makes me uncomfortable. I can't help but feel a bit insecure, especially since I know how these trips can sometimes get wild. It's not that I don't want him to have fun or enjoy time with his friends, but I wish he could understand how this situation might make me feel. Am I overreacting, or is it fair to feel uneasy about this? Has anyone else dealt with something similar, and how did you handle it? I don't want to come off as controlling, but I can't shake these feelings.

[V_Injector]

Are they butt fucking each other? That's sort of a joke. A guys night out does sound kind of gay to me though and you'll figure out why as I keep talking.

I think I know how you feel, because let's be honest about what a girl's night out is all about. EVERYTIME I've been cheated on was a result of a girl's night out. Just dancing with the girls seems to turn into fucking a random guy that talked to you just that night real fast.

That's females though... and we know what they were up to from the start. I mean why are they wearing makeup, playing dressup, wearing ear rings when they never do any of that shit just to hang out with each other? We know why. It's not about hanging with the girls... they're trying to attract dudes. But this is a bunch of dudes. Did he pack his best suits or camping clothes?

I think you might be judging this by a female perspective... by what females do. A pack of dudes would probably put the guy that is trying to stray from his wife in his place... unless the whole goal of the trip is for pussy. They're dudes, not chicks. He's not going to be encouraged to sleep with other people like a woman would be in a group of women... unless that's the goal of the trip.

Here is why I think it's sort of gay. Men don't group up and tell their chicks they're just dancing with the men. What is the trip about? This is also why I think you're overreacting... unless he has indeed told you its just to go dancing with the other men. Then, like me having a chick say she's just dancing with the girls, like I'm supposed to believe that shit... you're reacting correctly.

[Kelley1]

That is an excellence analysis and logical reply.

[V_Injector]

@Kelley1 Thank you for acknowledging that. Bottom line, men usually get together for a reason. It usually isn't an excuse to say some shit like "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" like I've seen the other gender do... a lot. With that said, think about the reasons given. Those reasons are probably the reasons alone. They just aren't chicks, if that makes sense.

But if the reasons given is to party and get pussy... you should raise your eyebrows. Guys usually try to do exactly what they say they're going to do.

[Damaged00]

These feelings you're having of being uneasy, uncomfortable and insecure are for a reason and yes they are valid. And if you fully trust him then you need to realize that they are stemming from you and has nothing to do with him. You need to figure out why you're being triggered. Unless he has done something to warrant your lack of trust in him but I don't think that is the case.

You can't control him and it isn't fair. And if he's going to cheat then he's going to cheat, there's nothing you can do about it. Only what you do IF that happens. You'll drive yourself crazy and push him away if you try to control him cheating or not. Let him be who he is and live his life and let him make the choice of hanging himself or not.

And maybe try to look at it from your own perspective of your girl's night out.

[XHopelessRomanticX]

I think you’re overreacting. Him hanging out with “the boys” is no different than you hanging out with “the girls”. Plus, being in a relationship doesn’t mean we need to leave our single friends behind.

Honestly, I can’t imagine what a boys trip at 47 would be like, outside of maybe fishing and having a few beers.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

you're underestimating the pool of activities available to the 40's range 😆
Joking, but not so much, fishing and few beers would the stereotypical country guys, not even a matter of age at this point, more like rural culture

[Summeroflove]

I don’t think you’re overreacting and while you cannot control what he does you can communicate your feelings and your boundaries in a relationship respectfully and just see where he’s at with it.

You need to be communicating your insecurities because everyone has them it’s just people who don’t talk like adults it ends up coming out in negative ways more times then not.

Tell him how you feel respectfully you can tell him how you want him to have fun and how you trust him. But also how you feel about how wild it gets and how it makes you feel insecure. If he shuts down your feelings that’s wrong and it’s wrong for tiu to do that to him.

He can say respectfully that he’s going to do what he’s going to do and maybe it’s not meant to be…. You could say that as well or you could work through these things.

[MrOracle]

There's a HUGE difference between a guy's trip camping and fishing vs. a guy's trip to Vegas or Mexico or Miami. If he went someplace full of women and booze, you should be concerned. If he went hunting or golfing or something else that most women wouldn't really enjoy, then you are worried over nothing.

[AviatorTom]

You are overreacting? What would you prefer he do? Go on a trip with a bunch of male and female friends? It's okay for married people to have single friends. I'm sure you have some single friends, and I'm also pretty sure you wouldn't think twice about going on a girls-only trip.

[BetaBucks]

You aren't even reacting. You're feeling. The reaction is what you do in response to the feeling, so unless you think posting on GAG is an overreaction, or you're leaving something out, I think you're in the clear.

Your feelings are valid, in my opinion. You have to decide if you should keep them to yourself, or share them. But what he's doing isn't necessarily wrong. Assuming he's being safe and faithful. If you share your feelings, try not to come off as threatening or accusational. Just let him know how it makes you feel, but also that you aren't trying to change him. If he's a good dude, he'll keep his partying to a minimum and keep good communication with you when he is partying. And also make sure the partying is respectful to the relationship.

[GlitteringWorld]

I believe you're overreacting. While I understand that being in a relationship comes with certain expectations, it doesn't mean that either partner should be deprived of their personal freedom. A healthy relationship is built on trust, which is essential for both individuals to feel secure and respected. If you trust your partner, then allowing him to enjoy time with his friends shouldn’t be a cause for concern. In fact, giving each other space to maintain friendships and pursue individual interests can strengthen your bond. It's important to recognize that personal freedom and trust go hand in hand in any strong relationship.

[WindAtMyBack]

You are over reacting. There is nothing wrong with him going on a trip with friends. You are being too controlling and possessive. I can't think of ANY women I know who would have a problem with a trip like this.

Plus, you are 47. You have an established life and he has an established life. It's not like when you are 20 and expect them to spend all their time with you. You both have an established life and should keep living that life. You can still have companionship, and still do things together. But you can't simply throw away your life and who you are. Your life is too well established to do that.

[Peridot25]

Then women can go on trips with their single friends, right?

[WindAtMyBack]

@Peridot25
Of course. Why shouldn't they?

[Peridot25]

Because men get bent out of shape if we do it.

[WindAtMyBack]

@Peridot25
Then find a different man. I do know a guy who is like that. He doesn't even want men to talk to his wife when he is not there. He's really controlling. He's like that with everyone though, including me. That's why I don't talk to him any more. He wants to tell everyone what to do, and if they don't he can get hostile.

[HighValue]

Women tend to cheat when on girls trips, but men rarely cheat when on a trip with other guys. They might do something stupid, even getting in trouble with their friends, but there is rarely intentions of cheating when men go on trips with friends.

Also, if he is of decent quality/desirability, he could easily replace a woman of your age without going on a trip. If he treats you well and makes you happy when he is at home, you should be satisfied. Unless he is a low quality/undesirable man, he won't put up with much stress/problems in a relationship.

[Peridot25]

So, it’s ok for a man to go on said trips because “they don’t cheat”, but women can’t? 🤔

[PeachyPie93]

An ex boyfriend did the same thing he went on a trip with his friends to Amsterdam. I did feel insecure because obviously the red light district and getting high. He face timed me everyday and called me before bed, I don't actually know what the did the whole time but he told me about stuff they did and took pics so I had to trust in him that he didn't betray me.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Yep, I would not feel super secure either, considering what AM is for 😅
but this is all subjective, how much trust there is in the air between people

[ZS007]

You have a point but yeah maybe you are being a bit dramatic lets say. Its best to communicate with him. Update each other to lessen the worries. Tell him that you trust him and also remind yourself that. In truth if he doesn't have a history of cheating or any other misbehaviours I dont think you should worry that his friends will make him do something or he will cause they are.

[lightbulb27]

You know your man and his friends as to whether it is legit. As such, I don't think you are overreacting, but we have no details as to your situation. He should be spending time with you, going on vaca with you.

With my friends and family, it be no concern. It depends how people play.

When are we going to evolve the term "boyfriend". It's so weird to see a 47 year old talk about boyfriend. Manfriend?

[Makeushiver]

If you are seeking any kind of long term relationship there needs to be a greater degree pf trust. If the two of you have both agreed that you're an item and decided that- for the time being at least- you both plan on monogamy then extend the trust until you have legitimate reason not to. What activities are they planning and has he gotten together with his friends anytime before where he or his mates have included women?

[caitycat21]

Lmao girl why are you trying to understand shit when your “man” is playing right in your face, trying to live that bachelor life. You’re not someone he’s serious about, drop him

[Staximus]

You're speaking from a young woman's perspective. 47 year old guys aren't pulling all the girls anymore.

[caitycat21]

@Staximus I don't know you’d be suprised, my dad is around that age and he finds a way to cheat on my step mom, to be fair he cheated on my mom so she should’ve known who she was marrying

[spartan55]

A guy trip, with just guys, some of which are single? I don't understand what the issue. Did you want to be invited so you could be the only girl? When one of your friends brings her new moron boyfriend to girls night that's cool too?

[CuriousHubby]

Yes you should be! It's never right for a married man to go on a party singles trip!

Camping trip fishing trip sure but not one to party!

Honestly hope he has an awful time baby sitting those drunk boys

[Kelley1]

Just be thankful that he will give you any attention. At your age, you lack the leverage to complain.

[Caroline91]

Here you go again insulting a woman who is considerably older than you. I, for one, am tired of women who insult other women and it is uncalled for.

[Kelley1]

@Caroline91 Just the facts. If you hate the truth, that is your problem. I am not going to lie to please you.

[Caroline91]

@Kelley1 There is a difference between fact and opinion. And I see frequent thoughtless and unkind comments from you directed at other women who are older than you are. It gets tiresome. I'm just calling you out on poor behavior. One woman to another. Apparently someone needs to do it.

[Kelley1]

@Caroline91 I only state proven facts. It is not kind to tell people that if you hang in there you will get what you want and deserve when the facts prove otherwise. The truth is better than feel-good white lies. That is why I will marry while I am young at my peak sexual market value. If I wait until I am a 30-year-old hide, even guys I rejected at age 20 will no longer want me, and my only option will be settling for a simp.

[Caroline91]

@Kelley1 You go, girl. Wishing luck and happiness. Just noting not everything that can be said needs to be said.

[Peridot25]

@Kelley1 You can’t be serious on what you just said

[Peridot25]

@Kelley1 The way you look down on other women, I can see why no man wants you.

[Sirenboobzilla]

There's no way that a woman just used the Andrew Tate mentality of "sexual market value..."

[Peridot25]

@Sirenboobzilla To be fair, that mentality has been around way before Andrew Tate came along.

[Sirenboobzilla]

@Peridot25 That's true, however he's somehow managed to have that discourse almost exclusively associated with him.

[Kelley1]

@Sirenboobzilla As proven by Pearl Davis (JustPearlyThings--YouTube), Andrew Tate is correct.

[Caroline91]

@Kelley1 I'm flummoxed... Do you understand what the words "facts" and "proof" mean? It would appear you don't. Just for the record, this is a rhetorical question.

[SSJBrutus]

have you told him how you feel about the situation and had a conversation or is this the first time its being talked about and you are holding back your feelings?

[bowenw]

You can't help how you feel and I think it's normal to feel insecure or uncomfortable in that situation. My suggestion is to try not to worry about it unless it is a common occurrence and he is also doing other things that are suspicious.

[molonski2]

In this instance , and I am assuming he is over 47 years old , then Yes absolutely you are overeating , he is a grown , free man , he is just going out with friends , big deal.

[WhitneySnow]

I get it. You need to trust him, but at the same time you should talk to him to reassure yourself that nothing bad is happening and he’s not acting too single.

[strateguy632]

Bad advice. he will think you are accusing and break up.

[WhitneySnow]

@strateguy632 yeah but still. She has reason to worry. Her boyfriend is off on vacation with a bunch of single guys, and single guys hit on girls a lot. He might not just be being a wingman. What do you think she should do?

[WhitneySnow]

And even if he is legit just being a wingman, if he’s cute girls are gonna hit on him. What should she do to reassure herself that he’s making it clear to any girls he talks to in like a bar or whatever that he’s taken?

For that matter, even that might not be enough. Some girls hit on guys even more when they know they’re taken. How does she ensure that she can trust him in a situation like this?

[katiesmuff]

You are certainly overreacting and if you have so little faith in your boyfriend maybe it's time for you to move on.

[MisterWack]

They are all guys hanging out, I wouldn’t care honestly if it were my girlfriend going on an all single girls night out on the town.

[itsannalee]

I’m okay with that if that my man, they also have their own life.

[EmmaMary]

At 47 years of age I would definitely say you're totally overreacting. smh

[Walksbehindtherows]

Sorry lady, you are 31 years old and not very young yourself.

[EmmaMary]

@Walksbehindtherows

You are of course absolutely right... However, I certainly wouldn't be reacting in such an immature manner as the "OP".

[Walksbehindtherows]

Yes, you are absolutely right.

[EmmaMary]

@Walksbehindtherows

Thank You.

[Nikki1989]

Very much so. Chill out, it is not a big deal.

[slatyb]

Either you trust him, or you don't. If you don't, why are you still with him?

[Peridot25]

If men don’t like it when their lady goes on trips with her single friends, it’s ok for you to feel the same way about your man.

[Danny_dan92]

Ask him what he did and ask to see pictures/videos.




If he is reluctant, that’s a red flag.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Probably. We boys HAVE to get away from broads sometimes to be around the lads.(Don't you and your girl squad go on girls-only trips, weekends, etc. ? You should to get away from dudes ) .

[ChicoFromThe305]

It's a normal reaction for a lover, there's no overreaction and you are entitled to your feelings.

[paledreams]

Were they, single women? Or are you saying he's trying out fences lol 🔒🔐

[Fireguy17]

if anything was going to happen it would have happened a long time ago.

[Walksbehindtherows]

Oh dear, relax a little, sister. The man needs some time alone, a beer with his friends, and sex with some beautiful women. That's normal.

[EnjoytheDay777]

I understand how you feel. How well do you know him? I think it comes down to trust in the end.

[nawtee_me]

Do the same with your single friends. Make a planed trip snd see how many friends can go…

[Summeroflove]

Make them come over to your house and make one the queen of your double wide trailer

[Hannajenky]

Yes you are overreacting

[jahaims]

You definitely don't trust him if that worries you

[Twalli]

If you trust him, then there should be no problem.

[Anonymous]

Yeah you're over reacting.

[MasterKS]

why? worried he get fucked or he will fuck?