Boyfriend cancels plans together, am I overreacting by getting angry?

[Susumi8]

The guy I'm seeing isn't officially my boyfriend, but he doesn't want us seeing other people. We've only been dating for a little over a month now. We talk every day and I never have to wait or sit by the phone and wonder if he will call me... but. Yesterday we were supposed to meet because he had a business trip on the weekend. He finds out that he will have to work later so cancels plans with me. I understand because work is important and we can see each other later. Then he calls me saying that he found out he doesn't have to work that night and wouldn't need to go on the business trip. So then he says that he just wants to spend time alone anyways, and that he's sorry he's being flaky, that he has some emotional issues he's going through. I tried to understand that time but I was so excited to see him and then I felt so sad that he doesn't want to see me. He asked if we could reschedule til Sunday and I said fine. I actually cried a little when I got off the phone with him. Is that normal or am I just crazy? I felt like maybe he doesn't really want a relationship after all and doesn't like me as much as I like him. He talked with me on the phone for almost an hour that night explaining how he feels bad about canceling, without me saying anything about it, but I don't get why he can talk to me over the phone but doesn't want to hang out with me. I'm one of the least demanding people and incredibly easy going, so I guess I just don't get why I feel like I'm being pushed away.

Updates

+1 y

Yeah so he broke up with me over the weekend. He rescheduled with me for Saturday and we had dinner then he said he felt nothing for me. Love sucks :(

[washize]

It sounds like YOU'RE just frustrated with him in general. After a month of dating you two should have the "talk" about whether he's going to give you an OFFICIAL title or not. You also need to have a discussion about what that title MEANS (ex. if it is a monogamous or non-monogamous relationship) IF you're easy going enough to forgo the title an the label, thats great, but it also means that you two aren't exclusive an he can see other women on the side.

in my opinion your emotional outburst was a reflection of your frustration with not knowing exactly what is going on with you "relationship" dynamic.

However he said that HE WAS GOING THROUGH EMOTIONAL THINGS. IF he isn't wiling to discuss it, god only knows what that means, or what is causing him emotional distress. It could be anything from his job to another woman that he is seeing.

If he isn't willing to give you what YOU WANT. Don't be afraid to walk away and find someone who will. Being easy going and laid back is awesome, but it can also lead you to getting taken advantage of by other people. People will treat you how you allow them to treat you.

If you end up actually going out on Sunday, have the relationship talk with him and get a DIRECT answer. If he says he's still not ready for a relationship, that means he doesn't want to DATE YOU.

But to answer your question, your feelings are acceptable, it wasn't simply because he cancled, you cried because you feel rejected. Require more from the actions of others.

[EmeraldSky]

Your first mistake is solidifying the attitude that this guy is your boyfriend. You make it obvious in your post that in your mind: he is your boyfriend. I hate to break it to you sweetie, but he is not your boyfriend and he has no duty or obligation to give you girlfriend treatment. Truth be told, dating for one month is hardly enough time.

I don't think you are crazy, but in all honesty, you are being extremely clingy and needy. I can see how that would be annoying. You have to understand that clinginess, ESPECIALLY with someone you are not officially committed to, is a pain in the butt. It can come off as a chore. Guys who are actually girl's boyfriends already find it irritating to deal with them when they get really emotional, sensitive, and when they get on them about plans. So, I can imagine for a guy who hasn't even made that leap with you: this situation is really irritating. You claim to be not very demanding and incredibly easy going, but your actions suggest something slightly different.

It's okay for you to feel that way, but there are some feelings you shouldn't voice because they can just trigger a more volatile, complex situation.

[Susumi8]

Well he didn't really help by saying he feels like he trusts me, cares for me and talks about having me move in if it works out. I never asked him once to hang out. He always asked me to dinner and to stay with him. Doesn't matter anyways since most guys don't know what they want.

[EmeraldSky]

That doesn't make it okay for you to assume he's your boyfriend when he hasn't established that you two are in a committed relationship. He may have shown signs that he's into you but that doesn't automatically mean he's ready to be in a relationship with you.

[Jbgurl20]

You are not over reacting. You were hurt, I know the feeling cuz my boyfriend have cancelled things just like that before. I think he is not ready for a relationship yet, maybe he likes you but doesn't want to commit yet. Just try to understand him. I know its hard but you have to. It's ok to cry. It will help you have a release.

[Susumi8]

Thats exactly what it was. He wasn't ready to commit because he didn't feel that spark with me anymore. I guess passion is a fleeting thing. I just hoped he would give it a chance before giving up. He even asked me if I thought he was doing the right thing by breaking up with me. I just said I didn't know...

[Jbgurl20]

Talk to him again... maybe he is just confused.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

You're really overreacting. Yes, getting disappointed is fine. It's fine to express that. However, sometimes things come up and plans have to cancel. What if you found out that a family member died and you had a funeral to go to over the weekend? Would you want him to be understanding of your commitments? Or would you expect him to go off into some insecure dark place that you were trying to break up with him.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that you overreacted. Its normal to feel that way when you feel that someone doesn't like you as much as you think. If you cried, so what? Its ok to cry, if that's how vent and let off steam. But it seems like he felt bad about canceling the plans. He apologized over the phone even when you didn't bring it up. If he has been stressed about work and other things than I can understand why he would need some time alone. I tend to be that way too when I get overwhelmed with things. I want to be alone and think a little. I tend to push the ones I love away. But that's just me.