I don't think my boyfriend is independent enough, am I right? or wrong?

[Anonymous]

we are both 20 years old and I live in my own apartment, work two jobs and pay for my own schooling. He lives about 2.5 hours away and his parents pay for all of his school. He's never had a stable job. During summers he gives tennis lessons, but obviously its winter now so he can't do that. Anyways we've been dating for over 2 years and I brought up the option of living together but he was concerned his parents would not "let him". Also his parents do not let him stay over at my apartment ever. They freak out over weird things like this. at one point in our relationship we were getting back late at night from a trip to visit his family and it would have been ten times more convenient to stay at my house because the airport is closer and his school is closer and his dad threw a huge fit because he asked to stay at my house. During the summer, he still has to ask his parents if it's OK for him to go out with me or his friends. I find this extremely odd and irritating. I live on my own and my parents respect the fact that I'm an adult, so they treat me like one. After I graduated high school I never had to ask my parents permission to go out with my friends or him. I feel like this is putting a huge wedge in our relationship. He will cancel plans with me because his parents don't want him to go out. On our two year anniversary we had plans to hang out and go to dinner but he cancelled on me because his mom wanted to have dinner with him. Am I overreacting or is this normal for a 20 year old sophomore in college?

[q_le24]

This is definitely a problem and I know EXACTLY how you feel except my age of course is different but similar to your story. Anyway, the thing about your boyfriend is that his parents is "sheltering" him to where the point he is so afraid to speak up and have his own ground. I mean he is 20 years old and he can't even make a simple decision example like going out with you or his friends. To be honest, I can sort of understand about the whole spending the nights thing because some parents I do admit are strict about these things, but he canceled on your 2 years anniversary just to have dinner with his mom is messed up. I don't care what it is he has to do with his mom unless it is an emergency that she is in a hospital or desperately in need and I know that sounds mean but get real. Why does it have to be your 2 years anniversary that he canceled? I can understand if it was 2 months but come on. The truth hurts but I have to tell you that apparently you are just not that important to him as you think you are. My boyfriend is 18 years old but he stood up for me with his mom to where the point he left his house until his mom begged him to come home just simply because he wanted to help me financially with bill. He is just like your boyfriend and been shelter all of his life but he does things that prove to me he does love me. I really think you should considering about staying with this guy.

[lisa_username]

this is a huge problem between you too and its not going to get better anytime soon. when I date or form a friendship I subconsciously look for people who have lifestyles similar to me. in h.s when I had a lot of restrictions placed on me I gravitated not toward all the girls who got to come home at 3a.m on a Wednesday, but to those who had like situations. he needs to b with someone more accomodating as do u.

[Joe814]

I have heard of respecting your parents no matter how old but, he seems to enjoy being stagnant, no effort to "hang out" get on with his life. Or is he abstaining from sex? Need a little more direction to make a good call. He is twenty? Wow. At 13, I had a job washing cars at a used car lot. At 15 I was a laborer for a delivery service, At 16 I had that job for 8 hrs per weekend and worked in a restaurant, and at 17, I became an independent contractor repairing masonry construction for an apprenticeship as a bricklayer. Then when that was slow I picked up a full time manufacturing job. Then at 17 with 1 month before 18, I enlisted in the military. I maneuvered through blockades and obstacles with a single parent household. This guy needs a fire lit under his a*s. My parent ( s ) would have to fight me to pay for stuff, I bought my own school clothes from the time I was 13.

[Anonymous]

My parents let me loose at 18 even though I still lived in their house but at the same time I can see how his parents still have a right to make decisions for him if he is dependent on them for money and everything else. I bet he is expensive lol. Not letting you hang out on your anniversary is messed up though, either he is lying about that or his parents are scared to death you two are going to make a baby soon and then they'll be paying for a grandson as well as their son.

I think you should encourage your boyfriend to get a steady job and start making efforts to cut the strings form the parents. It is reasonable for parents to pay for school and have some say in that but he could still get a job and start preparing to move out. It is possible at only 20 he isn't ready to move out on his own though in which case you'll have to decide to wait or move on.

[jockjock]

Wow that is so crazy I mean he a adult so he should not have to ask his parents sh*t and they should not be a in you guy dating life I mean you not ask a about there so I think they should show you guy a Lila respect and he never to find a job and move out of his parents house you 20 year old and still live at home with you parent what the hell is he a mom boy are something I mean if that don't wanna I think you should break off with him...